WHEN YOU NEED TO BE THERE FOR SOMEONE

Dear Founder,

There’s a well-known saying that insists achieving success is mostly about showing up. Obviously, if you want to succeed you need to show up, but I’ve found that success really results from what you do once you’re there. Showing you are committed, engaged, focused—and delivering great results—is what makes a difference.

The same goes for being there for someone. I’ve been involved with a lot of companies over a lot of years, and as a result, I’ve worked with a number of people and have seen a great deal of tragedies: deaths, divorces, addiction, suicides, and even murders. It’s always painful to see someone go through something so difficult.

As an employer, you may be on the sidelines. Yet it’s also your role, if possible, to get your people help. You may be a boss, but you are also human, and being there for someone is the most important thing you can do. I recently had someone close to me lose a loved one, and this experience got me thinking about the necessity of supporting an employee and a friend who is going through a challenging time, and about the best way to do this.

The first rule is to show up—even when it’s difficult and you don’t know what to say—and the next and more important step is to show that you really want to be there. That sounds obvious, but sadly it often doesn’t happen. With everyone so busy, people frequently stay away in tough times. What people really need is for you to step up and lean in.

I have been the recipient of many people’s invaluable support during the difficult times in my own life. I lost my father when I was just a kid, and I remember how people stepped up. My sports coaches, as well as other dads in the neighborhood, spent more time with me and offered me extra advice. They were sincere in showing that they cared and that really meant something to me. Later, when our daughter was hospitalized with a grave illness and had a grim prognosis, many of our coworkers jumped in and offered to help. They sent presents and cards, and several wished to visit (though they couldn’t due to her being in the ICU). It was one of the most difficult times in my life, and the support of others around us sincerely helped my family through it.

When someone loses a loved one, or has a child who is very ill, it’s important to demonstrate real care. Show compassion and relay your own experiences, because people can spot insincerity from a mile away.

Here’s what you should be doing:

• First, ask if it is an okay time for the person to talk, in a quiet, nonstressed moment.

• Tell them you are sorry for their loss, or for what they are going through.

• Ask them if you can be of service or help in any way. When an event has been particularly devastating, I recommend just jumping in and helping. Volunteer to babysit their kids, ask if there’s a foundation you can give to, offer to take work items off their plate.

• Just listen. In the cases of battling an illness or losing someone, learn more about this person who is so special to them.

• Help nourish them. Send food so they have less to think about and organize. Or send flowers to show you care.

• Ask them if you can check in again. Tell them that if they don’t feel like talking, they don’t need to answer the phone.

• Reassure them that you care and that everything at work is handled, and that there is nothing they should worry about. You should expect their productivity to fall, but I’ve found that tragic events can also bring out the best in fellow teammates.

Remember, as a manager, your behavior will also be what you hope your colleagues model. And in this case, the things that feel right to do for the person, are also the right things to do for your company.

Times of employee crisis.

It must be noted that there are times when you do not know what someone on your team is going through, but you know that something is wrong. That person also needs your help. There’s a fine line between being helpful and supportive and overstepping.

• If you see that something isn’t right, check in and ask. Do this early and often.

• You can’t meddle, but you can show compassion and care. When you’re worried about caring too much or stepping over a line, it’s always better to be human and caring than to be perfectly correct.

• Try and get them the help they need, whether that means taking time off or helping them find and access the appropriate professional resources, which hopefully are covered in your company’s benefit plan.

• Be aware that serious events can put a team through a collective depression. Determine what resources you can bring to bear to help the rest of the team.

• Be committed. Make people feel safe to share what they are going through and get professional advice along the way so you can be assured you are taking the right steps to help.

In order to be productive, your employees must be healthy and happy. If you see something is different with someone, check in and see how you can help. Yes, this may not be work-related, but it’s life-related and it benefits everyone to try to help make everything work holistically.

It’s always hard to see anyone go through tough times, but it’s your responsibility to help see them through to the light. There’s so much that’s out of our control, but this one part is in our hands. What we do in these sensitive moments is important.

Remember, when a team member is going through catastrophic events it affects the whole team. You need to pay attention to them as well. Consider bringing in professional resources for the whole team to help guide them through.

All the best,

Maynard