Introduction

Allow me to paint a picture of my first year out of college (or as every cheesy commencement speaker calls it “the real world”). It starts with an eager young man clutching his diploma and excitedly diving into what is promised to be an “up and coming” job opportunity.

After only one month, his story takes a leap off the side of a cliff like Thelma and Louise driving into oblivion. He finds himself in a web of deceit and manipulation because his boss has the morals of a Third World dictator. The boy with the promising, enviable job winds up spending his days lying to clients, paying fees for his boss’ bounced paychecks, and generally wallowing in the lowest circles of Hell until he has a nervous breakdown at twenty-three.

“Oh come on, grow a pair, it couldn’t really be that bad,” you say.

Allow me to illustrate. I call this my Top 5 (but trust me, there are at least 5,000) “Holy F—n Crap, You Must Be Kidding Me!” moments from my first job after college:

9/11/2001. I worked in Washington, D.C., and our office overlooked a main thoroughfare. On that awful day the street was filled with gridlocked cars and panicked people running and screaming—it was pandemonium. As my boss and I looked out at the chaos from our office window, he handed me a stack of business cards and ordered me to go hand them out to everyone stuck in traffic since it was “a great opportunity for business.” (Mind you, the company was a graphics design and printing firm.) When I declined, he told me to “Stop being such a bitch.”

Paydays can be tricky. In our small office of six (including our evil dictator), there was routinely only enough money for five people to be paid come payday—including Stalin himself. This was an unspoken but well-known fact. So the first five to get to the bank before it closed on Friday were the lucky ones. The latecomer had to wait until Monday when our boss could funnel money into the account from wherever else he was hiding it. He would often hand us our checks at 6:00 P.M. on Fridays, after the banks closed, or in sealed envelopes so we could not see they were unsigned, which apparently the banks have a big problem with.

Ticket to ride. After bouncing employees’ checks on a fairly regular basis, my boss told me one day—quite proudly—that he was buying his wife a Mercedes SUV. This was after he made me drive him around in my beat-up piece of junk for nine hours and pay for gas.

Burning the midnight oil. One day a massive job came in and my boss couldn’t resist the money. So he had a coworker and me work from 9:00 A.M. to 7:00 A.M.—that’s twenty-two hours straight. After that shift, he benevolently said that I could go home, get some rest, and come back in around noon … the same day.

The tax man. After I quit the job, my boss failed to deliver my W2 tax form on time because he was too busy fixing his books with his crooked accountant, which forced me to file late. And when the W2 finally arrived, it was incorrect.

Why am I telling you all this?

These examples of my first foray into “the real world” are not meant to scare you. Okay, maybe a little. The reason why I’m sharing these horror stories is so you know that I’ve been in your shoes. Sure, I hope you don’t have as dodgy a start as I did in your career, but I guarantee that most of us will have (or have had) to wade through troubled waters to achieve professional success, no matter how you define it. Plus, how could I understand and resolve improper business behavior if I never experienced it—at massive levels—for the majority of my career?

Like so many other graduates, I thought that my career would take a traditional, linear path. I figured I’d go to college, get a degree, land a job, and stick with that field until Social Security kicked in. I mean, let’s face it, this is real life, not the movies. I’m not going to sit down at Starbucks next to some random person who just so happens to be a CEO who says, “Son, I can just tell you have potential. How would you like a job?” Also, like many other young people, I thought the world was waiting for my ideas and when I got that degree, the gates of good fortune would fly open. (Cue the Rocky theme.)

That’s not how it went. And trust me, it’s not how it will ever go.

The days of a simple path from college to retirement do not exist anymore. Nowadays it’s pretty normal for people to transition to different professions at least a few times in their working life. This requires you to hustle, to make yourself as marketable as possible. Think of a shark. A shark requires constant motion to survive. If it stops moving, it dies. That’s how you have to be—bending, learning, adapting—and if you don’t operate that way, the other predators in the ocean will have you for breakfast.

Speaking of predators, let’s go back to that hellhole in D.C. Since I didn’t know any better, I could have easily stayed at that crappy job with my tyrant of a boss and allowed my ass to get handed to me for the next thirty years. I could have. But I didn’t.

Am I grateful for that terrible walk through Satan’s playground after college? Hell no! Come on, people, have you been following at all? That was torture! I prayed for that benevolent CEO to come my way out of the blue. But again, we all know that isn’t how it works.

I still remember the day I quit that job. I thought for sure it was going to come to blows. After all, my boss was a spoiled egomaniac, who didn’t see anything wrong with the day-to-day operations (rob, cheat, lie, repeat). A person with that mentality looks at people disagreeing with him—let alone quitting—as the highest form of disrespect, so I expected him to lash out. I chose to tell him at lunchtime as I figured he’d be happier on a full stomach. We walked outside and I said, “Look, I don’t think this is working for me and I’m giving my two weeks’ notice now.” I balled my fists in my pockets, waiting for him to charge me or take a swing. To my utter surprise (and slight disappointment), his only response was a simple “Okay.” Then he walked away and that was the last time we spoke. Turns out, he was as much of a wimp as he was a liar. The day I left, I got a handshake and a cheesy grin good-bye. That was it. A bridge was burned, but I made it out unscathed.

