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I opened my eyes and everything around me was a blur. After a few blinks I stared at a hanging bag of liquid, the slow drip captivated me. Drip, drip, drip. I peeled my eyes away and turned my head. Lights bounced across a screen, just as hypnotizing as the drip above me. Spike up, back down, pause, spike again over and over like an endless steady earthquake. It took a few minutes for me to connect the timing of the spikes to the pounding in my chest. I moved my hands to the source and a hard smooth object lay in the spot I thought my heart should be and then my fingertips slid off whatever it was onto warm skin.
My brain was slow to understand and it was a struggle to think clearly.
My nose tickled and I reached up to scratch it, pulling small tubes from my nostrils in the process. I stared at the thing, blinking as air flowed into my eyes. Why was it so hard to know the words for things? I turned my head away from the machines and they landed on a man slumped in a chair.
I didn’t recognize him, just like I didn’t recognize names for the things around me. Should I know him? Logic wasn’t working and I shifted uncomfortably in the bedding. His eyes blinked open and he stretched, rubbing his scruffy face. Then his gaze landed on me, his eyes widened and met my gaze, and then widened some more.
“EA?” he said and my brow creased. “O o ow whe oo a?” he asked and his hands moved along with his speech, none of which made a lick of sense.
I blinked, hoping something would compute, but nothing came and I just stared at him, unable to decipher what the hell he was saying.
He pulled something from his pocket and tapped the screen before turning it to me. It was covered with unfamiliar symbols strung together. Nothing registered.
Distant whispers filled my head and I glanced around the room for the source and then back at the man. I shook my head slowly.
“Do you know where you are?” the question formed in my head an unfamiliar voice along with my own broken narrative. The man’s mouth didn’t move and I glanced around the room, looking for the source.
He took my hand and my gaze snapped to him as I tried to pull my hand away.
He let go and pointed to his chest. “CJ, it’s me, Tom.”
I licked my lips and tried out the last word of the sentence. “Tom?” It came out in a harsh croak and he smiled, nodding. It didn’t hold any meaning and I glanced around again for what made the words inside my ears.
Liquid sloshed and I glanced back at him as he moved something clear with a thin plastic rod toward my mouth. I backed away, uneasy by the offering. The complete unfamiliarity of everything was pushing me closer to the freak out zone.
“Take a small sip,” the voice said as the plastic touched my lips.
I hesitated, unsure of what a sip was and the man pulled the liquid away slowly, plugging one end of the plastic with his finger and placing the long straight end against my lips. He lifted his finger and cool liquid seeped into my mouth, quenching the dryness. I swallowed and closed my eyes, licking the remaining liquid from the corner of my lips.
“Do you know where you are?”
The voice announced again and my eyes opened, scanning what I could see of the room before slowly shaking my head and dropping it back on the soft pillow.
“You’re at the hospital,” the voice echoed softly in my mind but his lips still didn’t move. Again I looked for the voice in my ear but only the man stood in the room with me.
“Hos...pit..tal?” I tried the word out and it didn’t come as smoothly as in my head. His smile faded.
“Do you know who I am?” the voice whispered and behind it resided pain that I couldn’t identify. The man patted his chest when I didn’t answer, his eyes pleading for a reaction that I couldn’t give.
I stared at him and shook my head. The devastation in his eyes squeezed my heart and he sat down slowly in the chair. That’s when I realized he was the one talking in my head.
“I’m your brother,” his voice whispered.
“Broth...ther?” I asked, the meaning lost to me. I didn’t know why it was so damned hard to speak or to understand things; it was like my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders.
He nodded. “Do you know who you are?” his voice invaded my mind again.
This time I met his worried stare. “Bro...ther?” I said because I had no idea what the right answer was.
He covered his mouth and his eyes glossed over with a watery sheen. When his eyes closed, some of the liquid leaked out, rolling down his cheeks. He opened his eyes and turned away with the device in his hand, tapping away at the screen for what seemed like ages. When he was done, he set his shoulders and turned, offering a smile meant to reassure, but it just scared the shit out of me.
