Meditations
Meditations 1, 2, and 3 are given in full. Toward the end of this chapter, I have also detailed some of the secular celebrations in full and one for a pet that has died. In other Meditations I have given Bible reading references and the meditation only. Where there are common readings, both secular and Bible readings, these are detailed in appendix 2 and referenced within the meditations.
Meditation 1 Older Person (some faith)
June was a supporter and worshipping member of the church, but took no leadership role. She had a straightforward Christian faith and a fulfilling life as a teacher. She travelled widely and had many good and close friends. The fact of an unexpected death and the surprise and unease of those who knew her suggested the following “The Paths that Lead to Peace” meditation. There was a eulogy given by Valerie, a close friend of June, that focused on June’s teaching experiences and her travels. It included some touching and some funny stories.
Welcome
Scripture Sentences
The eternal God is your dwelling place,
and underneath are the everlasting arms.
(Deuteronomy 33:27, Revised Standard Version)
Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.”
(John 11:25)
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
(Matthew 5:4)
Call to Worship
We have come to this service to celebrate the life of June whose life has ended.
It is good to be here!
We have come to join with others who knew her and loved her, to share our memories, and to tell our stories.
It is good to be here!
We have come to tell of all we have lost in June’s passing, to put our grief into words, and to follow words with actions.
It is good to be here!
We have come as family and friends to remember the effect of June’s life on each of our lives and to give God thanks.
It is good to be here!
We have come as those who believe that death is not the final end that it seems to be and to rejoice in the hope of a life that begins when this one ends.
It is good to be here!
Opening Prayer
O God, you brought us to life and you remind us that death is a natural part of life.
We come this morning/afternoon to celebrate the life of June, whom we have known and loved, a friend and family member who has died.
We give you thanks for the whole range of human experience that was hers: the wonder, the joys, and the challenges.
Bless us in these moments of remembering that we may express our loss and comfort one another.
We pray in the name of the compassionate one, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Bible Reading
In God’s House There Are Many Dwelling Places (see appendix 2)
John14:1–6, 8–14, 24, and 27
Meditation Part 1
We meet today in the name of the greatest peace-maker of all time, one the Bible tells us calmed the mentally ill, brought relief to the suffering, and a sense of forgiveness to the guilty. Jesus Christ was the great peace-bringer, and some of his last words recorded in John’s gospel are these: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid” (John 14:27).
Peace, the deep peace that Jesus spoke of, is what we seek when we have so unexpectedly lost June, loved and cherished as sister, family member, and friend. For the death of a loved one is a peace-disturbing experience. It is a hard task to come to this place to say our last goodbye. Yet that is what we are called to do today, to say our goodbye to June, who has touched each person in this church, June’s church, in different ways for good.
Our need is to come to terms with her loss gently and gradually, and to find and to feel that deep and lasting peace that Jesus spoke of—and it’s not easy. And so, I want to touch briefly on some of the steps that we can tread along the path that leads to peace when someone close to you dies…
The first thing I want to suggest is that it is right to express in the most direct and forthright terms just how much you have lost in the death of this sensitive, kindly, and thoughtful person who had a terrific sense of humour. How much you have lost in the death of June whom you have known well, loved, and remember in your own way: with good memories of her church life here, memories of time shared with her fraternal organization, memories of a caring neighbour, memories of holidays and leisure times shared, memories of a great baker, memories of her time at the seniors’ home, and of course those special family memories. June had a long life that was fully and well lived, and her passing leaves a gap that will be impossible to fill.
Friends and family members, your sense of loss needs to be brought out into the open, and your grief expressed before the road to peace is open. It’s a good thing to share the feelings most difficult to share, most difficult to put into words—to share those things most difficult to say aloud, and to do this with a trusted friend or minister or counsellor. You will make a beginning when we share refreshments following the service, but this time is only a beginning, and I know you will go on remembering June in the years ahead.
We need to reflect on the loss that has been ours in June’s death, and the next positive step is to think back over the memories of a unique lifetime. Valerie, who has been a good friend over the years, will give us a sense of how much June meant to so many.
(The friend shares her memories of the one who has died.)
Meditation Part 2
We have been fortunate indeed! I know Valerie’s words will encourage you to share your own memories—to recall them and talk them over. You will have a chance to begin to do this at the reception after the service, for to put your remembering into words is a positive step along the path to peace.
You, family members, have lost so much in June’s death, and we think especially of you, Rachel, in the death of a sister and of Roger her brother and Dot her other sister, who could not be with us today. We remember sister-in-law Sharon, nephew Frank, who is with us today, and other nephews and nieces. June’s family members are in the thoughts and prayers of the congregation here this afternoon. And we think also of you who were good friends and strong sources of support to June—Robert and Muriel and Laura, Tess, and Bill to name just a few.
It is a simple thing to say, but true, that it is because you loved and cared for June so much, you will miss her so much! As you look back with joy, as you remember with feeling your family ties and friendships, so God’s peace will be yours.
And peace comes as we acknowledge with joy that death is not an end, but a beginning. The passage of scripture that I read (from John 14) is often taken literally to mean that heaven is like a big house with many rooms. The more accurate intention of the evangelist was to indicate that there was room for all—no one would be excluded. He was making the point that in the mind of Jesus the end of life does not mean a final stop. He uses the symbolism of another dwelling place to make it clear that life goes on—where we cannot know, in what form we cannot be sure, but it goes on. June was a worshipper and member of the Christian faith community here and would have been aware that peace comes to us in the resurrection assurance, that eternal life is not a pious hope for a select and saintly few, but a reality that the Holy One has made possible for all. And it is this reality that June now knows. We rejoice that her time of infirmity is over, that she is reunited with those she loved and lost in this life, and is secured by the love of God whom she worshipped here.
“Who can separate us from the love of Christ?” writes the apostle Paul. “Can principalities or powers?” and we would say, “Can infirmity or old age?” “Can heights or depths?” writes Paul, and we would say, “Can the end of this earthly life?” Nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God, which we know in Jesus the Christ. The most profound and real peace will come to us as we renew our faith in Jesus who knew fear and suffering in his lifetime, yet who gloriously lived beyond that death on a cross. In the name of Jesus and with faith in him, we can confidently affirm in his words to the disciples, the words that John shared:
Do not worry about anything…. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6, 7)
Thanks be to God! Amen.
Prayer of Thanksgiving for June’s Life
We give you thanks, loving God, for your presence at every twist and turn of life and we thank you for your presence with us when our limited time merges with your eternal time.
You have been with us as we have today remembered our friend June. We thank you for the length and bread and depth of June’s life, all of its challenges and all of its moments of wonder and fulfillment. Each one of us here has memories that come to mind, and we bring them before you in moments of silence. (time of silent reflection)
Many of the events we have remembered we will share over the coming days:
Memories of June in her teaching years
Memories of June telling stories of her travels
Memories of June laughing and playing with her grandchildren
Memories of June in the garden she loved so much
These memories warm our hearts, but they also deepen the sense of loss we feel at this service.
We thank you, loving God, for them and we pray especially for June’s family as they come to terms with life without their loved one.
Your love is with them all the time.
You will be experienced in a strong companion when they feel alone.
You will be experienced as a sense of hope when they are down or depressed.
You will be experienced as a way forward when the future seems uncertain, bleak.
You will be experienced in joy and laughter as memories are shared.
Hold June’s family members securely and bless them, loving God; and bless and reassure us as we are aware through June’s death of our own limited lifespan. Renew in us the certainty of your love, the love that will not let us go. Enable us to fully live each day with the care-fulness, adventure, and justice to which you call us, and enable us to see those who have suffered loss and stand with them.
Our prayers of thanks we offer in the name of Jesus risen and at work through today’s disciples. Amen.
Commissioning
Share your memories;
remember the good times with June.
Share your loss;
there is a gap of friendship and love that cannot be filled.
Share your support for one another;
you will sustain and comfort each other.
Share your hope;
death is not the end, but a fresh beginning.
Blessing
And the blessing of God,
whose love is at the centre,
whose compassion is clear in Jesus,
whose Spirit defeats the power of death,
be with you now and in the time beyond time.
Amen.
Meditation 2 Accidental Death of a Child
Dean was only seven years old. He was an active and healthy boy, happy in his family and at school. His death was caused by a complication after a minor operation.
Welcome
Biblical Sentences
As a mother comforts her child,
so I will comfort you [says the Lord].
As a father has compassion for his children,
so the Lord has compassion for those who fear [the Lord].
(Isaiah 66:13; Psalm 103:13)
[Jesus said,] “Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up into his arms…and blessed them.
(Mark 10:15, 16)
Call to Worship
We have come to a place where sadness fills our hearts,
but we give thanks for Dean with stories and smiles.
We have come to a place where memories flood our minds,
but we are still as God’s eternal peace holds us.
We have come to a place where we are able to comfort one another,
but we value the ways in which Dean touched each one of us and brought us joy.
We have come to a place where time and eternity merge into one,
and we rejoice that God’s love is here, now and forever.
Opening Prayer
Loving God, this family, these friends loved Dean so much.
This family, these friends miss Dean so much.
We are glad you stand with them and support them
at this time of loss.
Your love is infinite and compassionate;
in your love this young boy is
safe and always will be.
Your peace is limitless and certain.
In your peace, this family, these friends
may know a place of refuge,
a place from which to venture out.
As you have blessed Dean, so bless his loved ones.
In the name of Jesus, who blessed the little child ren. Amen.
Scripture Readings
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, “Abba! Father!” it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ—if, in fact, we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.
(Romans 8:14–18)
Thus says the LORD:
In a time of favour I have answered you,
on a day of salvation I have helped you;
I have kept you and given you
as a covenant to the people,
to establish the land,
to apportion the desolate heritages….
But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
my Lord has forgotten me.”
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
or show no compassion for the
child of her womb?
Even these may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands;
your walls are continually before me.
(Isaiah 49:8, 14–16)
At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
(Matthew 18:1–5)
Meditation
How do we get our minds around the fact that Dean has died, that we will not see him again, playing in the street, laughing on the school bus, at the Recreation Centre? It is so difficult to believe he has gone and so impossible to believe we will never hear his laughter, see his huge grin again. I believe that those of you who are Dean’s friends from home and from school will find this especially difficult, and I want you to listen to what I am going to tell you.
