Chapter Twenty-Seven

I am like Connie riding in the back seat of Arnold Friend’s car looking out the window at the world I could have lived in. Blue is holding a gun against my ribs, and Brenda is sweaty, blotchy, and grinding her teeth in the front seat with Milos, chanting, “We needs to fuckin’ kill ’er! We needs to fuckin’ kill ’er!”

An hour earlier, I’d pleaded, “Please, Mr. Tanji. I’m so tired. Would you mind? It will only take you a few minutes.”

“Okay, Chanie. I’ll go get you a latte. But when I get back, we get down to business.”

“Fair enough.”

I’d waited a few minutes to make sure he was gone and then slipped out the hotel lobby doors and hopped into a cab. Tuffy’s words kept playing over and over in my head: There’s no body, Chanie … We have to keep believing. I told the driver to take me to my old apartment. Where else would they keep Ginger? He dropped me off in the back alley. I was careful. I checked the parking lot, the windows. Neither the Lincoln nor Blue’s Chevy were in their spaces. I even walked down the back street to make sure they hadn’t parked on the road. I thought it was safe. I’d only be a minute. I’d just tap on the suite door and check for Ginger.

While I waited by the back door for an opportunity to sneak inside, Milos pulled up. I turned to run, but Blue was too fast. He covered my mouth and dragged me into the back seat of the Lincoln.

“All I want is Ginger,” I said.

Blue shoved a gun into my ribs. “Shut the fuck up,” he said, jabbing me harder.

Brenda started chanting, “We needs to fuckin’ kill ’er! We needs to fuckin’ kill ’er!”

“All I want is Ginger,” I repeated.

Blue mimicked me, and the three of them laughed. They were meth personified. Ugly, toxic, and deadly. Zombies with black hearts wasting away in the world.

“That Ginger sure is a tight little bird, eh, Milos!” Blue laughed and smacked the back of the seat. “Could make a ton of money off that ass.”

I screamed and punched the roof of the car. “Fuck you!”

“Pull over, Milos,” Brenda said. “Teach ’er a lesson.”

Milos said, “We need quiet place. Out of city. My friend. He has place.”

When the streetlights ended, Blue shoved the gun under my chin and wrapped his fist in the back of my hair.

Brenda turned to look at me. “Do ya got a favourite song, Chanie?”

“What the fuck?” I said.

“Yeah! She’s got a favourite song!” Blue said. “Find that fuckin’ Wily Raines song. You know, the one about bein’ a cheatin’ whore!” He squeezed my throat. “Isn’t that what you and Pocahontas were dancin’ to that night? Isn’t it?” He squeezed harder.

I nodded. If I get my hands on that gun …

“Play the song for Chanie, Brenda. Kind of like a death row last meal, except a song.”

“Yer so funny, Blue.” Brenda cackled while she scrolled through a playlist.

Blue poked me again. “I hear this fuckin’ song everywhere I go, Chanie. And every time, I gotta see you and Pocahontas dancin’ around the gym!”

“Where’s Ginger?” I shrieked.

“She’s dead, Chanie. Fuckin’ dead! Just like you!”

I felt my life leaving me. “Why, Blue? What is wrong with you people?” I started sobbing. Was this really it?

“Why ya cryin’, sunshine?” Brenda said. “Here’s yer little gay tune.”

“Yeah!” Blue said. “Now I’m gonna change the memory of this song so when I hear it from now on, I won’t remember you dancing with Pocahontas anymore. Instead, it’ll be the tribute song of the last lesson I ever had to teach you, Jade. The song I played when I choked your last breath out of your slutty little body.”

Wily Raines’s voice took me back to that night in the gym, Tuffy’s arms around me, us floating together as we danced. I love you so much, Tuffy.

“Do you love your song now, Chanie?” Blue hissed, his breath rancid, spit spraying over my face.

My upper lip curled, and I snapped, “You know what else I love, Blue?”

“What, Jade? Got some last words you’d like to share?”

“I loved watching Tuffy drop you to your knees like the pussy you are. I fucked him so hard that night while we laughed at you, Blue! Big man! Woman beater! Dragged around the parking lot like a shop rag. Curled up crying like a bitch!”

“Shut up, Chanie!” Blue barked.

“I’ll die loving him, Blue. He’ll come for you. And he’ll kill you.”

Blue shrieked like an animal being torn in two on a railway track.

And then everything went black.

I woke up in a Quonset naked on a workbench. My hands were bound, my legs tied. There were four guys: two Serbs, Blue, and another white guy. They raped me with something cold and hard. When I was awake, I panted and puked and screamed and cried. At first, I pleaded for my life; soon after, I begged for them to kill me. I faded in and out of consciousness. Blue’s laughter. So much pain. Brenda’s voice. Loud voices — yelling.

Riding in the trunk of a car.

Cold pavement. Shadows. And the yellow tarp.

I’m coming, Ginger …