Everything about this scared the shit out of me. Not being able to smoothly answer the questions or understand where I was scared the shit out of me and my gaze darted around the room, looking for an escape route.
He reached over and picked up a stick that lay near my hand and pressed a red button on the top. I stared at the magic wand in his hand, trying to understand how I knew the button was red, or the fact that it was a button for that matter.
The door opened and a woman with a white coat came in. She had her hair pulled back and her eyes, her eyes captivated and calmed me. The colors in her eyes swirled as she crossed the distance. The warmth in her gaze wrapped around me like a security blanket and I knew with her I was safe.
“Chris?” she asked in such a tender way that my heart ached for her. When she sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand in hers, I stared at the union of our flesh, and heat tingled from the point of contact through my form, from my head to my toes and everywhere in between. A living connection between the two of us created a warmth deep in my soul and even though I didn’t remember her, I remembered this overwhelming and pure sensation.
“Hi,” I croaked and blinked again. That word came from nowhere and the reaction seemed to sadden her.
Water sprang from her eyes and then the right word popped into my head. She was crying and those glistening drops were tears. I don’t know why, but I sat up and pulled her into my arms. Holding her felt like home and I closed my eyes, inhaling her sweet scent.
“Jesus, Chris, I didn’t think you’d ever wake up,” she whispered in my ear.
“Je..sus. Chri..is?”
She stiffened in my arms and slowly pulled away, the same concern present on her face as the man who called himself brother. She unwrapped from me and put her hand on my chest.
“Chris, that’s your name,” she said, blinking away the tears. She took my hand and placed it under the ornate necklace onto her flesh. “Valerie. I’m Valerie.”
I stared at my hand on her chest. Underneath the soft warmth, her heart beat against my hand, echoing my own and I knew this girl had a piece of my soul. It wasn’t from a memory or familiarity, it was as natural as the air and just as essential to my survival.
And best of all, I knew the word to describe it.
“Val...er...ie.” I glanced into her eyes. “Lo...ove Val...er...ie.”
She got the meaning right away despite my stilted speech and her eyes filled with tears. Her hand fluttered to her lips and she nodded before leaning forward and placing a kiss on my forehead.
A strange tingle encompassed my head along with flashes of pain, of white light, of angels. The tingles cascaded down my body all the way to my toes and another word surfaced.
I tilted my head.
“Ha...avad?”
She let out a musical laugh and squeezed my hand. “Yes. I’m going to Harvard Medical School. I’ve already finished the classroom portion, with straight A’s mind you, and now I’m in my second year of clinical rotations at the Children’s Hospital.”
She positively beamed, but something didn’t compute right in my mind. Some important piece of information was missing and I needed it to fix this awful dread in my stomach. I glanced at the man again and something clicked.
“Gr..grace?” I asked and my brows rose. I wasn’t sure the meaning, but it seemed important enough for me to voice.
“She’s fine,” Valerie said, and while my shoulders relaxed, it didn’t stop the building trepidation. She glanced at the gadget on her wrist. “They should be here in an hour or so.” She picked up my wrist and stared at the same band she did a minute ago and then sighed, meeting my gaze again. “You don’t remember much, do you?”
I tilted my head and put my hand back on her chest. “Love. I re..mem...ber.” My tongue wasn’t articulating as quickly as I wanted and Tom moved his hands again.
“I don’t know,” she said, meeting his gaze.
“Don...’t know?”
“If you’ll ever regain your memory,” she answered and her eyes misted again.
I thought about her words and looked around the room, specifically at the pictures covering the opposite wall. “Ho...ow lo...ong?” I pointed to the bed.
She took my hands and met my gaze. “A little over two years.”
I blinked, unsure of what that really meant. I’m sure what she said would mean something sooner or later, but right now it had all the sense of what an hour was.
“Mind fuck,” I said clear as day, pleased that something came out without the halting lilt and she actually giggled.
