Chapter Twenty-Two

Nick sucked at gifts, particularly without Teddy to give input and wrapping advice. But he couldn’t expect Teddy to wrap his own gift. And it was a stupid thing, silly really, and probably ill-advised. But ever since the night of the town pageant, he hadn’t been able to get Teddy out of his head or this ticking clock hanging over them. Just a little more time, he kept begging the calendar, but time kept marching along until now it was the day of the battalion holiday party and he was down to being able to count his remaining time in the North Country by hours. A little more than forty-eight hours from now he’d drive away. Only the holiday party and giving gifts away at the resource center and then…

Done.

Finished.

Over.

This was maybe the last day he’d wear a uniform unless he donned it for a parade or something. Dressing that morning had felt weird as he had a day of nothing more than goodbyes and final paperwork. No one wanted more of him than a picture or chance to offer best wishes. The job that had consumed him for close to thirty years was winding down, going out with little more than a groan. Now it was simply a matter of wrapping Teddy’s gift, setting it on the recliner for later, grabbing the brownies he’d made, and dodging the packed moving boxes on his way out to walk to the base rec center in the frigid December air.

“Hey, you.” Teddy exited his Subaru, which he’d parked next to Nick’s good-as-new truck. “You look eager for this thing.”

“Eager to get it over with,” Nick grumbled. The urge to yank Teddy back into his apartment and blow off the party was strong, especially with Teddy looking him up and down like Nick was a candy cane he intended to lick very slowly. They’d spent more nights together than not in the past few weeks, and still it wasn’t enough. And it wasn’t just the mind-blowing sex—it was the shared time. Board games. Helping Teddy at the resource center. Cooking for him. Long talks by the fire. Telling Teddy stories he’d seldom shared. Waking up with Teddy in his arms. All of it.

“So are we just friends at this thing?” Teddy asked, voice light and easy. “I’m fine however. Just don’t want to accidentally touch you the wrong way or say something.”

“I’m pretty sure Commander Grace figured out that we’re…” Wait. What were they exactly? Not simply friends, that was for sure. But dating sounded too trite, fuck buddies too crass, partners far too permanent for what they both knew this was. Lovers. The word was right there, waiting for him. Fanciful and romantic and everything Nick wasn’t, so he kept his lips clamped.

“More than friends,” Teddy supplied, apparently oblivious to Nick’s turmoil. “Still, I’ll restrain myself. I don’t want to embarrass you.”

The slight quaver in Teddy’s voice clued Nick in to the idea that perhaps Teddy, he of the unending confidence, was nervous.

“You won’t.” He grabbed Teddy’s gloved hand, squeezed it. “I’m happy to have you here. Best part of my day was seeing you walk up.” Then because that was a bit heavy, he forced a laugh. “You’ll save me from the usual boredom of these sorts of things.”

“I’ll do my best.” Teddy squeezed back, and neither of them dropped hands as they approached the rec hall. It was…sweet. Almost painfully so, the simple act of holding hands with a guy he really liked. “If nothing else, you can distract yourself thinking of what I’m going to do to you after.”

“Yeah? You spending the night?” Nick tried not to sound too hopeful and failed miserably.

“Brought my toothbrush and everything.” Teddy waggled his eyebrows.

“Good.” Nick tugged him closer and was about to go for a fast kiss when Sergeant Major Lindsay and her wife came up with a laughing little girl in tow.

“Did you have a good last day?” Sergeant Major Lindsay asked. A little younger than Nick, she still had a few years to go before it would be her turn to retire.

“It was okay,” Nick lied, not wanting to get into how surreal it was to be rendered obsolete with the woman who was replacing him. But he managed to keep his voice light, and introductions were made all around.

Inside, the rec hall was decked out for the season, Christmas trees jockeying for space with large menorah posters and secular messages of holiday good cheer.

“Look who’s back!” Sergeant Major Lindsay gestured at the far corner of the large room where a Santa was sitting on a large padded chair, holding court. Commander Grace hovered nearby, her husband’s noticeably paler and slighter frame still making a passable jolly old elf.

Commander Grace gestured for them to come over, all but smothering poor Teddy with a big hug. Nick had a hard time reconciling his hard-nosed commanding officer with a hugger, but Teddy did tend to have that effect on people. She introduced Wallace, who shook Nick’s hand.

“Thanks so much for filling in with the Mineral Spirits festivities. Meant a lot to me.”

Means a lot to me too. Nick wasn’t ever going to be able to put into words what effect that one simple favor had had on his life, on who he was and how he viewed himself, so, throat tight, he just nodded.

Like always at these sorts of things, there was a ton of food, families bringing desserts with the main course of spaghetti supplied by the organizing committee.

“Man, there’s so much chocolate.” Teddy sighed happily. “Almost don’t need your brownies.”

“If that’s a hint, I made a double batch—there’ll be some for your late-night snack.” Nick might not be much of a sweets eater, but he knew how to take care of his guy.

“Knew I liked you.”

Teddy gave him a look so soft that Nick felt compelled to mention, “It’s just a mix.”

