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The weeks before her shower were emotional at best. Seemingly overnight, her moods shifted. Slater didn’t know who he was going to get when she opened her mouth, but he learned quickly to tread lightly. Within seconds, Alex’s mood could swing from fun-loving to happy mother-to-be, to weepy, to enraged over nothing. He didn’t know how to deal with her sudden change and knew it was because of the pregnancy, but he constantly braced himself when he walked into a room. He didn’t know who was going to greet him. What baffled him was he felt like he barely knew these new personalities, but they all looked just like his wife.
Alex still enjoyed the art of writing. She shared it with Slater and soaked up his praise in her good hours. In her bad hours, she would either refuse to write or tell him her project was stupid and worthless. She didn’t know why she thought she could write in the first place. In the moments he suggested maybe she take a break from writing to clear her head, she would accuse him of hating her work. In the moments he asked how the project was coming along, she would accuse him of pushing her and yell at him that she didn’t appreciate being badgered. He knew she was miserable but he couldn’t win. She was having a hard time sleeping, barely had any room for food, and had to pee every five minutes, as she so eloquently screamed at him one afternoon when he asked her what was taking her so long in the bathroom.
Slater was doing his best to be there for her, that’s all he could do. He made sure she had a massage every other day so she could have that sensation of laying on her stomach and easing her muscles. Her backaches were a daily complaint. He didn’t know what else he could do. He felt like everything he did do, he could have done better. He didn’t know where the hell his wife was, but he knew he wanted her back.
Another thing that seemed to be missing recently was her sense of humor. Alex had had it with the waddle jokes. She found absolutely nothing funny about constantly putting on two different shoes, and the next person who called her out for snoring loudly was getting a fist rammed down their throat. She hated feeling so cranky all the time. Her cross moods were a vicious cycle. Being cranky made her feel crankier, which pissed her off more. She missed her sense of humor and knew people made light of her pregnancy to make her smile, but she was so sensitive to the teasing. All it did was make her more aware of her situation and wish it was over.
She wanted to be able to breathe properly again. Eat a decent meal without feeling full after a few bites. She was so sick and tired of waddling to the bathroom all the time because the boys were dancing on her bladder. She knew she waddled. In fact, she welcomed anyone who wanted to live in her world for five minutes to carry two almost fully developed babies in their belly and do otherwise. She didn’t need it pointed out to her, and she sure as hell didn’t find anything cute about it. She too wondered which personality would be present any time she opened her mouth.
Unfortunately, the person who got the brunt of her irritation was her husband. She hated that Slater was an easy target and often apologized to him after an outburst. In her irrational mind, he was the jerk who got her into this predicament, so Goddammit, he would have to put up with her. She missed her old self, she also wanted her back.
The only thing that kept her going was knowing she would see Mona soon, and Kathleen, and of course, Annette. Her pending shower was just around the corner, and she was looking forward to an afternoon of pampering. Mona had it all set up. They would begin the day with brunch, followed by spa treatments and dinner. Then, as a group, they would all go to the Heart & Soul concert for the evening, Alex included. She was looking forward to seeing Slater on stage, and he was looking forward to having her there.
––––––––
“All done, Alex.” Dr. Green wheeled her stool away from the exam table and helped Alex sit upright. Today was the day of her shower, but first thing was first. Dr. Green wanted to do an exam to see if she was progressing. “Why didn’t Slater come with you? Usually, he’s hovering over my shoulder asking me if there’s a different way to check your progression and giving me suggestions on better ways to do my job.”
“I wouldn’t let him come.” Alex exhaled slowly as she rubbed her stomach. Even the sound of her voice annoyed her because she thought she sounded nasally and had been battling congestion all week.
“Why not?” Kim asked with a smile. She had seen many pregnant women in her day and knew Alex was at the end of her rope.
“He annoyed me,” she said simply and arched her back for relief.
“What did he do?” she wondered as she made a note on Alex’s file.
“He woke up.” Alex forced a smile when the doctor laughed and shared a story with her. “I got mad last night. What else is new,” she snorted. “I’m mad all the time.”
“It’ll be over before you know it,” Kim reassured her. “What happened?”