“Big time,” she said and leaned in, pressing her lips to mine. Everything stopped, no sound, no sensation other than her lips on mine and it felt right as rain. When the kiss broke I smiled. The little machine clipped to her pocket beeped and she glanced at the scrolling symbols.
“I have to go, but I should be back before everyone gets here, okay?” She palmed my cheek.
I took her hand and put it on my chest, forcing the question out. “Lo...ove Chri...is?”
She stared at her hand and then my eyes and I swallowed with the sudden understanding her answer to my question was where the dread originated. If she didn’t, I might as well crawl back into the nothingness that came before this room.
She leaned close and kissed my cheek.
“Yes, Chris. I still love you. I always will.” When she pulled away, I bit my lip and nodded, fearing the sting in my eyes.
She caressed my cheek and smiled. “I have to go now, okay?”
“O...kay.”
The minute she left the room an emptiness filled me like the other half of my soul was now gone and I looked at the man. “Valer...ie?”
“Ya,” he said.
I searched for the words. “Come...back?”
He folded his hands in his lap and nodded. I got a whiff of a memory from him. He’d had to relearn how to communicate, too, and my gaze dropped to his hands and I closed my eyes.
“Sign?” I said and popped my eyes open.
“Ya,” he said and pointed to his mouth. “No tongue. I had to learn sign language. It was a bitch not being able to talk.” he thought. “But at least you didn’t have to wait for me to go through the pains of trying to spell shit out with my hands.”
I nodded but didn’t really understand and then I put my hand to my chest. “Chri...is.”
He nodded and put his hand on his chest. “Tom.”
The connection to the first time he referred to the name clicked and I said, “Tom. Bro...other.”
“Ya,” he said aloud and took the seat. “Do you understand what brother means?”
Before I had a chance to tell him no, I didn’t, the door opened and a man wearing the same type thing Valerie wore walked in.
“Hi,” I said and he glanced at the chart in his hand.
“Welcome back, Mr. Ryan,” he said.
I put my hand to my chest. “Chri...is,” I forced the word out.
His gaze traveled from mine to Tom’s and Tom’s hands started speaking their language. The doctor nodded and took the pen out of his pocket, scribbling on the chart before focusing on me again.
“You’re brother said you’re having a problem remembering things and difficulty speaking. That’s quite normal for people waking from extended comas.” He approached and did the same thing with my wrist that Valerie did. “Since you seem to be awake now, I can remove some of the tubes attached and we can see if you can walk, okay?”
“Okay,” I said and shrugged.
He checked a bag attached to the bed and then looked at me. “You’re going to feel a little pressure,” he said and then folded the sheets back. He pulled on a pair of gloves and handled me, gently pulling on the tube that seemed to be growing out of me.
Pressure, holy fuck, it was more like a burning fire line. “Oww,” I said and then was rewarded with relief when the plastic thing disappeared. He straightened the sheet back into place and snapped the gloves off.
“Not the most comfortable of things, I’m sure, but it was necessary. I’m going to leave the I.V. in until we see how you do with food.” He pointed to the bag.
“O...kay,” I said.
“Do you think you can get up?”
“U...p?” I asked, not sure of what he meant. The fact that I should know this stuff just added a low level of frustration.
The doctor sat on the edge of the bed and then straightened. “Up.”
I nodded and swung my legs over the side of the bed. He put his hand out for support and I stared at it a second before pushing off the bed myself. My feet landed on the floor and the chill of the tile seeped through my socks. I straightened like he had.
His brows creased. “Take a step.” He showed me what he meant.
I did as he asked.
“Another.”
I took another step and he flipped open the chart, scribbling again. Without any more direction, I started to cross toward the pictures on the wall, but I was stopped by something in my arm. I stared at the tube holding me to a minimal distance from the bed. It ran from my arm to the bag of liquid.
“Out?” I asked, pointing at the thing and meeting the doctor’s gaze.
“Not yet,” he said and went back to scribbling.
