‘What’s this all about?’
As Gray swings open the hallway door and steps into the open-plan area, I can’t hide a self-satisfied grin.
‘Surprise!’ I call out from behind him.
He stands with his back to me, dripping a little from the heavy rain as he surveys the dining table laid out for two in all its finery. I even managed to get Tollie to go digging around in the attic to find Grandma’s prized silver candelabra.
We slip off our wet coats and I go off to hang them up to begin drying out. When I return Gray is sniffing the air appreciatively, turning to me with his eyes full of mischief.
‘Please tell me that’s Sarah’s beef in red wine.’
I nod and he walks around the holdall he dumped on the floor to wrap his hands around my waist. Planting a noisy kiss on my lips, he swipes a few raindrops off my cheek, but they’re quickly replaced as droplets are still running off his hair.
‘If you don’t let me go it’s in danger of burning.’ I smile up at him. ‘And you need to dry your hair.’
He catches me up in his arms playfully, walking me backwards into the room.
‘Well, we can’t waste all your hard work, and you have one hungry man here.’ Gray deposits me next to the cooker, looking happy and relaxed. The weekend starts here.
‘I figured you’ve had a tough week and we’re overdue a romantic evening together. Sarah sends her regards.’
‘It’s just what I needed, Immi, and it’s the thought that counts. But where’s Tollie?’
‘Him and Fisher have taken Valerie off to an open night at the Middle Norton Brewing Company. We were all invited, and someone has to show local support, of course.’
‘Ah.’ He beams at me. ‘That’s an invite no one can refuse, so I’m astounded I won the toss-up. I wonder if Valerie is going along just to keep an eye on them; who’s the designated driver?’
‘Valerie insisted.’
‘Ah. That makes sense, then. But you got us out of it?’
‘I did. I wanted to start the weekend off in a relaxing way.’
I wriggle out of his grasp to check the oven, calling out over my shoulder, ‘Five minutes, no more.’
Gray heads off to the bathroom as I ferry plates and dishes across to the table. When he returns, he lights the candles then switches everything else off so we can sit side by side, staring out at the garden. Surrounded only by the soft, flickering light, this is bliss.
‘It’s rather dramatic in the rain, isn’t it?’ Gray reaches for my hand, clasping it tightly in his.
The garden up-lighters illuminate little patches of shrubs right down to the boundary and it makes the slanting rain glisten in places. Beyond that it’s impossible to see any detail of the vast expanse of fields, but the backdrop of a light, opaque thread of sky on the horizon melts into the graduated darkness of heavy black clouds. The contrast is stunning; one of those dramatic skies that don’t look real.
A sudden clap of thunder overhead makes me jump and my hand flies straight to my chest.
‘It’s like looking at a painting, seeing the sky like that, but I hope the storm passes quickly. Anyway, fingers crossed this tastes every bit as good as it smells.’
Gray reluctantly releases my hand, but I can see from his expression how much he’s looking forward to eating.
‘Great-looking roast potatoes,’ Gray remarks as I pass him a serving spoon.
‘These are all my own work,’ I inform him quite proudly.
‘Well, I’m glad there’s plenty of them. Anything happened this week that we haven’t had time to talk about yet?’ he enquires, piling roasters onto his plate.
Next, he lifts the lid on the casserole dish, holding up his plate so I can dispense a generous ladleful. Wafts of beefy goodness make even my stomach begin to grumble.
‘Well, Fisher has spoken to Valerie and she will officially take over my role after Christmas. I’ll go into the office for one final day to do a formal handover. To be honest, it isn’t really necessary, but Fisher and I are both a little sad about it. It’s the end of an era and we need to mark it in some way. Doughnuts and lunch at The Bullrush, I think, so not a lot of work is going to get done.’
Gray’s mouth is full, so he nods his head in acknowledgement. I find myself toying with a cube of beef on my plate. It’s time to tell him about the conversation with Tollie.
‘Apparently, in The Bullrush on Sunday evening they were talking about clubbing together to get us an engagement present. I told Tollie to put the damper on that, as we don’t want a fuss – that’s the whole point of doing the ring thing on Christmas Day and not having a separate celebration. But—’
I pause and Gray puts down his fork, sensing my apprehension.
‘He’s adamant, Gray.’ My tone is one of acceptance as I know it’s useless fighting Tollie on this one. ‘We’re doing the swap once you come to live in Aysbury.’
Gray shakes his head, sadly, half turning to reach out and cover my hand as it languishes on the table.
‘I know we both feel awkward about this, Immi, but it’s a big deal for Tollie. He doesn’t see it in the same way that you do – it’s not about clinging onto the past. He’s passing on the baton and he’s counting his blessings that he’s still fit and able to see you run with it. Our job is to make him proud and to bring his dream for the cottage alive.’
Gray’s eyes seek out mine and we sit for a moment, in silence. We both know that I’m the one here with the problem and I’m projecting that onto Tollie.
