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Sunshine streaked through the room and I blinked, wiping the sleep from my eyes, and looked down at the head of brown hair resting on my chest. I turned toward the clock and stared at the numbers as they changed from 12:59 to 1:00.
“Shit,” I whispered and tried to shuffle out from under her, but my arm was dead weight, sound asleep underneath Valerie. “Val,” I said softly and she stirred lifting her head. She stared at me and then us still naked and entwined and then back at me, with arched eyebrows.
“Yeah, it wasn’t a dream,” I whispered and grinned.
“Holy crap,” she said and moved her gaze to the clock. I sensed the panic and when her gaze came back to mine, it was there. Thoughts of what Damian would do surfaced in her mind and then on the heels of that, she looked down at me and covered her mouth.
My smile faded. We didn’t use protection. It never even entered my mind last night; or hers for that matter. I blinked and slammed my head back into the pillow. Pregnancy was a complication neither of us needed right now.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered and tucked the hair behind her ear.
“It’s not entirely your fault. I didn’t think of it either.” She dropped her head to my chest.
“Still think it was fucking brilliant?”
She looked up at me and grinned. “A complete mind fuck.”
I chuckled and she did too.
“Utterly impractical of both of us,” she said and dimples appeared in her cheeks. “Who would have thought?”
“Raven, actually,” I said, thinking about the blood sacrifice needed for the spell. “She knew I loved you before I did.”
Valerie pulled the sheets around us before refocusing on me. “How?”
“Beats the shit out of me, but she said only love’s blood made the spell work.”
“Sounds like a fairy tale,” she scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“Yes, it does,” I said, and I really didn’t mind as long as the fairy tale had a happy ending.
Her brow creased. “That’s sappy as hell,” she said to my train of thought.
“Come on. And you don’t want a happy ending?” I prodded.
She stared at me and then moved her gaze to the window and the bright sky beyond. “I didn’t think I was destined for it, with all that’s happened.” When she brought her gaze back to mine doubt laced them.
“And now?”
“I’m still afraid of the big bad wolf,” she said and offered a hint of a smile. “We need to get moving,” she added and slid off me, crossing to the bags on the floor.
I stared at her beautiful form and sighed as she pulled on a bathrobe and collected her clothing and headed toward the bathroom, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I rolled onto my side, squeezing my fist open and closed as pins and needles struck. I hated the feeling of a limb coming back to life and gritted my teeth, shaking the feeling back into my arm. I rolled out of bed and grabbed a pair of clean underwear and jeans, sliding both on before straightening out the bed and headed downstairs.
Steve sat in his chair with the paper again, but this time he folded the corner over and stared at me. I didn’t need to read minds to get that he was not pleased with me. Damian stepped into the kitchen from the living room with a baby in his arms. The look on his face was ten times more damning than Steve’s.
“We’re both adults,” I said, clamping down on the urge to say she started it. I put my hand out to stop whatever wrath the ex-vampire was planning on sending my way.
Raven sat at the table opposite Naomi feeding the other two children. Both women wore the same “I told you so” shit-eating grins.
“Under my roof?” Steve said and I shot a glare in his direction. It was enough to shut him up, but he folded the paper and set it down on the table next to her shredded night shirt. He picked it up and held it out to me.
I stared at the ripped fabric and uttered a laugh. “Oops,” I said and shrugged. Tom snorted laughter from the loveseat, looking up from the book he was reading and gave me a silent high five.
“You...” Damian began through a set of clamped teeth.
“He loves her,” Raven said, announcing my secret to the world and diffusing a potentially explosive situation. Well, the only world of people that counted anyway.
I shifted and looked at the floor, sliding my gaze to hers and then rolled my eyes and crossed into the kitchen. I figured I was safe from Damian’s wrath while he held a baby in his arms.
“You’re not out of the dog house yet,” he whispered as I walked past and I stopped, turning on him.
“We can take it outside again if you’d like,” I said, leveling a glare at him. “Because, that worked out so well for you before.”
His jaw tightened and he turned, stomping back into the living room. I smiled and grabbed a glass of orange juice, thinking about how I would feel had the tables been turned. My smile faded and because the jackass meant a lot to Valerie, I headed into the living room and took a seat opposite Damian.
“When did you know you loved Naomi?” I asked and he glared at me. I knew the answer, but I wanted him to say it.
