THROUGH TIME AND SPACE WITH FERDINAND FEGHOOT (108)

Ferdinand Feghoot incurred the enmity of Dr. Gropius Volkswagen, then President of the Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History, when that elderly scholar presented his monumental paper on “Saving the World by Removing the Internal Combustion Engine from the Twentieth Century.”

He listened politely until comments were called for. Then he addressed himself to the podium.

“My dear Doctor,” he said, “while I appreciate the depth of your learning and your mountains of data, I must take issue with a few of your points.”

Dr. Volkswagen sneered.

Feghoot continued, “The Datsun was not, as you’ve stated, ‘a long German dog used to hunt badgers.’ Nor did the Audubon Society conduct high-speed races on Germany’s freeways. Finally, the novel Vespers in Vienna was not concerned with the Austrian importation of Italian motor-scooters.”

Dr. Volkswagen’s face grew redder and redder. “SO!” he exploded. “By quibbling you think you make a monkey out of Gropius Volkswagen, Ph.D., Ph.D., Ph.D.? I am right. If we do not the filthy internal combustion engine remove, it is the end of the world!”

“That would be a shame!” said Ferdinand Feghoot, “To end not with a bang, not with a whimper, but just with a Saab.”