Irritation flushed through me and I stared at it again. “Pft,” I said and yanked the blue connector. The tube separated and I dropped the end onto the bed, crossing to the wall and tracing the pictures with my fingers.
“Mr. Ryan, we need to put the I.V. back in,” the doctor said and I met his gaze, shaking my head. He stepped toward me and Tom put his hand up, stopping the doctor. Whatever his hands conveyed, the doctor gave a curt nod and left us alone.
Tom stepped next to me. “Damian’s kids drew those for you.” he thought and I met his smiling gaze with no reference point to understand his commentary. “Grace did this one.” he pointed to a vibrant angel drawing.
“Gr...ace?” I ran my hand along the waxy surface.
He nodded and his smile faded. “I’ve got a little girl now, too.” he thought. “Her name is Hannah.”
“Han..n...ah?”
His eyes swam in a sheen of tears. “I wish you had been awake when she was born.”
Tom turned away and I grabbed his arm struggling for the right word to say and then the light bulb went off. “Con...gra.” I closed my eyes, frustrated that I was having so much difficulty. I focused on the word, concentrating. “Con...grat...tu...la..tions.” I smiled and opened my eyes.
He pressed the tips of his fingers to his lips and brought them down into the palm of his other hand. Thank you resounded in my head. A layer of comfort settled over me as I stared at him. I still didn’t remember anything, but I felt the kinship in his heart.
“I’m so...rry I...” I couldn’t think of the right string of words that came after that and I looked at the ceiling for a little help. “There?” I glanced at him and bit the side of my lip.
He didn’t speak, instead he pulled me into a hug. I awkwardly patted his back and when he pulled away, he crossed to the window and wiped his face. Glancing one more time at the wall, I sighed and headed back to the bed, climbing in and looked at the dripping tube.
“Help?”
Tom turned and I held up the tube. He reached and pushed the red button again.
A few minutes later a nurse came in and her eyebrows arched at me sitting up in the bed. “You’re awake,” she said and I nodded without rolling my eyes at the obvious. I held up the IV lead in one hand and showed her the base plug in my hand, raising an eyebrow, hoping she’d know what the hell I was trying to convey. My thoughts seemed to be coming together more, but the trigger to my mouth was still shoddy at best.
She seemed to recover and crossed, her gaze moving to Tom’s back at the window.
“Well, since you seem to be moving, maybe we can get you cleaned up? Would you like that?”
“Cl...ean?”
She paused and Tom turned, I met his gaze and he gave me a slight nod. She’s asking if you want to take a shower. It’s probably not a bad idea.
“Okay,” I said. I seemed to have mastered that word and my assent pleased her.
“We can leave that out until we’re done,” she said.
“We?” I blinked as she helped me to my feet.
“Well, I can’t leave you in there by yourself,” she said in a perfectly reasonable tone.
I glanced at Tom for help, but he just smirked and turned back toward the window.
“I...my...self,” I said with a little more force and stepped away from her.
She studied me standing on my own and then met my gaze. “I’ll let you wash yourself, but I need to be in there with you.”
“N...no.”
“I,” Tom said pointing to his chest and crossing the distance. He spoke with his hands.
“If something happens,” she started to argue and his hands flew through another explanation I didn’t understand.
She looked at me. “Your brother will stay with you in the bathroom and I will wait just outside the door. Does that work for you?”
I nodded and trudged into the room she pointed to and stared at the open stall and the dials on the wall beyond the entrance. The logistics of taking a shower seemed foreign and I glanced over my shoulder at Tom.
He sighed and closed his eyes sending me a picture of what he did in a shower. It seemed reasonable and I peeled the hospital gown off and pulled the paper undergarments off as well as my socks, leaving it on the floor and stepped inside the shower stall, waiting.
Tom reached beyond me and touched the control. Pull and turn this way for hotter water, he thought and hooked his thumb toward the entrance, and that way for cooler water. He pointed toward the back of the shower. He picked up a bottle. Shampoo for your hair. And after putting that down, he pointed at the small square bar. Soap for your body. Got it?
