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Through the window of the express that left Paris, I contemplate the landscape, and the first images of London: Cosmopolitan, millenarian, an old lady, so elegant...
The city of London welcomed us with its usual physiognomy: Gray and moody...
The cloudy sky with heavy clouds indicated that the day would be rainy, but the unstable climate of our next stop did not spoil Vadinho's excitement.
Wearing a panama hat, a dark brown suit, leather shoes, and an overcoat, my husband could be mistaken for the British, such his elegance and grace.
He uncrosses his legs, sitting next to me, waiting for the train to stop and he kisses my fingers, with a pleased air, euphoric with the stadiums and the ethyl tour he intends to do.
Men and their amusements... football and beer.
He leans over my armchair and provokes me with a seductive air, promising me:
“We will go to Italy in the first class, the cabins are much more comfortable, perfect for a night of memorable love, you and me, without clothing, we will arrive in Italy in the best style.”
"We'll set fire to Rome, just like Nero." – I say with an air of laughter, and he gives a loud laughter.
When we heard the sound system of the train from which we had arrived at London Euston station, we retrieved our bags and go straight for the Grange St. Paul hotel, situated near the financial center of London, where everything happens.
Vadinho took the lead of making our check-in, as he lived for two years in Bristol and his English-speaking fluency is infinitely better than my “fuck me”, “oh my god”, “honey”, that I’ve learned onthe educational programs of Playboy channel.
We enjoyedour free afternoon resting. I do not want to worry Vadinho about something irremediable, but for a few days I'm literally exhausted. My body, once very active and resistant, since the cancer discovery, betrays me. I feel more tired than usual and my headaches have returned with full force.
I brought my medications and as soon as Vadinho sleeps, I take the pills, cause I’m only able to withstand the pain with very strong analgesics.
Today is a day like that, my head is throbbing as if gaps were opening in my temples with a jackhammer. I close the curtains to escape from the solar light, and covertly open my bag, taking two pills at the same time.
Vadinho walks out of the bathroom and sits on the bed, asking worriedly:
"The headaches have come back, haven’t they?"
“Nothing important, dear, just wait for the pills to take effect and I'll be brand new.
I lie down in the corner of the bed and before I close my eyes I feel the warmth of Vadinho's breath on my neck, and his hand wrapping my waist, bringing my body close to his.
“I would give everything, I would do anything to make you healthy again, sometimes I think life is not fair, so many bad people ingood health, those ones who kills, rapes, steals... and you, a fantastic, amiable woman, is killed by this disease in this way. Who am I to question God’s desire, but sometimes I think that the world is out of place.Yes, I think so.
"Do not think so, dear, it is all about accepting that, irremediably, all of us, rich and poor, white and black, virtuous and sinful men, all without exception, will have the same end: death.The only divine design that is able to level all human beings in the same level: from human frailty and impotence to the end. Desiring death for someone is a tremendous idiocy, since we will all follow the same path. Since we were born, we have only one certainty in our life: one hour, from one way or another, we must go.
At night, I wake up much better, the migraine I had felt earlier, now is only a slight discomfort. Vadinho suggests that we have dinner at some restaurant, and we do. We went to Bar Rocca, which serves typical Brazilian food, a piece of our country in London.
As we are only passing through London, and our final destination is Italy, we wake up on the second day in the Queen's city prepared for a tour, summarized of the main sights of the city that screams diversity, in the streets we can find people of different "tribes"dividing the same space, into a contradictorily dissonant harmony.
Ladies in austere, conservative dresses walk through the dank and elegant streets of central London, alongside gothic punks, nerds, emos, funky. A Brazilian tour guide, presents us with a road map on which we visit on foot, such as the palace and Westminster abbey, St. Paul's Cathedral, the famous Big Ben, the British museum, Trafalgar Square, the Parliament and at night, we will make analternative city tour in the main pubs of the city, where we could enjoy the perfect match: beer and good old rock and roll.
"Lisa, we're already late for the tour.”
I give the last touch of gloss and put the eyeliner on. Ok, I'm ready now.
"Stop being rushed, all this for what? To have more mugs of beers? I’ll keep an eye on you, remember what the doctor in Paris said, "No exaggeration."
We quickly visited two pubs, the White Hart, the oldest pub in London and the Ye Old and Cheshire Cheese, which serves a perfect handcrafted beer.
Our final stop is the Road trip Live Bar, a hot spot for fans to enjoy a cold beer and listen to the various variations of rock; from the traditional to the heavier.