“When I bit her,” he finally said.
“So pretty much at first taste.”
His lips pressed into a thin line and his gaze hardened. “It wasn’t the same as seducing a virgin,” he growled.
“Oh?” My eyebrows shot up and I leaned forward. “Wasn’t she a virgin when you swept her away?” I didn’t think it was possible for the man to get redder, but his face transitioned to the beet color of fury and I felt the waves wash over me. “Besides, I didn’t just take her virginity in the heat of the moment.” I tilted my head, making my point.
“That still doesn’t make it right. You took advantage...” he trailed off, glaring at me a second before his gaze moved to the entry.
Valerie stood with her arms crossed, sending her own glare, but this time it wasn’t aimed at me.
“He really didn’t have a choice in the matter,” she said and stepped into the room.
It wasn’t entirely true; I probably could have stopped if I wanted to.
She shot her loaded gaze in my direction raising her eyebrows in jest, to my train of thought. I offered a one shoulder shrug and then she shot her dagger-like eyes back to Damian. “So, if you’re going to go on one of your tirades, it better damned well be directed at me, not him.”
Holy hotness, she was a fireball and I couldn’t help but smile and be thankful her fury wasn’t aimed at me.
“Besides, he was the one who bet on me. You were ready to write me off.”
Ah, the real reason for her wrath and I leaned back in my chair watching the show unfold, wondering if it was going to be a comedy or tragedy.
My analogy drew a smirk on Damian’s face and he slid his gaze to me. The redness in his face had tempered a bit and he pulled the bottle from the baby’s mouth, propping him on his shoulder for a burp before meeting Valerie’s stark stare again.
“You have to understand...” he started.
Colossal mistake.
“I don’t have to understand a fucking thing,” she growled. “I’ve known you all my life and you gave up. I’ve only known him for what, three days? Three days and he had enough faith to believe saving me was possible.”
“Faith has nothing to do with it. He wanted to get you into bed. That’s it.”
“Bullshit!” she yelled. “He chose to save me, you didn’t. What would Michael think of that?”
Damian winced. She nailed a nerve and he looked down at the angel’s namesake with an expression full of regret.
“Or did you just choose to give up on him, too?” she asked, her fury pulling the low blow.
“Wait a minute, Val, that’s not fair,” I piped in. “I was there, what Michael and Gabriel did was to save Naomi and the babies regardless of the consequences.”
“You don’t need to defend me,” Damian said.
I glanced at him. “You didn’t kill them. You didn’t kill my father, either. They made the choice. As much as we’d like to take the blame, it was their choice.”
“Yes. But she’s right. I gave up on her and you didn’t. It was my choice and I chose my children.”
His words were like a blow in Valerie’s mid-section and she reached for the wall. A blend of aggravation and understanding ran through her as her gaze moved from him to his child.
“I would have made the same choice if it had been Naomi,” he said and her gaze jumped back to his. “I didn’t believe banishment spells worked and you’re damned lucky it did because I would have dropped you in the middle of the Atlantic otherwise.” His mouth curled into a frown. “I would have hated myself forever, but I would have done it.”
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes glazed over with tears.
“You’ll understand someday,” he said and stood, leaving us alone in the living room.
Her horrified gaze snapped to me and I stood, crossing and taking her in my arms. Her last vestige of family ties unraveled and she hugged me tightly, retreating into herself and she began to rebuild the wall I broke down last night.
“Please, don’t shut me out,” I whispered feeling her pull away.
She tilted her head up, meeting my gaze.
“How can I trust anyone?”
I smoothed her hair back and gazed into her eyes. When I kissed her, I opened up my mind to her. Everything I kept locked in the dark corners, things that didn’t transfer with my memories. My fears, the hurt, the betrayals, the loneliness, everything that molded me into the man I was. Things I didn’t even share with Tom, I shared with her and when the kiss broke, she stared at me.
“Colossal mind fuck,” she whispered.
I smiled and shrugged. “Now you know me better than anyone on earth, better than even my brother.”
She cupped my cheek and gave me a small peck on the lips, knowing just how much I opened up, but her eyes still held doubt.
“What do I need to do?” I asked, my smile fading at the blockade building between us.
“I don’t know,” she said and pulled out of my arms.
