Afterword:

The Etiquette Renaissance

When people hear that I’m Modern Manners Guy, the one question they usually ask is: Do you think etiquette is dead?

I don’t blame them. If you based the answer to this question on the current lineup of television programming on practically any channel, the answer would be a clear “Yes!”

But why is this? Why have manners taken a back seat lately? Maybe we’re too obsessed with our social media relationships to pay attention to the real ones. Maybe it’s because some people still foolishly believe that it’s cool to act like a jerk. Maybe watching reality shows where people treat each other like garbage has made bad behavior seem normal. It’s a toss-up. However, I believe the real reason is that the idea of being “mannerly” or having proper etiquette tends to get confused with being “old-fashioned,” which seems lame and uncool.

For some strange reason, manners are often seen as something that you rebelled against as a child. It’s as if growing up in a household where you said “Please” and “Thank you” somehow makes you appear uptight or stuck-up. So there is an immediate divide between the stuffy folks who know which fork goes with the foie gras and everyone else, who are more like Will Ferrell’s character from Wedding Crashers lounging around in their underwear yelling, “Hey Ma! Can we get some meatloaf?”

But that’s just not true. Manners aren’t just the domain of “old fogies” who believe they are better than everyone else because they know which Cabernet Sauvignon goes with the chateaubriand or how to fold a napkin into a swan. Think you can’t display proper etiquette at a backyard barbeque where the Cabernet and steak are replaced with beer and burgers? Sure you can! Acquiring manners is the practice of learning from past mistakes and making sure you don’t put your foot in your mouth again … while using the wrong fork.

So it’s time we stop pretending that having manners is only reserved for older people or characters on Downton Abbey. It’s time we rethink the idea that you can’t balance being mannerly and being cool or current—as if one must necessarily exclude the other. Manners is not something you’re born with and it’s certainly not something you should be afraid to acquire simply because you think being cool is shouting expletives in public for a cheap laugh. How is that cool? Funny, maybe, if real life was a movie. But it’s not, so drop the act. Manners are readily available to anyone willing to give their mind a much-needed wake-up call.

And that’s why my answer to the question “Is etiquette dead?” is a resounding “No!” Far from being dead, manners and etiquette are actually experiencing a renaissance. That’s right, manners are back in style like fitted suits and Wayfarers. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself: Why did you decide to pick up this book? Perhaps you’re tired of witnessing blatantly unmannerly behavior that makes you roll your eyes, mutter under your breath, and wonder if we’re all going to hell in a handbasket. Perhaps you’re one of those smart people who realize that manners matter a great deal and you want to do everything in your power to hone your behavior and elevate your career.

And if this is what you think, then you’re absolutely right!

Every single CEO, entrepreneur, and tastemaker who I interviewed for this book told me that people with good manners are rare to find. So when they come across an employee or colleague who can carry on a lucid conversation without checking their phone every five seconds, or actually says “Thank you” when appropriate, or arrives to a meeting on time and prepared, they take notice. That’s why manners and etiquette are now at a level of cool like never before—I’m talking Steve McQueen on a motorcycle, Justin Timberlake on SNL, and Mad Men kind of cool—because they have a huge impact on our professional success.

So, is etiquette dead?

Not at all!

It may be bruised a bit, but thanks to you, it’s more alive than ever.