CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Driving out of town to the bluff on Wednesday evening, Sarah realized she was nervous, but she wasn’t sure why. This wasn’t the first time she’d been back to Cliff’s place since the incident a few months ago. Maybe it was because she wasn’t clear, now that she knew he’d gone out with Riley and whoever else at the same time he’d done things with her, if the steaks and sunset tonight were a date or simply two friends getting together. Maybe they were companionship for each other like his uncle and her mother were? She felt torn trying to decide if her feelings for Cliff were tinged with romance or friendship. What were his for her? She knew he still blamed himself for what had happened no matter how many times she told him it wasn’t his doing.
Reaching the place where the road leading to Cliff’s cabin allowed one an unblocked view of the water, Sarah slowed. For years, while the property had an absentee owner, the bluff was her favorite spot to bike to when she was upset or simply needed a little informal spiritual renewal. It had remained unspoiled because there wasn’t a road to follow and few people ventured in this direction, not realizing the bluff over the water existed. Almost two years ago, when NO TRESPASSING signs appeared and a grated dirt road was cut, she stopped coming to her spot. She told herself it wasn’t appropriate to trespass on someone else’s property, but deep down she knew she’d stopped coming because she couldn’t bear the idea of her favorite spot being destroyed by someone randomly plopping a house on the bluff. When Jacob introduced her to Cliff and she discovered he was the owner, she eventually accepted Cliff’s invitation to see his cabin and take a boat ride.
To her astonishment, then and now, she marveled at how Cliff had taken pains in designing his cabin to take advantage of the beautiful surroundings. His cabin was perfectly situated so he could sit in his great room or on the porch and enjoy the bluff’s natural beauty. What was even more impressive to Sarah was how he routed the road to make sure it didn’t ruin the view from any direction. She could sit here midroad and be quite happy, but Cliff was waiting for her.
He must have been listening for her because he came out onto the porch when she pulled up to the cabin. He was in his usual uniform—plaid flannel shirt, blue jeans, and well-worn cowboy boots. To her knowledge, the only time he took this pair of boots off was on a construction site because the law required wearing steel-toed shoes.
Sarah waved at Cliff while she turned off the motor and popped the trunk. She couldn’t wait to see Cliff’s face when he saw the coconut cake she’d brought for dessert. It was another recipe Emily was trying out for Southwind’s dessert menu. Because Cliff loved desserts, she thought getting his opinion tonight would be a good taste test.
She bent into her trunk to retrieve the cake. She’d placed it in an empty grocery box she kept there to prevent objects from sliding around. Carefully, she carried the cake up the cabin’s first few steps. From the top step, Cliff bent toward her, kissed the top of her head, and removed the cake box from her hands.
“You didn’t have to bring dessert.”
“I wanted to.”
Cliff stared at the cake. “This is beautiful. It looks homemade.” He shot her a quizzical look.
Sarah laughed. “It is homemade, but true confession, Emily made it. She’s thinking of putting it on the menu, so I thought we could try it for her.”
“Well, I’m rating it a ten on looks. Speaking of which, you look lovely tonight.” He carried the cake inside the cabin and put it on the big wooden table he’d made.
She paused for a moment but then followed. Even though she’d been here since he replaced the soiled rug, as well as the glassware and other things that had been broken, she couldn’t keep the memories from flooding back. Better to look ahead and make new ones. “Do I get a ten, too?”
Coming back to where she stood, he stopped in front of her and drank her in before repeating, “A ten, too? No, I think you’re off the charts.”
“Ah, at least an eleven.”
Cliff kissed her—a real kiss this time. “At least. Wine?”
“Please.”
He walked to the oak and copper bar that matched his dining room table and poured them each a glass of red. “Why don’t we drink them on the porch. That way, we can watch the sunset while I prep the coals for our steaks.” As she started toward the porch, he walked over to the refrigerator and took out a small plate of cheese and crackers.
Sarah saw he’d cut exactly the right amount of cheese for two. “You were pretty sure on that one, weren’t you?”
“Well, I figured if you said no, I could always eat our appetizer as a snack later tonight.”
