He’d made it to the Caddie when there was a commotion behind him. Hands braced on the vehicle’s trunk, he turned to find Connie, running his way, her open white robe flying behind her like low-riding angel’s wings. “Stop!”
He shook his head. Sighed. “I’m not doing this, Connie.”
“No,” she said, pausing to catch her breath. “Just listen. W-when I walked Lindsay to the bus stop this morning, on the return trip I saw your note—and the ring. Lindsay and other kids were shouting out the bus window, and—” Out of breath, she put her hands on her chest. “I couldn’t think. It—it all seemed surreal. For as long as I can remember, one by one, I’ve steadily let go of my dreams. But my dream of some way, somehow marrying you—” She bowed her head and laughed. “That one was a doozy to let go. I thought I had, but then you came back, turned my whole life upside down. Then you kissed me, and all I could think was maybe the dream wasn’t dead after all.”
“Connie…” Leaning against the trunk, Garret gazed off to the two-story barn that needed just as much work as the house. “I’ll see you this afternoon and call my painter buddy and tell him to step it up. Hopefully he’ll get a crew over here today.”
“But…”
“I already told you, Connie, I’m tired of talking. Either we make this thing work or we don’t. Obviously, we don’t, so let’s make a clean break while—”
Fiercely shaking her head, easing his ring onto her finger, she said, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. Please don’t go.”
Right. Aside from her apparently forgotten dalliance with his best friend?
Standing there, arms crossed, Garret wasn’t sure what to think. Thirty seconds earlier, he’d never wanted to see her again. And now…
She stood there, wearing his ring, just like he’d always imagined on countless dark nights. Swimming miles in inky foreign oceans on countless suicide missions, it’d been her, always her, he’d been swimming to. But could he go to her now? After all they’d been through, after all she’d put him through, did he have the energy to take those few more steps that would forever bind him to her?
“If you don’t believe me—that I’ll be faithful—I can prove it.”
Shaking his head, fighting past the wall in his throat, he asked, “What?”
Leaning against the car, covering her face with her hands, she said, “For a decade, I’ve put off telling you this because of fear. Fear of your reaction. Reprisal. My own past. I don’t know why, just that—”
“Put off telling me what?” he asked, eyes narrowed, not sure he wanted to know.
Her eyes shone with a confidence he’d never before seen. “Ever heard that old expression, the truth shall set you free?”
“Sure.”
Shaking her head, laughing, she said, “All this time, Nathan was right. He must’ve told me a hundred times to come clean with you. Tell you what really happened between us, but—”
“What?” Head spinning, leg throbbing, Garret eased himself onto the car’s trunk.
“Don’t you see? The only proof I’ve ever needed to show you how much I love you was all the time staring me—us—in the face. I now see this is fate’s gentle nudge. Garret, in the little under a year Nathan and I were married, I never slept with him. Aside from a few friendly pecks, I’ve never even kissed Nathan. It’s you I love. Have always loved. Which is why, when I found out I was pregnant—with your child—I couldn’t bear to tell you because I knew you loved me and that if you stayed here to marry me, then you wouldn’t have followed your dreams.”
“So you figured why not give up your own dreams?”
“Exactly. I’m so sorry to have kept Lindsay from you all these years. You can’t even imagine how sorry. Nathan helped me see that by marrying him, claiming he was Lindsay’s father, we’d actually be saving you.”
“Saving me?” While a quiet rage grew inside him, Garret sharply laughed.
“Yes. I’ve always been faithful to you, sweetheart. Not a day has gone by I haven’t loved you.” Hugging him for all she was worth, she said again, “I’m sorry. Sorry not just for you, but Lindsay.”
“Amazing…” He shook his throbbing head. All those nights spent calculating dates. Theorizing about Lindsay being his. Actually wishing she’d been his. Fantasizing about the instant connection he felt with her being real, because he—not Nathan—was her father. After all this time…
On the one hand, he’d just been blessed with an amazing child. On the other, every intimacy he’d shared in the past weeks with Connie had been a lie.
The knowledge of which left him where?