‘Funny, he said more or less the exact same thing. Okay. We’re doing it. I can’t say it will be easy, as Tollie is going to begin clearing out all the old stuff. It will be hard on us both, Gray. And I still don’t like the thought that he wants to pass everything on to us now, as if there’s some sort of rush. There’s a lot of living left in him and I don’t want to think about the future in that way.’
Gray shifts slightly in his chair.
‘You can’t look at it like that, Immi. He wants to experience it all alongside us, the joy of setting up our new life together. Tollie is eighty-six and a young eighty-six, at that. He’s fitter than a lot of men twenty years his junior, so let’s just be grateful and start making plans.’
Gray cups my chin in his hand. ‘Now, cheer up. This food is getting cold and that’s a waste. And I want you in a happy mood for later.’ The look I receive is decidedly flirtatious.
He picks up his fork again and I sit watching him eating with relish. Nothing knocks him for long; he has an indomitable spirit. I notice the fingertips of his left hand are tapping away lightly on the tabletop the other side of him. In his head there’s a melody playing and it’s what I love so much about this man.
I begin eating too, resolving to stop hankering over the past – what was and what might have been. It’s time to focus on creating a new reality. I know Grandma would simply tell me to pull myself together and get on with it.
‘Country chic is a good look for the cottage,’ I begin. ‘What do—’
Suddenly, everything goes black and, aside from the flickering candlelight emanating from the centre of the table. The room around us seems to get sucked into the shadowy garden outside.
‘Uh-oh,’ Gray moans, shovelling up the last forkful of food on his plate, then wiping his mouth on a paper napkin. ‘You finish yours, and I’ll check the distribution board. There’s nothing in the oven still, is there?’
‘No. I made the New York cheesecake this afternoon.’
Even in the softly flickering light, I can see Gray’s eyes lighting up at the mention of his favourite dessert.
Eating alone in the cosy shadows and listening to Gray banging around in the under-stairs cupboard as he grabs the small stepladder, I know that I’ll miss this place. Even though it reminds me of my journey from being a petulant teenager into an adult, it really has been my retreat from the world through some very tough years. A part of my reluctance to move has been as much about me as it has been about Tollie, I finally admit to myself. But tonight, I feel at peace with what’s to come. And grateful.
‘Thank you for giving me Gray,’ I say out loud to the emptiness around me. And then immediately feel rather silly.
‘What’s that?’ Gray calls from the hallway, as I savour a last mouthful of tender beef. ‘It’s not the board. It’s a power cut,’ he adds.
Well, there’s nothing we can do about that, so I carefully pile up the plates and carry them across to the sink. Swilling them off, I stack them in the dishwasher as Gray returns.
‘It’s going to get rather chilly, very quickly,’ he points out and I groan.
A huge fork of lightning sees us both running to the patio doors. Instinctively, I grab Gray’s hand and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
‘I think there’s only one thing that will help take our minds off this storm.’
I gaze up at him, smiling. ‘I’m thinking hiding in the cupboard might be the best option.’
‘A big helping of cheesecake. Preferably in bed, so we can stare out and watch the display.’
Gray is already corking the wine bottle and stowing it under his arm, as he grabs the half-full wine glasses off the table.
‘I doubt this will last for very long before they get the power back on. It probably shorted something at the sub-station. I’ll be back to carry the tray.’ He throws the words over his shoulder as he begins to make his way upstairs.
I do hope this storm eases off before Valerie has to drive back from the brewery. It seems winter just can’t make up its mind what it wants to do this year. It’s not looking good for a white Christmas, though.
We’re in bed by eight-thirty, so it’s no surprise that at just after three in the morning we are both wide awake.
‘I feel like I’ve had a full night’s sleep,’ Gray whispers in the darkness. ‘I wonder if the power is back on.’
When we jump out of bed to stare out of the window, it’s clear that we left the lights on. ‘The garden lights are back on. So, it’s all good. The heating hasn’t kicked in, though, and it’s freezing. Do you fancy a cup of tea?’
Gray eases his legs over the side of the bed.
‘I’ll go and reset the boiler, while you pop the kettle on.’
Grabbing one of my thick jumpers from the chest of drawers, I tug it over my head, reappearing to see Gray staring at me.
‘What?’
‘Very fetching,’ he replies.
Even in the gloom, Rudolph’s bright red nose seems to glow as if it’s lit up.
‘He’s cuddly. I’ve had him for years.’
Grabbing the tray from our evening feast, I make my way down to the kitchen and brave putting on one of the side lights.
I’m so used to living here alone that it’s still strange, whenever Gray sleeps over, to hear someone banging around upstairs. But it is comforting and being one of a couple means that a lot of things are about to change – it’s time to start getting used to that.
‘Heating’s on. It won’t take long to warm it up. Do you have any biscuits?’
I look across at Gray as he approaches and burst out laughing. He brings his usual T-shirt and shorts to sleep in, but it is icy cold in here and he’s grabbed my winter dressing gown. He looks like a hobbit with the hood up and his hairy – admittedly, very muscular – legs exposed, as it barely reaches his knees.