While they both laughed and got comfortable in matching rockers on the porch, she couldn’t help the nagging thought of how many times he’d prepped an appetizer before and wondered whether he ever needed to eat it as a midnight snack when he’d been with Riley. Looking at him sipping his wine and offering her a cracker and cheese, she wanted to slap her own face. Cliff wasn’t a rat like her ex. He was a nice guy. Still, the devil on her shoulder nagged at her. Remember, it seemed to say, he apparently went out with Riley after Sarah thought she was the only one he was interested in.
“A penny for your thoughts. You look like you’re a million miles away. In fact, I’m not even sure you’ve noticed the sun is starting to set.” He pointed to the edge of the bluff, where the sun dipped closer and closer to the water.
Sarah glanced around the porch, uncertain what to say. “I was thinking how much I love your bar and dining room table and wondering if you made this furniture, too?”
“The answer is no. Some things are better purchased, but surely you weren’t that deep in thought over my rocking chairs.” He stopped rocking, leaned over, and put his hand on her knee. “Sarah, is there something bothering you? Something I said or did?”
She gazed into the dark pools of his eyes. It was as if he was pulling the words out of her mouth. The warmth of his touch only added to the power of his reach into her soul. Although she hadn’t meant to bring it up tonight, the words slipped out, “It’s Riley.”
He sat back up and began rocking again. His gaze no longer locked with hers. “That was terrible, wasn’t it?”
Sarah took a sip from her glass. She didn’t think the sour taste in her mouth was from her wine. “Did you know her well?”
“We were friends.”
“Like we are?”
He turned his head away from her. She couldn’t tell if he was gathering his thoughts or trying to figure out how to let her down gently. When he looked at her again, instead of answering, he repeated her question, “Like we are? What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” She swallowed more of her wine. “I heard the two of you dated.”
He put his glass on the table next to him. “Who did you hear that from?”
She couldn’t tell if he was mad or not. Although she felt guilty for the way she asked the question, Sarah wanted to know the answer. “Your uncle. He and my mother came by the carriage house today. He mentioned you brought Riley by the independent living facility. He thought it was nice that the two of you interrupted a date to help him set up his internet. Your uncle thought she was a sweet girl.”
Cliff put his head back and roared. The lines over his brows relaxed, replaced by deep laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. “Leave it to Uncle George to misinterpret the facts.”
“I’ve always known him to be fairly accurate when it comes to facts.” She couldn’t believe the defensive tone in her voice.
The laugh lines on his face disappeared. “I think this discussion is going to need more wine. I’ll be right back.” He went into the house.
While he left her sitting alone on the porch, she weighed whether she wanted to continue this discussion or simply leave. His return, carrying the wine bottle, eliminated her moment of escape. He refilled both of their glasses and put the bottle on the table before he dropped into his rocking chair. Fortified by another sip, he ran his hand over his face.
She waited for him to drop a bomb on her. How she could have misread him so badly these past few months amazed her. Then again, with her track record, why should she be surprised?
“Earth to Sarah.”
She looked at him.
“I know they say men are like Mars and woman are like Venus, but tonight, for some reason, I think you keep going out of this stratosphere.”
“My specialty. I guess I can’t walk and chew gum like you.”
“I’m not sure what that means, but, Sarah, let me explain about Riley. We did go out to dinner a few times, as well as a movie, but it wasn’t a relationship like you and I’ve been building.”
“But you admit you did it at the same time we’ve been going out?”
“Sure. There’s nothing to hide.” He opened his mouth and shut it again. “Oh, I get it. It didn’t mean anything.”
“It must have meant something or you wouldn’t have gone out a few times or taken her by your uncle’s place.”
He stood and walked across the porch. For a moment, he leaned on the railing, staring at the setting sun before turning back toward her. “I shouldn’t have to explain myself, but you mean enough to me that I’m going to this one time.”
Cliff held up his hand to keep her from saying anything. “Sarah, men and women don’t always mean or feel the same thing when they go on a date. I think you and I both feel a real relationship takes time to cultivate, but other people are more spur-of-the-moment. Riley probably fell into that group. I hate to speak ill of the dead, but she was a real flirt.”
Sarah nodded. That tied in with what Grace had said about her. “Are you saying she changed you to a more spur-of-the-moment guy?”