Our evening promises unforgettable moments, just after the entrance, there is an exposed Harley-Davidson, and on the walls of the hallway that lead to the living room, painted in a living earthy tone, are pictures, tours and memorable shows from several iconic bands of the rock as the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, U2, among others, giving the environment an aura of rock temple.
We sat on the bar stools, watching the dance floor of different ages; later on, a gothiccouple kisses each other intensely, with their black clothes and spiky hair, to our right, two middle-aged women in heavy leather jackets, have a drink listening to the Beatles. At my side, a group of girls celebrate a bachelorette party, everybody enjoys the night intensely, exhilarating joy, without reservation.
Vadinho apologizes and goes to the bathroom, after taking his third bottle of Budweiser, and I take the opportunity to distract myself, laughing at the picturesque situation unfolding around me.
On my left-hand side, two strange guys are flirting with the bachelorette party girls, that are on my right-hand side. A young blonde girl, who looks like a Barbie, asks me, speaking loudly, surprisingly in Portuguese, so that I can hear her in the middle of the powerful sound:
“You’re Brazilian, aren’t you? Do you go to the Domination Garden?”
"Domination Garden, where is this?"
"An exclusive club, you're a mistress, a queen, right?"
“Me? A queen? The only queen I know of here is Queen Elizabeth.”
“Sorry, I saw your long leather dress, your size, and I thought you were a dominatrix. Shit! I’m really shamed, forgive me the inconvenience, I mustn’t have asked too much.”
"Don’t need to apologize, honey, no problem, let's have fun.”
The blonde asks the bartender for an iced tea with a small batch of Bourbon and I decide to imitate her request and drink something other than the strong beer I sipped from Vadinho's glass.
Our requests took long time to come, and the strange guys sent notes from the bartender to the girls on my side.
One of them, a brunette girl, tells to the "blonde Barbie girl":
"I find the blond guy, on the right, very sexy, he looks hot.”
"Well, I do not want to get into trouble, even if they're hot, I’d say that sleeping with such a man was a serious problem.”
I look disguisedly at the boys and I have toagree with the tanned "Barbie" that the guys look like a coloring book, full of piercing and tattoos on all sides. And the blonde one is all strange, hard and cold-eyed, half-cynical, debauched. He licks his lips as he stares at the blonde girl, who pretends not to notice him.
After an eternity, our drinks arrive and I change glasses with the girl, because mine came with a few slices of lemon, which I did not order.
The bumbling bartender says the "Barbie" that the drink was paid by the gentleman in front of me and I changed the drinks.
"Sorry, I thought it was my drink, but no problem, our requests were the same.”
The bad blond boy whispers to his friendwith an angry air, he pays the bill and goes away then, with not a good face.
Vadinho comes back from the bathroom and asks for another beer, the dance floor is fuller and the heat becomes more and more unbearable every minute. I take off my overcoat and dry myself with a napkin, bothered by the sweat that runs down through my forehead and my arms.
"Satisfaction," the Rolling Stones song, plays in the loudest volume and I do not want to stand still, I call Vadinho to dance, but he says he prefers to continue drinking his Budweiser and watch me.
The guitar solo reverberates through my body, my hips, I set aside my scarf that covered my neck and close my eyes to enjoy the magic of this moment. The ceiling lights dance, blink and light up around me, I'm drunk, very drunk, but I do not care.
Today I want to forget this aura of my close end, I need to relieve my back of weight, the anguish of the unexpected, the unknown, I am not afraid to die, I only regret leaving the scene at the best moment of the act.
Today I live one of the best moments of my life, I have already freed myself from the sacrifice of eternal joviality, from the obligation of personal achievements.
I just live and enjoy every moment as if it were the only one, the last, as if there was not tomorrow.
I sing along with the band to all my lungs.
The bachelorette party women join me and they dance hand in hand, making a circle around me.
We screamed, played imaginary guitars, danced and jumped like a bunch of insane people, and I sang, smiled and cried, my emotions stirred by the barrage of alcohol in my body, by the ecstasy of celebrating those hours as if there were no others.
Vadinho gets into the crowd around me and hugs me by the shoulder, pulling me out of the dance floor, I sit back on the bar bench leaning on his arms, my legs look as heavy as lead, I complain with some difficult to speak:
"Why did you get me out of there, sweetheart?"
"Because you're totally drunk, what did you drink while I was in the bathroom?"
“Tea with Bourbon, fuck! That does not hurt anyone.” – I answer.