“Thi...ink so.” I said and waited until he stepped away and then pulled the knob, turning it toward the entrance. Warm rain fell from the spout, but it got hot enough to scald and I realized I was turning the knob the wrong way and quickly dialed it the other way. I was rewarded with frigid water. Shivering, I slowly turned the dial back until the water hit the perfect temperature.
I stepped full under the stream, closing my eyes and letting the water pound my face and chest. Sensations returned along with a glimpse of another shower at another time. My eyes shot open and I tried to force the memory. The penalty for trying to pull blood from a stone was the slam of vertigo. I reached for the wall and Tom’s hand grabbed my wrist, giving me a steadying hold.
I sent a weak smile in his direction and repeated the hand gesture he used to say thank you. He gave me a nod and released his grip with his eyebrows rising in a question. I nodded. I would be okay as long as I didn’t try to pry my mind open with brute force.
Another inconvenient truth occurred after the shampoo suds flowed into my open eyes. It was a stinging lesson to always close your eyes when you’re rinsing shampoo from your hair. The grin that formed on Tom’s lips prompted me to raise my middle finger at him. It was an automatic reaction and I stared at my finger as he broke out into a snorting laugh. I turned and rinsed my stinging eyes out before making sure no stray soap was still in my hair. When it squeaked between my fingers, I gathered it was clean.
Once I seemed to have cleaning my hair mastered, I took the bar of soap in my hands and ran it over my chest. The clean scent filled the steam-filled enclosure and I followed the silent instruction Tom had given me. When I was done and the soap returned to the dish, I just stood under the spray letting it pelt my back.
I sent a smile to Tom and he returned it before twirling his finger. I knew the gesture but I wasn’t sure what it meant. I tilted my head and scrunched my brow.
Wrap it up.
I pushed the knob and the water shut off. Tom handed me a towel and I proceeded to dry off with little instruction. I even wrapped the towel around my waist without help. We stepped back into the room.
“Cl...ean.” I said to the nurse.
“Did you brush your teeth?” She pointed to her teeth and I shook my head. She grabbed me by the elbow and led me back into the bathroom. A tube and a little brush sat on the counter and she picked it up, lining it with a dab from the tube and handed it to me. I pulled it to my mouth and followed the motions she was doing with her finger on her own teeth.
The minty taste filled my mouth, creating a pleasant tingle.
“Now spit in the sink and rinse the brush.”
I spit and tentatively reached for the controls on the faucet, when I successfully turned it on and did what she said, I replaced the brush where she picked it up.
She grabbed a towel and wiped my lips before swiping it across the steamy wall revealing her reflection along with Tom near the door and another man. It took me a moment to realize the blue eyes glued to the reflection were mine.
The nurse handed me another utensil and I studied the thin tool.
“It’s a comb. For your hair.” She took it from my hand and ran it gently over the top of her hair from brow to crown and I nodded taking it from her and doing the same until my hair was knot-free and slicked back. It wasn’t much longer than Tom’s and easy to manage.
“That’s good. Let’s see if we can find you something clean to wear, okay?”
I nodded and followed her into the room where Tom had already laid out a pair of underwear on the bed along with thin pants and a shirt. Studying the different articles of clothing, I figured out the correct way to put the underwear on along with the pants. I left the pull tie loose because after a couple of attempts, I didn’t get how it clasped together.
The shirt slid on over my shoulders with buttons on the front, but I left it open.
The nurse stepped forward, reaching to help and I stopped her.
“Not...co...old.”
“All right,” she said and led me back to the bed, helping me under crisp sheets.
I pointed to the bed. “Cl...ean?”
“Yes, I changed it while you were in the shower.” She picked up the I.V. line and reattached it. “There you go,” she said and patted my hand. “If you need to use the bathroom, this can roll with you now.” She showed me that I was no longer tied to the bed.
“Th...an...k you,” I said along with the proper hand gesture.
She left with a smile and I turned to Tom.