The first thing is that you are not in any way responsible for his death. Nothing you said made any difference. The jokes you shared, the secrets you exchanged, the mean and bad things that you said, none of these made any difference, neither did the fights you had with him. Dean would have died anyway. He died because he got really sick while he was in the hospital for an operation, and no one could have done anything more to make him better.
And the second thing I want to say to you is that although you feel sad at Dean not being around, you probably also feel mad that he is no longer around to be your friend. It is okay to feel mad at Dean because he is no longer around to play computer games with you, to go swimming, to be on the baseball team.
Why not imagine Dean is in the same room with you? Tell him exactly how you feel; say your thoughts aloud to him. It seems a funny thing to do, but it will help. And take the time to tell your parents how you are feeling. They will listen very carefully to what you have to say and will be able to help. And you parents, you moms and dads, if you are unable to help your daughter or son, if you worry about them, I know you will be able to find someone who is skilled and trained and able to help them.
And you are probably wondering where Dean is now, now that he is dead. And the simple answer is that it is a mystery; no one really knows. Some people will tell you that he is an angel up in the sky, and some people will tell you that he is in “heaven,” a sort of wonderful city up above the clouds. But the truth is that we can’t be certain. Dean is not with us, we know that, but Dean is with God, we can be sure of that. The God we read about in the Bible has received Dean joyfully, and has hugged him like your mom or your dad hugs you—a big, big, hug, with lots of love in the middle of it! And that love of God will never let Dean go, not today, not tomorrow, not next week or month, or ever.
How can we be sure of that? Well, you know about Jesus, God’s special and chosen person. Jesus knew that children were of first importance. When the friends of Jesus asked him who was the most important people in God’s country, Jesus called a young person, probably the same age as many of you, and put her in the middle of the group. “Become not like a warrior, not like a pop star, not like a writer, not a like film star, but like a questioning, happy, enthusiastic girl or boy and you will have what it takes to be one of God’s special people.” That’s what Jesus said. Well, he didn’t quite say that, but that’s the idea he was trying to get across.
It is God we thank for Dean’s life, and we have some people willing to talk about Dean for us now. (Several eulogies follow.)
Thank you all. You have informed us, you have made us laugh, you have touched us with your words, and we are deeply grateful to you. We have talked of how you friends of Dean will be missing him so much, but we want to say that we cannot come close to appreciating how much you, who are family members, will feel the loss of this bright young guy. First and foremost, Adam and Jill, our hearts go out to you in the loss of your son. We know how devastating the last few days have been and we do not have the words to come close to reflecting your grief, but we do feel for you and we are with you. We know that if you are overwhelmed by your intense feelings, you will search out and find the compassionate help you need.
To Phyllis and John, Dean’s Nana and Grandpa, your loss is so great; you will miss your grandchild so much. Allow the grievous hurt to come and express it openly and directly to one another and to a best friend or counsellor who will listen deeply and understand. And that goes also to those of you who are fellow members of Dean’s family and to all of you who are their friends.
Dean is gone from among us, but in God’s care he is safe and happy and complete. And it is God’s peace we seek at this time and for all the days that lie ahead. Jesus once said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.” We thank God for the short but wonderful life of Dean, but as we do this, we seek with confidence God’s peace, the peace that goes beyond all human understanding. Amen.
Prayer of Thanksgiving for a Child
God, you are always with us,
when we are very young and when we are very old.
In all the ages and stages of life your love never leaves us.
And you were with Dean as he laughed and cried,
as he played and explored, as he hugged his mom and dad,
when he had fun with his grandma and grandpa,
as he watched TV and used his iPod.
We have our own special memories of Dean.
In moments of silence we remember......
Loving God,
receive these our memories, and memories that will be ours
in the coming days and bless them.
Be with Adam and Jill, Dean’s mom and dad.
Give them courage and patience for the days ahead.
And be with Phyllis and John, Dean’s grandma and grandpa,
who will miss him so much
Be with Dean’s school friends and members of his Cub Scout group
and his best friend, Jason. Help us to be your comforters, O God.
Enable us to put into words our feelings around Dean’s death
and share them with a trusted one.
We will miss him very much,
but he is safe with you, loving God.
He is happy with you, and we give thanks.
Dean is lost to us, but you have found him and will keep him always.
We believe that nothing will be able to separate him from your love,
not now, not ever.
We rejoice in the hope that one day we will all meet again.
We pray confidently in the name of Jesus, your beloved child. Amen.
Meditation 3 Celebration of Life (non-religious)
This is a non-religious event held in a hall. It centres on thanksgiving and gifts. There is a meal, lots of food, and a variety of drinks. There is no speculation on a life that begins when this one ends.
Welcome
(As each person arrives he/she is given a pebble. As the celebration begins a piece of music that the one who has died loved is played.)
We are the family and friends of Pierre. We have come together to celebrate his life. We have come to acknowledge our loss, and we have come to encourage each other. Let us begin by celebrating the taken-for-granted fact of life, which is the common miracle of each one of us.
Reading
(A family member reads “The Cost” by Dorothy N. Monroe. See appendix 2.)
Stories
We celebrate life, but today we celebrate one particular life, Pierre’s life. And what does it mean to celebrate? The popular meaning of the word is to have fun, and I believe there will be lots of good stories about Pierre and much laughter—he was a fun sort of guy! But celebration at the end of a life is much more than that. To celebrate at the end of a life means that we remember the whole of his life, and we are privileged that his daughter Joy will recount some of the markers of that life as only a close family member is able to do.
(Family memories from the loved one’s birth to his death are shared.)
Thank you Joy! You have given us a gift that only a family member is able to do. And now Pierre’s best friend Jacob, who was with him when he was at the mill, will speak of Pierre’s work life and leisure activities.
(Memories about the loved one’s work and leisure time are shared.)
Remembering is a vital task!
Meditation
(The leader or another family member or friend reads “Remembering.” See appendix 2.)
I want you to spend a few moments bringing to mind your own memories; you may find it helpful to share them with those who are sitting around you.
(Allow three to four minutes for sharing.)
On the way in, you were given a pebble. I want you to think of these pebbles as representing our individual memories of Pierre. Put together, they represent our common memory, and that is what we are going to do now. On the table at the front of the hall you will see a square of pebbles placed there by family members. Just add yours to the pile and think of all the memories of people all over this country and from far beyond these shores who have a good remembrance of Pierre. And if you have a word or so to say about Pierre, the microphone is there to use.
(Friends and family will come forward and place their pebbles on the growing pile. A few speak briefly about the loved one who has died. Some of these individuals will have been contacted ahead of the celebration.)
A pyramid of pebbles—what a symbol of the many memories brought to your minds! The problem of remembering is that it brings home our sense of all we have lost in the life that is over: all its joys and all its sorrows. Especially we think of you who are close family (mention these individuals by name) and good friends. I want you to take a few moments of silence to bring your feelings of loss to mind, those areas of your life where Pierre was significant to you, those areas where he will be missed. And I want you to consider how you might help close family members and friends.
(Leader reads “Meditations of the Heart” by Howard Thurman, see appendix 2.)
Let us voice our thanksgivings and our hopes as we go from this community of family and friends.
We give thanks for Pierre’s life with all its joys, all its achievements and its struggles, the dreams that came to life and the dreams that remained just dreams. We give thanks for the love he shared in the family circle. We give thanks for the encouragement he gave to his children, the fun he had with the grandchildren, and the enjoyment and care he shared among his friends. We give thanks for the work he did (be specific) and the fulfillment he found in that work. We give thanks for the ways in which he served the local community, and those people who will think kindly of Pierre and his hidden kindness.
We mourn his death, for we can’t help thinking of all the good things that would have been possible had he lived. We will live with our feelings of loss, but we will move forward to new endeavours. We will find the peace we seek.
We believe Pierre is at peace, and as he is alive in our memory, alive in the communities he served well, so we know Pierre will never die!
We invite you to recover a pebble, take it with you, and hold on to your memories as you go from here.
(A piece of music that the one who has died loved is played as people leave the gathering.)
Meditation 4 A Good and Faithful Person
Fran was one of this world’s good people. She was widowed early and had a hard life bringing up her two children. She was a church person, a worshipper rather than a leader of the faith community.
Welcome
(Leader or selected congregant reads “A Statement about Death” by Geoffrey Lampe. See appendix 2.)
Bible Readings
The Lord Is My shepherd (see appendix 2)
(Psalm 23)
The Road to Emmaus (see appendix 2)
(Luke 24:13–20, 28–35)
Meditation
It is a tough job to say goodbye to someone you love, someone who has been a good friend, someone who has been a special part of your life. We know from our own experience that even going to the airport with a family member or saying farewell to a friend who is moving to another part of the country are hard leave-takings. But what we are called to do today is so much more difficult. It is to say our final goodbye to Fran, family member, church member, and cherished friend. It’s not easy, but we do so fully aware that the word “goodbye” is the short-form for “God be with you.” God is with Fran. God is with us.
Alternative opening paragraph
Many of you will know the For Better or for Worse comic strip drawn by Lynn Johnston. In one particular episode, the character named Mike and his friend Weed are in the apartment they share when Mike gets a phone call from his sister. Mike turns to face Weed and with dismay on his face says, “My grandmother is in the hospital; it doesn’t look good; she is going to die.” And then, “Why is it that something that you have been expecting for a long time always comes as a surprise?” We know exactly what Mike means. We have seen Fran’s declining health—she has been going downhill for a while now—but her death still takes us by surprise, and that’s why it hits us so hard.
Our reading from the New Testament is a traditional Christian story told by Luke. In it we encounter two companions who did not have the time to say their final goodbye to Jesus, their leader and friend. His death, which they knew was coming, has still hit them hard, taken them by surprise. They are walking along the highway and they are sharing their memories, reminiscing about their time with Jesus, talking about all the things that have happened. And as they walk along, the risen Jesus joins them, but they do not know that it is Jesus. And they tell this stranger about the many wonderful events of his life.