“I went to soundcheck with him last night and I got bored. I understand he wants to be with me, but soundcheck is boring. So boring! Anyway,” she continued. “I was bored if you couldn’t tell, so I sat in the audience seats. I found a way to get comfortable and then I fell asleep.”
“Let me guess,” Kim chimed in. “You started snoring?”
“Evidently, pretty badly,” Alex answered and twisted to the side for another stretch. “Chris thought something was wrong with his speaker because there was a rattle. Turns out I was the rattle.” She paused for effect. “Over the music, my snoring could be heard. The next thing I know I’m waking up to see all the members of Heart & Soul standing at the edge of the stage smiling at me like it’s cute. Then Chris told me...” She cleared her throat when her voice broke as she remembered their amusement at her expense. “He told me I sounded like a freight train! Not just a freight train.” She shook her head quickly as the tears started. “A fucking freight train!”
Kim handed her a tissue and waited while she dried her eyes. “Mona’s pregnancy has been pretty easy so far, but she’s about to hit the tough spots. Let’s see how full of jokes he is then.” She patted Alex’s leg in support. “Why are you mad at Slater for that?”
“Chris is his friend,” she stated. “That, and he was amused, too. It’s not funny. Oh,” she sighed as she twisted to her other side for some relief. “When is life going to get funny again?”
“It will. I know right now it doesn’t feel that way, but it will.”
“Thank you, Dr. Green,” Alex said with sincerity. “It’s nice to have someone who understands me.”
“You’re safe with me,” she reassured her, then brought up a happy topic to keep Alex in a good mood. “Are you excited about your shower today?”
“I am. But, I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“I’m scared I’m going to be mean to everyone.”
Dr. Green murmured words of support and watched closely as Alex arched to stretch her back yet again. “How long has your back been hurting?”
“Eight months,” Alex grumbled and shrugged her shoulders when Kim stared at her expectantly. “I don’t know for sure. It’s been tight for weeks, but it woke me up early this morning and it’s been in spasms all day.”
“Your entire back?”
“No. Just the lower right side.”
“Have you been feeling any contractions?” Dr. Green asked.
Alex was quiet for a moment as she thought about her morning. “Nothing out of the ordinary, just those fake contractions that make no sense to me.”
“Braxton Hicks,” Dr. Green confirmed.
“Yeah.” Alex rubbed her stomach and twisted again for relief. “Why?”
“Well, it could be the positioning of one of the babies, or you could be experiencing back labor.”
“Already?” Alex asked with shock.
She made an additional note to her chart. “Twins are famous for arriving early.”
“Do you think?”
“Anything is possible at this point. Alex...” Dr. Green made a snap decision. “I don’t want you to say anything to Slater unless you want to because I don’t want him to worry. Pay attention to how long the spasms are lasting and how often they’re happening. It could be nothing, but if they become intense and close together, you need to notify me right away.”
Alex agreed with Dr. Green. “I’m not going to say anything to him. He’ll just ruin today for me, and I’m already afraid I’ll do that all on my own.”
“Ok, then. We’re all done here. Go ahead and get ready for your day, and I’ll see you in a few hours for your party.”
––––––––
So far, the shower was a success. Alex was content, finally with her best friend. The two of them laughed at old stories and reconnected over their pregnancies. Mona kept the mood light, having been briefed by Slater not to make any jokes about Alex’s size, waddle, or moods under any circumstances.
With the spa treatments out of the way, Alex sat at the head of the table, complete with a new tiara on her head, a gift from Mona. She felt a little bit like a queen. She had enjoyed a massage, a facial, a manicure and a pedicure, and she had been fussed over with a professional blow-out. Her dark hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders, her skin glowed from her treatments, and there was a smile on her face. Something Slater noticed as he watched her from across the room while she talked with the female section of their crowd. He was relieved that she seemed to be having a good time and winked at her when she sighed over a bite of chocolate cream pie. Her spa time treated her well. They had good company for dinner and were now enjoying dessert before Mona, Kathleen, and Annette all presented her with gifts before they headed out as a group to tonight’s concert. He had been worried all day tonight would be a disaster. So far, so good.
