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Lead Effectively
Some aspects of leadership in a small group ministry are unique to that type of ministry, and we will touch on many of these later. But some leadership principles apply across all ministries, and we will deal with several of those broader concepts in this chapter. These affect not only you as the small group point person, but also all of those in various leadership roles. Part of your job is to build these into your whole leadership team and frequently revisit the most important points.
Keep It in the Family
Your church and your ministry should be run like a family, not a corporation, government, or school. God designed the church as a family system—so much so that the greatest qualification for a pastor is managing a family (1 Tim. 3:5). Throughout the New Testament, the motifs are parent/child, not teacher/pupil. And even families have to guard against overcontrol. High control naturally leads to rebellion, and the church is not immune to this. I can’t overstate that you must let the Holy Spirit do his job, which frees you up from thinking you have to dictate everything. The Bible is written on a family system.
Remember that God is the architect of your ministry. You can be the general contractor, but you are following his blueprints. Any project typically encounters hitches and delays. Don’t let them discourage you. God will provide the people and the tools to complete the job according to his purpose.
Although Saddleback is a large church, we are structured like a family. We have found this a much more effective and efficient way to function biblically. You may read and hear about some concepts that sound similar to those used in corporations, governments, or schools. However, we implement everything in our church, and in our small group ministry, as a family would, as described in the New Testament.
Become an Influencer
Are you a thermometer or a thermostat? A thermometer measures the temperature, but a thermostat sets the temperature. If you use your influence in the right way, you will be a thermostat, not a thermometer. The definition of influencer is someone who has the power to affect how someone else develops, behaves, or thinks. Each one of us has some level of influence through such simple means as conversations, emails, or texts, and especially through your actions. Your influence can be positive or negative.
Influence is not about a position or recognized authority. We’ve all seen someone whose authority is “increased,” and yet it hasn’t affected their influence at all. Neither is influence about wealth or fame. It is, however, all about how God uses you in relationships. Jesus said, “Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father” (Matt. 5:16 NLT). God will use whatever you have if you let him.
Be cautious not to use your influence for personal benefit. Misuse of your influence will affect your credibility and the trust others place in you. Just as a lender discerns whether your credit is sufficient for your loan amount, people examine your life to determine whether you are worthy of their trust.
The fastest way to influence is likability. This may seem elementary, but trust is a by-product of a positive impression. If you like people and they like you, your sphere of influence will increase. Now you can like people while still disagreeing with them. We can “agree to disagree.” So keep your relational attitude loving, especially when opinions differ. Then your influence will continue to be positive, enhancing the forward momentum of your ministry.
Cold Authority Versus Relational Influence
Believe it or not, you can actually learn something from a presidential campaign. Candidates are masterful at building relationships with their target audience—both those who are on board as well as the demographic they need to attract. Contrast this with a military campaign that is autocratic, not at all relational, and quite often leads to a coup. Which campaign style do you see as the most effective in your ministry? Relationship always wins.
You must grasp when and how to effectively exercise your authority in a relational context. When you’re working with a team, God will use you, the point person, to make final decisions after accepting input from the team, and sometimes those decisions won’t be popular. These are times when you must exercise your authority, but you can minimize resistance and resentment if your normal pattern is most often relational influence, not just dictating from a distance.
I keep coming back to the concept of a family. I can try to influence my kids to do their homework by talking over the reasons it is important, then leaving the decision up to them. And that’s fine when they do the wise thing. But sometimes I simply have to exercise my positional authority and tell them to go do their homework.
Whether followers understand or not, the effective leader must sometimes make executive decisions. Don’t be afraid to do this when it’s right and necessary. Do what is right, not just what is easy. But your authoritative decisions will receive the greatest trust and acceptance when your followers know that you love them because you’ve often worked with them through loving influence in authentic relationships.
Two Guardrails
The success of your ministry depends on two important guardrails that keep your small groups on the pathway to producing mature disciples, according to your church’s definition (see Q5 in chapter 6). For Saddleback, a mature disciple has a heart that balances Jesus’s Great Commission and great commandment. Small groups tend to start out of balance. The guardrails help ensure that the group initiators move toward the balance our church wants for them, so they will produce mature disciples (see figure 3.1).
One guardrail is what I call head or processes. This has to do with the more factual and intellectual aspects—leader training, ministry tools, and video curriculum (discussed in Q6, Q7, and Q9). These processes help group members understand the group’s functional purpose and how to succeed at it. The other guardrail I call heart or people. This is the relational component, including, for example, the loving coaching of our Community Leaders (Q7) who give sacrificially of their time to flesh out the intellectual training in the lives of our Hosts. This also brings the relational side to our use of data in tracking and caring for groups and their members (Q4).