You know, that is one of the reasons we are here today—to remember the life of Fran. I will make a start in this service, but it is only a start, as you will carry on as you meet and visit with one another during the refreshment time following the service, and your remembering will continue in the days and the weeks ahead, just as our reading from Luke reminds us that there is nothing more helpful than a good remembrance.
And we do remember Fran, this well-loved and loving woman, not tall in stature, but big of heart, and a caring person with a great sense of humour. She was challenged by the far too early death of her beloved husband, but she met the challenge and made her way so well in her daily work. Fran kept fit through swimming, greatly enjoyed the time she spent at the family cottage. She had the great gift of encouraging those close to her to see things from the other person’s point of view. (Add a personal story here.)
And Fran was above all a family person. I know that you grandchildren were a joy to her and that your grandma was not above spoiling you in the way that grandparents do, the way that parents know about, but turn a blind eye to.
And in later years, Liz, the two of you made a great team, helping and supporting one another, and not just looking after yourselves but also volunteering at Maltby Residence—Jim was telling me that you specialized in manicuring the nails of the residents who found it difficult to do that anymore...and if you are a visitor to seniors’ residences, you will know what an essential and necessary service this is and what an opportunity it presents for conversations.
Although Fran lived a long and active life and far exceeded her threescore years and 10, she will be much missed by you, her son, Jim, with Ruth; by you, Liz, her sister and best friend; by her grandchildren Conner and Amanda; by special niece Lina and nephew Fred, and by many others of you.
It is tough to lose someone you love, someone who has been close and a part of your life for many years, but one of the best things you can do is to share your feelings around Fran’s loss, especially the feelings that are most difficult to put into words. Share them with a good friend or someone you can trust completely, for in the sharing over time, peace will come...just like those two men in our reading. They are sharing their feelings with the stranger as they walk along; they invite him in for a meal and they talk out their good memories and their sense of loss some more. Then he gets up to go, and they recognize him as the risen Jesus, and suddenly he is gone from them. The Jesus they knew and loved is not dead but alive! The risen Jesus Christ is the symbol of hope for us all today. Death is not the dead end, far from it! Death is the gateway to the life that begins when this one ends.
This would be no surprise for Fran, no new concept. The hope of resurrection was something she would have appreciated from her many years of worshipping at this church, her church. Fran had Christian hope. “What can separate us from the love of Christ?” Paul asks. “Can heights or depths, can principalities or powers? Nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Believe it, rejoice in it! God’s servant Fran knows the truth of that now. Her life is over, and she knows God’s peace, the peace that passes all human understanding. Thanks be to God! Amen.
Meditation 5 A Young Woman (cancer)
Rachel was a young wife and mother. Alongside her close family, there was a large community of friends grieving her loss.
Bible Readings
The Gift of Love (see appendix 2)
(1 Corinthians 13)
Now when Job’s three friends heard of all these troubles that had come upon him, each of them set out from his home—Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They met together to go and console and comfort him. When they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him, and they raised their voices and wept aloud; they tore their robes and threw dust in the air upon their heads. They sat with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his suffering was very great.
(Job 2:11–13)
After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. Job said:
“Let the day perish in which I was born,
and the night that said,
‘A man-child is conceived.’…
“Why is light given to one in misery,
and life to the bitter in soul,
who long for death, but it does not come,
and dig for it more than for hidden treasures;
who rejoice exceedingly,
and are glad when they find the grave?
Why is light given to one who cannot see the way,
whom God has fenced in?
For my sighing comes like my bread,
and my groanings are poured out like water.
Truly the thing that I fear comes upon me,
and what I dread befalls me.
I am not at ease, nor am I quiet;
I have no rest; but trouble comes.”
(Job 3:1–3, 20–26)
Then Job answered:
“How long will you torment me,
and break me in pieces with words?
These ten times you have cast reproach upon me;
are you not ashamed to wrong me?…
For the hand of God has touched me!
Why do you, like God, pursue me,
never satisfied with my flesh?
O that my words were written down!…
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and that at the last [God] will stand upon the earth;
and after my skin has been thus destroyed,
then in my flesh I shall see God.”
(Job 19:1–3, 21b–23, 25–26)
Meditation
We do not want to come to this service this morning and say our farewell to Rachel, for her life was far too short; there was so much more to accomplish. But we do celebrate her life and we celebrate the love that was at the centre of it—love so joyfully given to friends and shared within the family circle, with husband, children, mother, sisters—love so happily received from so many of you who are gathered here in church to remember her life, you who feel the loss, the so painful loss, now Rachel is gone from among you. The apostle Paul speaks of that love with all the eloquence at his command. He reminds us that love is patient, love is kind; love does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things; love never ends. The Christian love that Paul speaks of never does end, and we are privileged that we will hear of Rachel’s loving life in a series of memories that the family has put together for us.
(A verbal collage of Rachel’s life is given by a trusted family friend.)
Thank you, James, and those of you who contributed to the family eulogy. Your words have been grace to us. No memories can say it all, no words can do justice to the full, glorious content of a life well lived, but these scenes from Rachel’s life help us enormously. They prompt us to do our own remembering, they help us in our grieving, and they remind us of the times when we laughed and cried with Rachel and the family....and they bring us back to love again. It is a hard reality but a true one, that because you family members loved Rachel so much, there will be no shortcut to peace for you. No one can take your grief away from you, but one fact is for sure, the thoughts and prayers of each person here and many who would dearly like to be here this afternoon are with you and will be with you in the coming days. We are here to pledge you our support.
We feel for you, June; how incredibly difficult it is for a mother to lose her child in her own lifetime. We are conscious of your great loss, too, Di and Rosanne, Rachel’s sisters, and of your loss, David, her brother. You and your partners were so constantly and carefully with your sister when she needed you most. You did all you could for her.
I want to say a word to you, Michael and Sharon (Rachel’s children of six and eight years). I know how much your mom loved you both; I know how much your dad loves you and gives you big hugs when you are at home. Well, God loves your mom very much and will care for her and love her forever and ever. Every time your dad hugs you, remember God is hugging your mom and loves her just like that!
Above all, we think of you, Ted. You have lost a wife, a partner, and best friend, one who has been your soulmate for so many years. We cannot begin to imagine how deep is your grief, but:
We are your companions along the way that is loss.
We feel for you, we are there for you.
We wish we could lift the weight of grief from you,
and though we cannot do that,
our support is constant,
our encouragement will not fail,
and when you have a need to talk,
anytime, anywhere, we will listen.1
A part of this sense of loss is the sheer unfairness of it all. If you, family members, are mad at the cancer that caused Rachel’s death, if you are mad at God for seeming not to prevent it, then this is totally understandable. One of our readings is from the Book of Job. Job is a good man who gets a whole load of undeserved pain and punishment. Our Job reading presents a direct parallel to Rachel’s early death. Why is it that bad things do happen to good people? Why can God not step in and change things for the better? Well, the ancient writer does not give any slick and easy answers. What Job looks for is a day when he can question God and God will give him clear answers, but that day never comes, and Job is invited to get along in a world where the situation is plainly unfair, and the good and caring people do get hurt, and hurt bad. At least Job has a whole lot of time to get his sense of the rottenness of it all off his chest, and he doesn’t waste the opportunity! And it is a reminder to all of you who feel your loss acutely this afternoon, to share your deepest feelings with someone you trust. Share them with a best friend, or a minister, or a counsellor, and do not be afraid to join a group of people like you who have lost loved ones way before their due time.
It is only in finding the feelings you never knew you had, speaking aloud the words you never wanted to voice, sharing at the deepest of levels, that peace, the peace so earnestly looked for, will come.
There is celebration and there is loss here today, but there is one more essential task to be about, and it is the task of faith. Rachel was a member of this church, attended Sunday school here, was brought up in a family where Christianity mattered....her children were baptized. Doubtless she questioned, as Job in our reading questioned, the justice and fairness of life, but doubtless she knew the person of Jesus Christ as well. When the chips were down, God did not say too much to a troubled world, did not get into conversation with the leaders of the time. Instead, God chose Jesus, who called God “Abba, Dad,” not to be a mighty ruler, not to be a clever politician, not to be as a mighty warrior, but in the form of a suffering servant, to stand fast against evil. And in his early thirties (would you believe) he ended up on a cross. And that same Jesus conquered death and is the risen symbol for us all.
It is not the nature of God to step in, to intervene and supernaturally save us, but God stands beside us feeling our pain and loss, and giving us in the risen Christ the sure hope that death does not have the last word. Death does not have the last word, but God’s love does. God had the last word with Jesus, and God has the last word for Rachel. Like Job she knows that her Redeemer lives. Her struggle with cancer is over and done with; the suffering is past and forgotten. God’s love is with her, and so she knows peace, the peace that passes all human understanding. And that peace will be ours.
Thanks be to our loving God! Amen.
Meditation 6 Older Man of Faith (years of dementia)
John was a family man and once a prominent leader in the local business community. He served in the local church, but then fell victim to a long and debilitating illness. In his last few years, he could not recognize his family. The focus here is giving thanks for a life, which is why the Letter to the Philippians was chosen.
Bible Readings
Paul’s Prayer for the Philippians (see appendix 2)
(1 Philippians 1:3–11)
Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. But I said to you that you have seen me and yet do not believe. Everything that [God] gives me will come to me, and anyone who comes to me I will never drive away; for I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of [the One] who sent me. And this is the will of [the One] who sent me, that I should lose nothing of all that he has given me, but raise it up on the last day. This is indeed the will of [God], that all who see the Son and believe in him may have eternal life; and I will raise them up on the last day.”
(John 6:35–40)
Meditation
“I thank God for you every time I think of you.” This is the enthusiastic beginning to Paul’s letter to the Philippians, and we who meet to remember John also give thanks. We give thanks for this people-loving, family-loving, good-humoured, big-hearted man and we give thanks for his life of care and service to others, a long life well lived.