Vadinho runs his hands through my hair and wipes my sweaty, hot face like a furnace.
"That cannot be all, look at you, Lisa.”
“Wow! It's rock and roll baby.”
“Rock and roll or opera, it does not matter, we will go back to the hotel. You need a cold bath and bed, we'll travel to Italy tomorrow."
Vadinho pays the bill and drags me out of the pub. I walk uncertainly, feeling as if I were floating on the steep, damp ground of the streets of London. Vadinho's arms wrap around my shoulder, holding me. I smile with the silly idea that our whole life has always been like that, he and I... We walked together, between stumbles and hits, Vadinho's strong arms have always supported me throughout my life, in my happiest moments and even today, when I burn the last coals of the fire of my days.
Vadinho signs with his hand, but the taxi doesn’t stop.
Next to us there is an ostentatious fountain that invites me to refresh myself, I release Vadinho's hand and approach it, watching the jets of water spouting from the mouths of the baroque angels.
As soon as he realizes my intention, Vadinho waved his hand for me to stop, but it is too late... the desire to be a little freer, rebellious, happy, is stronger than I am.
I enter the fountain and sit with my legs crossed under the mouth of one of the little angels; the water is delicious.
Vadinho complains angrily and reaches out to get me out of the fountain, I pull his arm and he dives without waiting, spitting water to everything that is on the side.
His eyes sparkle with anger and I cover my mouth to hide my laughter.
"Oops, it was unintentional, love.”
"No, it wasn’t! you're a crazy woman, I think they put something in your drink. Crazy, you're totally crazy, Lisa.”
"Even though I'm a crazy, doped and old woman, do you love me, Osvaldo Silva?"
He laughs loudly and pulls me into a kiss, holding his back with one hand.
"Like I've never dreamed of loving anyone one day, but one hour you'll kill me, Lisa Hurricane, I think you hurt my spine."
A police car approaches and directs the headlights on our face.Two policemen come toward us with their weapons in hand, and they say aloud:
"Get out of the fountain now, and identify yourself."
I cover my face realizing what I have just done and I start crying like a weaned calf. God, I'm going to be arrested for disturbing the order, and my husband, a respected Marine Colonel, will be vandalized.
Holy shit!
Vadinho asks me to calm down and makes up a story for the cops, he said that I had a syncope and fell into the fountain and as he tried to help me he accidentally fell, too.
With an angry face, the policeman did not believe in our ragged excuse, but he agreed to release us without taking us to the police station for investigation. I open my eyes slowly; my head is pounding as if a sharp dagger was nailed to my temples. The brightness of the sun through the window bothers me... Rays of sun? Oh, God, it's morning!
The satin robe twines in my legs, I do not want to get out of bed, I'm exhausted, sick and too humiliated to face Vadinho after the annoyance I made.
I feel something touching my feet and I get scared,then I open my eyes and I see Vadinho sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking my feet.
"Wake up, sleeping beauty”.
"You mean old biscuity, right?"
"Forget it, what matters is that nothing worse has happened and you are well.”
I sit up on the bed in a jolt and look at the cell phone time on my bedside table.
It's nine o'clock, I look at Vadinho and down my head, embarrassed, wanting the floor to open and swallow me. For my sake, we missed the train to Rome, as if guessing my thoughts, Vadinho reassures me:
"I was at the station earlier today, we can change our tickets for ten p.m., it will be the opening of this alternative time, you see? We're making history. It is good because it will give you time to rest a lot during the day.
"I do not know what to say, Vadinho, I'm so sorry, my love.”
"No problem. You know what is funny, Lisa?When I was at the ticket office,changing our passages, I saw such a beautiful moment that it thrilled me.”
“Really?What was it?”
Vadinho lay down beside me and told me what he saw, cuddling me in his chest.
“A woman and a child, it was a beautiful baby, she grabbed the child with such a great joy, her tears were so true, it was as if she was seeing that baby for the first time, because of the woman's age, possibly she was the baby’s grandmother, they were at the boarding desk, so I realized, they also went to Italy.”
Hearing about the meeting of this woman and that baby, it suddenly makes me miss my grandchildren, I picked up my cell phone without notifying Vadinho and called my grandchildren.
I had to give a detailed account of our adventures in Europe, certainly omitting our going to the sex club and my tea with "Rophynol".
We spent all day resting in the hotel and at nine p.m. we arrived at London Euston Station heading for Rome.
The Rail Europe Express opens an alternative time for the London-Rome stretch today, and as Vadinho had promised, we are traveling first class.
