Wincing, Alice lifted the large plaster cast into the foot well of Tara’s Mini. Even with the passenger seat cranked back as far as it would go, she still needed to lean onto the driver’s seat and pull and shuffle the cast until it was in place. By this point, she could no longer reach the door handle to pull the door closed, but thankfully Tara was on hand to slam it for her.
‘Are you sure you want to do this?’ Tara asked, once she was seated in the driver’s side and had helped Alice secure her seatbelt.
Alice placed a protective hand across her middle. ‘I have to do it. Please don’t ask me why, it’s just … I just need to. Okay?’
Tara started the engine and pulled out of the driveway of Alice’s mum’s house, where Alice had been recuperating since leaving the hospital. Three weeks had passed since then, and although she was getting steadier on the crutches, moving about still required a lot of effort, and she was ashamed to admit she’d spent most of her time lying on the sofa.
Tara glanced over several times without speaking, but the silence between them was comfortable. They’d practically lived inside each other’s pockets since Alice had been released from hospital, with Tara fawning over her friend.
The radio was playing cheesy pop music, but at least it was upbeat, and it was important for Alice to keep her spirits up, especially today. The sun was shining overhead and the traffic on the M3 crawled along the route to Winchester. It didn’t matter though – they had plenty of time to reach their destination.
Despite Alice’s efforts to get a message to Kerry’s son Finn, all Hazelton had said was that she would try. Alice wished there was some way – any way – she could make amends for what her family had done to his. Her attempts to contact social services had been in vain too. For now she would need to carry the burden.
Ray was discovered hidden beneath a pile of coats in the back of an old military friend’s car as he attempted to board the Eurostar three days after Ben’s confession. The arrests of Ray, Ben, Abdul and Dave had made the national news. The story had been broken by Liam O’Neill who constantly seemed to be on the television sharing his inside knowledge. Alice had done her best to avoid reading or watching any of it. Their day in court would come soon enough, but she had yet to decide whether she would attend the trial or not. Part of her wanted to see the look in Ray’s eyes when the jury passed their verdict, but the other part didn’t want to step foot in the same room as him ever again.
The new school term was due to start on Monday, but with Alice’s leg likely to remain in the cast for a few more weeks, she had been granted extended leave with a substitute teacher scheduled to watch over her class until at least half-term. Alice was determined to get back sooner, but she would follow the doctors’ and physio’s advice.
Spending every day at her mum’s had taken its own toll. Scott was still in Switzerland, as the two nations debated where he should stand trial for drug smuggling. Whatever the decision, his professional cycling career was over, and that would take him a long time to come to terms with. Cycling was his only real passion, and their mum seemed to be feeling the strain as much as he was.
They would find a way to get through it. If Alice had learned anything over the last month, it was that her will to fight and succeed was stronger than she’d ever realized. If she could survive the events since the wedding, she could survive anything.
‘We’re nearly there,’ Tara said as she left the main road and turned into a residential estate. ‘Are you ready for this?’
Alice bit her lip and nodded. She’d deliberately avoided thinking about what she was about to do so that she couldn’t convince herself not to go through with it, and as the satnav flashed up to say they were only yards from the address, she was suddenly keen to turn around.
‘Do you want me to come in with you?’ Tara asked, pulling past the building and parking at the side of the road.
‘It’s something I need to do alone,’ Alice replied.
Exiting the car, Alice used the crutches to lift herself from the seat, looping the strap of her handbag over her head and shoulder and allowing her eyes to follow the enormous redbrick building to the sky.
Once inside, the transition through security was awkward. She had to show her identification several times, continually repeating the prison number Ben had been assigned upon his arrival at HMP Winchester, where he would remain on remand until trial.
Placing her handbag in the locker she was directed to, Alice held tightly to the envelope she’d brought with her. She was finally led into the large canteen, where she located Ben – equipped with beard – sitting at a table.
He stood to kiss her as she approached, but she shook her head gently. She was proud that he’d taken responsibility for his actions, but it would be some time before she felt able to trust him again.
Lowering herself into the chair across from him, the crutches clattered to the floor as she attempted to stand them against the table.
‘How are you?’ Ben asked, his features tight with concern. ‘If I’d known why he wanted to drive you to your mum’s, I’d never—’
Alice reached for his outstretched hand and squeezed it. ‘I know. You don’t have to explain again.’
His attempt to smile made his eyes shine more. ‘He’s in here too, but on a different wing. I haven’t asked the guards how he’s coping.’
The thin envelope felt heavy in her hands, and she knew the sooner she shared the news the sooner she could come to terms with it. Slipping her finger beneath the envelope’s edge, she gently prised open the flap and pulled out the contents, lying them flat on the table before him.
Ben stared at the three black and white images with confusion, until his mind processed what he was seeing. ‘Is this …?’
Alice nodded as she strained to keep the tears breaking free.
‘You’re pregnant?’
She nodded again.
Ben’s mouth opened and closed, and when his eyes made contact with hers, she saw the deep remorse that cloaked him. A hand shot up to his eyes and wiped at them without success. ‘Oh my God, that’s incredible. I mean, wow! Um, I … I can’t believe it.’
‘Due in early February,’ Alice said, her lips curling up for the first time since she’d seen the blue line on the pregnancy test. ‘I knew the dress felt tighter on our wedding day.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ Ben said, his eyes back on the images of the round blob. ‘Are you okay? Are you happy?’
Alice couldn’t answer, instead looking up at the clear sky streaming through the glass in the roof. Her dream of raising a family with a loving husband in a beautiful home no longer felt achievable, and that saddened her just as much as the prospect of Ben spending years behind bars for his part in Kerry’s death. It was impossible to know what the future held for any of them, but what she was certain of was the bond already blossoming with the being growing inside her. Whether she allowed Ben back into her life, or chose to continue her journey without him, their child would know love every day, and she would strive to make he or she her priority, as Kerry had with Finn.