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MALDIVES (AP) — Jason Kirsch, Chief Creative Officer of PortSys, unveiled plans today to convert his family’s private Lily Beach resort on Huvahendhoo island in the Maldives into a “sovereign incubator” for entrepreneurs and other captains of industry.
“The Kirsch family’s mission is to open the world up to everyone, and our own properties are not exempt from that mission,” the would-be heir to the PortSys empire told reporters at a press conference he convened out in the shallow waters surrounding the Lily Beach villas. Reporters covering the event were urged to take off their shoes and socks and join Kirsch in the surf as he outlined his vision for the property in a presentation that, surroundings aside, was not unlike the unveiling of a new PortPhone.
“We’re gonna expand to more villas,” Kirsch promised. “Bigger villas. Plus we’ll build a major conference center. Lily Beach will become ground zero for future technologies, port-forward governing ideas, and creative storytelling.”
But the World Wildlife Fund is concerned that Kirsch’s expansion plans will endanger shivers of whitetip reef sharks who call the surrounding Addu Atoll home. Other groups decried the resort’s handshake deal with web titan Darren Jackson to host an offsite for his company, Univeil, once the new facilities have been built.
“They say they’re gonna be sovereign,” says Rosa Wills, GizPo columnist. “That just means it’s gonna be a playground for rich libertarian a**holes like Kirsch and Jackson.”
Jackson’s Rosetta network has been lambasted as a breeding site for hate groups and other divisive factions, including the “men’s renaissance” forum Conquistadors. Questions about these concerns, and about concerns of Maldivian citizens over their government’s $100 million subsidy of the project, were left unanswered by Kirsch.
The resort’s expanded villas, each complete with a full kitchen and private spa and around-the-clock staff, are already available to purchase and will start at $76 million each.
“This is about freedom,” Kirsch told reporters, before putting on a snorkeling mask to observe nearby whitetips, “And, as with the technological gift that PortSys has granted the world, this is a freedom that will prove contagious. Sovereignty here will soon mean sovereignty everywhere.”