THE NEXT DAY, IT WAS the biology lab’s turn for sanitation duty. In the past, I never paid attention to it as long as there was a mountain of toilet paper in the stalls. This time it was different. I needed to make sure everyone was impressed. I got to school early to drag Xu out of bed and started sweeping.
There were about thirty departments of various sizes occupying our building. Each department was on rotation for sanitation duty. When it was the president’s turn, he would scrub the toilets personally. The school wasn’t winning hearts and minds, so he had to work hard if he ever wanted to win over any hearts and minds. If Wang Er wanted to go on the straight and narrow path, he would have to go down this way too. After scrubbing the toilets, I used some of the waste acids from the chemistry lab to make every bathroom implement glisten. Then, it occurred to me that it wasn’t enough just to clean the bathroom, I also had to let everyone know who had done it. I got hold of large sheets of red paper so that I could write a couple of slogans down. The one over the men’s room door read:
“Welcome to the toilet!—Biology Lab.”
Above the urinal, I posted “Step forward, please—Biology cordially invites you to.”
On the back of the bathroom door, it read, “Farewell. We know you will come to miss this immaculate environment, but unfortunately it is time to work. When shall you return? Adieu from the Biology Lab.”
The slogans inside the stalls were even more spectacular. In the men’s room, it read, “Big marbles, small marbles, they all drop into the jade bowl” and “A heart as pure and white as virgin ice in the jade vase.” In the women’s bathroom, it read, “Our front gate and courtyard are overgrown with weeds, but a path has been cleared today in your honor.” Above their door was a banner that read “Gazebo of Dark Fragrances.” As for Wang Er’s calligraphy, nice would have been an understatement. If I added up all the paper I’ve used studying the masters’ engravings, it would have weighed dozens of kilograms. Just as the bathroom was starting to look like a calligraphy show, the president stormed into the biology lab and harped, “Did you write all that stuff in the bathroom?”
“Yes, sir. Do you think they are prizeworthy?”
“Prize my ass! The committee on higher education will be arriving for an inspection. You have ten minutes to clean everything up!”
Pasting up slogans was easy but scrubbing them off turned out to be hard. The committee on higher education arrived before I was finished and laughed their assess off. A green vein on the president’s forehead went rat-a-tat. After the entourage left, the president called me over.
I said, “President, in any case the bathrooms have been cleaned. I should get some sort of a praise for that right?”
“What praise? You’ll be reprimanded by name at the next meeting.”
“What the hell, man! Take a look at how sparkling clean the bathrooms are! Forget it, I’m tired of playing the sucker. It’s back to business as usual.”
“Stop! Sit down. Cleaning the bathrooms was a good thing but posting up slogans was a mistake. In the future, when the administration brings you up, everyone will remember today and call you a troublemaker! It’s not like you don’t do enough hard work, but it all gets forgotten because of stuff like this. You need to take care of your reputation. Go home and think about it, don’t just mindlessly rush into things!”
After leaving the president’s office, my teeth itched with anger. He made us scrub toilets and we weren’t even allowed a little sense of humor, what the hell. When the clock struck, I walked into class with a projector in hand. I wanted to salvage my reputation so I threw myself into the lecture. The topic for the day was the shapes of bacterium under the microscope. When I introduced the ball-shaped coccus bacteria, I squatted down and puffed up my cheeks. When I talked about the rod-shaped bacillus, I stretched out like a diver. When I mentioned the S-shaped campylobacter, I nearly twisted my back. At the mention of the helical-shaped helicobacter, I twisted my legs like a braid of onions. The students turned away in fear. When I explained that bacteria had hard hairs called pili that they used to move around with, I likewise walked the walk. When I got to cell division and was getting ready to tear myself in two, the bell rang. The room was littered with pencils, on which I nearly slipped. I returned to the biology lab frothing for breath. I looked in the mirror and saw a hairy crab. When I ran my hands through my hair, chalk powder fell like snow. By the time I finally had a chance to catch my breath, Dr. Zhang from the medical office came to see me. He said someone in the agriculture department called and said Mr. Wang was acting strange during class. He came to check my temperature to see if I had a fever. After doing away with Dr. Zhang, Xu You snickered at me as well, so I did away with him as well. I sat alone to clear my head.
I felt nauseous so I went for a walk around campus. Our school used to be an old church. Inside the campus were ornate flower beds and cast-iron railings. The school’s tall steeple was covered in iron slate. I couldn’t tell you how many of its dark hallways were lit with only one transparent roof tile or how many of the attic rooms exited right out onto the roof. Old buildings had a way of triggering my imagination. I walked alone and saw no one. This was all a story, a puzzle, that I needed to slowly mull over.
First of all, the roof wasn’t made of rusty iron, but of heavy gray lead instead. Eunuchs with ashen faces in black robes scurried out of every corner. The president, with his long, hooked nose, questioned and prodded to test the purity of everyone’s faith. The cast-iron rails were really Turkish torture devices that still carried the smell of blood. At the same time, some people were on the roof making love. I had seen that cat before, fur as white as moonlight, passing on the roof.