“Alex,” Mona playfully pouted. “I’m so jealous you get to have a glass of wine.”
“Dr. Green approved a half glass for you,” Alex pointed out. “You’re the one who guzzled it. The key is to sip it slowly, that way it lasts and lasts. Mm,” she sighed and giggled when Mona flipped her off. “Payback, my friend, for drinking champagne in front of me when we first joined them for the tour.”
“Speaking of which.” Mona leaned in and spoke softly to Alex while everyone chatted amongst themselves. “When are you getting off this tour? I haven’t had a chance to have you alone yet. You called me last week, and all you did was cry. Are you ok?”
“I am.” Alex reached for Mona’s hand. “It’s hard, Mona, I won’t lie.”
“Why won’t he just let you go?”
“It’s not like he’s holding me against my will,” Alex said with mild irritation. “There’s never a good time to talk about it.”
“Yeah, because he has selective hearing when it comes to this topic,” Mona retorted.
“It’s too late now!” Alex snapped then cleared her throat to compose herself when Chris and Slater looked in their direction at her raised voice.
“You ok, Allie?” Slater asked from across the room.
“I’m fine.” She nodded at him, then silently communicated with Mona to keep her mouth shut.
Annette, able to feel the sudden tension in the room, decided to shift the focus onto a happier topic. “Alex, we have a few gifts for you. Would you like to open them now?”
“We didn’t want to bring too much, because we don’t want you to have to shuffle it around until you get home.” Mona walked to a table to pick up a few bags and boxes for Alex. She looked at Chris and mumbled, “And who knows when the hell that’s going to be.”
Slater glanced at Chris and noticed the look he shared with Mona. “What’s up with that comment?”
“Nothing.” Chris shook his head and joined the ladies at the table.
“Open this one first,” Annette said. She rubbed her hands together in anticipation as Alex held up the two tiny onesies.
“Oh, how cute!” Alex cried. “Where did you get these?”
“I had them custom made, I couldn’t resist.” She grinned at Ben. “It was Ben’s idea.”
Alex held up the garments for Slater to see, the onesies were dark grey with the Heart & Soul logo on the front. On the back it read, I Can Do Whatever I Want! My Dad is Slater Heart!
“Those are great,” Slater agreed.
Ben stood by Annette’s side and joined in the laughter. “I figured since Slater’s been doing whatever he wants his entire life, it seems logical that he would pass that on to his sons.”
Slater came to stand next to Alex while she opened gifts. Oohs and Ahhs filled the room as Alex opened her packages and shared the joy with Slater. The situation suddenly hit them both that this was really happening. Alex shifted in her seat with a quick glance at her watch when her back tightened. It could be happening sooner rather than later.
“Oh, Dr. Green, you shouldn’t have!” Alex gushed over the plush baby blankets in rich shades of blue and green. “They’re so soft, I might use them for myself instead of the boys. Thank you!”
“You’re welcome.” Kim stood up and raised her brows in subtle question to Alex to see if her patient was ok. “I’m sorry I can’t make it to the concert tonight, I have some things to catch up on.” Alex needed to stretch, so she stood up with her while she said her goodbyes and walked her to the door. She leaned in to hug Alex, then looked at her seriously. “You call me if you need anything, ok?”
With a nod, Alex closed the door behind her, walked into the dining room, and resumed her spot in the chair. “Thank you, everyone. This was fun today and all the gifts are sweet.” She reached up to remove her tiara and smoothed down her hair.
“One more thing.” Mona looked to Kathleen, the two of them presented Alex with a box.
“What’s this?” Alex asked, as she took the lid off and saw a photo album inside.
“It’s the new addition, along with a few other pictures,” Kathleen informed her.
“Oh, how exciting!” Alex looked at Slater as he looked over her shoulder. It was the first time they were seeing Kathleen’s quarters. “They did good work. Have you moved your things in yet?”
“Not yet,” Kathleen answered. “I was going to wait until you got home, or until the boys arrived. I didn’t want to barge in.”
“It’s not barging,” Alex assured her. “It’s your home now, feel free to move in right away.”
“Yeah,” Slater agreed. “You don’t need to wait for us.”
