Reply All … And Other Ways to Tank Your Career

The ass you kick on the way up is the ass you kiss on the way down—and many other unwritten rules from top industry professionals.

This chapter is by far my favorite since it cuts down to the bare-bones honest truth about what really separates success from failure in the business world. It’s one thing to know how to dress for a job interview, or how to handle an obnoxious coworker (both of which are key), but it’s quite another to have unique insights directly from the pros about what you should and shouldn’t do to advance your career.

Each of my interviews with the experts you find throughout this book ended with a question about the unwritten rules of success. And every time I brought up this idea of unwritten rules, I could almost see them roll up their sleeves over the phone (or through e-mail). Although they are leaders in a wide variety of industries, you’ll notice quite a few common threads in their responses. And that’s no accident. The basic tenets of decorum and respect are universal and can apply to almost any occupation.

Modern Manners Guy’s Top 25 Unwritten Rules of Manners and Etiquette in the Business World

#1: Be Humble

Jonathan Monaghan, world-renowned artist and animator

Being inexperienced and at the same time arrogant is not going to get you too far. You have to be willing to learn and put in the hard work. That’s how you can improve your knowledge and skills and learn to work well with others, which are key for success.

#2: Preparation Is Everything

Lyndon and Jamie Cormack, founders of Herschel Supply Co.

Don’t feel as though you have to know everything right away. Part of being new is being able to admit that you don’t know something, but that you are committed to research the answer.

#3: Learn What You Don’t Know

Steve Guttenberg, actor and author

My best advice to someone just starting out in the entertainment industry is read, read, read. Know the classics. Know nineteenth- and twentieth-century works. Read fiction and nonfiction, see plays, see the AFI 100 movies, see opera and ballet, go to museums, go to bookstores.

#4: Keep It Simple

Steve Abrams, CEO of Magnolia Bakery

I don’t like when people waste my time. I’m a very quick study. I like things to be as simple and direct as possible. Don’t overcomplicate things. You will lose me, and my interest in doing business with you … Keep it simple.

#5: Thank You Never Gets Old

Andrew Buerger, cofounder of B’more Organic

Always say “Thank you.” My two-year-old twins say it all the time and so should adults. Whether it’s a leader thanking subordinates, a service provider thanking customers, or—what no one seems to do—customers thanking vendors (after all, most work very hard on your behalf), a little thanks goes a long way.

#6: Make Yourself Available

Spike Mendelsohn, restaurateur and Top Chef

I’m a pretty tolerant guy, but I get frustrated when people don’t make themselves available in the professional world. A lot of projects that I work on involve coordinating phone calls between people on opposite coasts, all of whom have crazy schedules. You have to be flexible and understand that work doesn’t just happen from 9 to 5. Sometimes you have a call at 11 P.M. because that is when it needs to happen.

#7: Value People

Jolanta Benal, author of The Dog Trainer’s Complete Guide to a Happy, Well-Behaved Pet

It’s a bad idea to price-shop professionals. The cheapest one in your market is rarely the best qualified.

#8: Body Language Speaks Volumes

Neil Blumenthal, cofounder of Warby Parker

Some of the basics are often overlooked: sit up straight, look people in the eye, and practice a firm handshake. Body language is crucial to being a professional. [When we’re hiring], we’re not just looking for a person who can handle the job, we’re also looking for someone to grow in the company. If they don’t have manners, a physical presence, or leadership potential, then we really don’t want to waste the time bringing them in and training them.

“As you can see, I graduated top of my class, with a 4.0, so I’m qualified for anything you have … just as long as I don’t have to talk to people … or work in groups … or go to parties…”

#9: Be Aware of Personal Space

Mignon Fogarty, bestselling author of Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing

I wish people would resist reclining their seats on airplanes. Yes, you’re allowed to recline, but doing so makes the person behind you uncomfortable (well, more uncomfortable) for the entire flight, and it often makes it nearly impossible to use a laptop. When people are confined together in such a small space, they should strive to be extra considerate of one another.

#10: Look the Part

Louis Black, cofounder of SXSW and of The Austin Chronicle

Dress well, be soft spoken, and show good manners. No matter how brilliant you are or how great your work is, a lot of [your success or failure] comes from how you come across to others.

#11: Not All Billionaires Wear Suits

Stever Robbins, Harvard MBA and author of Get-It-Done Guy’s 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More

People often make assumptions about who is and isn’t important based on age, bearing, and attire. This is not only rude, it’s also dangerous. In today’s world, middle-aged con men wear suits and twenty-eight-year-old billionaires wear jeans. Treat everyone with respect and you’ll be pleased with the result. As a longtime techie, I’ve never been comfortable in anything except jeans, and I look much younger than my age. People often pass me by at networking events because of my appearance. That’s why I started doing public speaking—it established my credibility.