“You are always in my heart,” writes Paul, and those of you who are of John’s family are truly heartfelt by those of us who gather to celebrate his life this morning. You have lost one who was well-loved within the family circle, and although infirmity had diminished his quality of life, his death will leave a space so difficult to fill. And so you come to say your last farewell to one who has touched your lives in so many different ways over the years. “I thank God for you every time I think of you,” said Paul. It is our joyful task to remember John, and we are privileged that son-in-law James, granddaughter Julie, and grandson Jason will remember him for us.
(Family members give their tributes.)
Thank you. All your words have been graceful words for us.
We joyfully give thanks for the purposeful life of John. In spite of John’s poor quality of life at the end, the act of celebrating and remembering brings home all you have lost in his passing, and this will be especially true for those of you who are his family members. We think above all of you, Bet, his well-loved daughter, but we know that he will be much missed, too, by son-in-law James and by his grandchildren, Julie with Aaron and Jason with Jill, and by the great-grandchildren Defoe and Rob, by brother Bob with Chloe, and by the wider family members, some of whom are here this morning and some of whom wish they could be and are with us in spirit. And we would remember another “family,” the Super Foods warehouse family, so special and so close over nearly half a century. You, “family” members, will have your own very personal feelings at this time of John’s passing, and I would encourage you to share those feelings with a best friend or trusted person, for as your grief work is carried out, so peace will come.
And remember that when Paul the apostle was giving thanks to God, it was prayerful thanks, and it was thanks to those who had helped him through their Christian life and work from the beginning until the present. “I pray your love will keep on growing more and more,” writes the apostle, referring to the love shown within the budding Christian community at Philippi. John was a church member, worshipping with our faith community and serving on the church council. His faith was forged and sustained within the church, a faith in the God who has created us, a faith in the God who raised Jesus from the dead—Jesus who broke free from death.
John was someone who loved the outdoors (include examples) and he would agree with the writer who put the thought of rising from death another way. He described death as being like a door—a door to the outside—to a life after this. That’s good symbolism for a way to make resurrection come alive for us—a word picture we can understand. And so we can have the most vital hope of all, the gospel hope of rising from death to life. John the evangelist records these words of Jesus: “I should lose nothing that I have been given, but God will raise me up on the last day.”
We rejoice that for John the time of infirmity is over and done with, that his time of being a stranger to you is at an end. We rejoice that God has raised him up. We rejoice that he is reunited with his loved ones who went before and we rejoice that the loving God whom he worshipped and served has welcomed him into the eternal home, and that in that love of God he is safe and happy and knows the peace of God, that peace that goes beyond all we can speak of, or experience, or know.
Thanks be to God for the life of God’s servant! Amen.
Meditation 7 A Well-Loved Family Member
In the reading from John’s gospel, there are the contrasts of sorrow and joy that are found when we remember a close family member who has died. In the meditation, we remember Kate, a well-loved family member.
Secular and Bible Readings
“Gone Only from Our Sight” (see appendix 2)
Mary Magdalene Goes to the Tomb (see appendix 2)
(John 20:1–21)
Meditation
There is no doubt that Jesus had a normal family. We know who some of them were: Mary and Joseph, his parents, and James, his brother, who later became a leader of the early church; and we know from reading the gospel that they didn’t always understand what their wandering, caring, prophetic family member, Jesus, was about. Don’t we all have oddball characters in our families? But Jesus had another family, a disciple family, the 12 who were called by him—Peter, Andrew, James, John, and the others. In addition, there were those in the wider family circle, including several women of whom Mary Magdalene was one.
We heard in our Christian scripture reading how Mary Magdalene came to say her final goodbye to Jesus, her Lord, her good friend, the well-loved man who was family to her...and she is surprised and saddened when she finds that the body of Jesus has been taken away from the tomb. She is at a loss to know what has happened; while the gap that the absence of Jesus has opened up for her and the disciples seems so large.
Mary is crying. There is real sadness in her voice as she says to the person nearby (whom she thinks is the gardener), “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have put him!” Mary is at a loss. Similarly, you who have met to remember Kate are very conscious of all you have lost in the death of a wife, mother, grandmother, and family member.
There are elements of sadness and loss in our service this morning, but there is also another and different feeling. Mary encounters the risen Christ in the garden. “Who is it you are looking for?” he asks. Thinking it is the gardener, she says, “If you took him away, sir, tell me where you have put him!” And Jesus says, “Mary!” And Mary turns and joyfully recognizing Jesus says, “Rabboni, teacher!” And Mary runs to tell the disciples. You see, the other element in this story is joy.
(A talk is now given by the daughters of the one who has died.)
And you who meet to honour Kate have so much to remember joyfully of the life of this family-centred, kind, and generous person. We know how much you have lost, Don, in the death of such a caring and loving wife, someone who spent so many good times with you. Mary and Brenda, Kate’s daughters, you made it so wonderfully clear when we talked, how your mother was there for you all the time, a constant and reliable friend and confidant, and a wise guide in all the ups and the downs of family life. There for your family members, too, Don. For Kate, the home was central, the fixed point, the focus; she loved her home. She enjoyed nothing more than cooking for the family and their friends and keeping the place in apple-pie order! And she gave shelter and a refuge from the storms of life to various family members over the years. For some people, it is the workplace where they make their mark, for some it is their social organizations, and for Kate it was home! And in the home no one was more important than you, her grandchildren, Lamin and Joe. Now I could say a whole lot about how your Baba felt about you, how she loved to give you a big hug, always ready to give you ice cream. I could say a lot, but you, Lamin, wrote about your Baba, in a piece titled “The Person I Admire,” and you have very kindly allowed us all to hear what you wrote, and that is much better!
(A short but touching letter by a grandson to his grandmother is read.)
Thank you, Lamin, that is quite a testimony to the Baba whom you loved. And I know there will be friends and neighbours in the congregation for whom Kate was such a strength, as she was one to care for and visit the sick, even when she was sick herself. And as you all know, Kate did get sick; and then so very suddenly you lost her.
You who are family members and friends have lost so much in the death of a wife, a grandmother, a thoroughly good friend; we feel for you today. And I would counsel you to face the feelings that are yours in her death, and put into words those most difficult to express, e.g., “I feel angry,” even “I feel angry at God for Kate dying,” “I feel so lonely now I can’t go and see her,” “I feel frustrated that I couldn’t say the things I wanted to say before she died,” and share these feelings with a trusted one, a best friend, or minister, or counsellor. For it is in the sharing that peace and the ability to make a fresh start will come. In the words of our reading, “You truly do not walk alone.” Be certain of one thing, all you family members are supported by the thoughts and prayers of those who are in the congregation this morning, and by many who could not be here be with us, but are with us in spirit. We are with you.
There is sadness in all you have lost, but there is joy in all the memories that come flooding back today. And there is an echo here of the disciples’ joy in recognizing that their Lord is not dead but alive. Kate has, in the words of our reading, “passed over the horizon” and is greeted on another shore by those loved ones who have gone before. We rejoice that Kate had a strong and living faith. She was a regular worshipper at … Church, with you, Don.
“What can separate us from the love of God?” (see Romans 8) writes the apostle Paul. “Can death or life?” And we could say, “Could increasing infirmity?” “Can principalities or powers?” and we would say, “Can separation from the ones she loved?” No! “Nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God as we know it in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God’s loved one, Kate, knows the wonderful truth of that now, and for Kate, God’s servant, we give God thanks! Amen.
Meditation 8 A Person Who Took Her Own Life
Lynn took her own life. She was a deeply troubled young woman with underlying mental health problems. She was in her last year of high school. Her death took everyone by surprise.
Bible Readings
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.
Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my supplications!
If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with you,
so that you may be revered.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in [God’s] word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than those who watch for the morning,
more than those who watch for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with [God] is great power to redeem.
It is [God] who will redeem Israel
from all its iniquities.
(Psalm 130)
Jesus, the Way to God (see appendix 2
(John 14:1–6, 8–14, 24, 27)
Life in the Spirit (see appendix 2)
(Romans 8:18, 31–32, 35, 37–39)
Meditation
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.” It will be hard to take in any words this afternoon, hard to hear any words clearly. So deep are our feelings of grief over Lynn taking her own life, so intense is our sense of loss, so difficult to accept the fact that she will never be with us again. The ancient poet cries from the depth of his being, cries out to God because no one but God is able to hear clearly at this time of extraordinary loss. The psalmist cries out as if in deep water; we might say “He is out of his depth.”
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.” It is a cry from the heart, and you, Roger and Tina (parents), those of you who are Lynn’s family, those of you who were her friends, you know just where the writer is coming from. No words, certainly no words of mine, will measure up to the loss you have suffered, but words must be spoken.
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord.” And if no words can adequately express the loss felt by all of us this morning, neither are words adequate to describe the feelings of emptiness and futility that are the experience of some people who suffer from the illness of depression. This for years was the burden of Lynn, clouding her loving and helpful personality, and curbing her enjoyment of friendship and competitive sports. So often when the tragedy of a person taking her own life comes home to us, we are at a loss to understand why it happened. With Lynn, there is no doubt that she lost an unequal battle with the horrendous mental illness that is depression, an illness that she faced directly and bravely and sought help for over the years, an illness that, at the end of it all, she was unable to overcome.
And our hearts go out to you, Roger and Tina, in the loss of your precious daughter, and to you, Jim, in the loss of a well-loved sister. And we remember all of you who counted Lynn as a friend. You friends in particular will feel so bewildered and angry by Lynn’s death; you will wonder “Is there anything I could have said, anything I could have done to help?” The questions will fill your minds; the answers that satisfy will be slow to come.
And I want to challenge each one of you here this morning to face the feelings that are yours, those feelings that you are least willing to put into words, to face these feelings and to share them with a trusted friend, or a minister, or a counsellor. Earl Grollman, rabbi and grief counsellor, gives good advice: “Say your deep feelings out loud, call them by their proper names: I feel so much loss, I feel angry at what has happened, I feel there was more I could have done”2 for through the sharing, the first glimmer of hope will come.
For those of you who were classmates of Lynn I would direct you, if you feel down, to talk with (names), support counsellors who have assured me that they are ready and willing to hear you out and help in any way they can. For us as a community it is a challenge to get behind those who are working and lobbying to ensure that the Mental Health Society Centre for Grangetown is not just talked about but built, and the staff adequately funded.
