Fear. Trembling uncontrollably, terrified, fear raced through every inch of my body, my hands especially. Holding Remy close to me and feeling her little baby warmth didn’t help quell that emotion one bit. Instead, it kept growing, my insides cold and unforgiving. My ears were ringing from the blast no matter how many times I’d tried to pop them, and if I moved too quickly dizziness grabbed me momentarily. I wasn’t even near the fire, at least not like Austyn was.
All the what-ifs came on repeat into my head, giving me a headache, or maybe that was the blast. Hell, it could’ve been all the emotions hitting me at once and my brain telling me to calm down.
Austyn almost burned alive, and Micah had to fight his way in and out to get her to safety. Not to mention Remy and I were just in that house talking to Austyn. It could’ve blown when Remy was there.
My baby girl.
The emotions were too much. I had to clench my jaw to stop the scream that wanted to come from my lips at just the thought.
There were no words to describe the utter terror in the thought of losing my baby. It could never happen. Ever. I’d never recover from that. The hole inside of me would never heal.
Everyone is okay…
Even knowing we were fine, just the fact of living through the experience had me rattled. Who in this world would set two homes to explode like that? Why? I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around the bombardment of questions that no one seemed to have any answers for.
Thinking about what Micah had to do to get Austyn out made me sick to my stomach. I listened when she told the story of her rescue. The thought of him in danger was almost too much to bear. We’d only spent a short amount of time with him, but he was Remy’s dad, and it pained my heart that he almost got hurt.
He could’ve died. Remy just met him, and I couldn’t imagine a life where they wouldn’t see each other again. I’d planned on raising Remy by myself, but Micah wanted to be a father and, in my gut, call it instinct, Remy would miss out on a great man.
The way he covered us with his body. Tears pricked my eyes. Yeah, he was a good man.
Not to mention, he wasn’t here, and the brief moment of seeing him after dropping Austyn off at the clubhouse didn’t feel like enough. Part of me wanted him here just so I could wrap my arms around him and know that he was safe.
“Did you call your sister?” Austyn asked, sitting next to me on the picnic table. It amazed me how she was handling all of this. Everything she owned blew up, and here she was worried about me. The moment Austyn and I met, she had made herself my go-to person.
Never once did she push me to the side, saying she didn’t have time for me. Never had she treated Remy like less than her own. She had become a huge staple in my life, and if anything would’ve happened to her today, life wouldn’t be the same.
Her strength was impenetrable, and I admired that so much. The thought of any of these people getting hurt didn’t sit well.
“I left a message. She’s at work.”
“Gimme,” she said, holding her hands out to Remy who leaped into her arms. Austyn held her tightly, closing her eyes and kissing the top of her head. “Sorry this happened.”
“Did you decide to blow up your and Emery’s houses? No? Then it’s not your fault.”
Austyn shrugged. Yes, she shrugged like it was an everyday occurrence, but I’d been here for two years and could guarantee that it wasn’t the same old same old. Never once had anything exploded. That I’d remember.
“Once I find out who did this, I’ll…” She paused, then covered Remy’s ears. “Tear their fucking hearts out and feed them to the wolves.”
I would’ve chuckled, but she was serious. She had an edge to her that you didn’t cross. Once you did, heaven help you. She was so much like her mother, Princess, it was uncanny. Both strong women and both loved their family down to the marrow in their bones.
They loved hard, protected hard, and cared hard. Nothing like what I grew up with. I admired them for that.
“I’ll help ya.” Normally, I wasn’t a violent person, but for this I’d do it. No one put my friends and baby girl that close to danger. I’d never held a weapon before, but there was a first time for everything.
“No one fucks with the Ravage MC, Ensley. No one. We’ll find out who the hell did it and make them pay.” This sounded scary and good at the same time. She was speaking the truth.
“Would you put some damn clothes on!” A deep voice came from the left, and both our focuses went there.
Booker, tall, lean with dark unruly hair, was chasing a very scantily clad Mazie into the courtyard of the clubhouse. These two were trouble with a capital T. Mazie was Rhys and Tanner’s girl and pushed them to the limits. Booker was Breaker and Shaina’s kid and wanted to be a member of the MC.