“I’m still grateful.” Teddy gave him a meaningful look, full of hot promises, before his attention shifted. “Oh wow, that poor mom manning the craft table looks so overwhelmed. I’m going to go offer to lend a hand. Save me a seat?”

“Will do.” Nick was more than a little dazed by Teddy’s abrupt change in direction and was about to follow him—Teddy wasn’t the only one who liked being useful—when Commander Grace stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Just so you’re prepared, there’s going to be a plaque presentation for you, and the reporter from the base paper will want a picture of you with it.”

Nick suppressed a groan. “That’s fine.”

“Oh, and I’ve been meaning to tell you that I asked around the law enforcement community for leads on a new officer for Mineral Spirits PD.”

“Oh?” Nick ignored the unexpected heaviness in his gut.

“Yes. An officer in Watertown has a son about to graduate from college in Rochester. He wouldn’t mind being closer to family, so he’s going to put in for it.”

“That’s good.”

Commander Grace’s head tilted as she studied Nick, and he had to work hard to not squirm like some new recruit.

“Nowicki, do you know someone who wants the job? I thought you’d be a bit more…enthusiastic.”

“No, of course not. Who would I know? Beckett will be happy you found a good candidate,” he blustered, but Commander Grace continued to appraise him with a critical eye.

“It’s not too late, you know. You put in for the job, and I’ll give you a glowing reference—”

“I’ve got a gig waiting for me.” Nick had made a promise and he’d stick with it. Too many people in this world didn’t keep their word. Even knowing that though, he had to work to not let a glimpse of a future he’d never have flit into his brain—the one where he stayed, where he built something with Teddy…

No. It wasn’t meant to be and he needed to stop having fanciful thoughts like some teen doodling his and Teddy’s initials in a notebook. Commander Grace’s find would be the right guy for Mineral Spirits, a local, someone better suited to permanency here. Not him.

Without realizing what he was doing, his gaze moved past the commander to the table where Teddy was helping kids glue beads on cardboard trees. He thought again of his present for Teddy, how silly it was, and how desperately he wanted him to like it. God, leaving him was going to kill Nick. Nick, who had been Sergeant Major Nicholas Nowicki, trapped in the deep freeze of his life until Teddy came charging into it. Now he was Nick again, average guy with a thawed-out heart and deeper sense of self. How was he supposed to let the best thing that had ever happened to him go?

“People change their minds,” Commander Grace said softly, eyes following his.

Nick hardened his jaw. “I promised my buddy. And I’m the last thing Teddy needs long-term, if that’s what you’re getting at.” Then because that was a bit harsh, he softened his tone. “I know you mean well, Commander. But my future’s already set. And I want a better one for him.”

She sighed heavily, and Nick felt a bit like he’d disappointed a parent, which was silly since neither of his had given a shit back when it counted.

“I’m going to get some food,” she said. “They want me to hand you the plaque after everyone’s fed.”

“Sounds good.” Nick didn’t want to examine too closely why his chest suddenly felt as empty as his old locker back at headquarters. But it did and the food might as well have been glue and cardboard for all he cared. He saved Teddy a seat as promised, watching him finish up at the crafts table. Pulling out his phone, he snapped a quick picture. Something for later, to remember how tied in Teddy was with the people who lived around here, how much this place needed him.

Teddy looked up right as he snapped and Nick knew that was a lie—the pic wasn’t about letting go of Teddy at all. It was about remembering when he was Teddy’s guy, when he was the recipient of that easy smile, when he had reason to smile back. He had a feeling smiles would be in short supply in his future.

But here and now, when their eyes met, he felt invincible. Younger. Stronger. Faster. And in that moment, all their differences slid away—the age gap, future plans, climate preferences. None of it mattered other than how they made each other feel. He breathed deeply, resisting the urge to go catch Teddy up in a tight embrace. Right then, a kid pulled on Teddy’s sleeve to get his attention, and the moment passed, leaving Nick with a dull ache in his chest.

He was just about to put the phone away when it vibrated. A message came through from Adams, his buddy in Florida, and he clicked Open.

His arrival time. Yeah, that would be good, right? He was supposed to be chomping at the bit to get down there, start helping Adams, making the investment he’d promised, begin his new life, forget the one he was leaving behind here. And not the one he’d led—not the hours of duty and service—but the one he’d seen in Teddy’s smile. In that smile, he’d seen a life where he might have been enough, where their differences were transformed to strengths, where Teddy didn’t pull a Micah and find someone new. He saw now that all his comparisons weren’t fair—Teddy was far more steady than Micah had ever been.

But still, that life Nick had glimpsed wasn’t for him. He’d made a promise to Adams, but more than that he wanted to leave his rosy vision alone—reality didn’t work like his dreams of perfection. It didn’t matter that Teddy wouldn’t cheat. Something else would end up driving them apart, turning something beautiful into something ugly and crass. He’d seen it with his parents.

And the truth was, he wanted better for Teddy. Maybe the age difference didn’t matter to him right now, but it might down the road. He wanted Teddy free to pursue his best future. Perfect futures didn’t happen to guys like Nick, but people like Teddy deserved all the fairy tale they could find. And Nick was going to do his damnedest to get Teddy a happy ending, even if he wasn’t in it.