At first Noah wasn’t certain he’d heard her clearly.
“He’s going after someone I care about,” she repeated. “That has to be it.”
“But that wouldn’t be me,” he said. “We’re not that close. Wouldn’t it make more sense for him to target your friends? Your mother? Your brother?”
“My mother is in Nebraska, and I don’t know where my brother is. Besides, I don’t believe he’ll strike that far away. He’ll stay near his comfort zone. He wants me to see what he does.”
“So who are you close to here?”
Kaely shook her head. “I think the FBI connection is important to him. That means you. He could have easily seen me with you at a crime scene.”
“What about Solomon?”
Kaely was quiet for a moment. Finally she said, “No. I don’t see him outside of work. I still think you’re the most likely target.”
Noah swiveled around in his chair and stared at the dry-erase board. “What if we’re wrong? Maybe the Burgess murder is the right one.”
She shook her head again. “No. It’s the Reagan case. It matches down to the rope.” Her dark eyes bore into his. “I’m not trying to overreact here, Noah, but you need to be especially careful. If he’s watching me, he would see that you’re the closest person to me in proximity. He may assume we’re close friends.”
“Well, I hope we’re friends.”
Kaely walked over, sat down in front of her laptop, and appeared to focus intently on the screen. “I . . . I think we are. But that just proves that you could be a target. Think about it. The person found hanging was an FBI agent. Promise me you’ll be very careful.”
For some reason the absurdity of the situation made Noah laugh. Kaely turned her face toward him, one eyebrow raised.
“Sorry for laughing, but what does that mean? I have to keep an eye on you and now you have to keep an eye on me? This is going to get really confusing.”
“Not really funny.”
“It kind of is.”
Kaely nodded. “Okay. It kind of is.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know,” Kaely said. “I need to think a bit.” She waved her hand toward him. “Distract me. Ask me your third question.”
Noah was confused by her request. Shouldn’t they focus on the next line of the poem? Try to find the UNSUB before he struck again?
“You’re thinking we need to focus on the next murder. I agree, but I need to step back from this for a few minutes. Looking at it too closely locks my brain up. I want to concentrate on something else for a bit.”
Noah swallowed hard and seriously thought about changing his next question. He knew what he wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to lose his partnership with Kaely. Working with her was turning out to be the most exciting thing he’d done since joining the Bureau.
“Don’t talk yourself out of it,” she said, looking closely at him. “Just ask.”
“Actually, it’s not my third question. It’s the rest of the second one.” He stared down at the table, his heart pounding.
“You want to know why I believe?”
Unable to find his voice, Noah simply nodded.
For a few seconds, Kaely just stared at him without saying anything. Finally, she said, “You see me as a very rational thinker. Someone who doesn’t accept anything she can’t prove.”
She laughed lightly, and Noah was struck by how lovely and lyrical her laugh was. He wished he could hear it more often, but that just wasn’t Kaely.
“So you want to understand how someone who talks to people who aren’t there can rationally believe in God?”
The absurdity struck him, and he chuckled. “If you really believed serial killers were sitting down for a meal with you, I’d be worried. But you know better. I realize it’s just a way for you to visualize them. I don’t have any problem with it.”
She nodded. “Good. Thanks for that.”
Kaely rubbed her hands together and looked away for a moment. Then she focused her gaze on him. “We went to church when I was a kid. As you know, my father was an usher. The church we attended was . . . well, let’s just say that it was built around following rules. Pointing out sin. Judging others. It certainly didn’t spark a desire for God in my heart.
“But there was a Sunday school teacher who was . . . different. She was so positive. So full of love. I wanted to know why she was that way. I actually stayed after class one Sunday and asked her to tell me about God. She didn’t seem surprised, really. She sat me down and told me about a God who loved me. Who never judged me or thought bad things about me. Who sent His son to die for my sins so I could be free from guilt and condemnation.
“This was just two months before my father was arrested. We left the church after that. My mother took my brother and me to Nebraska. I never talked to that teacher again, but I never forgot what she said.”
“And that was what led you to believe?” Noah asked. Frankly, he was disappointed in her response. He’d heard the same things from his wife, but that had never convinced him that God was a good God. Or that He deserved Noah’s loyalty.
“No, that wasn’t all of it,” Kaely said. “After my father’s conviction, I felt so . . . empty. Alone. My teacher’s words did come back to me, but that wasn’t enough to make me a believer. I needed cold, hard truth. According to many people, you have to believe God is real based on faith alone. It’s like me talking to serial killers who aren’t there. My own mind causes them to respond. They’re not actually talking. I had no plans to pretend God was real too. Pretend He was responding to me. I needed to know He existed.