“No,” Mazie smarted, who was wearing something I’d kill Remy for. Tight shorts that went up her ass cheeks, showing a good amount of them, and a crop top that displayed way too much midriff skin and even a hint of boob action. If she lifted her arms, there would be a show.
Mazie was only fifteen for God's sake. And Rhys… I couldn’t believe he was allowing this one bit. He didn’t seem like a man who would ever let his little girl go out like that. Nor did he seem like a man who would let other men see his daughter like that.
“You want me to get my ass kicked?” Booker responded, reaching out and grabbing her arm in which she yanked away but turned to face him.
“It would serve you good.” Her stare was venomous as she growled out the words. When her hands went to her hips, I cringed as her shirt moved.
“Great, Maz. Thanks…” Booker retorted.
“What’s goin’ on there?” I leaned over and asked Austyn who let out a little chuckle.
“Well, Rhys has had it with the way Mazie has been cutting up all her clothes and making herself look like a club momma. So, since good ol’ Booker there is prospecting to become part of the Ravage MC, he gets to keep Mazie in line with her appearance. If he doesn’t, then Rhys punches him in the face until he feels better.”
I sucked in a breath. “Holy shit.” Now that sounded more like Rhys, and something told me he’d like to pound Booker into the ground by the side looks I’d seen him give Mazie. That would be a tangled web and a match made in hell.
Mazie took off with Booker following her like a little lost puppy. It was probably in fear, though.
“Yeah, and word is Mazie caught him with some chick the other day behind the garage, and she’s pissed at him. Therefore, she wants her dad to beat the shit out him for her. So, we’ll have a bit of a show later because she won’t change. She’s damn stubborn and has the patience of a saint. Like a snake, she’ll strike when it’s least expected.”
“Great. Just what I want to see.” While it would break up the day, if I were Rhys, I’d be locking Mazie up for going out like that and wouldn’t be surprised after the beat down was over if he did just that. No way in hell would she come out until she was twenty.
Austyn laughed. Actually laughed, on the same day she almost kicked the bucket. “Mazie’s had a thing for him since they were kids. Now that Booker is nineteen and prospecting, his options have opened up immensely with the ladies. Mazie isn’t stupid even at fifteen. She knows the club life, grew up with all of us around, and doesn’t so much like his outside activities. Mark my words, it’ll all come to a head and you’ll see fireworks.”
“Seems like she has a bit of growin’ up to do,” I responded watching them go into the clubhouse.
“A lot of growin’ up. But give it a few more years, and Mazie’ll get him back.”
I was about to ask her what she meant when Blaze, Remy’s now grandmother, came running through the parking lot to the table where we were sitting. Her eyes glistened with tears, and my heart stopped for a moment.
Did Micah have time to talk to his parents about not telling Remy quite yet? Was she going to spill the beans right then and there? What would I say to Remy, especially with all the drama that had happened today? Questions upon questions piled up. The anxiety inside of me continued to climb as my gut twisted, threatening to explode. With everything going on, I couldn’t deal with this too.
Maybe it was irrational to fear Remy being told she had a father and grandparents. Who was I kidding… It was my hang up. It had nothing to do with Remy. It was all me, and I needed to work that out.
Remy jumped into my lap. She must’ve felt my panic of everything coming at me like a flood.
Blaze surprised me, though. She first went to Austyn, wrapping her arms around her tightly. She mumbled something into Austyn’s ear, but I couldn’t hear it.
Blaze then turned to us, eyes bright. “How are you doin’?” Her tone was one that I’d wished my mother had, had for me but never got. It was concerned, kind, and caring. Three things my own mother was not. It made me happy that Micah had that.
“We’re okay.”
Blaze nodded, then bent down to get closer to Remy. “How ya doin’, Remy banannee?” The nickname made me smile. I’d forgot about that. Blaze donned her with it one of the first times that we'd met her.
“Houssss boom,” Remy blurted, sitting up and arms going out in a large arc. Kids were little sponges, and I hated that this would be a memory for her. But it wasn’t any different than a car accident. I preferred to see it as a teachable moment. That was once I got my shit together and was able to explain it right or in a way that didn’t scare the hell out of her or me. Not to mention to have the answers to give Remy in the first place that I did not have.
“Yeah. I heard. That had to be scary,” she replied, getting close to my little girl.
