Chapter Eighteen

Got the mail,” Bob said, tossing the envelopes on the table. He blew his nose, and started ripping open the envelopes while Charlotte finished wiping down the kitchen counters. The dishwasher chugged away, and the washing machine was going through its fourth load of laundry.

“Anything interesting?” Charlotte asked, wiping her hands.

“A bunch of Christmas cards and some flyers, bills, and junk mail.” Bob sat down and began sorting through the pile of mail. “Can’t believe how quick the mailbox fills up this time of the year. But the bills keep coming. I sometimes wonder how we’re ever going to afford everything that’s coming up.”

“We’re not doing that badly,” Charlotte said.

Bob shrugged. “No, but it’s surprising how quick the money comes and goes—mostly goes.”

Charlotte had to think of Pete and his worries; she wondered if he had ever said anything to Bob.

“We’ve got a few expenses coming up, that’s for sure,” Charlotte said, edging gently toward the topic she wanted to discuss.

“Yeah. Where Pete and Dana are going to live for one,” Bob said.

“You haven’t talked to him about that yet, have you?” Charlotte said, thinking of how despondent Pete had been just a few days ago when he talked to her about his living arrangements.

Bob shook his head as he tossed aside a couple of pieces of junk mail. “Been waiting for him to bring it up.”

Men, Charlotte thought with a flush of frustration. “And what if he’s waiting for you to bring it up?”

Bob glanced up at her and frowned. “It’s his future. He should be making his own plans and discussing them with me. I shouldn’t have to be the one nagging him.”

Charlotte had to smile. “You think Pete and Dana would be able to build a house?”

“As long as it’s not too fancy, we’ll find a way to make it work.” Bob sighed and shook his head. “There’s a nice piece of land on the other side of the creek that might be perfect for them. It can all work out; we just need to make some plans, that’s all. Besides, I certainly don’t want them both living in the spare room after they’re married.”

Charlotte smiled, knowing she would have to do a bit of motherly interfering. At the same time, she felt another burden slip off her shoulders.

And Pete’s.

Then Charlotte saw the corner of a cream-colored envelope peeking out from behind a store flyer and pulled it out. When she glanced at the return address her heart missed its next beat, and she dropped into the nearest chair.

Bob glanced up from the envelope he was ripping open. “What’s wrong?”

Charlotte handed him the envelope, and his face grew hard. “Lewiston, Anders, and Rochester,” he read, “attorneys at law.” He shook his head and tore it open. “One guess as to where this comes from.”

Charlotte fidgeted in her chair while Bob pulled the heavy paper out of the envelope and skimmed the letter, his mouth moving as he read the words.

Then he scratched his temple with one rough forefinger and dropped the letter on the table.

“Well, it seems that Kevin has hired a lawyer to represent him in the matter of the guardianship of Sam, Emily, and Christopher Slater.”

Charlotte’s breath caught in her throat. “He’s going through with his plans.”

Bob blew out a sigh. “I guess.”

“What do we do? I’m still waiting for that lawyer to call back. He said he would be back by the middle of this week. Should we get someone else? I didn’t think Kevin had any rights where the children were concerned …” Charlotte got up and lifted the phone. “I can call another lawyer. I knew I should have done what Melody suggested I do. I knew I should have pushed to get firm custody.”

“Sit down, Charlotte. Don’t call another lawyer yet.”

“But we have to fight him.” A thread of panic wound itself around Charlotte’s heart. “We have to stop him. He can’t just come into the children’s lives and upset everything, ruin all the hard work we’ve done.”

“I think we should just hold off for now.”

“For what?” Charlotte couldn’t believe Bob was simply going to let Kevin rip their family apart.

“I’d prefer to see what he’s going to do before we rattle his cage too hard.”

As Charlotte held her husband’s calm, steady gaze, her mind slipped back to the comment Bob had made before Kevin came into their lives. How sometimes he thought it was too much. Did he still feel that way?

“But we know what he’s going to do,” she said, struggling to keep her voice even, calm. “He wants to get guardianship of the children. He says it right there in the letter.”