The cabins here are larger, with a king size double bed, a luggage compartment, a small locker and attached to the cabin there is a compact, but well, equipped bathroom.
Traveling on this type of high-speed train is a dream for any traveler who likes to combine comfort, and romanticism, it is a perfect trip to contemplate the entire route through the large windows, and allow users to enjoy the various entertainment spaces and high-quality gastronomy.
This train has two restaurants and a snack bar, as well as TV and living rooms.
Vadinho insisted that we should wander along the train and drink something in the bar before dinner.
We sat at a discreet table in the back of the small hall and ordered our drinks. After the incident at the pub, I decided not to risk it and asked the waiter for some orange juice, while Vadinho asked for a shot of whiskey.
We talked absently about the route we will take when we get to Rome, when I saw, more closely,a young woman sitting at the front tables. I never forget a face, even more a young woman with such a singular, shocking beauty.
It was the young woman I met at the restaurant in Portugal, I look around and her fiancé is not accompanying her, they were an interesting couple to see, they seemed passionate, but today, her face is desolated, she dries with a scarf the tears that fall copiously on his face and my heart tightens to see her so sad and upset.
I beg Vadinho to leave the table, reminding him how we know that young woman who I don’t remember the name and Vadinho provokes me while sipping his whiskey.
"There you go and give yourself an old pimp again, will not you?Go there, I know you want to talk to her.”
I approached her a little embarrassment, and as she lifted her face, she seemed to recognize me.
"Mrs. Lisa, oh my!It is a coincidence that we meet again.”
"It's this world that’s smaller and smaller, forgive me, dear, I remember all the details of our meeting, but your name has completely escaped me, I'm sorry, it's old people's thing.”
"Aurora, my name is Aurora.”
"What about that handsome boy, your fiancé, where is he?"
Aurora dries the corner of her eyes and responds in a low, embarrassed tone:
"We fought seriously, I think this time it's all over.”
Without apology, I sit down beside her and ask the waiter for a glass of water, handing her to drink and trying to calm down.
"Do you think or are you sure it's over?"
“I don’t know anything else, Ken lied to me, the mother superior also lied to me, I do not know who to believe in, he said that he feels guilty for everything that happened, but that he tried to redeem himself, rescuing the other nuns. Mother suggested that I hand him over to the police, but Ken claims that my superior was corrupted by fringes, I do not know what to do, nor which of the two speaks the truth.”
“And what does your heart say, what you really feel, forget what the appearances show, sometimes it can be confusing you.”
“My heart says that he may be speaking the truth. He wanted to explain me, he said that he could prove that he’stelling the truth, but I left, I fled without warning.”
"I know I may be behaving like an old sissy again, but why don’t you give your fiancé a chance to explain himself, listen to your inner voice to speak, listen to your heart, talk to him, and if after that you talk, you convince yourself that he lied, then you think what you're going to do, give him a chance or start all over again.”
Aurora kisses my hand and thanks emotionally:
“I have no words to thank your advice, this is what I’ll do, I will not go to Italy without him, I will go down the next station and look for him to talk.”
I said goodbye to Aurora, wishing her good luck, and returned to my table. As soon as Aurora passed us, preparing to get off at the next station, Vadinho shook me, saying:
"Now you're glad you've changed the girl's life, you're getting gossipier each day."
“This time I think I did a good thing, since I saw Aurora and Ken in Portugal I had the intuition that they still have a beautiful love story to live, maybe as durable as ours.”
"Yeah, who knows, now that you've posed as a fool, let's go back to our cabin, I have a surprise for you."
"Aren’t we going to have dinner first?"
"We'll have a special dinner in the cabin, did you think I forget it? Today we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary, forty years, my princess.”
"Then let's go, apparently, the night promises good surprises."
SMALL EXCERPTS FROM AN INSANE DIARY
Proposal...
By Lisa Hurricane
Vadinho opensthe cabin door with a cautious look and as soon as I see everything he has prepared; my eyes fill with tears. On the bedside table, there is a bucket of champagne, strawberries and green grapes. The bed is covered with a white satin sheet and filled with red rose petals.
In the middle of the bed is a huge photo album, I sit on the edge of the bed and open it. It is an album of all our trajectory memories. There are photos of the front of the dancing where we met, on a blank sheet, there is an invitation from our wedding and photos... some in black and white and some colored, in the different moments of our lives, photos of our children still babies and adults, photos of our grandchildren, celebrations in our home, special festivities, such as, birthdays and new year with family and close friends. In addition to my photos in various poses; sleeping, awakening, smiling, contemplating nature, photos that I never knew he had taken, but portrays his devoted, indelible love.