“Turn the page, Alex.” Mona bit her lip with excitement while Alex flipped to the next set of pictures.
“What’s this?” Alex asked with confusion. Her eyes quickly skimmed the photos in the book. It was a room in their house, complete with a crib, changing table, and rocking chair. Wall hangings Alex had ordered online were displayed. Items of clothing she had shipped home were hung up in the closet neat and tidy, on little baby blue hangers. She flipped another page and another. Her eyes filled with tears that the room was complete.
Misinterpreting her emotion for happiness, Mona reached out and squeezed Alex’s hand. “What do you think?”
Alex raised her head and one tear escaped down her cheek. “Nesting,” she said. The word hit her full force. It was a term often used in pregnancy. An entire chapter was devoted to it in her what to expect book, about mothers-to-be nesting, getting their home ready for the baby. “You set up their room?”
Cautiously, Mona drew her hand back. Her heart raced with fear that she crossed a line. “No, we just unpacked things. You don’t have to keep it this way, you can change whatever you want... I... we...” she stammered and looked to Kathleen for help.
“We thought this would make things easier for you, Alex,” Kathleen said with encouragement for Mona. “This way, when you come home, everything is ready to go.”
“It’s everything you ordered,” Mona informed her. “We just had it set up and cleaned it up for you. You can change whatever you want,” she repeated.
“Nesting,” Alex whispered. “You were nesting. In my home.” She felt Slater’s hand on her shoulder for support. She placed her hand over his and shoved it away with force.
“Oh, shit,” Chris muttered. He stepped away from the table as the tension in the room grew. He looked at Slater and voiced the concern he had all along out loud. “Told you it was a bad idea.”
Alex whipped her head around and glared at Slater. “You thought of this?”
“It saves you a huge step, baby.”
“It doesn’t save me anything!” Alex yelled. “It took a step away from me! I should be the one setting that up, deciding where the crib goes, and where I want pictures hung and how I want the closet. Me! Not my best friend!” With her eyes full of tears and anger, Alex turned her rage on Mona. “You set up their room. Would you like me to hand them over to you when they’re born so you can be the first one to breastfeed them, too?”
“Alex, I didn’t mean...” Mona stopped talking, her eyes filled with tears as she looked to Chris for help.
Chris had seen enough of Alex lately to know she was unhappy. He stood up for his fiancée and Alex at the same time and turned his irritation on Slater. “You’re a selfish prick. Why haven’t you let her go home? Poor thing is exhausted.” He put his hands on Mona’s shoulders and massaged gently. Slater stared at him, silent and angry, but that didn’t stop Chris from letting Slater hear his thoughts. “She’s fucking miserable, told Mona that last week on the phone.”
“Is that true, Allie?” Slater looked to her for clarification. His shoulders drooped slightly when she nodded at him.
“I don’t think I used the word miserable. That was Mona’s interpretation of the conversation, but fine, let’s call it miserable. I want to go home, Slater.”
“Why haven’t you said anything?”
“Are you kidding me?” Alex cried. “I’ve said it as often as I can, but you don’t want to hear it! Any time I’ve brought it up, you just pat me on the head and change the subject. Or you buy me something to distract me or tell me we’ll figure it out. I’m sick and tired of figuring things out, Slater!”
“Dude,” Chris chimed into their conversation. “Doesn’t this mean anything to you? You’re being fucking selfish! I’m not dragging Mona around on this tour, I’m letting her stay home and be pregnant.”
“That’s because Mona is still working, Allie’s not,” Slater pointed out.
“Yeah, at your insistence!” Chris shot back. He stood firm and unblinking when Slater pointed a finger at him.
“That was a decision Allie and I came to together and it’s really none of your fucking business!”
“But we didn’t come to it together!” Alex yelled. “You’ve just bought yourself time and now it’s too late. Now I can’t leave and be the one nesting in my home.” She glared at Mona, then turned to Slater with the same anger. “Now I have no choice but to have these babies on the road when all I want to do is go home!”
“Is it really that bad being here with me?” Slater asked, his voice hurt and offended.