“Th...th...this st..stut...ter...ing sucks.”
He stared laughing and nodded. “Ya wo a mi.” Yeah, worse than mine.
I raised my eyebrows. “De...b...bate.” I inhaled forcing the rest out. “Able.”
He sat down and folded his hand over his fist, leaning it on his grinning lips.
Before I had a chance to formulate another response the door slammed open in a flurry of activity. The noise and chaos shocked fear into my blood and I pulled my knees closer to my chest in response, wrapping my hands around them and staring as a group of people poured in.
“Uncle CJ!” a little voice pierced the room and a small child broke free of her mother’s hand, her coat flying off and landing a few feet away as she jumped, grabbed onto the rail, and climbed onto the bed.
Paying no mind to my raised knees, she squeezed between my chest and legs and plunked down in my lap, clapping her hands with joyful glee.
I didn’t know whether to be horrified or humored by this, and I stared into the hauntingly dark eyes and smiled as her little hands cupped my cheeks.
“Grace, get off him,” the woman from whom she broke free said.
“Gr...race,” I said and she nodded emphatically. “I l...li...ke pic...ture,” I added pointing towards the wall.
She patted my cheeks and turned. “Mommy. Uncle CJ!”
I pulled my gaze away from the happy child on my lap and glanced at the group still piling in the door. Tom had joined a pretty red-head holding a little swing from her arm. It took a second, but the word car seat came to my mind. Behind the red head stood a man who looked a great deal like Tom and confusion clouded my mind.
The sudden chaos overwhelmed me and I didn’t know where to look. I recognized no one and my heart started the fast pump of an unfathomable fear. Even the little girl bouncing on my lap presented mental challenges that made the room spin.
Grace placed her hands on my cheeks again pulling my attention to her. There was no more smile gracing her lips, just a sad expression that further clouded my judgment and breathing got harder. Everything twisted into prisms and I blinked. My vision righted but small lines of heat rolled down my cheeks.
“It’s okay,” the child whispered.
“Guys!” the familiar voice cut through the noise.
My gaze snapped to Valerie standing in the doorway, a tray balanced on one hand and her other propped on her hip with an expression I wouldn’t want aimed at me. Her gaze met mine and locked there for a minute. The way they traveled down my chest and back up gave me that warm tingly feeling and I sent her the hand signal for Thank you.
“Guys, you’re overwhelming him,” she said stepping inside and closing the door behind her. She crossed and messed up Grace’s hair before setting the tray on the little table to my right. “I brought you something to eat,” she said before taking my hand and turning to the group. “Chris is awake but he’s suffering from regressive amnesia. He doesn’t remember a thing before waking up here.”
I opened my mouth to argue and she shot me a ‘shut up until I’m done’ glare. I closed my mouth, meeting Grace’s gaze. The smile was back, but it was tempered by my unease.
“That is also affecting his ability to speak,” she added and I nodded.
“Wo...ords h...ha...hard,” I added, scanning the six adults standing at the foot of my bed. I glanced at Tom and the woman with the red hair he had his arm around. His attention wasn’t on me, it was on the baby in her arms.
“Han...nah?”
Tom looked up and smiled, taking the baby from the red head and bringing her to me. My daughter, he thought and Grace moved to my side while Tom placed the baby in my arms. It was so small and wiggly. I shifted and found a comfortable hold and she settled down, making a little squeal before Tom put a small pacifier in her mouth.
“Beau...bu.” I closed my eyes. I knew what I wanted to say but it was too complex for my mouth to form.
“Beautiful,” Valerie whispered and I opened my eyes nodding meeting her gaze. “Chris, this is our family.” she gestured toward the now silent crowd.
“F...fam...il..ly?”
“Yeah, babe. Family.”
“Oh,” I replied and tried to remember. Even one memory would be a blessing, but it was a big black hole. I shifted the baby to my hands handing her back to Tom.
“Don’t force it, hon. It’ll come.”
What if it didn’t? What if I never remembered my past with these people?
