ALEXA BIT BACK A CRY. “I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember my mother. I can’t remember her or anything else about my past.”
Her muscles tensed, and an odd shivery feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. “There’s a block in my mind like a black wall.”
“What?” The color leached from Erik’s face. “Could it be just a temporary glitch, like you haven’t warmed up yet or something? Maybe you just need time to adjust to your new body.”
Alexa struggled for breath. “I don’t think so. I—I remember on my fist assignment…my legs were a little stiff…I was a little dizzy at first…but I always remembered who I was. Well, at least I think I did. It never affected me like it is now. I would have remembered that. This is recent.”
Her eyes burned, and she stepped away from Erik. She searched her memory for her mother’s face, but there was only emptiness. It was as if her memory had never existed at all.
“Has this happened before?” Erik’s voice was gentle.
Alexa glanced at him and shook her head. “No. I don’t think so.”
Erik was frowning. “It just doesn’t make sense.”
He looked at her, eyes flashing. “Do you remember the time I drove by your house, and we saw your mother together? She was outside. She went to get something from her car.”
Alexa felt cold, and the ground wavered at her feet.
“I remember the car ride, I remember you, but I don’t remember seeing anyone. I can almost remember a feeling of longing in that car ride, but I don’t remember seeing her.”
Alexa blinked the tears from her eyes.
“Erik. I don’t remember my own mother. What’s wrong with me?”
“I don’t know,” Erik was pale. “What about your father? Do you remember him? Or maybe a brother or a sister? Maybe you were closer to them?”
Alexa tried to focus on her father or remember whether she had a brother or even a sister, but her mind drew a blank. She closed her eyes to help her concentrate, and images burst like flashbulbs behind her lids. She saw blood and bodies, demons, and marble floors stained with red. She heard the cries of the dying, and she smelled the rot and sulfur of death. She even saw the rolling red dunes of Operations and the endless blue sky on level six, but she had no recollection at all of her family.
She searched for the basic childhood memories that everyone should have: riding her first bike, birthdays, Christmas, the first day of school, friends—nothing. It was like a stone wall blocked her. Her past had been stolen.
“I can’t remember my father either,” she said somberly, her throat tight. “Or a brother…or a sister…or even if I had a pet dog or a cat. I don’t remember going to school, or having any friends, or even people I might have hated. There’s nothing there. It’s like I never existed in the mortal world.”
Some distant memory ached in her heart when she spoke. All around her the world itself seemed to be falling apart, and it began to snow.
Erik looked sad, and Alexa had to look away before she broke down in a sloppy mess of sobs.
“You’ve been through a lot lately. Maybe you just need some more time,” she heard him say softly. “Maybe a two-month break wasn’t enough. Maybe you should go back and rest.”
Alexa shook her head. “I can’t go back—not yet. My soul’s imprint—”
A wave of dizziness came over her.
Erik rushed over to her. “Are you all right? You look like you’re going to pass out.”
Alexa dismissed him with her hand. “I can’t remember my past. Of course I’m not all right.”
The thought that she had had a past teased her. But when she tried to concentrate, tried to retrieve it, it slid away like water through her fingers.
Erik glanced at her uneasily. “I’m sorry. It’s just—could the Legion have done this to you without you knowing?”
“What? No,” said Alexa in disbelief. “They wouldn’t do that.”
But Erik wasn’t letting it go. “How can you be so sure?”
“I just am. You’re wrong.” She didn’t like what Erik was insinuating.
“The Legion would never do this to me.”
…Would they?
“They have complete control over you. They can do whatever they want to you, without you even knowing. They could have just pressed a number and then—voila—memories erased.”
“It doesn’t work like that,” Alexa ignored his doubtful look. “We’re not freaking robots. We’re not programmed—”
“I disagree.” Erik almost smiled as he assumed her naiveté.
She replied angrily, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He held her gaze for a split second and then looked away from her.
“Fine.” Erik took a hard breath. “What’s your earliest memory?”
Tears fell from her cheeks.
“Waking up in Horizon. I remember standing with a group of strangers at Orientation and feeling disoriented, but I don’t remember anything from before. I know I had a life—a past, I feel it, but I just can’t reach it. It’s like waking up from a fantastic dream and trying to latch on to it, to remember it, but it slips further away with every passing second. I don’t even remember how I died. It’s like—”
And then she knew. Hades had taken that part of her soul. He’d taken her past.
Not only was she vulnerable to evil and darkness, but her human memories were gone too. Her humanity was gone.
Alexa knew that if she wanted to be whole again, to regain her soul and her mortal past, there was only one thing left for her to do. She was still strong. She wasn’t about to fall apart. She had a plan. Even if it was a little insane, she would try to retrieve the missing part of her soul.
Hades had to die.
Hate flooded through her so violently that she had no control over it. There was no song in her soul but a war cry. First, she would kill Ryan because he started it all. And then she would kill the pagan god.
“I have to go.”
Alexa tossed her stick away, turned on her heel, and sprinted across the clearing and into the forest.
“Alexa, wait!”
Erik’s voice was like a distant whisper, just as the bond they had once shared had become a whisper. If she had felt emotional loss before, it had been erased just like her past.
Alexa had nothing left but a fool’s hope that she might outwit and defeat a pagan god who was as ancient as the earth beneath her feet.