“Gou … nd ’ent boom,” Remy continued, and I was pretty sure she meant ground. Her use of words was getting better and better every day.
“Yeah. We had to go to the ground, but we were safe,” I said, hugging her.
Remy nodded. “Mmmmmk dare.” That one was new, but Blaze caught onto it quicker than I did because she smiled wide.
“Micah was there? He kept you and Mommy safe?”
Remy’s head bobbed, then her thumb went in her mouth, and she laid her head against my chest.
“He ran in to get Austyn,” I told her, not knowing if she had heard everything.
“That boy. Or man. Hell, it’s all so different. It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong. It’s just an adjustment to the man he’s become. He’d never allow someone to be hurt if he could help it, and running into a burning building sounds like something the man in him would do.” The pride in her words was evident.
“Better than the pissant he used to be,” Austyn started, and my head turned to her. She’d told me some things about Micah, but not the pissant stuff in detail. Austyn looked to me. “He used to say bad shit about the club. It seems he’s over it now, and the brothers seem to be over it for the most part, so we’re letting it go.”
Blaze shook her head, giving Austyn the mother glare to end all mother glares. “Yes. Let it go.” It came out more as a mother’s demand than a statement. The Ravage MC respected their women, and the women respected each other. The elder generation held even more respect, leading up to Ma who was the matriarch of the MC. It was amazing watching them all together.
In this instance, Blaze was showing her rank in the system and expected Austyn to follow it. I had to admit I was curious if she would or not. The woman had, had a traumatic day and all.
“Right.” Austyn conceded, but there was a big story there that I’d need to hear at some point. Micah was the father of my child, after all, and I wanted to know everything about him. Before we hadn’t really spoken about him. It never came up, and I never put two and two together. Now, I wanted to know.
“I think we have ice cream inside,” Blaze said, looking at me, and I smiled, catching on to her game. She loved Remy, and she didn’t have to play anything to get to spend time with her. Even bribing her with ice cream. It made me overjoyed that Blaze wanted to spend time with her at all. She then directed her attention to Remy. “You wanna come and see if we can get some, Remy?”
My little girl looked up at me, silently seeking a feeler for what she should do. “Go ahead, baby. Eat some for me.”
Remy appeared to not want to go, warring with staying with me or getting a yummy treat, but then she reconsidered, reached out and took Blaze’s hand. Watching them walk away, it was confirmation that my little girl had a grandparent, and it hit me hard in the chest, threatening to knock the wind out of me.
That would’ve been a great picture to take, but before I could pull out my phone, they were gone inside the building. The feeling still remained, though, and I clung onto it with both hands. I loved that for Remy.
“So, she knows?” Austyn asked.
“Yeah, but I don’t know if Micah told her that we weren’t introducing them as grandparents yet. I’m assuming yes because she didn’t say anything.”
“She would’ve if he hadn’t said somethin’, so I think you’re good.”
Austyn was right. The way Blaze was so smooth with Remy, she knew and was keeping it to herself for now. It made me want to tell Remy all the more. Remy could trust these people and have a strong family unit. One that I could never give her back in our old life. The emotions whirled around me, and it might sound selfish, but I really wanted to see Micah.
“Any word from Ryker or the guys?”
Austyn bumped my shoulder with hers, knowing exactly what I was really asking. Not that I didn’t love my cousin … but... “Or Micah?”
“Well, yeah.” My phone hadn’t rung yet, so I had no updates. Not that he owed them to me, but it would be nice to know he was safe.
“Nothin’ yet. I’m sure they’ll be here in a while and give us directions. More than likely we’ll go on lockdown for a while.”
That started my pulse going. “What is a lockdown? At least in Ravage terms?”
“It means we all come to the clubhouse, find a place to sleep, and live here for however long it takes to figure out who the hell is trying to kill us.”
This did not sound fun. “I thought when Micah said to pack a bag he was talking about just for a night or two and maybe at his house.”
Her brow quirked. “You’d be good with stayin’ with him?”
My head shook. “I don’t know. Everything happened so damn quick. I haven’t had a chance to really think about the situation.” I just knew that with him I felt safe, and right now I needed that.
