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SHE WAS OFF BEFORE I could say anything else. When I got to the doorway, there was no sign of her. Only a deserted deck, a thousand miles of inky blackness in every direction, and the shush oh shushing of the sea.
I turned round to find Dr Tomlinson holding a cup of steaming tea and looking sheepish.
“Unfortunately,” he said, “what’s just transpired was partly my fault. I’m expected to provide the captain with a written report each day. It’s supposed to be confidential. Which means Mason’s got a hell of a lot of explaining to do.”
I sat down on a stool. “But we only discovered I was safe this morning ... didn’t we?”
“So if he really did tell her we’ve known for ‘some time’ – and there’s no reason to doubt it – he must be lying. Because I can’t believe he would knowingly breach a confidence and make an honest mistake. Evil tends to go with evil. Which means he must have hidden motives.”
“He’s in love with Ashanta.”
Dr Tomlinson poured himself some tea and sat beside me. “That would explain a lot. But it’s a fairly superficial accusation. Are you sure - ”
“He told her himself. And I’ve seen it in writing.”
“In writing? I’m not doubting you, Hugo, but in what context?”
“I broke into his cabin when I thought he was out to kill everyone. Just after we left the Falklands. You were in our cabin a few hours beforehand, remember? We heard gunfire.”
“The day I lied about my extensive knowledge of modern cinema, you mean. So what did you find?”
“He’s keeping notes on each of us. In his desk. In at least one set, he confesses he’s in love with Ashanta. It’s in black and white.”
Dr Tomlinson frowned. “How sordid of him. And yet why am I unsurprised? Did you know he’s a drug addict?”
“Yes.”
“He’s scrupulously reputable on the outside. Scrape away the arch-bourgeois plating, though, and you’ll find a savage.”
I sighed. “What do you think I should do?”
“I wouldn’t go after him. He might be dangerous. Assuming we’re correct.”
“What have I got to lose?”
“Let me deal with him. He’ll expect me to report to him tomorrow morning, especially after what’s just happened with Goulding. I’ll talk to him then.”
“But if he’s dangerous - ”
“He can’t afford to dispense with me. The probable truth is, he’s frightened. He wants what you and Endersby have. He tried wooing Rita some time ago, but she didn’t want to know. It was then that he took to drugs.”
“He sounds a bit unhinged.”
“The thought has occurred to me before now. Mind you, given the situation we all share, you’d have to be a bit mad not to be unhinged.” He took a sip of his tea. “The best thing you can do is start looking for your wife. I can’t believe she’s really that angry.”
“It might be best to let her cool off a bit.”
“That’s the worst thing you can do. Look, it may not be all you she’s angry at. I don’t want to belittle her feelings, but am I right in thinking she put quite a lot of effort into tonight’s party?”
“I see what you mean, yes. And it was a disaster.”
“It must have affected her. It may have been all that stood between her and what’s just happened to Derek. And to have it rammed down her throat like that ... Right now, she’s probably scared and she thinks you don’t care. Sorry, sorry, it’s none of my business. I’m not a relationships expert.”
He was right of course. I was definitely guilty, but perhaps not exclusively. In any case, I remember watching a TV programme once about an elderly couple, and how the secret of their long, happy marriage was that they ‘never let the sun go down on an argument’, or something like that. If Ashanta went to bed thinking I didn’t care, she might awake with the conviction strengthened. I finished my tea, promised to be back at the usual time tomorrow morning, and left.
She’d said there were lots of vacancies on board, which presumably meant she could be anywhere. The Aurora was like a ghost-ship now, and its unforgiving corners, stairways to deserted promenades, and gloomy recesses had something of the gothic about them. Especially after what had just happened with Goulding, it was difficult not to feel a deep disquiet.
I knocked on a few doors and tried them. Some were empty, some were locked. I came to one with a faint strip of light at its base and braced myself and tapped lightly. It was opened by Rita Patel in a dressing gown. She didn’t look friendly, but the mere sight of another human made me feel slightly uplifted. Behind her, I could see Endersby in bed, smoking.
“I hear you’re off death’s list,” she said bitterly.
“Don’t be like that,” Endersby called. “We might be in need of Hugo’s services sooner than you think. Can’t afford to alienate the boy. Do you smoke, Hugo?”
“Sorry, no,” I said.
“Pity,” he replied.
“Do either of you know where Ashanta is?”
“No,” she said.
Endersby frowned. “Oh, for God’s sake, tell him. Don’t add to all our problems, sugar lump. They’ve had a tiff. You saw what happened to Derek tonight. Hugo may not have much time to make amends. Just tell him what little you know and come back to bed. I’m getting cold.”
“Go up towards the lounge,” she said sullenly. “She’s in the last but one cabin on this side.”