The ends of his mouth curled, but she couldn’t tell if he was holding back a smile or an angry retort. “Not at all. What I saw in Riley was a little girl in a woman’s body. She used the flirting to cover her neediness and a huge sense of loneliness. I felt like I knew her better than she knew herself. I wanted to help her.”
“By dating her?” Sarah felt warm. She put her glass of wine on the table. Maybe she’d had too much. She was having trouble keeping her thoughts from getting ahead of what Cliff was saying.
“No. Sarah, you know I’m a member of the Wheaton Wildcats?”
Confused why he was changing the subject, she didn’t answer.
Cliff apparently took her silence as a yes.
“Most of the members own their own bikes, but there are a few folks who hang around and bum rides from those of us whose cycles can take a passenger. Riley was one of those. The club joke was that she loved bikes as much as she loved vegan cooking. You see, she brought a different vegan dish whenever we had a potluck. Each was better than the last. When I heard she was going to be making the same dishes for Jane’s Place, I bet the restaurant would be a success. I also figured she’d probably use most of her first paychecks to put a deposit on a used bike.”
He walked back in her direction, scuffing his boots against the wood floor. “Anyway, that’s no longer important, but your question is. Whether by flirting or simply making everyone laugh, she went out of her way to be friendly and helpful. That’s why no one complained that she was taking advantage of us when she bummed a ride. It almost became a game to see who she would pair up with during any week. Most of the time her choice was a spur-of-the-moment decision that meant nothing in terms of romance.”
“That’s not what I heard about her riding with Jacob.”
He rubbed the back of his neck while he seemed to contemplate how to word his next comment. “It started with her bumming rides from him, but Jacob was smitten. I don’t think she cared about him as much as his bike, but, for a few months, they did have something going. When Botts showed up, she changed her allegiance. From then on, when Botts was there, he was her ride.”
“Now I’m confused. From what you’ve said, you went out with her during this period, too. Was she fickle? Loving the one she was with?”
“Not in my case. One day when neither Botts nor Jacob was there, she bummed a ride with me. When we got back, she offered to whip me up some lunch as her way of saying thanks. I told her it wasn’t necessary, but she said she often did that. It was only fair in exchange for the gas I’d used. I thanked her again and said I needed a rain check because I promised to help my uncle get settled in his new place. She responded that her afternoon was free and offered to tag along and help me, and then we could go back to her place for a late lunch.”
“And that’s what you did?” Sarah said frostily, now standing, too.
Cliff put himself in front of her, blocking the final moments of the sunset. “I shouldn’t even answer this, but whatever you’re thinking, it’s way off. I went back to her place and she made me a late lunch and that was it. Sarah, if she felt like she was paying me back by making me a vegan omelet, I wasn’t going to say no. It was a matter of dignity. She couldn’t afford her own ride or to pay for our gas, but tofu and hummus and her skill were what she could give most of us in exchange for her rides.”
“But . . .”
“I know you and others may have seen her as a real flirt, and that was her style. She may have stirred up some interest in some of the guys, but except for Jacob for a short period of time and then Botts, I don’t think she ever got serious with anyone. I tried to be her friend because I felt sorry for her. So, yeah, the few times she rode with me, I let her make me lunch or I took her out for a meal, and once to a movie that had a star we both liked, but all of that was as a friend.”
Sarah backed up and sat again. She knew Cliff’s background as a lonely child shunted off to schools had resulted in his putting a shell around himself, but it apparently had created a streak of empathy, too.
Cliff knelt beside her. In the darkness his face was illuminated by the limited light coming through the picture window behind them. “Sarah, Riley was too young for me. She may have looked like a woman, but underneath she was a needy kid. The kind I once was. I only offered her a hand of friendship.” He took both of Sarah’s hands in his. “The kind of relationship I’m looking for has to be based on a mutual friendship, but it needs to share more than that. There must be respect, caring, love, and communication. It’s the kind of relationship that takes time to build—especially when both people have things in their past to get over. I know we’ve been taking things super slow, but that’s how I thought you wanted it. I didn’t want to rush anything, especially after how we’ve both been badly burned in the past, but I felt we were building something special. Was I wrong?”
She barely got the word “no” out of her mouth before he kissed her.