“I know, but I don’t want to give him a reason to fight just for the sake of fighting.” Bob leaned forward again and gave Charlotte a careful smile. “I’m as worried about what he’s going to do as you are. I prefer not to make him think of the kids as just another possession, something to have just because someone else might want them more. Besides, we said we would pray about this, and we have. Maybe now it’s time to leave things in God’s hands.”

Charlotte felt the sincerity in his voice as relief softened her bones. “You don’t want him to have the children.”

Bob’s face grew hard and in that moment, she saw the quiet strength her husband possessed. “Of course not! He is not taking the children away from us; the only way that would happen is if that’s what the children truly want.”

“I’m scared they’ll be seduced by all the good things he seems to be able to give them.”

“Now, Charlotte, I think we’ve been doing a better job than that, and I know Denise did as well. Those kids aren’t materialistic.”

Maybe not, but Charlotte couldn’t forget the way their eyes shone when they showed her the gifts they had gotten.

“We have to trust that God will give us wisdom to deal with Kevin in the right way,” Bob continued.

Charlotte nodded. “I just wish I knew what that was. Everyone seems to be giving us such different advice; I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“Well, I do know we aren’t playing his game. I’m not spending good money on a lawyer when I’m sure we can talk things out with him.” He reached over and took the phone from her. He pulled a card out of his pocket. “Kevin’s number,” he said, when Charlotte shot him a puzzled frown.

He adjusted his glasses, tilted his head so he could see through his bifocals, and punched in the number. As he pushed his glasses up his nose, he winked at Charlotte.

How could he be so casual? Her heart was still thumping in her chest, remembering the words in the letter.

“Yes. Kevin. Good to talk to you too … Yes, we got the letter. Charlotte and I would like to talk to you … No, I don’t think we need to do this with your lawyer present … It’s just some arrangements we need to make for the children.” Bob stopped, nodding his head. Listening. “I think we could avoid a lot of extra work and some money if we figure a few things out on our own before the lawyers get involved.” He nodded again. “Why not right away? You can come here, and if the children want to go with you after school, we can discuss that with them when they come home.”

Charlotte felt a jolt of dismay. How often was Kevin going to be having the children? He just saw them Saturday evening; now he wanted to see them again. She had her own plans and things she wanted to do with the children.

As soon as the thought was formulated, she tried to quash it. It wasn’t about her or Bob or Kevin. It was about the children.

Bob made a few more arrangements and then hung up the phone. “He’s coming right away,” he said, drumming his fingers on the table.

Charlotte’s heart started up again. So soon?

“But what are we going to say to him? Are you sure we shouldn’t have some legal advice?” Charlotte asked, feeling breathless at the thought of actually confronting Kevin about the children.

“We already know we have good legal grounds for keeping the children, and we decided not to cement those legal grounds last year, right?” Bob leveled a questioning gaze at her.

“Yes.”

“And we did that because our first concern was that we didn’t want to cut off any recourse the children might have to make a decision about their father themselves, right?”

Charlotte nodded. “I know. But truth to tell, now I’m afraid.”

Bob folded his hands together on the letter from Kevin’s lawyer, his thick, work-roughened hands looking incongruous against the creamy linen of the stationery. Did they really have a chance, two ordinary people trying to do what was right, against a man who seemed to be thinking only of himself and his needs?

“I’m afraid too,” Bob said quietly, rubbing one thumb over the other. “That’s why, before we do anything, I want us to pray together.”

Charlotte drew a steadying breath and nodded. Then she reached across the table and covered his callused hands with her own, feeling a touch of melancholy at the age spots starting to show on the backs of her hands, the lines of her raised veins, and the wrinkles in her once-smooth skin.

How can we go up against a young man with money and energy and unlimited hubris? We go in God’s strength, she thought, lowering her head. We go trusting that God will not do what is best for us, but what is best for the children.

“Dear Lord,” Bob began, his quiet voice resonating in the quiet of the kitchen. “We are troubled and tired, and we are faced with some big decisions. We want to put our problems in your hands. We want you to help us make the best decisions for the children, and we pray that you will work in Kevin’s heart to do the same. Help us, always, to lean on you and to realize that these children were your children before they were ever ours.”

Charlotte repeated Bob’s last words in her mind as she clung to his hand. There were times she had to remind herself that the children were only hers and Bob’s to care for, not to claim.