From here, where was he supposed to go?
He sure couldn’t return to his old life, knowing he had a kid to raise—even if he’d already missed the first precious ten years of her life. Yet what future did he have in Mule Shoe? Was he supposed to carry on this radio show, sitting two-and-a-half hours each day beside a woman he didn’t even want to look at?
How could Connie be so cold? Cruel? What possible explanation could she have for keeping this news from him? Because from where he stood, her pile of excuses of wanting him to follow his dreams didn’t hold water.
He’d never before been a crying man, but dammit, today had already been rough and it wasn’t nearly over. Eyes stinging, he put his fists over them, asking, “How could you? I trusted you. I was going to marry you.”
“I—I love you. I started to tell you so many times, but then one thing led to another and I was seventeen and pregnant and scared. I didn’t know what to do. Mom and Dad would’ve died from shame and then there was you packing up to leave for the Navy, and I—”
“You chose the easy road out.”
“You think marrying Nathan over you was easy? Do you think an eighteen-hour labor without you was easy? Trying to make ends meet on my own?”
“But you didn’t have to do any of that,” he said. “That’s what I don’t get. You and I could’ve had it all. Seen the world together.”
“Sure, Garret, it’s easy to paint a rosy picture of what might’ve been ten years after the fact. Statistically speaking, we probably would’ve ended up hating each other and divorced within a year. You would’ve washed out of SEAL training from worry, then resented me and Lindsay the rest of your life.”
“That’s not true. Stop making me out to be the bad guy.”
“There is no bad guy,” she said, her voice hoarse from crying. “Yes, what I did was wrong, but at the time, I made what I thought was the best decision. The only decision. Would I make the same choice again?” She laughed. “No. But last I heard, they weren’t selling life do-overs at Wal-Mart.”
He sighed, washed his face with his hands.
“Garret?”
He warily glanced her way. “Yeah?”
“Could I please tell Lindsay? You know, break the news to her gently.”
“Sure,” he said. “I just—” I want my daughter’s eyes to glow when she talks to me, just like they do when she talks to Nathan. Chest tight, still reeling from the news himself, Garret nodded. “I’ll come by later.”
“Thank you.”
“I’m only doing good by Lindsay. You’re right. My springing this on her isn’t smart.” Not if I want to have the kind of relationship she has with Nathan. Why was his name always popping up? Why couldn’t Garret exorcise the man—or, for that matter, Connie—from his life?
“Gotta ask you something,” he said.
“Okay.”
“If I hadn’t called the show, and you’d never known I’d come back to Mule Shoe, would you have ever told me Lindsay’s mine?”
“Of course.”
“When? Next Christmas? Her sixteenth birthday? High school graduation?”
“Soon. I would’ve told you soon.”
He laughed.
“Haven’t you ever had something you loved so much you were terrified of, even for a second, sharing it or letting it go?”
“Haven’t you ever heard the saying that if you truly love something, set it free? If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If not, it was never truly yours in the first place?”
“Garret, we’re talking about a child. My daughter.”
“Our daughter.”
“Okay, then—” she raised her chin “—I set you free, yet you came back to me. How’s your logic working now?”
By god, she was right. But then in his mind, had he ever truly been free of his love for her?
He glanced up to find Connie heading inside. “What are you doing?”
“Wait. I’ll be right back.”
Upon her return, she handed him a business card. “While I’m talking with Lindsay, it might be a good idea for you to meet with Nathan. He’s usually at his dealership till six. The address is on the card.”
“I don’t want to talk to Nathan.” I don’t want to see him—ever be near him—again.
“It might be good for you to clear the air. Plus, he deserves to know our secret’s out. For years, he’s wanted me to tell you. I just…couldn’t.”
“And I can’t, for the life of me, understand why.”
“I’m sorry for that, too. I’m sorry for everything, Garret, but I know that isn’t enough. If I could give you back the time you lost with Lindsay—time I essentially stole from you—I would.” She paused. “Are you going to hate me forever?”
Yep. “Forever’s a good long while. But for the time being, I can’t fathom finding a way to forgive you.”