And reach deeply into the faith that is yours to find strength in. For those of you who are Christians, it is good to remember that Jesus came to his own death by inner conviction, by the pressures from those who tested him yet knew God’s love enfolding him. Lynn has been embraced, hugged tight, not by a stern, unfeeling, judging God, but by a God of unfailing tenderness, infinite understanding, and infinite compassion. Lynn is accepted; she is loved beyond any limits; she is with God.
“Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord” writes the psalmist, but another ancient poet writes “Worship the Lord with gladness; come into [God’s] presence with singing” (Psalm 100:2). There is sunlight behind the dark clouds; there is the sunlight of so many happy memories. You who have known Lynn well will have already begun to share them, and will continue to do so downstairs after the service. And we are so fortunate that George and Frances will share their memories with us, too.
(Memories are shared.)
Thank you, George and Frances. Your words have been grace to us. We are deeply grateful for a wonderful reminder that one positive thing we can do is to be there for each other in the days and the months that lie ahead—celebrating, sharing, remembering the good times, yet supporting and encouraging one another in the low moments.
At the end of the day, we do have hope. Our reading from the Gospel of John speaks of the house with many rooms where there is eternal joy, the heavenly home. We might better think of Lynn coming home to God where the darkness and despair of this world lie totally defeated by God’s love. What can separate us from that love? What can separate Lynn from that wonderful love? “Can principalities, can heights and depths?” writes the apostle Paul, and we might add “Can the darkness of depression, can feelings of hopelessness and despair, the belief that there is no way out? Can anything in all creation?”
Nothing can separate us from the love of God as we know it in Jesus Christ our Lord, so let us go from here with the words of Jesus echoing in our ears: “Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid” (John 14:27). Amen.
Meditation 9 A Person Who Took Her Own Life (2)
Rosie was a 43-year-old woman with a history of psychiatric illness.
Bible Reading
Jesus Calms the Storm
(Luke 8:22–25)
Meditation
The wind howls. The trees shake down to their roots. There is no mistaking a storm. Whether it is a winter storm complete with the blizzard conditions of blowing snow or a summer storm of pelting rain and fierce winds, the strong force of the weather is unmistakable. For most of Rosie’s life, she lived the storm. Her body, mind, and spirit were in torment for so long. In spite of the incredible care given by her family, doctors, and other caregivers, in the end the anguish was just too strong, and she took her own life.
But for each one of you as well, the last few days have also been a storm of huge intensity. For some of you, it feels as if you have weak roots and you have been tested to the depths of your being. And for others the full force of Rosie’s death is like a slap across your face. It stings—and all you can do is hurt. Your life feels turned upside down. But there are other emotions as well, for this is also a time of change and even relief. The anguish, the pain is finally over for Rosie, and we rejoice that her soul is finally at rest.
Either way, this is a surreal time. You have an endless number of questions and uncertainties, and answers are short in coming. But in the midst of the storm of loss, you carry priceless memories. Rosie’s kindness, her compassion and understanding of others were gifts that you will treasure. She had a remarkable way of worming her way into your heart—often with humour and always with openness. She truly wore her heart on her sleeve. In many respects, Rosie was old for her age having a depth of sensitivity and intelligence few could match. Rosie was proud of the work she did as a peer counsellor and was open to sharing her tough life’s story with high school and college students. Many of you knew her as a soft-hearted, loving woman who always wanted to help others understand mental illness. And she was so talented, pouring out her feelings in poetry that touched the soul.
And yet for all the joy and caring she brought, there were so many demons that Rosie fought. Between the physical agony and mental anguish that burdened her, the pain was excruciating. But even in the midst of pain, her wicked sense of humour got her through, and she would come out with statements that caused you to chuckle.
In the midst of this bewildering time, I urge you to support one another with sensitivity and compassion. Don’t be afraid to speak of Rosie’s life or of the way she died. It will be good to share your stories and memories of Rosie. For those of you who gather as friends and caring people from the community, your concern for one another will take different, practical forms. Be ready to share meals, listen deeply, or simply offer a shoulder to cry on. All of these gestures will help.
To find the right words for a day such as this is impossible. So instead, let us think about the truths and hope that scripture offers. I selected a particular passage of scripture with the hope that it might speak to our needs this morning.
In these warm months of the year, you look out over the lake and see numerous boats. On a calm day it is a scene of peace and tranquillity, but when the wind comes up out of nowhere and the white caps show, you fear for the safety of those on pleasure or fishing trips. Such was the setting for the memorable boating trip shared by Jesus and some of his disciples. It’s the story we heard read earlier. “We are going to die, help us, save us!” the friends of Jesus cry out in fear. And the compassionate Christ offers safety and sustenance to his friends. The one who calmed the raging storm gives comfort and renewed peace.
As you mourn Rosie’s death, you may be feeling that like those friends of Jesus you are being tossed around like a boat in a storm. It seems as if you are crashing against an immovable force. Yet, just as Jesus calmed the storm and the disciples so long ago, be assured that your inner storms will also be calmed. By honestly acknowledging your need for comfort and consolation, the Holy One will support you. Know that God grieves right along with you and shares with the deepest love imaginable.
Rosie’s storm is now past, and she has been embraced by the loving welcome of our Holy God. Rosie was accepted and loved by God in her life, and she is now in God’s loving care in the time that begins when this time ends.
Thanks be to God that with death comes new life—eternal life. Amen.
Laura Turnbull (Adapted)
Meditation 10 Older Woman (faith background)
Lorna died slowly. She was much loved by her family.
Bible Reading
The Lord Is My Shepherd (see appendix 2)
(Psalm 23)
Meditation
The writer of Psalm 23 was a person who knew about loss, the loss of someone close and dear to him. The writer of Psalm 23 knew the feelings the loss aroused. It was in response to that loss that he wrote this memorable piece of religious poetry. Running through the whole psalm is the sense of God being with him, that in spite of the harshness of his suffering, God would go with him in time and beyond time.
We are gathered here this afternoon to say our final goodbye to Lorna, and we do so remembering that the word “goodbye” means “God be with you.” There is the sense that God has gone with the psalmist in times past, and the imagery that he uses is of a shepherd going about his daily tasks: “[God] makes me lie down in green pastures, [God] leads me beside still waters.” These are jobs that a shepherd would do, and we have a strong reminder here today of the variety and challenge in Lorna’s life of the work at the mill lab, the leisure pursuits, and the enjoyment of family that made up the life of this big-hearted woman. There is also the strong sense that we have much to thank God for as we remember her. I know that some of you family members have words you would like to say, some thanksgivings to share at this time. Please feel free to do so.
(Several family members come forward to share short eulogies.)
Thank you all for your different insights into Lorna’s life. Lorna was there for you, her family members, and I know she will be much missed within the family circle by you, Garcia, Tami, and Freda (her children). It has been hard for you to watch your mum go down slowly but relentlessly over the last few years, but you have stuck with her and you can rejoice that she has found the eternal peace she deserves. You told me that she was a most generous and loving grandma, and I know that the grandchildren, who have gained so much from her unstinting presence, will feel her absence in a special way. Our sympathetic feelings are there for you, Naomi, Lucinda, and Clare. And we are aware how much her passing will have meant to those who were her colleagues at work in the mill lab. You will remember her as a colleague whose outgoing generous nature changed the working climate for good. And those of you who were her friends will bring her to mind. Above all, our prayers are with you, Jo, in the death of a wife/partner and best friend.
To you who are family and friends, I would encourage you to share the feelings of loss that is yours in Lorna’s passing, share especially with a best friend, or a minister, or a counsellor those feelings that are most difficult to speak about openly, for it is in this way that you will work through the loss that is naturally yours and experience the peace that you seek. The writer of Psalm 23 was working out his feelings of grief as he wrote this wonderful poem, and he is able to see as he does so, that the God in whom he believes is there for him in the valley of the shadow of death where he says he will fear no evil as “God’s rod and staff—they comfort me.”
The psalmist goes on to say that God “restores my soul” and that he “will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Time would not be the end for the psalmist, for in God’s strength he would overcome the ravages and the end of mortal time. Lorna would have believed that. She was a woman of faith, a faith that found expression in worship at church and its climax in the rising of Jesus. The rising of Jesus is there for Lorna and it is there for us as well!
Lorna would believe the apostle Paul when he wrote “What can separate us from the love of God? Can principalities or powers? Can heights or depths?” And we might add “Can infirmities or a slow and increasing illness?” “Nothing in all creation can separate us from the love of God, in Christ Jesus our Lord.” God’s servant, Lorna, now knows the glorious truth of that. She has passed from death to life and knows the peace of God, the peace of God that passes all human understanding, and for that, and for her good life, we give God thanks and praise. Amen.
Meditation 11 Older Man (the “right time” to die)
Bert was a man with many friends and was well-loved by his family. He died after a short illness, having exceeded his “three score years and 10” by 25. For Bert it was the “right time” to die.
Bible and Secular Readings
“Death Is Only an Horizon” by Bede Jarrett O.M. (see appendix 2)
Everything Has Its Time (see appendix 2)
(Ecclesiastes 3:1–8)
Now among those who went up to worship at the festival were some Greeks. They came to Philip, who was from Bethsaida in Galilee, and said to him, “Sir, we wish to see Jesus.” Philip went and told Andrew; then Andrew and Philip went and told Jesus. Jesus answered them, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also.”
(John 12:20–26)
Meditation
For everything there is a season. As the writer of the Book of Ecclesiastes reminds us, there is a time to be born and a time to die. This is the time to say a final “goodbye” to Bert, father, grandfather, and friend. This is a time to measure our loss over one who has been important in the family circle and in the community. His fruitful life has come to an end, the unchanging cycle of the seasons is over for him.
As we experience the vista of changing colours of the leaves, we recognize the end of a season and we are reminded of the harvest where unless the wheat seed dies, it cannot bring new birth. This also is the time to remember our own limited lifespan, our own cycle of the seasons—the good years that have been ours and the end of this life that lies ahead for each one of us. This is the time to remember that the love of God embraces us through all the seasons of life and goes with us beyond the horizon we call death.