I stared after her as she walked back inside the house with the rest of the family. Instead of following, I went upstairs and jumped in the shower to wash off the irritation building under my skin. It wasn’t easy for me to open up, either, and to get so brutally shot down just fed into my insecurities. And I hated that I had insecurities to begin with.
The shift of air interrupted my destructive train of thought.
“I didn’t shoot you down,” Valerie said.
“Then what was that?” I gestured toward the main part of the house.
“That was me freaking out.” She leaned against the wall. “It doesn’t happen often,” she said and a dimple appeared in her cheek. “But since I’ve met you, I’ve had my fair share of freak outs.”
I finished rinsing my body and turned the water off, reaching for a towel before addressing her comment. “I thought you didn’t freak out.” It wasn’t a question, just an open ended statement.
“You unhinge me,” she said and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop laughing at me,” she snipped and turned toward the door.
I grabbed her arm. “Then we’re even,” I said and she spun toward me. I cornered her against the door. “Unhinged is as good a word as anything to describe what I’m like around you.” I stepped closer. “I have a bitch of a time forming a coherent thought and become a bumbling fool when I’m near you. I’m a fucking genius for god’s sake, and yet, with you I feel like I have an I.Q. of an infant.” I was mad now.
“Calm down,” she said and put her palms on my chest. Just her touch shut my brain down for a moment and I stepped back, giving us both some breathing room so I could get my thoughts together from jumble land.
“I opened up to you, and you shut down on me.”
“I’m not very good at this,” she said.
“No shit.” I couldn’t help the sarcasm. It was my favorite default and she knew it.
Her arms crossed and her stormy eyes darkened. “You aren’t exactly the smoothest, either.”
I laughed and took another step back. I knew it was a way to psychologically put distance between us and her eyes narrowed. She called it before the words formed and I put my hands up in surrender.
“You started the barricade. I’ll finish it because I don’t want to be crushed beyond recognition.”
She stepped toward me and I steeled myself against the need to give in. She froze and drew her hand back slowly.
“You could destroy me,” I said, meeting her gaze, not really understanding how it could be such a solid fact with so little time invested. I didn’t want this type of dependency. I guess mind fuck was really a good term to put to this overwhelming certainty.
Valerie let a nervous laugh escape but her eyes didn’t break away from mine. Instead, she crossed the distance, blocking me in. I flinched when she went to touch me, knowing I’d lose my ability to distance myself if her skin connected to mine.
The closer she got, the more the storm colors in her eyes swirled and when her hands connected with my chest, I lost control of my reserve.
“Don’t do this if you have no intention of following through,” I whispered and she pressed the rest of her body against me, taking full advantage of my weakness. Her hand threaded through my hair and she pulled me to her lips.
A shadow passed over my vision and I closed my eyes, drinking in her vulnerabilities, her fears, her sorrow and uncertainties. She opened everything to me, including her deadly fear of losing me to my past or worse, to the devil. When the kiss broke, I opened my eyes, meeting hers and I let a small smile of understanding form.
I walked some of the same pathways, had the same fears, and only god knew why we were thrown together, but I took a moment to say thank you. He could have let me wander like a lost nomad, but he delivered her to my door, gift wrapped in sass and strength.
I glanced up at our surroundings and then back down at her. “We have to stop meeting in the bathroom.”
She grinned. “I like having you in nothing but a towel. It makes you vulnerable. And you’re adorable when you’re vulnerable.”
Just what a guy wants to hear. I ran my hand through my wet hair and chuckled. “I thought you just liked the view.”
“Well, that, too,” she said and I sidestepped around her, heading to the bedroom for a change of clothes. She followed, closing the door behind her. At first I thought she was going to make another move on me, but she took a seat at my desk and stared out the window instead.
“What’s up?” I asked after I had a pair of jeans on. I pulled a flannel shirt on and started buttoning it before I glanced at her contemplative profile.
She turned away from the window, meeting my gaze. “How’s this going to work?”
I shrugged. “How’s what going to work?”
“Us. This.” She pointed at her chest then me. “I’ve still got another year of med school and then two years in rotations followed by residency. It’s going to be a few years before I get any kind of break.”
“Would you consider something closer?” I asked. I really didn’t want to leave my family high and dry right now, nor did I want to leave her alone, even with her home as secure as Fort Knox. She still had to go out, no matter where she was. My gaze dropped to the necklace Raven had given her and then back to her eyes.
