WHEN YOU NEED TO GIVE (AND GET) FEEDBACK

Dear Founder,

As a leader, it’s your responsibility and obligation to help people improve and achieve their potential.

That means giving feedback is an important—and often difficult—part of your job. Thoughtful feedback may be a gift, but I find that people often don’t see it that way. For this reason, leaders must deliver feedback in a way that the recipient will be open to receiving it. Some tips:

Praise in public; criticize in private. Always follow this rule. And remember, people are watching how you react. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it and how you hold yourself.

Build trust. Do the necessary work in advance. People receive feedback better when they trust the person delivering it. Ideally, the recipient should understand that you’re sharing thoughts in the interest of serving their needs. The more trust you can build, the easier it is to have more difficult discussions, because you come from a place of working together rather than a place of judgment. Additionally, if you know your employee’s career aspirations, surfacing bad behavior can help them improve and achieve their own goals. The more trust you’ve built, the more candid you can be.

Give feedback constructively. When I started my career, I received feedback from Mad Men–style bosses who used feedback as a weapon to chastise. However, much like bullying, this approach has gone out of favor and is unlikely to yield great outcomes. Feedback should provide validation and inspiration. I’ve begun to see today’s workplace is far more evolved than the one I grew up in—and that’s a good thing.

Be thoughtful. Have everyone else’s best interests at heart. Deliver feedback with love and good intentions. Don’t hold these conversations when you’re angry, because it’s far more likely the recipient will feel hurt or judged—and thus defensive.

Understand where the person is. Feedback is best given when people are receptive. How do you know? Ask them. Say, “Do you have some time for a one-on-one? I had some suggestions I was hoping to share with you. If you are not prepared for that now, we can discuss when you are ready.” Setting up the conversation in this manner is a way to clue them in to what is happening and to make them aware that you are here to help them. Recently, someone I work with wanted to vent, and I made it clear that I was not open to hearing it. Yet sometimes you have to let people get emotions out of the way and then get to a pragmatic discussion on what happened so you can help them gain perspective. You can do this with a simple, “This is what I am seeing. What do you see?”

Don’t shy away from delivering feedback just because it’s hard. We can’t take the new nicer workplace to an extreme and let it remove our ability to offer constructive feedback. Tough love can go a long way on the path to improvement.

As a leader, you also have to understand the value of asking for and receiving feedback from the people with whom you work.

I’ve received lots of great feedback from Meg Whitman, and this input has changed how I worked with her and how I have approached leading others. One of her concerns was that sometimes she was just interested in brainstorming, but I would see the dialogue as an action item for myself. “I just want to have a discussion, that doesn’t mean I want you to do it,” she said. I had to learn how to slow down and collaborate rather than act like “Action Jackson.”

Soliciting feedback is a great way for a top exec to learn and grow. Here are some tips on how to receive and ask for feedback:

Be a heat seeker for asking for feedback. Always ask, “Is this working? Is there anything else I should be doing?”

Be approachable and safe. It’s hard for someone to tell you something critical, and it is important for you to be understanding that they may find it challenging. Try “baiting the hook”—you know some of your own weaknesses. Ask a colleague or direct report if they’ve noticed you do something you shouldn’t, and if they have advice for you. Often, they will ask for advice in turn.

Start with an open mind. Try to understand where their advice is coming from. Even if you disagree, sharing feedback is hard and you should view their consideration as a gift.

Listen to what is being said. This doesn’t mean you have to accept it, or do it, but you do need to listen.

You should not be afraid of truth. Commit to creating a learning environment and enlisting your team’s support to help you grow—because every day you can be getting better. I promise that understanding that you’re never done improving will help your career in spectacular ways.

All the best,

Maynard