Can you tell me what the cat signifies? Or the ornamental flowers beneath the walls? A contour was starting to emerge from the deluge of images. It was time for me to search for some of those clarion phrases, pure as moonlight … still in my trance, a series of loud rings nearly gave me a seizure. Just like our little Wang Er, the rest of this story was buried in that sorghum field beneath the midnight sky.
I was standing right under a large electronic loudspeaker. The ringing of the class bell was like an explosion above my head. Students flooded out of the building shouting, galloping to the canteen—it was the lunch bell. I made a sudden decision: dammit, I’m going home. I didn’t even want lunch!
Outside the campus, I saw people sweeping the street. It dawned on me that it was Patriotic Sanitation Day, the whole city pitched in to clean the space in front of their institutions and businesses. It was also the day when class supervisors and students were scheduled to meet. According to school regulations, I was supposed to give an ethics seminar, then take the class to go sweep the street. This was an important test. Had I fled home, it would have destroyed any chances I had of getting on the right, straight and narrow path.
Reluctantly, I returned to school. It didn’t necessarily mean that I was all that ambitious about getting on the straight and narrow path or seeking advancement. It was more that once I had made such an important resolution, I had to go through with it for at least one morning. After I filled my belly and took a nap, it was time to head to class. I first visited the substitute class supervisor, secretary of the Youth League, Young Hu. After being briefed on the situation, I continued on my way.
I taught four courses, interacted with eight classes from two departments, and Ag-3-Beta was my least favorite. The students in this class were always picking on their teachers. Old professors got by all right, but when young lecturers like us taught, nine out of ten times there was carnage. Putting me in charge of this class must have been a conspiracy. But maybe that was why I had to give this ethics seminar!
I had a migraine from the moment I entered the classroom. These were the very students who said I was having a fever in the morning. They stared at me like they were birds of prey. When the masses point their fingers, there is only death ahead. How many hairs was I going to lose after this class? I stepped onto the podium and cleared my throat.
“Students, men and women, that is to say, male and female students. As I stand here and look into everyone’s eyes, it is like I am looking into the eyes of Comrade Dzerzhinsky;1 I dare not look. It isn’t a joke. I can tell from the way you look at me that you have two questions. First, you want to ask: doesn’t Mr. Wang have a fever? Why is he here instead of being dead? Is this correct? Class captain please answer.”
Unimpressed, the class captain said, “Someone called the infirmary saying that Mr. Wang was sick but it was not the opinion of the majority of the class. The class committee met and decided that Mr. Wang’s exceptionally lively lecture was not a problem. We have already reprimanded the student who made the call.”
“Very good. The teacher is very pleased to receive acknowledgment from the students regarding his hard work. The second question you must want to ask is: what is this guy doing here? The next microbiology class isn’t until Thursday. Let me tell you. I am, in fact, your class supervisor. I had been busy as of late, so by instructions from above, Mr. Hu was your substitute class supervisor. From today on, I will return to my post. Today’s topic is morality and ethics … captain, do you have a question?”
“Teacher, do you have a lesson plan?”
I swallowed the “screw you” I wanted to throw at him with some difficulty and said instead, “Of course I do. I didn’t bring my notes because I can remember it all. You can be confident in your teacher’s memory, please sit. Since I will be starting the ethics seminar for the first time today, I thought it would be fitting for us to learn a bit more about each other. If anyone has any questions for me, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Teacher, are you a Communist Party member?”
“Not yet, but I’m working on it, thank you for that question.”
“Teacher, do you have a graduate degree?”
“No, just a bachelor’s. I’m a little old to start graduate school. According to our regulation, holders of bachelor’s degrees can teach basic courses, anything else? Try to be more specific.”
“Teacher, why did you call us frozen pork?”
“Did I say that? I think I said entering this room was like entering a cold cellar when you all looked at me like I was a hanging corpse. All right, I can take back the cold cellar comment. What else?”
They didn’t ask anything more so I put on a grave expression.
“Fellow students, my flaws are open for you to see. You are supposed to be a model class. But what is the reality? Is it all hype? Cheating during tests, I’ve seen it. When things go missing in the class, you just buy more with the classroom budget before even catching the thief. There’s enough blame to go around for everyone. I am your class supervisor and I hereby declare an immediate crackdown. The thieves need to be caught and the cheaters need to be disciplined. Also, you pretend to be loyal to professors from our department but you pick on teachers from other outside departments, why is that? You are not the first and only ones around here! Your attitude should not be made-to-order! In fact, tomorrow I will convene a meeting with the teachers from the other departments and draft a report for the president. I know someone must be goading you on, but I’m afraid even that person won’t have the gumption to encourage a student rebellion. I know about the female teacher who went home crying after your class. What about her eyebrows? Too bourgeois? That’s a rather big hat to be throwing on someone. Are you the student body or the political council? Seems like there are more than forty people trying to interfere in politics in this class; I wonder what the Party Central Committee has to say about that … You call yourselves students? And you bully your teachers? What’s there to cry about, stop crying!”
I continued to lecture until I had unleashed all my anger, then announced that it was time for small group discussions. The class cadres gathered at the front of the room. They were the obedient ones, sweet talkers all of them.