“YES!” she screamed. She scooted forward in her chair and smacked at a hand that tried to help her stand, unsure of who it was. “Don’t help me!” she yelled to the room at large. “I can get out of a fucking chair.” Alex struggled to get her body out of the deep dining chair. All she wanted to do was stand and pace. She finally got to her feet, then turned and kicked at the chair as it fell over backward with the force in which she stood up. “No,” she breathed and turned to Slater. “Being with you isn’t bad, it’s being on the road.” She rubbed her tummy while she began to pace and shook her head in wonder. “It’s the traveling. It’s the living out of hotel rooms and tour buses. I’m not cut out for this lifestyle, Slater. I want to go home!” she wailed. The tears flowed freely, her shoulders jerked on sobs. “And now it’s too late. Now if I go home, you won’t be able to get to me in time when I go into labor. I’m forced to stick it out and not know where the hell I’m going to give birth. All I’ve wanted is stability and some semblance of control over the situation. I’ve wanted to decorate their room and place things where I wanted them to go!” She looked at Mona pointedly.
“Alex,” Mona said softly, trying to understand her friend’s outburst. “You can change the room.”
“That’s not the point!” Alex yelled. “The point is, this is my first pregnancy. It doesn’t matter how many other pregnancies there are after this one, I missed being able to do that for the first time.” She turned back to Slater, her face broke with emotion. “How could you take that away from me?”
“I wasn’t trying to, Allie,” he said sincerely. He walked to her when she sat down on the couch, dropped her head into her hands, and wept openly.
“Get away from me!” Alex shoved him, her words hitched with emotion. “I haven’t even touched the crib.” She swiped at the tears as they fell fast and hot down her face, then amazed herself, and everyone else, when she was able to stand up quickly in her anger. “I haven’t been able to stand in their room and run my hands over the baby furniture or hold up the clothes I’ve bought, imagining what it’s going to be like. I’ve done everything I can to be strong and to stay positive.” She turned quickly when he let out a derisive laugh behind her, reared her foot back, and kicked him in the shin.
“Goddammit!” Slater yelled. “I fucking hate it when you do that.”
“I hate being here. None of this has been as hard on you as it’s been on me!”
“Bullshit!” He matched her volume.
“Slater bring it down,” Ben advised.
“Fuck you!” Slater turned on him, then turned to Alex. “I’ve done everything I can to make this easy for you.”
“Including ignoring my pleas to go home!” Alex sobbed. “I feel so gross and unorganized. And you, even though you’ve had to deal with my ups and downs, you got the easy part in all of this. You didn’t gain weight, you didn’t get awkward, you didn’t have to give up alcohol! You got to have all the sex! I got fat, flatulent, and moody.”
Slater knew the words shouldn’t come out of his mouth, but he couldn’t stop them when he muttered, “Yeah, and I got to hear all about it.” He tightened his stomach muscles, braced himself for the punch he knew would follow, and let out a loud exhale when she didn’t disappoint him.
“Get out!” Alex yelled. She pointed toward the door and turned to look at the five shocked faces that stared at her in fear. “All of you get out.” She glared at Slater. “Including you!”
Annette composed herself first. She had stayed quiet thus far and decided maybe it was time she take control. She looked at her watch. “It’s about time to get to the arena anyway, right Ben?”
“Yes.” Ben recovered quickly and pulled his gaze away from the stare-off between Slater and Alex. “We’ve got some time before the concert. Kathleen.” He handed her a tissue to wipe her eyes as she was emotional at the scene in front of them. “If we leave now, I can show you around backstage and in the front of the house before the opening act goes on.”
“Yeah.” Mona stood and walked to the door with Chris’s hand against her lower back. “We’ll see you there,” she said to Alex and retreated as fast as she could with the group.
The door closed behind them, the two of them still stared at one another not blinking. Slater spoke up first. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you during this whole ordeal, Allie, but I have a threshold and you’re pushing it.”
“Get out!” Alex yelled and stalked to the table as quickly as her body would allow.
“I can’t win with you!” he yelled and ran frustrated hands through his hair.
“Nope.” She nodded. “Sure can’t.”
“What the fuck, Allie! This isn’t fair to me”
“Oh, and it’s been fair to me this whole time? This isn’t happening to you!” she screamed.