Yet each time she mentally struggled to relinquish her hold on them, she always felt as if she had to make one last, quick grab for them.

“Help us to leave them in your hands,” Bob said. “Give us wisdom to deal with Kevin, and help us to love him too.” He paused for a moment, and then said, “Amen.”

Charlotte repeated it, clinging to Bob’s hand for just a moment longer. Then she got up and put the water on for coffee, pulled out a plate, and arranged some cookies on it, getting ready for their company. Busy work that kept her mind off what lay ahead of them.

Bob quietly sorted through the rest of the mail while Charlotte kept shooting anxious glances at the clock. She felt as if they were approaching a major turning point with Kevin, and she wasn’t sure what Bob had in mind.

Finally, unable to keep her thoughts to herself another minute, she sat down beside her husband. He looked up from the farm paper he was reading, as if sensing she had something important to say.

“Awhile ago, you thought maybe having the children might be too much,” Charlotte said, deciding to be direct. “Do you still think that?”

Bob rubbed his thumb over his whiskers, making a rasping noise in the quiet of the house. “There were times I thought that about our own children,” he finally said. “It’s a pretty normal reaction. I didn’t really mean anything by it.”

“You didn’t?”

Bob waved her question away. “Of course not. It’s just talk. Just thinking out loud.”

Relief flickered through her. “I just wanted to make sure.”

Bob leaned back in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “Just in case I was going to offer Kevin the kids—lock, stock, and barrel?”

“Well, no …”

“Admit it, Charlotte,” Bob said with a laugh. “You’ve thought it.”

Charlotte held his teasing gaze and replied with her own smile. “Okay. I’ll admit it. There was a time when I wondered if you regretted taking in the children.”

“Have you? Ever regretted taking them in?” Bob countered.

Charlotte let the question settle and then decided the absolute truth was the best. “Yes. There have been times.”

“But they’re still here, aren’t they?”

“Yes.”

Bob nodded, rocking in his chair. “Everyone is allowed a few second thoughts, Charlotte. It’s not sinful to admit that there are times you wish life had turned out differently than it has. If I wondered sometimes whether we should have had our own children, it’s natural to feel that way about taking in Denise’s.” Then his expression grew serious. “But just for the record, I’m thankful for Sam, Emily, and Christopher, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. You need to know that before we talk to Kevin, and you need to believe it.”

His serious tone held her full attention. “Why do you say that?”

“Because when Kevin comes, I’m about to call his bluff.”

The glint of sunlight reflecting off a windshield outside caught Charlotte’s attention.

“Well, get ready. Because he’s here.” She wanted to ask Bob more, but Kevin was already walking toward the house.

Bob got up from the table and went to the family room. He gathered together a pad of paper, a couple of pencils, and a calculator. Charlotte wanted to ask him what he was doing, but Kevin was already inside the porch, calling out his greetings. To Charlotte’s momentary annoyance, he sounded very comfortable. As if he stopped by on a regular basis.

“Hello, Charlotte,” Kevin said as he entered the kitchen. “Bob.”

Bob stood up and indicated the chair across the table. “Sit down, Kevin. Charlotte, you come sit down next to me.”

Still mystified but trusting the glimmer she caught from Bob’s eye, Charlotte did as she was told, but not before she put cookies on the table and poured everyone a cup of coffee. Always the hostess, she thought.

“So, what are we going to discuss?” Kevin asked, clasping his hands and resting his elbows on the table. His gaze flicked from Charlotte to Bob, his smile confident, even jaunty. As if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“The care of the children,” Bob said, picking up a pen. “You said you wanted to have custody of the children, and I can understand why. They’ve been a blessing to us, and we love them dearly, but at the same time, they’re quite a lot of responsibility. Financial and otherwise.”

Charlotte felt a jolt of horror at the blunt honesty of Bob’s words, but his hand on her knee, under the table, made her trust her husband. So she said nothing.

“Of course. I get that. Kids cost money,” Kevin agreed.

“With that in mind …” Bob pulled the pad of paper in front of him, the calculator within easy reach. “I thought I would let you know some of the expenses you’ll need to be prepared for when and if you still want to take care of the children.”