Together, these guardrails will keep your small groups on course, producing the kinds of disciples your church is after.
Figure 3.1
I also try to adhere to this leadership policy: the shepherd, not the sheep, picks the next pasture. While you often need input from others, the final decisions are yours, and you shouldn’t abdicate your calling to lead the small group ministry. It is your job to guide your flock, not let the flock guide you. Through the Old and New Testaments we see that it is the calling of the pastor to guide the sheep. The shepherd has insight from a unique perspective, different from that of the sheep, as to where God wants to take the flock. It is your job to lead through the planning process, from your current “pasture” to the pasture you see in your vision, along a specific path toward a chosen end. Of course there is wisdom in many counselors. You need wise people around you (your C Team, church leadership, etc.), and you must listen and learn. Just don’t turn it into a democracy.
Saddleback’s Top Ten Small Group Ministry Commitments1
Over the years we have been asked for guidance about starting, leading, and sustaining a healthy small group ministry. Trust me when I tell you, we haven’t always done it right, nor have we figured it all out. But one of the things I deeply love about our church, staff, and members is their willingness to keep evaluating throughout the journey, and even more, their readiness to course correct if needed. We always lead with prayer, seeking the will of God.
Together our ministry team came up with these commitments to keep us on target. These aren’t just for me as the small group point person; I make sure they serve to guide all leaders throughout our ministry. Once you’ve chosen the commitments that will guide your ministry, make sure your whole small group ministry team knows and owns them.
One of the worst things you can do is read a book or attend a conference and try to immediately implement all that you’ve learned. Quick action often risks triggering land mines. Don’t assume you know your ministry environment until you’ve listened carefully to its stakeholders. Change requires time, especially in a church environment.
Only simpletons believe everything they’re told!
The prudent carefully consider their steps.
The wise are cautious and avoid danger;
fools plunge ahead with reckless confidence. (Prov. 14:15–16 NLT)
Before you take a step, pray! Then pause and listen for God’s direction. This direction could come from multiple sources, including your quiet time, friends, people in your ministry, church leaders, and elsewhere. Seek to understand the people around you, and work with them. Commit to not moving over them in your enthusiasm, but rather moving together with them toward God’s end purpose. Moving slowly doesn’t mean you’re intimidated or fearful, but that you are thoughtful and intentional.
2. I will regularly check my motives and evaluate my heart.
Does your ministry come from a pure motive, or are you climbing the ministry ladder and merely checking things off your to-do list? Are you serving God or feeding your ego? Do you feel compassion toward those you are serving, or are they simply interruptions in your day?
Jesus provided a good model:
I am the Good Shepherd. The Good Shepherd puts the sheep before himself, sacrifices himself if necessary. A hired man is not a real shepherd. The sheep mean nothing to him. He sees a wolf come and runs for it, leaving the sheep to be ravaged and scattered by the wolf. He’s only in it for the money. The sheep don’t matter to him. (John 10:11–13 MSG)
Luke 19:41 describes Jesus’s example of compassion. He wept over Jerusalem and all the lost people. You must lead with this same compassion.
Your motivation must be God-centered, and you need to fully rely on him. We are all human and need affirmation and recognition. But “sooner or later we’ll all have to face God, regardless of our conditions. We will appear before Christ and take what’s coming to us as a result of our actions, either good or bad” (2 Cor. 5:10 MSG). Make sure you create and strengthen your ministry to glorify God and to enhance people’s spiritual health and effectiveness.
3. I will steer clear of the numbers game.
If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? (Matt. 18:12 NLT)
It does not matter how many groups you have or the size of your church. Never evaluate based solely on numbers but also on the health of each group and the ministry as a whole. God uses every church, regardless of size, to bring people to his Son, Jesus. Of course you must keep records to help you track progress and plan next steps, but avoid using numbers for bragging rights. Pay more attention to the measurable health of your groups. Evaluate by health, not just numbers! (We’ll look more closely on measuring progress in chapter 5.)
4. I will not criticize the past.
Every teacher . . . is like the owner of a house who brings out of his storeroom new treasures as well as old. (Matt. 13:52)
Regardless of the current status of your small group ministry, it is an indication of the foundation that was likely built by someone else. Honor that foundation, regardless of your own personal opinions. Your role is to build on the foundation, not destroy it. Never criticize the past. Your character is revealed when you honor predecessors: “God used them for his purpose.” Also, I believe that history provides a plethora of learning opportunities. Examine the past, pick out the pearls, and learn from what didn’t work out as planned.