“Where?” she finally said, not wanting to shoot my ideas down after the last twenty minutes of strife we conquered.
“How about somewhere in Boston. That’s closer than Farmington.”
She scoffed at me. “What? Like Harvard?”
“It is the number one medical school in the country.” I raised my eyebrows.
“I can’t afford that,” she said.
I pressed my lips together suppressing the smile. “I can.”
“I don’t want your money,” she said and stood up.
“Would you like a medical degree from Harvard?” I asked, keeping my voice soft and reasonable and her eyes sparked with interest.
“I can’t afford it, so it’s not an option.”
“Can you get into Harvard?” I purposely kept using the name of the school and every time I did, I saw the inclination to keep me pushing.
“Of course, I can,” she snapped, her hands finding her hips. “I may not be a fucking genius, but I’m damned smart.”
“I never said you weren’t,” I smiled. “And you damned well know you want a degree from the best school in the country.” I stepped closer. “Transfer and I’ll foot the bill just to have you closer.”
She opened her mouth to say no, but closed it just as quickly, studying me. “If I say no, you’ll come to Connecticut with me, right?”
The conflict between my family and her brewed inside me but I nodded anyway. If that’s what she insisted on, I’d follow her. After all, I was just tinkering and could do that anywhere. Same with teaching self-defense. It didn’t tie me to a place like the path to what she wanted to do.
“Harvard?” she asked after a few minutes of silence.
“If that’s what you want.”
“What about my house?”
I shrugged and looked at the ceiling. “This is legally mine now that I’m twenty-one.”
“What about Tom?”
“He’s got a place in New Hampshire and an option to take the house across town once the lease runs out.”
“And Steve and Jen?”
“They’ve got a place in New Hampshire and New York.”
She got quiet, studying me in a way that made me wonder what was churning behind those beautiful eyes.
I loved this quaint little town, it was home and I really didn’t want to leave it behind. It was all I had left of my parents. I waited for her to make a decision and then she nodded.
“Connecticut is probably not the best place for either of us to be right now,” she said and her eyes darkened. “Besides, my house is one of Lucifer’s prime targets, so a change would probably be in order.”
“So, Harvard?” I asked.
“I guess I can at least apply,” she conceded. “But, when things blow over here, I will need to take a ride to pick up some things.”
“That’s no problem. I’d really like to see Michael’s artwork.”
Her smile faded. “Didn’t Damian booby trap the basement?”
I grinned. “I’m a fucking genius, remember?” Damian was borderline genius, but I could get around his computer programming as easily as an adult could snatch a piece of candy from a child.
She laughed and turned toward the laptop on my desk. “Do you mind?”
“Not at all,” I said and turned it on, typing the passcode in and relinquishing the computer to her. I went to leave when a familiar voice came through the speakers.
My blood chilled and I kept my back to the Skype screen that was set to automatically come up when she called.
“Who the hell are you?” Sandy said.
Valerie didn’t speak, she just got up and gave me a sideways glance as she passed, leaving me alone with the video screen of my ex.
“Val, you don’t have to leave,” I said and she turned at the door, meeting my gaze. The fear present in her eyes shut down my voice. She gave me the slightest of nods before disappearing down the hallway. The hurt in her eyes haunted me and set my fury switch on high.
“Chris, who was that?”
“None of your fucking business,” I said, still refusing to turn. I stared at the empty hallway and my heart pounded in my chest.
“I’m sorry, Chris. I fucked up.”
My hands clenched into fists and I glared over my shoulder. Her hazel irises were surrounded by red lines, like she had been crying. It dug under my skin, but whatever I may have felt for the girl died the moment that door opened.
“You’re too late for apologies.”
“Please...”
“No. I didn’t fuck around on you with the first girl who threw herself my way, and honey, I had a lot of girls propositioning me over the years. But you, you jump into bed with the first guy that turns on the charm just to get in your pants. Was he the first one or just one of many?” The anger blew wide open and I knew the dig was wrong, but I couldn’t help it.
I shouldn’t be reacting like this, but the callous way she let me loose really burned my ego. The fact I had Valerie not didn’t make a difference where Sandy’s shitty treatment was concerned. I leaned over, planting my fists on the desk. The fury encompassing me was a massive beast and I almost lost control of it until a hand landed on my shoulder.