Bob ran the pencil down the pad, dividing it into four columns, and put a name above each—Sam, Emily, and Christopher, and above the last column he wrote “All.”

“First of all, we’ve got the basic stuff, monthly groceries and that kind of thing.” Bob glanced at Charlotte. “What do you figure the kids cost us per month for food?”

Charlotte finally realized what Bob was up to.

“Well, that’s hard to say because we grow our own garden and milk our own cow,” she said, “But if I had to buy all our food,” she did some quick mental calculating and gave Bob a figure that he put under the All column.

“What about clothes?”

Charlotte gave him a rough figure for that, calculating in what the children spent on themselves. Sure, it came out of their allowance, but the allowance came from the farm account; so, in a way, it was their own expense anyway.

Kevin frowned. “Are you sure?”

Charlotte shrugged. “That’s in Harding. I suppose it would cost a bit more if you lived near a larger city.”

Kevin worked his lower lip, his eyes on the paper Bob had in front of him.

“Then we’ve got the potential for braces. So far Emily and Sam are okay, but we’re not sure about Christopher.” Bob scribbled another figure down under Christopher’s name.

And so it went: transportation, school fees, incidentals, gifts, potential college funds, medical insurance, medical expenses. As Bob wrote it all down, Charlotte began to wonder herself how they managed to afford having the children.

When the money flowed in and out of the account, she never thought to add it up. Now she knew why there were times they struggled to keep up. Yes, it all balanced in the long run, but seeing the costs laid out in black and white made her realize exactly how much taking care of children cost.

Obviously the figures were a revelation to Kevin too. He no longer leaned forward, his face creased in a confident smile. A hint of doubt had crept into his eyes, and he fingered his chin, as if considering what Bob had written down in front of him.

“Are you sure that’s what it comes to?” he asked as Bob added the numbers in each column.

“If anything, I think we’ve been a bit conservative,” Bob murmured, glancing from the calculator to the paper as he scribbled down one total. “And I haven’t even added in the cost of either renting a place big enough for four people or the monthly payments on a house loan.”

Kevin shoved his hand through his artfully tousled hair, rearranging its perfect spikes. “But surely there’s got to be a way it costs less than that?”

Bob shrugged. “Not really.” He added up the last figures and then added up each column. He wrote a final figure across the bottom of the page and underlined it twice, just in case Kevin should miss it.

Then he spun the pad of paper around and pushed it toward Kevin. “That’s the yearly cost of having the children in your home. I’ve taken the liberty of putting down a monthly rental payment as an option in case you didn’t want to make the commitment to purchasing a house. Renting is cheaper, but I would recommend, in the long run, buying a house. Just makes more sense from a financial point of view.”

Kevin glanced over the numbers, pursed his lips, and slowly blew out his breath.

He looked scared, Charlotte thought.

And she didn’t blame him. When she saw the final figure, she felt scared too. Did they really have to come up with that much money every year to take care of three extra children?

“You’re absolutely certain about this?” Kevin asked, rubbing his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “You’re not just playing dirty?”

Bob leaned forward. “Kevin, I don’t play games. All I’m doing here is being realistic. Letting you know what you’d be taking on if you decided you wanted to have the children.”

Kevin’s gaze flicked from the paper to Charlotte to Bob. “How can you afford to do this? You’re only farmers. I’m the one making the big money.”

“It’s a matter of priorities,” Bob said, his voice quiet. “We choose what we spend our money on and budget accordingly.”

Kevin folded his arms over his chest, his fingers tapping out a nervous beat on his arms. “Did you guys plan this to get me to change my mind? You don’t want me to be involved in their lives, do you? You don’t think I deserve them.”

Charlotte waited a moment, trying to find exactly the right thing to say to the man who was the father of her grandchildren. “We don’t deserve them either, Kevin,” she said quietly. “But when they needed us we were there …”

“Meaning I wasn’t.”

“Meaning, we were available.” Charlotte stopped there because, in one way, Kevin was right. He wasn’t there when his family needed him the most, and on one level, he had to recognize that as well.