“You’re family, Ensley. Like it or not. That means if the club goes on lockdown you will too.” I was family. We were family. That felt damn good. Scary because we needed to go on lockdown, though.
“What about work?”
Austyn clicked her tongue, and I didn’t know if that was a good thing or bad. “That we’ll have to work out, but let’s just take it step by step.”
The sound of pipes came from the parking lot, and Raiden and Axel pulled in, parked, shut their machines down, got off and took off their helmets, putting them on the handlebars of their ride.
I didn’t know much about Harley’s, and couldn’t tell you the first thing about them. All I did know was their rides looked awesome. I’d never been on a motorcycle before.
They approached as Austyn accused, “Where the fuck have you been?”
Raid and Ax, their names shortened, were the newest members of the Ravage MC. I was here for the party they threw for the two of them getting patched in. They were still low men on the totem pole, according to Ryker. He’d tried to give me a biker 101 crash course, but if there was a grade, I would’ve failed it.
They were twins, Buzz and Bella’s kids. At twenty-years-old, they took hot bikers to a whole new level. Both had dark chocolate hair that curved around their ears, except Ax had these natural lighter brown highlights around his face. They both had striking blue eyes, and the only physical difference I could make out was Raid had a scar next to his eye on the right side. It was like having two identical turtles and putting nail polish on one to tell them apart. If Raid didn’t have the scar, no way could I tell them apart. They were that close in looks.
Not that I was interested in them or anything. Just making an observation as a single woman with eyes in my head.
“Busy. They told us to come here. We’re here,” Raid said.
“Glad you’re not dead,” Ax responded to Austyn, who growled at him.
“You’re an ass.”
Ax held out his arms. “Yep. Always have been. Always will be.”
I didn’t know a whole lot about these two. Sure, we’d crossed paths over the years, but I’d never sat down and had a conversation with them before.
Ax turned his attention on me. “Got Micah’s kid, huh?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Sorry about that. Sucks to be Remy.”
“Hey!” I started, and Ax held out his hand for me to stop.
“Don’t even wanna hear it, woman. I know you’re gonna defend your man and all that shit,” Ax threw back.
I got defensive. “He’s not my man.”
Raid’s eye quirked. “Really? So, you’re available then?”
Austyn began laughing once again. One day I was going to keep track of how many times she laughed in one day. I’d bet it was tons. It seemed Ryker was good for her even if my cousin was a bit crazy.
“Sorry, but no. You have to mature before that would even be a possibility,” I retaliated.
Raid clutched his hand to his heart. “You wound me. I could show ya a good time.”
I looked up to the sky for a moment, then back to him. “I’m not into the ‘good time’ crap. I have a kid and won’t parade anyone in front of her for a quick lay.”
Austyn jumped in. “You just want her because she’s Micah’s. Don’t you have somethin’ you should be doin’ right now? Like, I don’t know, finding out who the fuck bombed my damn house!”
“As you wish, my queen,” Ax joked, taking an overexaggerated bow, turning on his booted foot and making his way into the clubhouse.
“The offer stands,” Raid smiled at me, then followed his brother.
“Ignore them. They have more testosterone than the defensive line of the Baltimore Ravens. They are young and full of come, spreading it around to any woman who will take it.”
“Lord. We’re gonna have more kids running around here then.”
Austyn burst out laughing.
Her smile died as an older man came walking up to us. He had on round glasses and had a long gray beard. I hadn’t seen him before here, but that didn’t mean he didn’t belong here.
“He called you, didn’t he?” she asked the man.
“Let me check you out, and I’ll be on my way.” His voice was deep and had a bit of wisdom behind it.
“Doc, I’m okay. Promise.”
“You were thrown against a wall and cracked your back and head. Then you had to go through the fire to get out. Checkin’ you will only take a minute, young lady,” he retorted.
“How did you know that?”
“Ryker told me when he called. Now let’s get inside, little missy.”
Austyn groaned but hopped down from the table. “You do realize I’m not a little kid anymore, right?”
Doc smiled. “You listen about as good as you did then.” He brushed his arm out for Austyn to go in front of him.
A chuckle escaped me as Austyn turned. “Ryker is gonna get it.” And then she was gone.
Personally, I was happy she was getting looked at.
I was just hoping that Micah was okay.
What was taking so long?