I looked at the hand’s owner and my fury reined in. Valerie’s touch tempered the wild beast and I refocused on Sandy.
“You’re right, you fucked things up beyond the ability to ever fix.”
Tears welled up in her eyes.
“I was wrong,” she whispered and then the screen tilted, widening the shot.
I took an involuntary step back, bumping into Valerie. A sick understanding swept through my gut as I stared at her possessed boyfriend and the knife he held to her throat. Three days ago I would have been on my knees begging for her life, but now, I just stared at her, with a total sense of loss raking my skin.
“That’s not your boyfriend,” I said softly and a crease appeared between her eyes. “I mean it was, but now he’s possessed by one of hell’s demons.”
“He’s right,” Josh whispered in her ear, his red eyes shining in the camera. “And he’s going to either trade his soul for you or watch you die.”
Sandy paled and her eyes widened. As much as she’d hurt me, she really didn’t deserve to die for it. The anger flooded back into my skin and I shook my head.
“My soul is not a bargaining chip,” I said and concentrated, opening my hand and envisioning it wedged between the knife and her throat.
Tears sprang to Sandy’s eyes and she started to shake as fear blazed through her slight form.
“Say goodbye,” the demon said and the knife sliced flesh.
Pain and anger fueled me and I took a step, right into her room. Both their eyes widened and I pushed out a blast of power along with the roar of fury that escaped my lips. Josh, and the demon possessing him, exploded. The sound of it wet and vile followed by the sound of metal on tile as the knife hit the ground.
I stared at Sandy’s shocked gaze and stepped back into my room, blinking at her image on the screen and the blood soaked room behind her. She shook in the seat just staring at me. I dropped my gaze to my hand and the gash splitting the skin to the bone. Throbbing pain resonated up my arm and I moved my gaze back to Sandy.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
She shook her head on the verge of hysteria. “Did you say demon?” she asked, her voice shaking as much as her body.
“Yes.” I glanced at Valerie. “Think you can go get me one of Raven’s stone necklaces?” I asked her and she nodded and left the room. I focused back on Sandy. “A lot has happened in the last couple of weeks.” I refrained from saying she’d know what was going on had she not been fucking that asshole when I came by.
She let out a high pitched laugh and her gaze dropped to the knife.
“He... he,” she gulped and brought her gaze back to mine.
I raised my hand into view and she stared at the ugly gash. Her chin began to tremble and tears snaked down her cheeks. Valerie stepped to my side and handed me a necklace with one of the smaller black pendants.
I took it in my good hand and met her gaze. The hurt there burned at the pit of my stomach. “Watch my back, okay?” I asked and she nodded without speaking. I refocused on the monitor and stepped forward.
This time the tingling sensation of the transition overtook me and I stepped into her dorm room, opposite the desk she sat at. Her gaze bounced from the monitor to me and I moved around the desk to her side, unclasping the necklace in my hand and putting it on her. When she moved to throw her arms around my neck, I caught them and shook my head, pushing her gently back into the chair.
“I was serious before. It’s over and there’s no backtracking. I just want to make sure you’re safe,” I said and let go of her arms. My blood stained her forearm and she looked at the blotch and then my hand.
“You really saved my life,” she said, and I stood, stepping back to the front of the desk.
“Yeah,” I said and let the transition take hold.
Sandy stared at me in the monitor and her gaze dropped to her arm and then the necklace before returning to mine.
“Why?” she asked as the shakes started to quell.
“Because no matter how angry I am at you, you don’t deserve to die.”
She blinked and made the mistake of looking over her shoulder. “Oh, god,” she gasped and her hand shot over her mouth, but not quickly enough to stop the flow of vomit.
“Sorry about the mess,” I said and she gagged and spit before looking back at me. “Wear the necklace. It’ll keep you safe,” I added as her gaze transitioned from horror to panic.
“How am I supposed to explain this?” she asked, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.
I looked at the dripping walls and shrugged. “Freak accident?”
She burst out laughing, but it was that ‘I’ve gone over the edge’ laugh that would transition to a scream any second.
“I gotta go. I need my hand fixed,” I said and she nodded, still laughing that edgy laugh. I shut down the session before she started screaming and turned toward Valerie.