#12: Know Your Comfort Level

Pranav Vora, founder of Hugh & Crye

Do not get too comfortable with your coworkers. It’s great to build friendships at work, but getting too friendly can sometimes lead to losing sight of the fact that there’s a professional relationship that matters even more than the personal.

#13: Be Honest, Brutally Honest …

Sam Tarantino, cofounder/CEO of Grooveshark

Always be honest even if it means being brutally honest. People respect those who call it like it is. If someone you work for doesn’t appreciate total honesty, then you shouldn’t work for them because it’s a sign of bad leadership.

#14:… But Not So Honest That It Comes Back to Bite You

Beata Santora, editor-in-chief of QuickAndDirtyTips.com

Honesty in the workplace is great … unless you work for someone who can’t take it. If you find yourself on the receiving end of a cold shoulder because you chose to tell your boss exactly what you thought of their product idea or their management style, then think twice about the honesty route. Sometimes it’s better to smile, bite your tongue, and agree than to be totally honest and make your point. Or else you might wind up in charge of coffee runs and copies.

#15: Value Your Connections

Rob Samuels, COO of Maker’s Mark

[Success] is not about meeting expectations, it’s about exceeding expectations. We go to great lengths to connect with folks in a meaningful way. When we deal with each other in our team, it’s all about honesty and transparency.

#16: Don’t Run From Confrontation

Brian Duncanson, cofounder and head of strategic planning for the Spartan Race

Deal with personality issues directly whenever possible. Better to meet them head on and break through your differences rather than allowing them to linger.

#17: Always Return Phone Calls

Steve Guttenberg, actor and author

Behaviors that are unacceptable are unreturned phone calls or letters. There is a civil mandate in show business: return a call or letter promptly. The more important the person, the quicker he will return your call. The idiots take their sweet time. The consequences are a bitch. You may need that person later. And try getting your call returned then.

#18: Respond to E-mail Promptly

Benjamin August, screenwriter and producer

In this day and age, it’s absolutely beyond rude to not reply to an e-mail in a timely manner. There’s few among us who don’t check their e-mail every 2.5 seconds whether or not we’re in the office. There’s nothing worse than going to lunch with someone who spends more than half the meal typing on their BlackBerry or iPhone. However, when you send them a message, it seems as if you’re using the U.S. postal system. You don’t need to write an essay. You just need to answer relevant questions with firm answers. If you don’t have the answer yet, you can say, “I’ll get back to you on that.” Business is business. It shouldn’t feel like dating when you start to wonder, “Why isn’t he/she writing me back?”

#19: Don’t Exaggerate in E-mail

Lisa B. Marshall, author of Smart Talk: The Public Speaker’s Guide to Success in Every Situation

Stop using exclamation points in e-mail!!!!

Don’t assume that what you think is urgent is necessarily also urgent to the recipient … it rarely is. Instead write better subject lines that precisely summarize the point of your e-mail: “Urgent Reply Needed by 5pm re: marketing plan update.”

#20: Step Away from the Phone

Lisa Loeb, Grammy-nominated singer/songwriter

It’s bad manners to answer e-mails on your smartphone or computer while in a meeting with someone (without excusing yourself first or even acknowledging that you’re doing it).

#21: Meet a Person—In Person

Damon Young, author and contributing editor at Ebony.com

With us becoming more and more dependent on the Internet and other forms of communication technology, it helps to remember that dealing with an actual human—whether face-to-face or just a voice over the phone—matters.

#22: Don’t Always Be Selling

Amanda Thomas, owner of Moxie Girl Household Assistants and host of the Domestic CEO podcast

When at a networking event, simply present who you are and what you do. If people want to buy your service or product, they will tell you. If they don’t tell you they want it, don’t try and sell it to them. Ever! It’s a total turnoff.

#23: Hygiene Is Key

Ben Greenfield, fitness expert and author of Get-Fit Guy’s Guide to Achieving Your Ideal Body

If you have a company gym, I recommend using it often. But if there’s no opportunity to shower afterwards, I don’t recommend covering up body odor with excessive fragrance. That can potentially annoy or distract your colleagues. Instead, I’ve found that most exercise odor can be fixed with this quick trick: Smear a bit of coconut oil on your underarms and you’ll smell slightly tropical, without overpowering the noses around you. Alternatively, use a stick of basic, no-frills, baking-soda-based antiperspirant—and save the fancy smells for your hot dates, not your business functions.

#24: Bad Breath = Bad for Business

Eugene Foley, president of Foley Entertainment, Inc.

If you’ve eaten onions, garlic, or anything else that could be offensive before a business meeting, please freshen your breath. Sitting across from that person for an hour is not enjoyable.

#25: Make Magic

Ken Austin, cofounder of Marquis Jet and founder/CEO of Tequila Avión

Think about how you can create magic in everything you do, so people can look at you and say “There’s something there … I wish I could do that.”