Vadinho opens the bedside tabledrawer and pulls out a polaroid camera, taking a picture of us, hugging each other on the bed in the middle of rose petals, we both laugh at the camera like two fools, like a couple of still-boyfriends after the first kiss.
Somebody knocks on the door and it's the room service, the maid gives Vadinho a tray and we sit down on the bed to taste our dinnerrelaxed.
I uncover the dishes and see that he ordered my favorite dish, filé a Chateaubriand, for him a fish in the sauce Belle Meuniere.
We dine remembering our first honeymoon, he leaves the tray on the untouched dining table and serves us champagne and strawberries.
It is curious how I still desire him, how much his look, once so full of wine, filled with a mature love, determined as wine, instigates and disarms me.
Vadinho rises from the bed and plugs into the sound system of the cabin his iPod with our favorite songs.
In a soft tone, Roberto Carlos sings "Proposal" in the background.
My love takes off his clothes slowly and I can see his still vigorous erection, potent for his advanced sixty-eight years, his body surprisingly fit, stiff, because of his endless years of physical activity in the barracks.
Wide shoulders, shapely legs, slim abdomen...
Other than him that has provoked me slowly, I'm in a hurry, I kneel on the bed, I'm in a hurry for him to possess me and, once again, make me his, and I take my green moss dress off, and I remove with a little more slowness my underwear.
Once Lisa Hurricane, always Hurricane, I undo the messy bun from my hair, I shake it, letting it to cascade down on my shoulders and breasts.
I make a signal with my finger to call my husband, my lover, to bed.
And we kiss each other unhurriedly, and unhurriedly my dark-haired man sits between my thighs sprinkling my skin with wet kisses and he licks at strategic points of my femininity, discovered and rediscovered, possessed and penetrated by him for so many years, which is, inexplicably, every minute more delicious, more intense, more heavenly.
I kiss, I bite, I suck, I groan, I sip from his skin and from his rough and thick penis every pleasure that he can give me, that I can get from him, in our bed there are no shame, no bonds or containment of our desires.
“Eu te proponho
Nós nos amarmos
Nos entregarmos
Neste momento
Tudo lá fora deixar ficar
Eu te proponho
Te dar meu corpo
Depois do amor
O meu conforto
E além de tudo
Depois de tudo
Te dar a minha paz
Eu te proponho
Na madrugada
Você cansada
Te dar meu braço
No meu abraço
Fazer você dormir
Eu te proponho
Não dizer nada
Seguirmos juntos
A mesma estrada
Que continua
Depois do amor
No amanhecer
Eu te proponho
Te dar meu corpo
Depois do amor
O meu conforto
E além de tudo
Depois de tudo
Te dar a minha paz
Eu te proponho
Na madrugada
Você cansada
Te dar meu braço
No meu abraço
Fazer você dormir”
Eu te proponho
Não dizer nada
Seguirmos juntos
A mesma estrada
Que continua
Depois do amor
No amanhecer
No amanhecer
Eu te proponho”
––––––––
“I propose to you
We love each other
We surrender
At this time
Everything outside let it stay
I propose to you
Give you my body.
After love
My comfort
And after all
After all
Give you my peace.
I propose to you
At dawn
You tired
Give you my arm
In my embrace
Make you sleep
I propose to you
Do not say anything
Keep together
The same road
Which continues
After love
At dawn
I propose to you
Give you my body.
After love
My comfort
And after all
After all
Give you my peace.
I propose to you
At dawn
You tired
Give you my arm
In my embrace
Make you sleep "
I propose to you
Do not say anything
Keep together
The same road
Which continues
After love
At dawn
At dawn
I propose to you "
(Proposal- proposta- Roberto Carlos)
I can do everything with his body and possess everything on me... because I am the female of this male, the wife and companion of this man, the lover of this tramp.
I grip Vadinho's back and wrap my thighs keeping him inside me, while an unprecedented bliss swells in my belly.
Vadinho stocks my sexuality in a primitive possession anda nirvana, never reached before by both of us, embraces us and leads us into a frighteningly intense light.
The walls of the cabin shake all around us, I wedge my nailsthrough the back of my lifelong love, from these to others lives, and we cum in unison, we follow to the paradise hand in hand.
We made love as if it was the last time and, this time, it was...
On thewrecked cab floor of the derailed train wagon lies our memory album.