Changing Roles of Worship Leader and Funeral Director
Mention the word “funeral” in North America some 20 years ago and the images that would have come to mind would have been of a coffin or casket, a service in a church or funeral home chapel, and an earth burial in a cemetery. Fast forward to today, and we see significant changes on the funeral scene.
A large number of funerals today are paid for in advance. There is often a “pre-need” interview with family members at which the wishes of the family members for the whole funeral experience are determined. So, for example, the wish for a gathering before the service is noted, as is the type of casket or the preference for cremation. The location of the service, at a church or funeral home chapel, is specified as are the needs for transportation. Some funeral homes also ask the family for details of the service, such as favourite hymns and scripture readings, but this practice is by no means the rule. As the worship leader, you can take a proactive stance by asking your faith community members to consider their wishes for the memorial, celebration, or funeral experience in advance, to be ready to talk it over, and to have the needs recorded in the funeral home, or church office, or both.
Today, there is a popular move toward choosing cremation rather than an earth burial. An urn containing the cremated remains is present in the church or sometimes just a picture of the person who has died is placed at the front of the sanctuary. In earlier times, the interment always followed the service; now it is often carried out at some other time or place while the funeral or celebration is directly followed by a gathering for a meal.
As the nature of the funeral has changed, so has the relationship between the funeral director and the worship leader in a pastoral care role. The pastoral caregiver will work with the family and the person who is dying and has the responsible task of making sure that the process of dying and the death are handled compassionately for all concerned. But as soon as death and the act of saying “goodbye” are over, their responsibilities cease for a while.
A funeral home or memorial society (see “No Funeral Home”) usually has the central and legal tasks of picking up the body from the home or hospital and bringing it to an area where it is stored and embalmed. A licensed funeral director is responsible for ensuring that the legal requirements of the province or state are followed, both from the viewpoint of the paperwork that has to be completed and the respectful disposition of the remains. The duties of the funeral staff member, in conjunction with the executor or next-of-kin, include: how the body will be disposed, earth burial or cremation; the type of service to be held; and who will lead the service. In the days when earth burial was the norm, the storage and movement of the remains of the deceased was a major undertaking. The coffin or casket took up significant space, and if it had to be moved around for public viewing before and after the funeral service and for the burial, there was a requirement for several persons to do it. This was usually led by a team from the funeral home, all of whom had to be present at all stages of the service.
In comparison with a large and heavy casket, the urn containing the cremated remains of the deceased person is easily portable, and there is no need for a team of funeral home workers to move the remains before and after the service. Much of the moving can now be done by family members. Once the urn is handed over to the family member responsible, he is able to take it wherever he wants it to go. There may be a gathering of family members on the night before the service in the funeral home, but it might just as easily be in a family home, or in a restaurant, or in a church hall.
The responsible family member is able to bring the urn to the church or social hall before the service. He can surround it with a picture or pictures of the person who has died and significant objects from her life’s work or pastimes. And he is able to readily remove it from the place of worship or celebration when the service is over and take it to the place of interment.
If there is a staff member from the funeral home present, then she will be able to supervise the placing of the urn and its movement at significant times. She will also be responsible for the other tasks, e.g., placing the registers for guests to sign, bringing and placing holders and vases for the flowers, ensuring the sound system is working efficiently, and making sure the grieving family members are cared for. If there is no funeral home representative present, the responsible family member will look to the worship leader to guide him in doing these tasks.
Worship Leader as Funeral Coordinator
In some situations, the worship leader may coordinate the whole funeral as well as lead the spiritual service. My experience is that the worship leader in this role can provide a celebration experience just as moving, as care-full, and as significant to the family as one where the funeral home staff take a traditional supervisory role at all stages. However, it means that as well as focusing on the worship for the day, he has to remember the many other tasks that have to be done. Some worship leaders will have no difficulty in taking on the additional load; others will find themselves overburdened.
I have detailed the duties of the worship leader as a funeral coordinator in the “Worship Leader’s Checklist” in appendix 1.
One of the ways in which the worship leader’s responsibilities may be lightened is by the family providing ushers to help with the jobs that have to be done before, during, and after the service. A group of one to four ushers can make a huge difference to the flow of the service.
I have detailed an “Usher’s/Funeral Helper’s Checklist” in appendix 1.
An alternative is to have someone from the congregation act as an assistant (funeral helper) to the worship leader. This person carries out all the tasks that usually fall to the funeral staff member and sometimes the tasks of the ushers. This may be a paid or voluntary position, but if paid, the fee needs to be made clear to the family (with other fees) ahead of the service.
Role of the Worship Leader (other location)
Where the worship leader is taking the service in a funeral home or church that is not her own, there is less to think about ahead of the service and when she arrives. However, she will still have to make sure that she is prepared, that she cares for the grieving family members, and that she has established communication with the funeral home and the representative of the hosting faith community.
See “Worship Leader’s Checklist” (appendix 1)
It is possible for a family to carry out some or all of the tasks usually carried out by the funeral home or memorial society. These include washing and preparing the body for burial, clothing the body, and keeping it in the family home for people to visit prior to burial. It is also possible for family members to transport the remains of their loved one to the place of burial and for arrangements to be made for them to bury his body. It is also possible for the family to take the body to the crematorium, be present during the cremation, pick up the ashes after the cremation is over, and dispose of them as they wish.
However, there are specific regulations covering this process, and these vary from province to province and from state to state.
If you encounter a family who is taking on the tasks usually carried out by a funeral home, make sure that the family is planning ahead carefully. It is worth checking that the family is aware of the necessary provincial/state regulations and is following them.
There is a move toward burials where only non-permanent materials are used. One can request that the funeral home uses environmentally friendly embalming fluid and purchase a coffin without metal fastenings.
It is also possible in some areas to bury the body in a designated wood or forest glade with no marker.
Most funeral homes will be happy to advise families about how the loved one’s remains can be treated in a respectfully green way…“earth to earth, dust to dust.”