I left that first job thinking it was always going to be that bad. I expected that all bosses would be rude and ignorant, that employees would be mere pawns, not key players. I was wrong, and I admit that the chip on my shoulder that was planted by my first job gets smaller and smaller every day. It’s still there, though; it always will be. I think that’s what moves me forward: if you have a chip, it means you have something to prove. So I wear it proudly, but don’t let it affect how I conduct myself as a professional.

No grudges, no regrets.

*   *   *

That was twelve years ago.

Since then, my career has gone in a variety of unexpected directions, all of which led to the writing of this book. Granted I’m not on Forbes’ list of richest CEOs, but when it comes to a life of the most careers, I’m definitely a contender. I’ve gone from being a professional wrestler (my stage name was “The Thrill From Israel” Buster Maccabi—true story!), to hosting a manners-and-etiquette podcast that is heard by millions of people in more than 200 countries around the world. Quite a different path from what I originally planned, to say the least!

In between these two careers, I’ve launched an award-winning Internet magazine, wrote and illustrated a series of popular children’s books, invented a fashion accessory, and launched my own children’s clothing line called Charm City Babies. Turns out, I have an entrepreneurial streak. I never would have known that if I didn’t take a series of flying leaps into the unknown. Has it been easy? Not even a little. But even with the speed bumps I can honestly say that I prefer the more chaotic ride to the linear and mundane.

In 2010 I was approached by the editor of Macmillan’s Quick and Dirty Tips (a popular Web site and podcasting network) to become Modern Manners Guy. I would create a weekly column and podcast about manners in the twenty-first century. This was a dream come true! I would get to use my personal experience to help others tackle their daily struggles in this super-connected, privacy-free digital world. It turns out that all those awful people and situations I’ve encountered in my varied career would give me the tools I needed to help others overcome their own trials. How could I say no, right?

Nowadays, because of my role as Modern Manners Guy, I’m routinely invited to appear on TV, print, and radio outlets to tell my story and share the lessons I’ve learned over the years about how our behavior can directly affect our career successes and failures. It turns out that people dig the idea of a five-foot-five guy from the suburbs of Baltimore going from the gritty underworld of pro wrestling to the classier side of life. But let’s get real: this is the twenty-first century and I’m not a scion of Emily Post, which is why you won’t find advice on folding napkins or party planning in this book.

*   *   *

I have a freakish photographic memory, so when I tell you that I remember the exact moment something happened, you can believe it really went that way. Like the day I got the e-mail about the opportunity to write this book.

I was checking my in-box as my daughter played with a puzzle on the floor of the pediatrician’s office. Suddenly, my editor’s name appeared with the subject line ARE YOU READY? And there it was. I got the green light.

First, I stood to my feet and screamed a gigantic “YESSSSS!,” followed by a few colorful expletives. It wasn’t a “Yes, this will be a splendid opportunity.” No, it was more like the “Yes” a boxer or MMA fighter feels after a knockout—a teeth-grating, fist-squeezing, kiss-your-own-bicep-as-you-flex kind of “Yes!” This was the culmination of a dream I’d carried throughout my professional life. Now I could share the unspoken rules of success with millions! Now I could stop others from making the mistakes that could permanently compromise their careers.

But after I calmed down and apologized to the other parents in the waiting room for teaching their toddlers some new choice words, I was hit with the startling realization that I had to do something different. Writing the same ho-hum advice you’ve read again and again about how it’s polite to say thank you in a job interview or show up on time wasn’t the point. I wanted to do something much more relevant and real, something that pulled back the veil of corporate life and showed the underbelly. I wanted to reveal the insider info that we all wish the top dogs would tell us before we screwed up.

So I went straight to the top. I contacted leaders in a variety of industries, from fashion to technology, from restaurants to real estate, from Wall Street to Hollywood. I wanted my readers to hear firsthand from the elite that they too had it rough in the beginning—and even more important, I wanted to reveal how they succeeded where countless others failed. It was a huge responsibility.

Or as my editor put it, “Don’t screw this up!”

Got it.

So I thought back to the day I decided to leave my awful first job. What if I never found anything better? What if all bosses were there to push me around? What if all coworkers were gargoyles who got under my skin? What if I couldn’t afford rent or food? I wish it was easier, or that my first job was my immediate ticket to success, but it wasn’t and in the end, I’m glad. Sometimes we need a little fear to push us to jump without a net. Like the first time I jumped off the top ropes in a wrestling ring; I had no idea what it would feel like when I landed but I knew I’d get back up. This is what every CEO, entrepreneur, and entertainer I interviewed for this book told me. Not one person said their life turned out the way they thought it would and absolutely no one had it easy (not even the people with the financial edge). They all agreed that in the end, only your character and the way you treat others will get you what you want.

And even if you burn bridges, don’t be the one to light the match.