And this is the time when we think of various spheres of human endeavour, when we remember and thank God that Bert was able to be a part of them. The writer talks of “a time to plant and a time to pluck up” and in the agricultural society of the time, this would be a reminder of the work that people do. We remember that Bert was a driver of heavy equipment for all of his working life. But “planting and plucking up” also reminds us of gardening tasks, and Bert loved his garden.
[Note: “A time to…” phrases are about the contrasts of human life and they may be used as a framework to build a biographical section relating to the person who has died, the person for whom we give God thanks. “A time to tear and a time to sew” might be appropriate for another person. “A time for war and a time for peace” might be a lead-in for a former member of the armed forces. “A time to keep silence and a time to speak” might be appropriate for a community leader.]
But as the writer of Ecclesiastes reminds us, this is also “a time to mourn and a time to dance.”
We do mourn the loss of a good man. You who are family are especially in our thoughts and prayers. We think first and foremost of you, Jen, in your loss of a well-loved husband and friend and all you shared of happy times and the challenges of life. We remember you, Chuck and Rosemary, and your partners, and the good times that were yours with your dad. And Devin and Raleigh, we know you will miss your gramps so much (the grandchildren were young, and a few personal words were appreciated).
For the author of Ecclesiastes writing in ancient times, the death of a person was pictured as one of the happenings in the natural order of things, but we know that there are deep feelings stirred by the loss of a loved one and that they have to be taken seriously. Feelings have to be acknowledged, have to be put into words, have to be shared with a trusted person to be gently worked through, for this is the nature of the grieving process. And I would charge you to take your grief work to heart. Bert, your loved one, was worth it!
“A time to mourn” it most certainly is, but it is also “a time to dance.” Mourning is not only a sad and dismal process but also a celebration of the life of the person who has died. Find ways to celebrate his life. When you are in his favourite locations, talk of the time when he was there, what he did, and what he said. Get out the photo albums and share the stories, especially the stories that make you laugh and make you cry. You family members were telling me… (This is a good time in the service to share with the congregation stories that the family members have shared with you, stories that highlight some key characteristics of their loved one.)
Yes, you will miss Bert. He is lost from your sight, but be quite clear about this, he is not lost to God. John the gospel writer talks in terms of a seed being sown in the ground. Is the seed lost forever just because it is out of sight? Not at all. It is there all the time, unseen but ready to flower in a wonderful and quite unexpected way. This is one of the ways of explaining the resurrection—life does not come to an end when death happens; it goes on. How…we cannot be sure, where…we cannot be certain, but life goes on, the rising to life of Jesus is proof positive of that.
And so we rejoice that a new life has begun for Bert. His suffering is over, he is reunited with those family members who have gone before him, and he knows the peace of God, the peace of God that passes all human understanding; and for that, and for his good life, we give God thanks and praise. Amen.
Meditation 12 Older Woman (faith community member)
Paula had suffered ill health over a period of years; her earthly body was not serving her well. She died quite suddenly.
Bible and Secular Readings
“Gone Only from Our Sight” (see appendix 2)
So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.
For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling—if indeed, when we have taken it off, we will not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan under our burden, because we wish not to be unclothed but to be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
(2 Corinthians 4:16—5:5)
Meditation
Paul talks in his letter to the Corinthians about the faithful life. He says, “We want to please God.” He might have said, “We want to live a worthy life.” And our first and joyful task this morning is to thank God for Paula’s life, a faithful and a good life! Yet we come still suffering from shock that she has so unexpectedly, so quickly, gone from among us. It is difficult for those of you who, like myself, talked with her or saw Paula in the week before she died, so full of life, in church, out shopping, talking to her friends in person and on the telephone, in touch with her family, in short, doing the all the things she really enjoyed doing. It is so difficult to believe that she has gone from among us and that we will not see her again. Yet we do have to face the reality of this parting and so we have to come to this (name) Church, Paula’s church, wishing that we could pass through the fragile but final barrier that is death and say our own heartfelt “goodbye” to her.
We do give thanks for her life and we are privileged that Jim, her son-in-law, will share family memories of this well-loved mother, grandmother, former colleague, and very good friend. Jim will guide our remembering and enable us to cast our own minds back to when Paula was a part of our lives.
(The family member shares memories of the one who has died.)
Thank you, Jim! It was good that you were able to share so much of the family experience and some of the family stories with us this morning and speak of the good times Paula shared with her friends. We have heard from Jim of so much in Paula’s life to “please God,” as Paul puts it.
I would encourage all you family members to share the sense of grief and loss that you feel, especially the aspects that are the most difficult to put into words, with someone you can trust absolutely, for it is in the sharing that peace will come.
The apostle Paul in our reading spends time considering this present existence. He deals with the reality of our humanity. He reminds us that our physical body is gradually decaying, and those of us (of you) who are getting up there in age are well aware of the creaks and protests of body parts as the days race by. But then Paul goes on to give us a different and wonderful reality when he writes, “Our spiritual being is renewed day after day.” We are to fix our attention not on things that are seen, but on things that are unseen. “What is seen lasts only for a time,” writes Paul, “but what is unseen lasts forever.” What a wonderful statement from this good follower of Jesus Christ, and how completely out of step with the trends in modern society. We are encouraged by advertisers to think of our salvation in terms of what we can see right now—the new model car we can buy, the coffee shop we can frequent—while the apostle is pointing to another reality, to an unseen, eternal reality. It is so difficult for us to make this realty our own…“To leave our home in the body and make our home in the Lord,” as Paul puts it. “It is not that we want to be rid of our earthly body,” writes Paul, but it does wear out! You, friends and family members, are well aware, as I was, of the frustrating patches of ill health that Paula went through; we want to keep our earthly body, but it gets so that it doesn’t function as well as it once did! But as Paul writes, “We want to have the heavenly body put on over us, so what is mortal will be transformed by life.”
At the centre of the gospel is the hope that death is not an ending but a beginning. Paula was a long-time member of this congregation, teaching Sunday school, a member of the choir, a former president of the women’s group and a member of that organization until the time of her death, and a regular worshipper. She shared that Christian cornerstone, that reality of resurrection hope, that faithful certainty that there is another sphere of life, spiritual life, which begins when we pass over the horizon that is death: where…we cannot be certain, in what form…we cannot be sure, but it is there ahead of us, where we will be embraced by the love of God known to us in Jesus Christ. God’s peace will be certain and unending. God’s faithful servant, Paula, knows the truth of that now, and one day so will we! Thanks be to God for her good life! Thanks be to God who has welcomed her home! Amen.
Mary was one of this world’s good people; she never made a fuss and could be relied on to help out whenever needed.
Bible Readings
He looked up and saw rich people putting their gifts into the treasury; he also saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. He said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them; for all of them have contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in all she had to live on.”
(Luke 21:1–4)
When he noticed how the guests chose the places of honour, he told them a parable. “When you are invited by someone to a wedding banquet, do not sit down at the place of honor, in case someone more distinguished than you has been invited by your host; and the host who invited both of you may come and say to you, ‘Give this person your place,’ and then in disgrace you would start to take the lowest place. But when you are invited, go and sit down at the lowest place, so that when your host comes, he may say to you, ‘Friend, move up higher’; then you will be honored in the presence of all who sit at the table with you. For all who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” He said also to the one who had invited him, “When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, in case they may invite you in return, and you would be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, and the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you, for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
(Luke14:7–14)
Meditation
The people who get noticed in this world are often the people who make a show of what they do. We encourage them. We follow the life and times of the stars (name contemporary celebrities); we read about them in the papers, we hear of their adventures from the tabloid headlines at the supermarket.
Today, we meet to remember Mary who probably only got into the papers with her wedding announcement and on Tuesday with her obituary. Yet, this unassuming and gentle person who was always there for her friends and neighbours deserved the headlines, deserved to have been publicly recognized. You, who have come to remember her, are fully aware of that.
If you look at the gospel record there is no doubt where the sympathy of Jesus lies, not with the power people of his time, the rulers and the Roman military controllers, not with the religious hierarchy, the High Priest, the scribes, and Pharisees, but with the unassuming and poor of this time. And so he notices the child who wants to come and see him when the disciples try to keep her away, and he notices the very poor widow who is dropping a couple of copper coins into the offertory chest of the Temple. “I tell you, this poor widow put in more than all the others,” says Jesus. And Jesus makes the point, “the others offered their gifts from what they had to spare of their riches; but she gave all she had to live on.”
We remember Mary, who had a hard time in this life but kept going, kept cheerful; who’s well-loved husband, Dennis, died so young leaving her to bring up you, her so special children, Brittany and Joe. You, family members, have told me of the struggle to make ends meet that was her life, and the difficulty of balancing family responsibilities and that job at the store. You have told me how she wished the three of you could go on the sort of travelling holidays your friends went on (include some stories of family life). Mary also found time to volunteer at the Food Bank on a Thursday evening; ironic really—she might well have been using it herself! And if there was a bereavement in the street, or someone at work who had hit a patch of trouble, Mary would be the first one round with food and a shoulder to cry on.
If you do a whole lot for your family and friends, it stands to reason you will be much missed, and I know that Mary is much missed. And we know how much she is missed by you, Brittany and Joe, especially as you look back to your family times together and by the grandchildren Nicholas and Emma…your Nana was, I know, your greatest fan and supporter and went to all your hockey/baseball games. It will be very hard for you both to realize she will not be there to cheer you on anymore. And I know that you wider family members and friends will have so many good memories and stories. Well, don’t hold back, share them over the coming days and months, and if there are feelings that you find difficult to share, memories that are painful, do not be afraid to seek out an empathetic person, counsellor, or minister who will listen and understand.
Mary, later on in life, got to the point where she didn’t have to struggle anymore, but day-to-day living was never easy for her.