“Yes it is and you’re making my life hell making me feel like shit all the time!”
Her tears still fell fast and hot. Alex did the only thing she knew how to do to get her point across. The very thing she did the night she first met him when the group of men in her condo didn’t believe that she was serious and wanted them to leave. She grabbed the first dish she could find and hurled it at his head, as she screamed at him. “I said get out!”
“Shit!” Slater deflected the throw, raised his arm, and felt glass bounce off his elbow. “Allie stop! This isn’t good for you or little babies.”
“Go!”
“Ok.” He dodged another dish. “Calm the fuck down for a minute. I’ll go.” He held up his hands in defense to ward off more bombs. “I’ll leave you alone for now and send the limo back for you.”
“Why?” Alex asked as she swiped a napkin off the table and dried her tears.
“So you can get to the concert,” Slater replied.
“I’m not going to your stupid concert!” Alex yelled as she grabbed a glass and tossed it at him.
Slater’s irritation was good and spiked. He wanted desperately to fight back but knew he couldn’t. He surprised himself when he caught the glass one-handed and tossed it to the floor at his feet. Shards of shattered glass hit the wall. “Knock it the fuck off!”
“No!” she screamed. Another glass flew his way. “All you can think about is your stupid concert and this stupid tour. I can’t believe you couldn’t see how this would hurt me.”
“Look, I am sorry. For everything I’ve done or didn’t do, or I’m going to do. I can’t win, Allie. I don’t know what you want from me, but if you truly believe, for one minute, that all I think about is the tour...” He let the accusation hang and blinked back tears as he grabbed his jacket off the back of a chair, walked out of the hotel suite, and slammed the door behind him.
Alex’s face broke with emotion once more as the sobs came out loudly into the room. She was devastated at the look of pain, anger, and hurt in his eyes. Completely ashamed that she was the one who put them there.
––––––––
Ben slid his hands in his pockets as they all waited for the elevator to arrive and looked toward the suite at the sound of another glass as it broke. He glanced at Chris. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess he’s not turning this into sex.”
“Doesn’t sound that way,” Chris agreed.
“Should someone go in there and help?” Kathleen wondered. Her eyes were wide at the shouts heard through the door.
“No!” Annette and Mona cried simultaneously.
“You don’t want to get in the middle of one of Alex’s tantrums,” Mona warned. “The best thing you can do is hunker down and pray for daylight.”
The elevator opened as Slater slammed the door closed behind him. Ben looked at Slater expectantly as he held the door for him. “You coming?” Ben asked.
Slater debated getting into the elevator with them, then decided against it with his anger. He was pissed at Chris for his comments just a few minutes ago. His friend stuck his nose in where it didn’t belong. He glared at Chris and shook his head, then made a decision. “I’ll take the fucking stairs.”
“What a mess,” Mona said softly as the elevator descended. “I didn’t mean to hurt Alex. I would never try to take something away from her.”
“We meant well,” Kathleen said. “But, the more I think about it, the more I understand her being upset. I remember when my daughter was eight months pregnant. She cried over everything, threatened daily to leave her husband,” she laughed softly at the memories. “Once my granddaughter was born, all that went away.”
“The travel has been really hard on her,” Mona replied. “Just because Dr. Green said Alex and the boys’ health has been ok to continue to travel, it doesn’t mean she wanted to.”
“He’s a jackass for pushing her into this tour,” Chris muttered.
“No, he’s not.” Annette came to Slater’s defense. “He loves her. Just like all women handle pregnancy differently, men do as well. Alex has a right to her feelings and her hormones are making her crazy. When all is said and done, Slater loves her. He didn’t want to miss any of this.”
The five of them exited the elevator and walked to the waiting limousine in front of the hotel. Ben waited while they got into the car, his eyes scanned the hotel doors for Slater. He looked to his left when he emerged from a side door. Stares were evident and gasps were loud as people realized who it was. Ben made eye contact with Slater and gestured for him to get in the car.
Without a word, Slater slipped his sunglasses on, walked backward along the sidewalk as he let out a shrill whistle, and raised his arm to hail a cab.