I closed my eyes for a minute and the sensation of falling hit. I jerked on the bed, grabbing the edges. My eyes popped open and the panic came alive in my veins.
Valerie turned to the group. “I think maybe we should do this another day.”
I didn’t argue, dropping my gaze to my hands fidgeting with the edge of the blanket as Valerie ushered them out, exchanging hushed whispers about my condition. She stepped back in and crossed the distance taking a seat and pulling the tray closer.
“So...ory,” I whispered, feeling as small as Grace.
She reached under my chin, tilting my head so I’d meet her gaze. “Never apologize for being overwhelmed.”
“Wha..” I stopped and clenched my fists. “What if I nev..ver...”
She put the tips of her fingers on my lips stopping me. “It takes time.”
The mention of time got me thinking. “H..how...m...man...y hours,” I paused a moment and took a breath to force the rest of my question out. “i...is tw...two ye...years?”
She sighed and her lips moved as she silently calculated it for me. “17,520 hours. You’ve been in a coma for a little over twenty thousand hours.”
My brain couldn’t wrap around that now that I knew what an hour felt like. I covered my face, running my fingers into my hair trying to grasp it. Valerie stood and headed toward the door. I didn’t want her to leave and I glanced at the open door. It slammed closed. Something had leaped from my chest and the door closed.
I stared with my mouth open and Valerie turned, propping her hands on her waist and gave me a look that reduced me to shame.
“I wasn’t leaving. I was going to close the door.”
“Oh,” I studied my hands.
When she returned to my bedside, she pushed the tray aside and shooed me over on the mattress, taking a seat so she faced me. “The fact you survived was a miracle,” she started and stopped, her eyes dropped to the spot right in front of her.
It was my turn to lift her chin.
“Even my ability to heal took time to put you back together,” she said when our eyes met.
“Why d...on’t I re...mem...ber you here?” I asked and tapped my head. “Wh..hen I re...mem...ber you here.” I pointed to my heart. I didn’t really expect an answer, so when she started to speak, I moved, pulling her to me and crushing her lips against mine.
This time her lips parted and I followed her lead. Our tongues entwined in the most sensual kiss. Slow and lazy and breathless. She pulled away when my hand dropped to her breast, caressing her through the thin fabric.
“Someone could walk in,” she said.
I looked at the door and then the ceiling as I searched for the word I was looking for. “Lo...ock.” The word hiccupped from my lips, but was perfectly enunciated in my head and the click of the lock on the door engaging made me smile and I turned back to Valerie.
A smile gained traction on her lips.
I reached out and pulled the elastic out of her hair before running both of my hands through her dark satin locks. The silky feel of it caressed my hands. I traced her face, memorizing the lines, burning every sensation into my brain so if I ever lost my way again, I would know her anywhere. When my thumb ran over her lips she kissed it and met my gaze.
“Are you going to kiss me or what?” she whispered, her swirling eyes sparkled.
I licked my lips and curled my hand around the back of her neck, guiding her toward me. Sensations billowed over my skin, covering me with a need that drove my actions. The kiss I delivered started tentatively, stirring the molten lava in the center of my being. I moved from her lips to under her jaw, finding a spot that made her shiver.
Running my hands under the lab coat, I peeled it off, revealing a sleeveless v-neck shirt. I pulled her into my lap and turned, laying her against the pillow before continuing my exploration of her. Each layer I peeled off her brought more delights and she never interrupted my studies. My fingers memorized her curves and my tongue memorized her taste. Her spring-like musk tickled my nose and her soft purr recorded into my mind forever. She filled every one of my senses with awe.
Time meant nothing to me right now. All I wanted was this goddess.
I crawled back from my inspection of her finely painted toes with a hunger I couldn’t categorize. She smiled at me and guided my hand between her legs. I circled the wet folds with my fingers watching her mouth part and head tilt back when they ran over a certain spot. The effect her pleasure had on me was irresistible.