5. I will avoid the comparison trap.
Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. (Gal. 6:4 NLT)
It is human nature to compare ourselves to others, and unfortunately the church is not immune to this. It is sinful to feel superior to another church or ministry, which is pride. Comparison can also make you feel discouraged, which can result in envy. Neither outcome is productive or helpful, and both will end up damaging your ministry. God created a unique fingerprint for each church and ministry, so learn from others but let your ministry be the healthy, unique version God intends. Always be ready to learn from larger, smaller, and otherwise different churches and ministries. Discover and act on God’s special purpose for you, and don’t waste time trying to slavishly re-create some other church or ministry.
6. I will focus on priorities and exercise a faith worth imitating.
When Jesus was asked what the most important commandment in the law of Moses was, he replied,
“You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments. (Matt. 22:37–40 NLT)
The Lord is clear about our priorities. Never lose sight of love for God and for people as you work to create and grow your ministry. Taking action on your priorities takes faith and dependence on God to do great things. Ask yourself if you have a faith worth imitating. If someone was handed your spiritual life for seventy-two hours, afterward would that person desire to hang on to your faith or prefer to give it back?
You should never do anything in ministry alone. You need people around you to strengthen your faith so you can focus on priorities. We help each other maintain perspective and can redirect each other if we lose our way. Sharing your responsibility with a team gives you more time to reflect and pray for God’s direction so you don’t lose your priorities in the noise around you, which can erode your faith.
7. I will pace myself.
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (Gal. 6:9)
It is possible to do ministry at such a pace that your work for God can destroy the work of God. We need to keep the long game in view, not just quick results. We can get so caught up in daily demands that we forget the habits that ensure endurance. Don’t be person who says, “I didn’t have time to pray today because I was late for a prayer meeting.” Religious activity can easily replace spiritual intimacy.
If you are not spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically aligned with God and his purpose, your heart begins to harden and you start to burn out. It is difficult, especially while building a new ministry, to pace yourself and live for the long game. You may feel guilt or frustration if you aren’t achieving “enough” progress. It’s natural to see a rhythm of productive and nonproductive days, and you have to determine when to take a break because rest is part of God’s rhythm for endurance. Stress is the fruit when your professional life dictates your personal self-care, rather than self-care supporting your professional success.
8. I will serve.
Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Matt. 20:26–28)
The most important part of leadership is a servant’s heart. This is countercultural, but Jesus was countercultural. And isn’t our goal to be Christlike? No job is too big or too small when setting up and maintaining your ministry. Lead by example and serve those around you, “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.”
9. I will be a learner.
Walk with the wise and become wise;
Associate with fools and get in trouble. (Prov. 13:20 NLT)
I am a firm believer in the acquisition of knowledge. Your first resource must be the Word of God, chock-full of wisdom crucial to building a God-honoring ministry. I also believe you can learn from everyone—either what to do or what not to do. Seek counsel from those who have gone before you; ask questions of those around you; read books or attend conferences that relate to your ministry. Never become so certain of your way that you miss clear direction from God. All good leaders are learners. (Chapter 6 will offer many available learning opportunities.)
10. I will stay focused and never give up.
Let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Heb. 12:1 NLT)
You are never a failure until you give up, and it’s always too soon to quit. Regardless of your position in the church, commit to helping people connect in relationships and grow spiritually healthy. I’ve endured many days and seasons of frustration when nothing seemed in harmony. I couldn’t afford to dwell on the frustrating moments, or I would have become a frustrated person. I had to learn that trials teach lessons, and then I could focus on contentment even in the midst of trouble. I love Psalm 62:5–6: “My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be shaken” (NASB). Focus on what you know is truth: God is in control! (Chapter 9 is all about sustaining long-term success.)
Always Forward, with Patience
Some of the commitments above, taken the wrong way, may lead some to hesitate or stall out. But someone once said, “If you’re satisfied, you’re standing still. And if you’re standing still, you’re going backward.” Yes, sometimes we need times of stillness and silence to shut out life’s distracting noise and find fresh direction. But then we must emerge from these retreats in order to keep progressing and changing toward the Lord’s purpose.
It is easy and very common for churches to get stuck in “we’ve always done it this way.” Or “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But I say break it if it doesn’t keep you going forward. The world is moving faster and faster, so churches must remain dynamic and evolving, while clinging to the truths of God’s Word. If we become satisfied or self-righteous in our habits, we run the risk of stagnancy. Then the world and the opportunity to reach the world—the higher stakes—will pass without a backward glance.