Kevin got up and grabbed the back of the chair, clenching and unclenching it with his hands. “I’ll get another job.” He spun around, walked away from the table and then returned. “A better-paying job.”

“You’ve moved around a lot, Kevin,” Bob said quietly. “And you’ve been living with another woman and her child.”

“What is this? An inquisition? I know I haven’t lived a perfect life like you two have—going to church and all and living your holy-roller life,” Kevin shot back. “That doesn’t mean I can’t be a father to my children.”

“This isn’t about who is the better person, son,” Bob said, unfazed by Kevin’s outburst. “This is about the children and being an example to them and being a person they want to emulate. Your father left when you were young. Unfortunately, you did the same to your children. Would you want Sam or Christopher to do the same to any family they have in the future? And how would you feel if your father came to you and said he was sorry and that he wanted to be a father to you now? How would you feel about that?”

Kevin worked his mouth, as if trying to find the right words. “What could I do? I was stuck. Working a dead-end job. Three kids, a wife, stuck in an apartment. I saw no way out.” He stopped there, sensing that he had ventured into dangerous territory.

“When I found out that Denise had died, I didn’t know what to think. I guess, in one part of my mind, I had always thought I would go back. I’d try to be a father to my kids and a husband to Denise. I’d try to be a family again. But now … it’s too late.”

His voice broke, and for a moment Charlotte felt sorry for Kevin.

But when she thought of all those years that Denise had been on her own, her heart hardened just a little. Kevin had had many opportunities to be a father and husband. Just because Denise died didn’t mean he suddenly had to become all the things to them that he hadn’t been before.

“How do you want to proceed on this?” Bob asked, his voice even, seemingly unmoved by Kevin’s remorse.

Kevin picked up the paper with the figures on it, his eyes flicking over the numbers, as if avoiding Bob’s eyes. “I just need a better job, and I can do this.” Kevin put the paper down again and sat back. “I could.”

He sounds defensive, Charlotte thought.

And it didn’t sound like he was going to give in.

“And you’ve hired a lawyer.” Bob picked up the letter they had received, but Charlotte could see the slight trembling in his fingers. Was Kevin going to call their bluff?

Had they done the wrong thing?

Kevin pointed to the paper, and then held up his hands. “I’m not giving up on them.”

“Nor should you,” Bob said. “You are their father and an important part of their lives. We don’t want to take that away from them or from you.”

Kevin folded his arms across his chest, rocking in his chair. “And, well, I may as well let you know now, I’m not going to be around for Christmas. Earlier today I got a call on a job. I wasn’t going to take it, but now I think it would be a good idea if I did. Especially if I want to take care of my kids.”

Charlotte couldn’t help a small feeling of triumph. He wasn’t going to have the children at Christmas after all. But right behind that came a niggling sense of confusion. She knew they weren’t done with him. Kevin hadn’t said he was giving up on trying to get the kids.

“So this letter from the lawyer …” Bob held it up.

Kevin got up and shoved his hands in the back pockets of his pants. “I obviously have some thinking to do, so I’ll leave that be for a while. But I’m not sure I’m done with all of this yet.”

“So what now?” Bob asked.

“I’ll leave you all alone. For now.”

Charlotte felt relieved, but at the same time, she wished things could have been resolved more completely.

But does that ever happen, she wondered? Since the children came to live with them, one thing seemed to flow into another, good and bad. It seemed as soon as one thing was resolved another challenge arose.

She knew it wasn’t realistic to have Kevin completely out of the children’s lives, nor did she want that. But it would have made her feel better to know definitively that she and Bob wouldn’t have that shadow hanging over them in the future.

Charlotte caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and glanced at the clock at the same time as she got to her feet. Funny how easily she had slipped into the regular routine of children coming home from school. As they stepped onto the porch, stomping the snow off their boots, she put the water on for hot chocolate, put out cookies, making a welcoming space for them.

And now, as far as she knew, this routine would continue. Thank you, Lord, she prayed as she pulled mugs from the cupboard and set them on the counter.

“Hey, kids,” Kevin said, his enthusiasm sounding forced as Sam, Emily, and Christopher came into the kitchen. “How are you all doing?”

The children gave subdued replies, and, to Charlotte’s great surprise, Sam came over and gave Charlotte a hug. “Hey, Grandma. Do you need a hand?”