“Teacher, where have we offended you? Why are you punishing us?”
“No offence taken, I’m only doing this for your own good.”
“Teacher, we’re wrong, please forgive us!”
“It’s not my place to forgive, but our class spirit must be rectified!”
Speaking with such authority made me feel godlike. It wasn’t until I got the bunch of kids on the verge of tears that I was finally able to relax a little.
“Of course, the teacher will always forgive the students. But why do you antagonize your teacher? Tell the truth!”
I already knew the answer. It was only because there were some people who had it out for those of us who were transferred here from other schools. The despicable part was that they gossiped with the students, spreading mean rumors about me probably related to something promiscuous. I turned to them solemnly.
“It’s all bullshit. I will deal with them on my own. As long as you all behave, I won’t drag you into it. In the future, report these things to me immediately; I’m the head teacher of this class. Now, enough talk, it’s time to sweep the streets!”
My class marched into the street in a formation as tight as an army platoon, much better than any of the other classes. I led the way wielding a bamboo broom. Sand and stones were pushed away and dust filled the air. After a few strokes, I handed the broom to the class captain. I left him with a few words before going to the president’s office to report. As soon as I entered, I could tell that he was pleased with my ethics seminar. As it turned out, he was eavesdropping the whole time. When I explained what I learned from the students, he nodded.
“I see. These people don’t know what’s good for them, ganging up, building factions. I will bring this up at the presidential meeting. Young Wang, you’re getting the hang of this at last. But the slogans you wrote in the bathroom this morning, those were a fiasco.”
“At your orders, sir, what about the insinuations on my character? As they say, there are no waves without some wind. Old Man Yao needs to be taught a lesson, he keeps making up rumors about me!”
“Old Yao is a different sort of problem altogether. He is an extremely loyal comrade, not to mention assiduous. But he’s not the most capable and he can’t keep his mouth shut. All the petty crimes at school get reported to him. He couldn’t solve any of the mysteries so he bad-mouthed you out of frustration. Don’t take it too personally. There is something I want to discuss with you: last night when he was on patrol, he took a hard fall—have you heard about this?”
“I had no idea. If I did, I would have toasted to it. People like him are nothing more than manure machines, what was he doing as the head of security? What did you want to discuss with me?”
“He’s hurt pretty bad, dislocated a hip. The hospital requested for people to take turns watching him. Old Yao’s wife will take the day shifts, it’s up to the school to send people for the night shifts.”
“If that’s what the hospital says, then we should send someone. But what does this have to do with me?”
“It has everything to do with you. Old Yao’s department and your department are both considered core departments. But the core young people refuse to attend to Old Yao, so maybe you could take the lead and set an example. After that, no one will be able to refuse.”
I screamed, “Fuck your … loved one.” I wanted to say, “Fuck your ma,” but when I remembered it was the president I was talking to, I withheld my words. “What I meant was, I deeply respect your mother. But please explain to me why I should go to the hospital to watch him.”
“That darn mouth of yours! If you talk like that to me, I don’t want to imagine how you talk with other people. Listen, the higher-ups want all the schools to apply for research grants—we can’t get left out of that. I am preparing to build a research center and fill it up with projects from all the departments. I’m afraid your bomb research might be the most important project. So let’s lay the groundwork of it, what do you say?”
“Not sure, can I build bombs in this building?”
“Who said you would be doing experiments here? The experiments can still happen at the mining school; we just want the projects to be based here. If it’s based here, then we can apply for research grants. One day, we’ll build a research center and buy all sorts of equipment, but that’s far off in the future. As for the choice of director for the research center, we’ll leave that blank for now, but the codirector position is all yours, you’re the only one who can really carry the project forward. That would move you up by several notches. In the future, whether its professorship or foreign sabbatical, you’ll have top priority. You almost look like you’re not interested, what’s wrong with you!”
“I didn’t say I wasn’t interested!”
“But it’s not enough just to convince me. Think about how other people see you! Take a look at yourself, I shouldn’t need to say any more. There are only a few more weeks before the naming of the leadership for the research center. You need a few outstanding performances to turn your reputation around. This thing with Old Yao is the perfect opportunity. If you don’t take it even after someone serves it up to you, then you’re just thick!”
“If it’s as you say, then I really should do it. When my father got sick and I offered to keep him company, I was told I wasn’t needed. Who does this Old Yao think he is, stealing my father’s thunder! And I have to wipe his ass? Yikes! When do I start?”
“Tonight there’s no one watching him, you go. Tomorrow, I’ll send Xu You. Once the two of you have gone, the brats won’t dare to make excuses anymore.”
It certainly wasn’t easy trying to be good. In addition to jabbering with students, I had to wipe Old Yao’s ass, and feel thankful for the opportunity that his broken leg offered me. When I returned to the biology lab, I gave my wife a call telling her that I wouldn’t make it home. Without a word, she slammed the phone. When I told everything to Xu You, he stared at me in silence for a long time before blurting, “Wang Er, please stop mocking me.” After I ate dinner, I made my way to the hospital.
1 Dzerzhinsky was a Bolshevik revolutionary and head of the secret police for the Soviet regime.