“I checked out several different religions, but they were worse than Christianity. Statues that had no life in them. Religion based on good works or hatred for others who believe differently. I realized they all had one thing in common. They demanded that I work hard to get their gods to respond to me. The god my teacher told me about seemed to be the only one who actually reached out to me first. He didn’t ask me to be perfect before He’d pay attention to me.
“So I started reading about Christianity. The Bible, historical accounts. I found a book about the apostles. How they died.” Kaely shook her head. “They actually wanted to be martyred. Wouldn’t have been my choice, but it was theirs. They died horrible deaths, but they wouldn’t disavow their faith. I realized that any rational person would have denied Christ’s resurrection if they hadn’t actually seen Him raised from the dead. The only answer was that Jesus was exactly who He said He was.”
Noah chuckled. “So you profiled the apostles?”
Kaely actually grinned. “Yeah, I guess I did. Once I came to that conclusion, I started thinking about the world. The universe. To believe it just accidentally happened is . . . well, it’s ludicrous. If it had been some kind of accidental explosion of particles, then where did the particles come from? And why weren’t there mistakes? How could animals and man have been designed so beautifully? The human body is a miracle. It was clear someone, a master designer, was behind creation. I concluded God had to be real.
“Then I found a scripture that confirmed my conclusion. It was Romans 1:20—‘For ever since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through His workmanship, all His creation, the wonderful things that He has made, so that they who fail to believe and trust in Him are without excuse and without defense.’ That’s the Amplified version. I think it expresses the thought perfectly.”
“So that was it?” Noah asked.
“Not completely. I decided that if God was real, if He was the God of the Bible, the creator of the universe, if I called out to Him, He would have to answer. So I asked God to reveal Himself to me. And He did.” She stared at Noah for a moment. “I won’t tell you how He did that because it’s very personal. I would just encourage you to do the same thing . . . if you want to know Him.
“Since then? Well, as time goes by, I’ve gotten to understand Him more and more. And to understand myself. Yes, of course He speaks to me. He speaks to everyone who will listen. He’s teaching me what a Father should be. It may take some time, but I’m convinced He’ll never give up on me.” She leaned forward in her chair and touched Noah’s arm with her small, delicate fingers. He was surprised to see tears in her eyes. “Faith came after I knew He was real, Noah. I have a lot of issues leftover from my past. God has never condemned me for them. He just keeps leading me slowly but surely out of the dark, at the pace I need. I have a long way to go, but I believe I’ll make it because of His love and faithfulness.”
Noah considered what she’d said. Her reasons for believing were compelling, and as he figured, based on facts, not some pie-in-the sky belief you had to accept for no reason whatsoever. It seemed to work for some people, and that was fine. But it didn’t work for him. He’d think about what Kaely said. He still wanted to know why Tracy died. Why hadn’t God answered those prayers?
“I don’t know why your wife died, Noah,” Kaely said softly.
“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” he snapped.
“I wasn’t reading you. If I were you, it’s the question I’d have. I believe it’s God’s will for us to live out our lives. The Bible says His plan is to give us long life. So why do some people die early? I have no idea. All I can tell you is this. I know God. But I also know evil. I’ve looked into its eyes. The devil is real. We’re in a war. No matter how hard soldiers try to stay safe, sometimes they get shot. It’s really important to remember that the enemy may win a battle, but the truth is, he’s already lost the war.”
“What does that mean? Tracy’s gone. That war was lost. She’s not coming back.”
“But your wife is with God, Noah. She’s alive. She may not be here—but she’s somewhere, living, being loved, seeing things we can’t even imagine. And I know she wants to spend eternity with you. I really hope you’ll find the courage to ask God to reveal Himself to you. Give Him a chance to respond.”
“And if He doesn’t?”
“He will.”
How could she be so sure? For some reason, something rose up inside him that he hadn’t felt in years. Hope. A reason to believe. Could he really see Tracy again? Look into her beautiful blue eyes? He wanted that more than anything. He’d held her hand as she slipped away. He’d never told anyone that she made him promise to reach out to God. And she’d promised to be there to greet him when he got to heaven. He would have said anything she wanted at that point, but maybe he could keep that vow after all. Maybe . . .
“It’s definitely the Reagan murder,” Kaely said suddenly, pulling Noah back to the present. It was like having cold water thrown in his face.
Kaely jumped up from her chair and went to the board. She picked up the pen and crossed out the notes about Oliver Burgess and circled the name Reagan. She turned to look at him. “I don’t think our UNSUB will hesitate very long before he makes his next move.”