“Are you okay?” My concern for her was greater than it had been for Sandy.
“Yes. Are you?” she asked, and I knew damned well she didn’t mean my hand.
“Honestly, I’m numb right now,” I said. I wasn’t sure when my actions would catch up to me, but right now I was still riding the adrenaline high that kept real feelings at bay.
She reached down and took my wounded hand. “Have you ever done this before?”
I just raised an eyebrow. She had the memories, she knew this was the first time I’d put myself between a blade and someone I cared about. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, I did care about what happened to Sandy. It was in my nature to protect those close to me and Sandy had been one of those people for fifteen years.
“Okay, stupid question,” she said and pulled my palm to her lips.
Pain magnified. “Oh, fuck that hurts,” I whispered and she smiled, wiping the blood stain from her lips.
“Not numb anymore, eh?” she asked.
I rolled my eyes and squeezed my hand, pressing it to my chest. “At least I don’t pass out from the fucking pain,” I snapped and turned away, trying not to double over. A deep wound hurt worse than broken bone and I forced my breath into shallow pants, repeating the word fuck with every exhale. The springs on my bed creaked and I glanced over at Valerie.
She seemed to be highly amused by my pain.
“What are you smiling at,” I hissed.
“You,” she said and crossed her arms. “The ultimate hero acting like a major wuss.”
“It fucking hurts,” I growled.
“I’m sure, but you’re dancing around like a kid having a temper tantrum.”
“No, I’m not,” I said and straightened. Okay, maybe I had been, but in my defense the pain made me a bit nutty. I’ve had broken bones mended along with scrapes and bruises, but never to-the-bone slices before. It was more than just unpleasant and I glanced at her side and then back to her eyes. No wonder she passed out cold.
The pain began to abate, replaced by that weird pins and needles sensation that drove me equally insane. I started flexing and squeezing my hand until it passed and then I took a seat next to her, staring at my closed monitor.
With the numbness gone, the full impact of everything I’d done hit and I dropped my chin to my chest. “Oh, man,” I whispered just as the shakes took hold and my stomach started that slow roll that sent me running. I made it in time, spilling the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.
Valerie knelt next to me and rubbed my back. I spit and flushed and then met her gaze.
“I blew her boyfriend to bits,” I whispered. “He was all over her walls.” My words didn’t do justice to the horror I felt. Cold dread wrapped around my body plummeting me into a shivering mass of flesh and bone.
Steve stepped into the bathroom doorway. “Damian said you might need me,” he said looking between the two of us before his gaze landed on my bloody hand. “What happened?”
“The demon decided to attack in a different way,” I said and his brow creased. It took a second and then his brow smoothed over.
“They went after Sandy?”
I nodded, pushing myself to my feet, and crossed to the sink, cleaning out the vile taste in my mouth before I started scrubbing the blood from my hand.
Steve hadn’t said anything; he let me get myself in presentable order before he spoke.
“Tell me what happened.”
“The bastard didn’t possess her,” I said to his concerned look and his shoulders relaxed.
“Thank god,” he said and leaned on the doorframe waiting for the rest.
“He possessed her boyfriend,” I said and Steve straightened again, concern retracing the lines in his face. I looked at my healed palm. “He tried to bargain for my soul. When I said no, he slit her throat.” I met his gaze and held up my clean palm. “Except I blocked it and then I stepped into the dorm room and blew him to bloody bits.”
I held his gaze as he processed the information.
“And Sandy?”
“She’s going to be a disaster for a while, but she’s alive and now has one of Raven’s necklaces to ward off evil spirits.” I dropped my hand to the buttons on my ruined shirt, stripping it off and dumping it in the trash before heading to my room again. I stopped in the entry and stared at the droplets of my blood staining the carpet and turned toward my closet, pulling out another shirt. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling right now.
Both Steve and Valerie left me at the entrance to my bedroom, heading downstairs and letting me have a little space to deal with what had happened. If I hadn’t witnessed Raven’s successful exorcism, I wouldn’t be second guessing myself right now. Before that, a demon possession was certain death for the host, but knowing there was a way to save the guy, well, it just compounded the guilt and made me wonder if all my wrath was aimed solely at the demon. I probably could have vaporized him into dust, but I made a choice, however subconscious it was, to make a bloody fucking mess.