‘Fetching,’ I remark, not even trying to hide my reaction. ‘It’s a no to the biscuits, sorry.’
Instead, he swings open the fridge door, reaching his hand inside.
‘Would you think it awful if I had another slice of cheesecake?’
‘Not if we share it,’ I retort.
‘Ah, a woman after my own heart. Shall I pop up and get a blanket so I can take off this teeny dressing gown and we can snuggle up on the sofa?’
‘Please do and I’ll try my best to wipe the image from my mind.’
I wave him off while I sort everything out. There’s something so decadent about being awake when the rest of Aysbury is fast asleep. A feeling of exhilaration courses through me. It’s not simply the fact that Christmas is looming, we’re engaged, and Gray and I will soon be living together, but the feeling that my life is finally falling into place.
Carrying the tray into the sitting room, I find Gray is now assembling an array of candles on the coffee table. The moment our eyes meet my heart begins to thud in my chest. He is my soul mate, there’s no mistaking that. And I’m his.
‘You spoil me,’ he says.
I hold out a plate and he grabs one of the two forks in my hand.
‘Everyone deserves a little spoiling now and again. You surprised me this last week.’
I sink down next to him and he covers us both with the blanket, tilting his head to look at me and give me one of his loving, radiant smiles.
‘How?’
‘I thought you’d be angry about this thing with your father. Poor Rona was so anxious about it.’
His smile fades away and his discomfort is tangible as he shrugs his shoulders.
‘We fly out on the twenty-eighth of December, which is annoying to say the least. I wanted to be around to savour our engagement celebration and spend a little time here with you. Plus, Valerie invited Mum to stay with her for a couple of days over the new year period, which was very thoughtful of her. It would have helped to cement their friendship. Now, instead, we’ll be heading off to sunny California and it’s not exactly going to be a holiday, is it?’
He sounds gutted and I feel for him.
‘No. It’s not, Gray. But you’re lucky, in a way.’ The look he gives me is one of empathy and guilt. He knows I’d give anything to meet my mum face to face. Even if the result was that it made me realise my dad and I were nothing to her. At least I’d know for sure.
‘I’m sorry, Immi. You’re right. Do you know something? You make me a better person just because your take on things is honest. Your gut instinct isn’t to be resentful, but to live in the hope that eventually even the worst of us will do the right thing. But some people don’t deserve a second chance, or even forgiveness for what they’ve done. I don’t ever want anyone to take advantage of your good heart, my love. That’s why Tollie worries about you and from here on in it’s my job to be your protector so he can relax a little.’
Am I that fragile? I feel like a warrior most of the time, but inside – well, Gray is right. There’s that piece of me at the core that I keep hidden for fear it will break as easily as shattering a glass.
‘How long will you be gone?’
Gray expels a deep breath, which indicates reluctance, more so than resigned acceptance. He just wants it to be over.
‘Ten days. Ten lonely, wasted days without you. I have no intention of interfering between Mum and Grayson. I’ll just do my bit as requested and leave them to sort themselves out. It’s utterly ridiculous that a few forms are stopping Mum from moving on. This is where she needs to be. Aysbury is the perfect place to encourage her back out into the world and she’s crazy if she allows him to stand in the way of that.’
‘Let’s hope for the best, Gray. I doubt that either of them are happy with things as they stand,’ I reply encouragingly. His frown reflects his annoyance.
‘It’s my father’s fault that they’re still in this situation after all these years. Considering that Mum talks in rather reverential tones about him being an astute businessman, he’s demonstrated a total lack of responsibility. Mum might not have had the money or the access to a solicitor to help her sort it out, but he most certainly would have done. But why on earth did she let him get away with it? It was a big mistake letting it slide and now he expects everyone to jump because the timing is right for him.’
I scoop up a large forkful of cheesecake, placing my hand beneath it as I offer it to Gray. He rolls his eyes and duly opens his mouth.
‘Well, all you can do is be there for your mum if she needs a little support. I feel rather useless not being able to help you at all on this. But I’m here to make you cheesecake whenever you need a bit of cheering up, as at least that’s one thing I know how to make.’ I brush off the guilt of whipping the box straight into the bin as I empty out the two sachets to make him his perfect treat. ‘And before you jet off, we have what promises to be one awesome Christmas Day engagement celebration. This time next year everyone’s troubles will, hopefully, be a thing of the past. And you and I will be living in the cottage. Keep holding onto that thought and grit your teeth while you’re in Los Angeles. Just savour the sunshine while you’re there.’
Gray stares down at the plate, impatiently awaiting another forkful.
‘Maybe I’m being a little unfair,’ he reflects, sounding rather mellow now as the sugar kicks in. It’s amazing what cheesecake can do.
‘It’s easy to look at things as an outsider and be both judge and jury, isn’t it?’ I conclude.
Loading up the fork once more, I pop it into my own mouth and Gray feigns a look of disappointment.
‘All right, I’ll try my best to be a little more understanding. And now I think I’d better grab another forkful pretty quickly, before this is all gone.’