Charlotte gave her grandson a quick hug back. “You could put the mugs on the table.”

She looked over and caught Kevin watching them; for a moment she wondered about his relationship with his mother. Wondered if Kevin had had grandparents who cared about him.

As the children drank their hot chocolate, Kevin tried to engage them, but the conversation was desultory. Finally, after about fifteen painful minutes, Kevin pushed his mug away and got up. “Well, I suppose I should push along,” he said, picking his coat off the back of the chair and threading his arms through the sleeves.

“You’re leaving? We don’t have to go with you?” Emily asked.

Kevin seemed to wince at Emily’s poorly worded question, and Charlotte experienced another moment’s sympathy for him.

“No. In fact, I’m sorry to tell you that I won’t be around for Christmas.”

“Why not?” Sam asked, his gaze flicking upward from his study of his hot chocolate.

“Well, I got a job offer that I don’t want to turn down. They need me, so …” He spread his hands out in a gesture of defeat. “What can I say?” He gave them all a quick smile as he zipped up his coat. “I guess I’ll be pushing off. You kids want to walk me to the porch? Say good-bye to your old man in private?”

Emily and Sam got to their feet, but Christopher stayed in his chair.

Bob gently nudged his grandson. “You should go,” he said quietly.

Christopher sighed and shook his head. “I don’t think he likes me.”

“He’s your dad. He loves you. He just has to learn how to show it. That’s very hard for us guys, you know,” Bob said in a tone that seemed to indicate that Christopher, as a fellow guy, fully understood.

“I guess.” Christopher slid off his chair and gave Bob a huge smile. “I’m glad we can stay here for Christmas. I want to go on the snowmobile every day.”

“I’m sure you do,” Bob said, patting him on the shoulder. “Now go, son. And close the porch door behind you.”

Christopher scampered off; as he closed the door, Charlotte could hear murmured voices. Then, ten minutes later, the door to the kitchen and the door to the porch opened at the same time, sending a blast of cold air through the house.

She could hear the loud growl of Kevin’s truck starting up. The children walked to the window overlooking the yard and stood there a moment, watching him leave.

Then Sam turned away from the window. “Can I use the computer? I need to go online.”

“It’s my turn, Grandma,” Emily protested.

“Why do you need to use the computer?” Charlotte asked.

“I’m going to fill out my college application forms,” Sam said, shooting a glance over his shoulder.

“Since when are you suddenly motivated to do that?” Emily’s question preempted Charlotte’s.

Sam shrugged. “I was going to fill in those forms sooner or later. I just needed to be sure. And I’m sure now.”

“What made you sure?” Charlotte asked.

Sam pushed his hand through his hair and lifted his shoulders in another shrug. “I guess it was seeing Dad. Listening to him talk about how great his life was, yet he’s living in a motel and his credit cards get declined. Doesn’t seem so great when you see it up close and personal.”

Charlotte didn’t respond to that statement, thankful that his father’s life had pushed Sam to finally make a decision. “You go ahead,” she said with an encouraging smile.

“You can check them when I’m done,” Sam offered.

But Charlotte shook her head. “No. I trust you to do the job.”

“Besides, she couldn’t figure out if you did them right anyway,” Bob said with a teasing smile.

Emily sat down at the table and took a cookie from the plate, a soft smile curving her lips. Then she glanced over at Charlotte, and her smile grew. “So I guess we’ll be here for Christmas after all,” she said.

Charlotte returned her smile and dared to ask, “And how do you feel about that?”

Emily sighed a gentle sigh. “Pretty good, actually.”

And pretty good was good enough for Charlotte.

“Can I use the phone, Grandma?”

“Of course.”

Emily pushed a pile of crumbs around on the table. “I need to call Ashley.”

“Didn’t you talk to her at school today?”

“I did.”

“And?”

Emily gave Charlotte a crooked smile. “She said she was sorry and that she wasn’t being a very good friend.”

“And does that satisfy you?”

“Yeah, it does.” Emily got up and grabbed the phone. “Besides, we have to make up.”

“Why is that?”

“Because what am I going to do with her Christmas present otherwise?”