I
get up again.
Just like I’ve always done after every sleep and every fall.
I meet and relieve Bo on deck.
Where dawn meets and relieves the night.
Where the sun meets and relieves the moon.
Where the light relieves the dark. Where I, too, dissolve.
Just like I’ve always done after every sleep and every fall.
I sit for the last time at my place in the bow. And for the first time in four weeks, I see land in sight.
The new dawn is soft pink.
The cool winds of change blow fresh and energetically.
I meet them now entirely without fear.
In the bottomless ocean, I arrive at the place where the entity no longer exists. Even if I were put back on the dock when this journey began, when the tide rises and the psychological mind returns, I have now seen through the illusion.
The illusion of being solely a separate entity.
From here I clearly see my various rolls and personalities that come and go. Personalities pass by and finally even the feeling of the entity.
However, a few seem to be interested in meeting themselves on any deeper, more authentic level. A few seem to want to see the negative consequences caused by what is often a selfish and arrogant lifestyle. And to then have the wisdom and courage needed for change.
The entity is threatened by change; it appears to be one of its strongest characteristics.
Life, on the other hand, has no such fear. For life, change is totally natural and an evident part of one’s dynamic existence. A tree does not protest when it loses its leaves. Nor does the sea complain when the wind blows up waves on it.
My thoughts are interrupted when Nora runs her hands through my hair. She says that perhaps I’ll cut it short when we get ashore in a few hours and something else I don’t really hear since I still have some of my attention in my own mind.
“Come to breakfast.”
She takes my hand.
Saltwater runs from my nose.
I turn around and observe her for a moment. Her hair has lightened in the sun, just like mine. Her warm and brown eyes I saw at our first meeting made me feel as safe as I needed to board the boat.
“Nora, I’m sorry, but I didn’t really hear what you said, before. I’ll blame the noise in my ears.”
“I said it’s time for breakfast, that your hair will be hard to do anything about, I recommended a hotel that’s sweet and affordable for the Maldives, since you’ll be there a while… that’s about it.”
She shrugs her shoulders and smiles.
“But there was something else, right at the end, something about the universe…”
She reflects for a moment and then says, “I said that now we’ll go ashore and thus go from the universal to the local once again. A change I’m having harder and harder to adjust to.”
I nod and thank her for sharing her wisdom I missed the first time as I wasn’t present.
We look toward the strip of land on the horizon.
A dolphin jumps up and plays at my feet. The same dolphin has been following us the past few days. I’ve christened her as Joy. Her playing reminds me of life’s divine game. A game we all have taken too seriously.
I get up reluctantly to our last meal together in the cockpit.
Pasta and water in the day’s honour.
Bo and Janek have already started squaring up to one another. This time the small-scale war is about whether or not it is wrong to have a dog on a long sea voyage or not.
“Please, please, guys, let it go! Can’t you have a pleasant last breakfast together without arguing?”
I strain for what I feel would be a nicer social atmosphere at the table.
“In the first place, we’re not arguing, we’re simply discussing! In the second, this is something I feel I want to solve with Bo since I think he’s wrong in that it’s selfish of me to take my dog on longer voyages.”
Janek barely has time to breathe and his arms fly around like they do when he ‘discusses’ something and becomes defensive.
I turn away and look out over the railing on the port side. I try to see if my dolphin-friend Joy is still with us and try to shut out their unsuccessful attempts to solve this conflict.
Yet another solution.
‘Solution’ right now feels meaningless. An endlessly draining waste of time that ego seems to nourish itself upon.
‘Dissolution’ feels more like a wise alternative. It strikes me as being the only abiding solution.
Ego’s dissolution.