She widened her legs and I smiled, leaning over and covering the area she liked best with my mouth, circling my tongue over the flesh.
“Oh, God, Chris,” she said in a throaty sigh that coaxed me to continue the motion.
Her hand threaded into my hair, guiding me to the spot that quickened her breath. I slid my index finger inside her wet folds, slowly because I wasn’t sure exactly what I was doing, but it all felt surreal and at the same time my senses were highly attuned to her.
“Faster,” she whispered and it took me a moment for the word to compute, but instead of honoring her request, I wasn’t ready to set aside the physical study of what drove her crazy. I smiled and purposely slowed down. Sucking her in a way that pulled a moan from her chest.
“That’s not faster,” she said, her eyes half-crazy with delight.
“I know,” I said, still rolling my tongue around her. The fact the words didn’t stutter wasn’t lost on either of us. My gaze dropped from her stormy eyes to her hard nipples and I left my post between her legs, kissing my way up her body, much to her chagrin.
I kept my hand between her legs, circling the spots my tongue had while I covered each nipple with my mouth, sucking gently, and she arched into me, pulling me closer to her bosom.
When I found her lips, she kissed me with a fervor that sucked the air out of my lungs and left me as breathless as she was.
“Make love to me,” she whispered when our lips parted.
“I am.”
She peeled my shirt off, nipping at my neck as her fingers fumbled with my pants and couldn’t quite reach to do anything more than shift the waist line. “Take your pants off,” she said.
I leaned back on my knees and pushed them down as she instructed and stared at my hard member. I glanced up at her, unsure whether to be alarmed or not. Valerie smiled and reached for me, her hand gentle and soft around my skin as she stroked.
I entered the next stage of heaven when she guided me inside her. I stretched out and she wrapped her legs around me, our hips moved in slow exquisite circles, my body entered sensory overload and I took her breast in my mouth, speeding up the sensations until I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest.
A wave started in my toes and rocketed up my legs, seizing every muscle and I groaned, burying my head into the crook of her neck. Spasms clenched me, making my body tremble all at once and then my muscles acted like I had been hit with a tranquilizer dart, slowly relaxing until all that was left was a trembling mass of flesh.
I lifted my head and met her gaze and she pulled me to her lips. I moved the necklace and pressed my ear to her chest. The drum of her heart made my eyelids droop.
“Chris?”
“Mmm,” I looked up at her.
“I need to get up,” she said and pointed to the bathroom.
I rolled off her and watched as she slid off the bed, gathering her clothing. She headed into the bathroom without looking at me and my euphoria faded. I pulled up my pants and tightened the strings, but again I couldn’t figure out what to do with them.
The toilet flushed but she didn’t come out right away and I wondered if I had done something wrong. Instead of waiting, I slid off the bed and grabbed the rolling I.V. bar. I rounded the corner and she stood leaning on the sink with her head down. Her shoulders shook.
“Val?” the shortened version rolled off my tongue easily and she stiffened. Her head rose enough for me to catch a glimpse of her tear stained face. “Di...id I do so...some...thi...ing wro...ng?”
She turned and shook her head. “You did everything right,” she said.
I closed the distance. “Th...then wha...at?” I wiped the tears with my thumbs, searching her eyes for answers.
She let out a laugh. “You unhinge me,”
“So...or...ry”
“Please don’t apologize for being perfect,” she said.
It was my turn to laugh. Perfect? I knew what that meant and she had to be the one with brain damage. I wasn’t perfect by any means. I couldn’t remember my family or even my full name and I couldn’t speak worth a damn.
“Christopher James Ryan.”
“Huh?”
“Your full name. Your family calls you CJ for short. I like your real name as opposed to the nickname. It’s softer, sweeter.” Her cheeks turned red and she sniffled and turned back to the sink, splashing water on her face and then patting it dry with the towel.
“I think you’ll be able to go home in a few days if you continue to do this well.”
When she turned towards me, I stepped closer, looking down into her eyes and pressed my palm to the warm flesh over her heart. “I am home.”