Our second reading, this morning, was about the guests who were invited to a wedding, and Jesus makes the point that in God’s kingdom, those who are the people “at the top” will be humbled and the lowly ones will be recognized as great. The gospel record attests to the reality that the hope of the life that begins when this one ends has nothing to do with success in this world—quite the reverse. “You will be blessed if you invite the poor, the lame, and the blind to the feast,” says Jesus. “God will repay you on the day good people rise from the dead.” Mary is one of this world’s good people. She is with God now; the testing times of this life are over and done with. She is embraced by God’s love and she will be joyful for all eternity. For this and for her continual life of giving amongst us, we give God thanks! Amen.
Meditation 14 A Backyard Event
Ken died after being in the hospice for several weeks. He had an Easter and Christmas connection to the local faith community and had been visited by a staff person. His request was for “no funeral!” He wanted a family get-together—a barbeque and a celebration of his life. The family knew how to prepare for the barbeque, but not the celebration.
Ken had built a garden bench for his son. On this bench the family placed a handmade box containing his ashes, his golf clubs, and his Tilley hat. On a warm afternoon, the family gathered around the bench to remember Ken.
Readings
One of his sons opened with the first reading.
“Journey of Life” (see appendix 2)
The community visitor to Ken in the hospital then read two scripture passages that would be familiar to most people.
The Lord Is My Shepherd (see appendix 2)
(Psalm 23)
Life in the Spirit (see appendix 2)
(Romans 8:18, 31–32, 35, 37–39)
Meditation
Ken has gone from among us and will not return. This is our time to say our goodbye and to remember one who has touched us all and has been a central person in the family circle. And we rejoice that we can say our farewell in this beautiful spot, the place that Ken loved so much, with his significant stuff around us. It doesn’t take much imagination to think of him here with us—unseen but lovingly present—perhaps smelling the barbeque and remembering so many good meals in times past!
We are glad that he was spared more suffering and trouble, the last few weeks were hard on him and hard on you who were family members. We are glad that he is at peace now.
Our reading reminds us of the journey that is the life of every person on this earth. The journey has its high spots and joyful moments, the journey has its time of loss and despair, the journey has its time of three steps forward and two back. This is the time for us to give God thanks for Ken’s life. The life of this family-centred man who loved his garden and the golf course! I know some of you are prepared to do this…and we invite Phillipa and Ian to come forward now and talk about their dad. But it would be great if some other of you other family members who have something to share—a few words, a story—would come forward afterwards. We are all friends here!
(Philllipa and Ian talk about their dad. A couple of other family members talk briefly, and almost all the grandchildren share stories of the “fun times” with their grandpa.)
(The celebrant centres on the grandchildren when she resumes her meditation.)
We are all sorry that your grandpa’s life is over. We wish so much that he had not got sick and died; you shared so many fun times, but he loved you, loved your moms and dads, and you can keep that love going although he is not with you. I know you, family members, will miss Ken in your various ways, and feel his absence acutely. Keep on doing what you have been doing here this afternoon: remember Ken with good stories and laughter. And express all you have lost in his death openly and freely to a trusted one.
You, grandchildren, are probably wondering where your grandpa is, now you can’t see him. Some people will tell you that he is up in the sky in a place called heaven; others will tell you that he is an angel among the stars. We can’t be sure of that, but we believe that Ken, your grandpa, has been welcomed by God with a big loving hug, just like your mom or dad gives you when you come back from a trip away. One of our readings puts it this way: “What can separate us from God’s love? Nothing in all the world!” That we are sure of!
Ken is at peace now, and we can go to eat our hotdogs, steaks, and hamburgers rejoicing that this is exactly what he would want us to do. Remember him and have a good time!
Meditation 15 An Accidental Death
Jean was an older and much-loved woman, a mother and grandmother. She died unexpectedly in a vehicle accident, and her death caused much grief in her family and friendship circle. When we talked with the family, grief was still intense and was likely to be so for some time. In the following meditation, I use the same basic approach as in Meditation 7, but focus on the intense feelings of Mary Magdalene as revealed in the account of John 20.
Biblical Reading
Mary and the Disciples Encounter the Risen Jesus (see appendix 2)
(John 20:1–21)
Meditation
We heard in our Christian scripture reading how Mary Magdalene comes to say her final goodbye to Jesus, her Lord, her good friend, the well-loved man who was family to her, and she is surprised and saddened when she finds that the body of Jesus has been taken away from the tomb. She is at a loss to know what has happened, and the gap that the absence of Jesus has opened up for her and the disciples seems so incredibly large…How was Mary feeling? She was feeling defeated, deeply disappointed that her beloved Jesus was no longer alive.
Mary is crying. There is sadness, even desolation in her voice as she says to the person nearby, whom she thinks is the gardener, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have put him!” Mary is at a loss, and you who have met to remember Jean are very conscious of all you have lost in the death of a wife, mother, grandmother, and family member.
I know how frustrated and angry you will be feeling with Jean gone so shockingly fast from you. You will be numb; you will be angry that the terrible accident happened at all. It should not have happened! In his book, Overcoming Life’s Disappointments, Harold Kushner quotes Victor Frankel, who survived the Holocaust concentration camp experience at Auschwitz; Frankel gave sound advice for all who are floored by terrible experiences as you have been. He encouraged people to place importance on how they were dealing with what has happened to them rather than on the experience itself.
And I know you are beginning to deal with the loss of Jean, the crushing loss of someone so central to your family. Your willingness to talk about her, to recount stories of her life, to reveal your deepest feelings, and to share the things hardest to talk about with a trusted friend—these facts are proof that you are making (will make) progress. I know you will not hesitate to contact a skilled counsellor if the need arises. Feel the pain of losing Jean. Don’t shortcut your grief, but believe in your own ability to win through to better days. I do not underestimate the difficulty of all this because you loved Jean so much; you loved this family-centred, hard-working woman who had such a terrific sense of humour.
There is an element of sadness and loss in our service this morning, but there is also another and different feeling. Mary encounters the risen Christ in the garden. “Who is it you are looking for?” he says. She thinks he is the gardener, and she says, “If you took him away, sir, tell me where you have put him!” And Jesus says, “Mary.” And Mary turns and joyfully recognizing Jesus says, “Rabboni, teacher!” And Mary runs to tell the disciples. You see, the other element in this story is joy. And we are fortunate this morning that Harry, Jean’s uncle, will reflect the family’s joyful memories of her in his stories, for there was so much joy in her life, and she was able to communicate that joy to all who came into contact with her.
(Family member gives eulogy.)
Thank you, Harry, your words have been grace to us! You have made Jean’s way and her world come alive for us.
In our story from the Gospel of John, the focus of the account of Mary at the empty tomb and her encounter with the “gardener” is a simple one. It is to make clear to all who read the scriptures that the cross did not have the last word, that it was death itself that suffered defeat, that Jesus won through and eternally lives.
As we reflect on the death of Jean, we believe that the pattern holds true. Death is not the end for her, death is not a full stop for Jean anymore than death was the end for Jesus. There is a passage of scripture, which follows the one we have heard, that talks about the purpose of the gospel: “So that we may believe that Jesus is the Messiah and through faith in him you may have life.”
Jean has gone from this life, and we desperately wish she had not, but she has begun another life, the eternal life that John speaks of, the life that never ends. In that joyful belief we will have the peace we seek, the peace that the disciples received when Mary came to them, the peace of God which passes all understanding. Amen.
Meditation 16 Celebrating the Life of a Fisher (non-religious)
Paulo was a family person and happily married to his wife, Beatrice, for 57 years. His job on the railroad provided a wage that enabled his three children to be raised comfortably, but his great joy was his weekend fishing expeditions. He especially loved to go fishing with his grandchildren and to introduce them to the sport, just as he had introduced his three children to fishing from the time that they had been able to walk. Paulo had once said that he wanted nothing more out of heaven than a perfect day when the fish were biting and some good buddies around to enjoy the sport with him. Paulo and Beatrice were married in church, but had only returned to church for the funerals of their friends.
The family enter, and members place fishing gear—rods, reels, a creel, boots—on a table on which there is also a picture of their loved one.
Time of Gathering
Celebrant: We gather to remember the life of Paulo who has died.
His life was full of laughter and bad jokes.
His life was never happy unless he had family members around him.
His life was enjoyed with pizza and good red wine,
especially enjoyed when Beatrice made the pizza.
His life was perfect when the sun was out, the fish were biting,
and his grandchildren were catching the fish.
His life was hard when his last illness kept him in pain and in bed.
We are all glad that this hard phase of his life is over and that he is at peace.
Celebrant: We are now going to ask his son Peter and daughter Mary to speak about their dad, and friend and fishing partner Josh to say a few words as well.
(Stories are shared.)
Celebrant: Thank you, Peter and Mary, your dad would have been proud of you! Thank you, Josh, and I am sure there were other fishing stories you could have told—about the ones that got away. And now two grandchildren of Paulo will read first a poem that speaks of how we feel now that Paulo is gone, and one that has a theme of fishing.
Afterglow
I’d like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I’d like to leave an afterglow
of smiles when life is done.
I’d like to leave an echo
whispering softly down the ways,
of happy times and laughing times,
and bright and sunny days.
I’d like the tears of those who grieve
to dry before the sun
of happy memories
that I leave when life is done.
Anon.
Heaven’s Fishing Hole
For years, the riverbank was where
Your soul felt most at peace
Your heart was most content when there
With the fish and the geese
But then, your spirit came to rest
Where angels chose to roam
And once equipped with ten pound test
You made yourself at home.
The sky became your deep blue sea
The clouds became your shore
And there, for all eternity
You sat with friends galore
Each angel was a fisherman
Who had traded his pole
For golden wings and a game plan
At Heaven’s Fishing Hole.
The tales you told about each catch
Its stature and its girth
Will live in memories unmatched
As days pass here on earth
Until we meet again, one day
Upon God’s golden sand
We’ll picture you, no other way
Than with a pole in hand.
Jill Eisnaugle3
Celebrant: And now in a few moments of silence I want you to close your eyes and think about Paulo. Remember him as he was in the family circle, around the family table, with his children and grandchildren. Think of him at his favourite fishing spot casting his line. Think of him swapping jokes with his friends. We remember Paulo.