Endersby came to stand behind her and wrapped his arms round her waist, making her jump and squeak. “Before you go, son,” he said, “here’s a present. Give your wife my regards.”
He thrust something tiny into my hand, then slammed the door.
A blue tablet with a ‘V’ stamped in it. I stood there for a few moments, staring at it and listening to the giggling and guffawing within, before setting off. Funny, Rita Patel was a melancholy type, but I guess you showed a different face to those you loved. I was supernaturally tired.
I tossed the pill into the sea and went to what I’d been told Ashanta’s cabin and knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again and waited. I couldn’t see a light underneath it, but that might simply mean good joinery. Or maybe she was lying in darkness.
“Ashanta,” I said. “This is me, Hugo. Listen, I really did try to tell you today. I said something like, ‘I’m not going’ and you said that you’d protect me. And I was about to elaborate but then you saw Rita and you left. It’s not true that I knew before. I didn’t. I don’t know where Mason got that information, but it isn’t true, I swear it isn’t. I love you. Please let me in so we can talk. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you - ”
“Good evening, Hugo,” said a man’s voice behind me. I swung round. Mason, dressed in his full captain’s regalia. He stood about five paces off and showed no signs of being about to pounce.
“What do you want?” I said.
“You won’t find Ashanta in there. Come with me. It’s time we had a little talk. Man to man.”
I didn’t see that I had any option. We began to walk in no special direction, just keeping the sea in view on our left. It was a calm night, but cold.
“Why did you tell her I’d been given the all-clear?” I said.
“Why didn’t you?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“I told her because I was sure you’d have told her. That’s the only reason I’m asking. It’s academic now and I’m not curious.”
“But you told her I’d known for a ‘long time’.”
“What makes you say that?”
“She told me,” I said.
“I don’t believe I did tell her you’d known for a long time, although I may have inadvertently created that impression. You’re aware, of course, that I’m in love with her.”
“She’s my wife, for God’s sake. She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t even like you.”
He stopped and turned to me. “Good God, man, can’t you see I’m doing you a favour?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means she’s going to be transformed, Hugo, and she’s going to go where you can never, ever follow her. But where I can. And I’m prepared to love her and cherish her and make sure that, insofar as there remains an ounce of strength in my body, not a crumb of harm befalls her. I’m prepared to sacrifice my life for her, if need be. Now if I were in your place, I’d be kissing my shoes with gratitude. Don’t you think you’re being very selfish?”
I caught my breath. “Me, selfish?”
“You’re an intelligent man. Think, for a change.”
“I am thinking! I’m thinking about Ashanta. You’re talking about her as if she’s piece of property to be looked after or lost. She’s quite capable of looking after herself.”
He started to walk again. I had no option but to follow suit.
“Look at it from my point of view, then,” he said contemptuously. “There are only two women available to me now. One of them has decisively rejected me and looks set to transform with the man she’s chosen. The other is essentially all alone, or at least she will be. You can’t blame me. It’s not your fault that you can’t transform, but you’re not doing anyone any favours by refusing to face up to the inevitable.”
“Nothing’s inevitable.”
“Some things are. Listen to yourself. How dare you forbid two beings in another world to achieve happiness together, or even to be together, despite the fact that you yourself can never enter that world, even for a second?”
“How do you know you’ll even continue to love her? You’ll be completely different creatures.”
“I feel a deep lust for your wife which is nothing earthy, I promise you. However self-contradictory that may sound.”
“You’re talking gibberish.”
“I love her. When we’re transformed, we’ll stand same to same.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about what’s going to happen.”
“I know I’ll stand by her.”
“And - what? She’ll be so grateful she’ll fall in love with you, is that it?”
He chuckled humourlessly. “Love begets love. She’s only twenty. She’ll mourn your passing, I accept that. But I’m a very patient man. Look, we’ve talked for long enough. I can see I’m not making instant headway and I have to get back to the bridge. Just think on what I’ve told you. Leave her alone, I beg you. For both of your sakes - but mainly for hers. Good night.”
He turned round and strode off. I hadn’t been expecting such an abrupt departure and to be honest, it floored me even more than what he’d said. My adrenalin was racing.
It quickly became obvious why he’d worn his full uniform. It doubled his advantage. True, nature had given him at least a decade’s head-start on me. After that, well, we were about equal in height, but his cap raised him three-inches; in his tunic and epaulettes he was better turned-out than I could ever hope to be; and he was more official than me. All things considered, ‘Wear your uniform’ was probably rule number one in The Psychological Manual of How to Steal Someone’s Wife. For all I’d put up a good fight, I’d been kept at bay by mere plumage.
And then, God help me, I started to realise there might be something in what he’d said.
