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I found an OBGYN in Chicago, since it would have been too inconvenient for me to fly back and forth to Atlanta for doctor’s appointments. It would have been great to experience my prenatal appointments with my familiar doctors in Georgia. Especially because in Chicago, I attended most of my doctor’s appointments alone, mostly by choice. Some of my classmates were kind enough to offer to accompany me to my appointments, explaining that I did not have to go alone, but I politely declined with various excuses. Thank you, but that’s ok. It’s only an ultrasound appointment that only lasts for fifteen minutes. I was grateful for their offers, but ultimately, I declined due to insecurity. I did not want to possibly be questioned about things that made me uncomfortable. Even though I knew that was not likely, I did not want to take any chances.
Awesomely, when she was able, my mom would plan her visits when she knew I had a doctor’s appointment so that she could attend with me. Those were my favorite visits. It was nice to have the comfort of her being there, even if it was only for a day or two. I recall one visit in particular when she brought me a fluffy, purple stuffed animal with “I love you” stitched across the belly. One of those “just because” tokens of love which I held dear. She was unable to make it to Chicago for every appointment, but I cherished the times she did. The most exciting doctor’s appointment had finally arrived, and I was not focused on the fact that I would be experiencing it by myself. I was ecstatic because it was finally time for me to discover whether I was having a boy or a girl!
A few weeks before the gender reveal ultrasound, I had a vivid dream about a beautiful, big-eyed baby girl. I was cradling her in my arms, and her mesmerizing eyes were locked on mine. As she reached up and touched her tiny hand to my cheek, I smiled at her and she smiled back. I woke from the dream feeling peaceful and filled with love. So, when my doctor pointed at the ultrasound screen and asked with a smile, “See that? Can you tell what you’re having?” I did not need to study the screen to know. There was something about the dream I had that confidently informed me that I was having a girl, and behold! It was true.
Discovering that I was indeed pregnant with a baby girl felt quite surreal because it was as though I dreamed her into life. After the gender reveal doctor’s appointment, I proudly took all the ultrasound pictures provided and hung them up on the walls in my dorm room. I placed them strategically to be the first thing I saw when I woke up in the morning to begin my day and the last thing I saw before I prayed and slept for the night. I used them as motivation.
When I saw the pictures, it reminded me of hearing her healthy, thumping heartbeat at my first appointment. It was the sweetest sound I had ever heard, and I was relieved and grateful each time I heard it. I sang and talked to baby girl as I went about my day. She was so very loved already, and though she did not know it yet, she was ultimately the reason why I was determined to complete my college journey. Like all journeys, there are highs and lows. Having the courage to continue moving forward is how we gain strength and character.