This may overwhelm you. You may feel you’re racing the clock to set up your ministry. But God’s timing may be different from yours. Your progress may seem to take forever, but I assure you, if you are serving faithfully, God is working even when you feel stalled. If you are task-oriented (as I am), this waiting time can be torturous, but there’s always something you can continue to do even as you wait on the Lord. Do it steadfastly, patiently, expectantly.
Make Meetings Count
Whether we like it or not, “doing church” means meetings. Sure, many of us have too many meetings, but too few meetings can create a lack of communication. People are down on what they are not up on. So with any group, make sure your meetings have purpose and fulfill that purpose.
Any leadership team meeting is critical, yet team leaders seldom plan for efficient, effective meetings. With any of my ministry leaders, I like to call them a “team” rather than “staff” to emphasize the need to work cohesively together. My teams understand that every individual is an important part of the whole.
Meetings can easily get off purpose because we all like to talk. Therefore, all purposeful meetings require knowing where you are taking the team, what you want to accomplish, and why you gather.
Know where you are taking your team.
Look ahead six to twelve months and determine what skills or character traits your team needs to strengthen in order to travel those months in a healthy, effective way. How does your team need to improve? Only you as the leader can lead, so where do you want to take the team over the next year? I usually start praying, inviting input from people, and planning for each year in October, well before I roll everything out in January. I set up a theme for each year that largely defines the overarching shape and direction of weekly team meetings. For some examples of previous themes, see www.SmallGroups.net/theme.
Know what you want to accomplish.
For leadership meetings at all levels, I use a framework that includes three components: devotional (spiritual, heart, vision), celebrational (team, individuals, rhythms), and practical (housekeeping, news, reminders, upcoming events). A different structure may better serve your team needs, but allow me to expand on my pattern.
We always start with God’s Word. Our devotion time keeps our hearts in line and sets the tone for our meetings. I also request that team members take an active role in planning and leading our meetings. For instance, each member takes a week and creates a devotional based on his or her perspective of our annual theme. Devotionals can also include teachings related to our vision, or anything the Lord lays on our hearts. Our devotions are flexible in order to let the Lord lead.
After our devotional time we move into celebration and acknowledgment. We recognize personal and group accomplishments—maybe a successful conference or a goal reached. We celebrate birthdays and work anniversaries to affirm each member’s importance. And we set a rhythm around regular annual events or seasons. Our January kickoff meeting includes a white elephant exchange at my house, where I unveil the year’s theme. In July I reteach the year’s theme, as we usually have new people on board, and this is a fun way to refresh our memories. In the summer we do Team Day to relax and bond. December closes out our year with a team Christmas party.
Finally, the practical meeting component includes housekeeping details and news about the church, our ministry, or other ministries. We also go through a list of reminders and upcoming events to keep us on track. We all have many irons in the fire, so review is important.
Know why you are gathering.
Your reason for gathering will help you answer many other questions. Is the meeting’s purpose worth what it costs in time and dollars (perhaps for salaries or other costs)? Does everything in the meeting keep the team focused on the main thing—due north? Does everything add value to what you are trying to accomplish? Nobody wants just another meeting, but a meeting with purpose is a game changer!
Any meeting agenda can vary between highly structured to very loose, depending on the personality of the leader. Neither is wrong. The choice depends on the leader’s God-given wiring. But regardless of your personality type, you need to stay flexible. If you gravitate toward structure, be open for the agenda to change. If you gravitate toward a looser style, don’t “cop out” on prepping for the meeting or blame God if the meeting doesn’t go well.
Don’t get hung up on doing things a certain way every time. Read the mood of the team and adapt as needed. Are you coming off a major church push, or are you in the dog days of summer? Is a team member on a high or going through a low? Practice the art of adjusting to the need of the moment.
A few other things to keep in mind:
- A meeting doesn’t have to go the exact allotted time. It may go shorter; it may go longer. Plan extra uncommitted time after meetings so you can go longer if God is up to something that requires it. Extended meetings should be rare so your people don’t feel you’re in the habit of abusing their time.
- It’s okay to cancel a meeting. Sometimes your schedule, the church schedule, or other events make this wise or necessary.
- As much as possible, establish a rhythm for team meetings—same week of the month, same day of the week, same time, same place, and so on. While irregularities are often wise and needed, consistency simplifies communication and strengthens team unity.