T
he rocking roar from the boat engine vibrates under my body where it lies stretched out on deck.
My dream is diffused but at the same time symbolic and distinct.
My longing for light in the deep, so strong and clear, yet still so very clouded by the octopus’s blue-black smoke it periodically exudes.
An invincible conviction that the light is there, just waiting for me to be united with it again.
I know it so well. For that is what I am.
My life with all its distractions stands in its way. The octopus symbolises evil. The ego in humans. The illusion of separation.
Bo’s long fingers untangle my hair, to braid it.
“Ouch!”
I look up to his smiling face. A large bruise covers his left eye.
“Oh, sorry… seriously, though, you say ouch when someone pulls your hair a bit, when you’ve broken every bone in your body?”
He shakes his head and continues detangling my hair.
Bo breaks a moment of silence and says, “I’m considering reporting him for hitting me last night during the storm. You saw what happened, didn’t you?”
“I saw he tried to restrain you and that he hit you… I don’t know what his rights as captain are if one of the crew ‘loses it’ and risks themselves or others to potential danger. But it certainly seems that it isn’t OK to hit one’s crew. Keelhauling would be more appropriate…”
“What are you laughing at?”
Nora sits down beside us on deck.
“We don’t know what else to do about this situation on board that begins to feel nearly macabre.” I answer and squint up at Nora.
“You should have sunglasses on, Valentina! You not only damage the skin round your eyes, you can also damage your eyes,” she says behind her black sunglasses.
“Yes, sunglasses would have been lovely, they’re one of all those things I should’ve had on this trip that I didn’t get any information about… don’t quite understand how Bo and I landed here!”
I laugh again.
“But I know that! You were persuaded to come along by Janek because he hoped to get lucky with you in bed. I got to come along because I persuaded Janek I could manage and that I’d send good vibrations aboard.”
He laughs heartily.
“Well, it’s nice you can take it so calmly. But if it’s true that you didn’t receive all the information in the email regarding the journey, then he’s committed a criminal offense as captain.”
Nora turns her gaze to Bo.
“Neither may he hit his crew. He has the right to restrain someone when needed and he may even lock a crew member up when the situation requires it,” she speaks softly and seriously.
The engine grows quiet.
“I don’t want to argue, it’s not worth it for me to report anyone or anything.”
I assume my normal position: to not be a problem to anyone.
“What´s this conspiracy meeting up on deck?” Janek turns up unexpectedly and startles Bo.
“Are you OK, Bo? I was forced to, in some way keep you in your harness for your own sake… I’m sorry about the black eye.”
He looks towards Bo through black sunglasses.
Bo nods as an answer and mumbles something that perhaps wasn’t so very suitable for such an adventure.
“Maybe we can continue with Val’s suggestion to share something inspiring with one another. You related that inspiring story of the cellist in Sarajevo’s war-torn streets. Maybe you’d like to share something with us, Bo?” he says with the same friendly voice he had at the beginning of the voyage.
Bo shakes his head.
“I’m not in the mood to share anything, but you could share something inspiring.”
Janek is quiet a time. He changes position and begins.
“Sure, why not? I don’t know if this will be inspiring to you, but it’s what I thought to maybe share when it was my turn.”
He wipes the sweat from his brow with his arm and continues.
“During a long sailing trip I made on my own, many years ago, I began to be troubled by a peculiar dream. It returned nearly every time I fell asleep. I thought I was losing my mind and tried to analyse the dream. Like I felt deep within me that it had a message.”
He grows quiet and kisses his crucifix.
“Will you share what you dreamt?”
I sit up and ignore the missiles being launched inside me.
“I was swimming slowly under the surface. I met an immensely huge octopus. It was terrible and wanted to capture me, probably to kill me. Several times its tentacles latched onto me in the dark. I wasn’t able to free myself… as though it represented the devil himself.”
He kisses his crucifix again and makes the sign of the cross and folds his hands in prayer.
I don’t ask about the light. I don’t ask about the whale. It is only a dream. In reality I lay my hand on his shoulder.
How many storms will he meet, how many nights alone at sea? Cold, but full of warmth. How many lifetimes will this soul wander before the light makes itself known.
A strong feeling of empathy explodes in my breast. Empathy and compassion for all humans longing for ‘home’ – home to their hearts.
Tears flow behind the sunglasses down onto his cheeks. I hug him.
We meet for the first time beyond our roles, our performances, expectations, hopes for one another or how things could be according to our mental projections.
I feel at once a tremendous gratitude for being exactly where I am just now. Life has brought our paths together for a reason.
Life always sees it to bring me together with just those people and those events that are most favourable to my journey back to my heart.
To myself.
Gratitude fills me.
Boundless gratitude.