(time of silence; at least three minutes)
(announcement about refreshments)
Celebrant: We remember Paulo and we go from here:
thankful for his life with all its joys and good catches,
rejoicing in all he shared within the family circle and with his good friends,
ready to comfort his family members in their grief and loss,
glad that his time of suffering is over and he is at peace.
We go from here cherishing our memories that will live
on in the days ahead to comfort and help us.
Paulo is gone, but he is not forgotten,
and will not be by you who are his family
and those of you who were his friends.
Meditation 17 Celebrating the Life of an Artist (non-religious)
Laura was an accomplished artist who lived on her own beside the lake. She loved her dog, Mike. Her paintings, which were recognized and collected in the area, were often of lakeside scenes. The celebration was held in the grounds of Laura’s cottage beside the lake with the waves and the colour of the water changing as the ceremony took place. The breeze gently swayed the trees, and a squirrel, put out that his patch had been invaded, chattered throughout the ceremony. A few family members had been alerted to talk briefly about the aspects of Laura’s life with which they were familiar.
There was a small group of family and friends sitting informally on picnic chairs, and there was a series of large rocks placed facing them. As the celebration began, family members, each carrying a canvas, came to the front, chose a rock, and propped up a painting.
Celebrant: We come rejoicing in the sky and the water, and we join with all creation in giving thanks for the earth (Mother Earth) and all it gives to us. We give thanks for its extraordinary beauty.
(minute or so of silence)
We gather as family and friends of Laura.
We come as family and friends feeling our sense of loss at her death, a death that has come far too soon.
We come to share our memories of Laura and to comfort one another.
We come remembering Mike (pet Lab) and how much he will miss an owner who spoilt him rotten!
We come feeling our own vulnerabilities and unease in the face of the death of someone we knew and loved.
Celebrant: Let’s hear about Laura from two family members, her nephew Kurt and her aunt Sophie. We are also happy that her friend Rose will speak about her life.
(The stories are shared.)
Celebrant: We have been privileged to hear a good account of Laura’s life from the people who meant a lot to her. I am going to ask you to get into small groups of two or three people and share your own stories and memories. (Allow four to five minutes.)
Celebrant: Now I am going to ask you to shout out a few words that ring true for you in the groups, e.g.,“She had huge talent,” “She could catch the colours of sky and the lake better than anyone else I knew,” “She turned Mike into a fat dog,” “Laura was my favourite auntie. She never forgot my birthday.”
(Allow time for words.)
Celebrant: As we come to the end of this life celebration, let us hear a reading that speaks of Laura the artist, who calls on us to be the artist we are.
Are you an artist?
Does your spirit soar
Like an eagle in the sky?
Do you often wonder why
The sky is blue?
Well, me too.
Are you an artist?
Do you get bored easily
By trivial, mundane things?
Are you a wandering being?
Are you an artist?
Do you sing in the shower?
Oh, the horror of your voice,
Although, you secretly rejoice!
Are you an artist?
Do you feel like
Dancing for no reason?
Or maybe just to celebrate
The changing of the seasons?
Are you an artist?
Do you kiss adorable toddlers,
Cute cheek to sweet cheek?
Do you like to meet perfect
Strangers at odd hours?
Do you love
The smell of tender flowers?
Are you an artist?
Do you like to luxuriate
On a sandy beach?
Would you rather stay away
From those who preach?
Are you an artist?
Do you frequently lose your keys?
How about shooting the breeze?
Are you an artist?
Does “Investment Banking”
Sound too lame?
Why, you are not
Even in that game.
Are you an artist?
Do your feet
Dance to the beat
Of the Rhythm and Blues?
Well, put on your dancing shoes!
Are you an artist?
Do you fantasize and
Build castles in the air?
Why, even if people stare you down?
Who cares if they put on a frown?
Are you an artist?
Are you obsessed about
Shades, colours, and lights?
Do you love to fly kites?
Do you travel very light?
Are you an artist?
Do you often dream about
Making this world a better place?
And want to achieve that
By demonstrating aesthetic grace?
Achlan Mehta4
Closing Words
Celebrant: As we look at the waters of the lake, let us remember Laura, who has coloured our lives so beautifully.
(time of silence)
As we look up at the sky, let us remember Laura, who called the best, the highest out of us.
(time of silence)
As we look around us let us remember Laura, who has touched our lives in so many ways and will continue to influence us in the days ahead.
(time of silence)
We give thanks for Laura, our family member and friend; she has helped us paint the good canvas of our lives.
Meditation 18 A Faithful Life with Many Changes
José left Mexico for Toronto, Canada, in his early years. Originally a Roman Catholic, he met and married Rosemary in his late twenties and joined her church, The United Church of Canada. The two of them were faithful worshippers over the years. Rosemary and José had two children, and their life was marked by many changes in location as José followed his trade as a welder. They loved and were well-loved by their five grandchildren with whom they shared holidays, Christmas, Easter, and many weekends beside.
José died aged 85, just after Christmas, and one of his favourite scriptures was the story of the wise men. It seemed appropriate to use this story as one of the scripture passages for his funeral service.
Bible Readings
The Call of Abraham
(Genesis 12:1–9)
The Visit of the Wise Men
(Matthew 2:1–12)
Meditation
It is wonderful to be here together as a faith community, the faith community that José called his own, to celebrate his life. José was one of our faithful members who served this church so well in his retirement. We will miss him, all of us at St. James will miss him, as you, Rosemary, will miss your husband and the boys will miss their grandpa.
We only have to look around the church to see what season of the church year it is. The Holy Family figures are out on the table, and there are Mary and Joseph and the baby Jesus. The shepherds are looking on, and there in the background are the three wise men, the three persons who had gone on a long and hazardous journey, braving the wicked ruler Herod to find the king above all rulers, the wise one above all wise persons. We have a banner at the back of this sanctuary that shows the wise men on their quest.
The wise men’s journey is a reminder for us of José, who was a man who took a risk, a huge risk when he left his homeland and went on a difficult journey that brought him to a new land, the land of his adoption—like Abraham leaving Haran. We heard about that journey in our Hebrew scriptures passage. And like Abraham, José made some other challenging journeys as he followed his chosen trade as a welder. Yet he also showed his willingness to adventure in leaving the faith of his family, the faith of his forebears, to become a member of The United Church of Canada. Not only do we say farewell this morning to a man beloved by his family, but also we come as members of the Christian family of St. James to say farewell to one of our own. Our faith family is poorer now that José has gone from among us, but rich in the faithful example he has left us.
We have two people who will speak to us this morning. First we will hear from Travers, a grandson of José and Rosemary, and then we will hear from Bert Lucas, who served on church council with José.
(The stories are shared.)
Thank you, Travers. Thank you, Bert. It was not easy for either of you to speak about someone who was close and well-loved…we are in your debt! When the journey of life comes to a close, when the journey of faith comes to its earthly end, it is good to have people who are ready to point out the key places along the way, and you have both done a great job for all of us. And you have challenged us to think about the times when our life and faith journeys have intersected with those of José and what a good experience that was.
We think especially of those who were José’s companions along the journey, and first of all of Rosemary, José’s wife of 53 years. Rosemary, you told me how you always dreaded unpacking the last mover’s box because that was often the signal for José to say, “I just noticed this great welding job in Yellowknife…or Halifax…or St. John’s…or Regina…or....” Our hearts go out to you and to Ricardo and Helen, his children, in the loss of their dad, and to your families.
And as we remember those of you who were family to José, so we remember those of us who are in his family of faith. Bert has spoken and spoken well of José’s commitment to this church and his years of heading up the property committee, but I remember well his membership of the Living the Faith group. I remember him saying, “I never stop growing in the faith and I never stop trying to work out my faith in practice.” And I remember his ability to pose the simple question that everyone else was thinking but hadn’t the courage to put into words. I believe many of you in this faith community will come to be like José, asking the good questions and putting your faith into practice. We are going to miss José in so many areas of our church life, but we are thankful for all he has given us and other United Churches on his life’s journey.
The journey theme is also a reminder that though your life’s journey with your loved one has come to an end, your grief journey has only just begun. We all have our stories and we will make a start of sharing them at the lunch that follows this service.
It is interesting that in the gospel account, Matthew has those three wise individuals following a star to guide them to their destination. It is a reminder that in the journey that is loss and grief sometimes we need a “star” to help us when we get lost or distracted. That “star” might be a minister, counsellor, or best friend who listens carefully to our feelings and concerns to get us orientated, to get us “recalculated,” to enable us to deal with our loss and put us on the right road again.
Did the three wise persons have any idea what they would find at the end of their faith journey? You bet they were surprised when they got to Bethlehem, surprised and delighted, that they had found the right person in the right place—even though the King of Kings wasn’t at all the majestic ruler they had been expecting, but a tiny, vulnerable baby.
José is at one with the peace of God now. His life’s journey is over, but as he was a full, participating, and enthusiastic member of this faith community it is good to think of him as beginning his journey as a member of the community of all of the joyful saints of all the ages, whose community we can’t even begin to visualize but whose joy and whose worship know no end.
Thanks be to God, who in time and beyond time, journeys with us. Amen.
Meditation 19 A Gifted, Challenged Person
Louisa was a friendly and outgoing 28-year-old. She had many great gifts. She also had mental and physical challenges.
Bible Reading
The Beatitudes
(Matthew 5:1–10)
Meditation
To have encountered Louisa was a delight. To have known her was a blessing. You soon forgot she had some special needs, for to be in Louisa’s presence was to be near a child of God.
It was a crowd of very different people, just like us, to whom Jesus spoke, and what he said was recorded in Matthew’s gospel, the Bible reading we have just heard. The great teacher was on a mountainside when he gave this remarkable teaching, in verse, starting with “Blessed are...” and followed by “For they shall be...,” the blessing verses that are now called “The Beatitudes.” Louisa fitted very well into the definition of those who are counted among the blessed. Let’s see how she measured up to The Beatitudes test…
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” is the first couplet. Well, let’s face it, there was nothing poor about Louisa’s spirit. She would ask some of the most probing faith questions, and during the learning time with our younger folk in church, she always had a perceptive comment or two. Louisa’s spirit was open and questioning.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Well, we are the ones who mourn. We can’t quite believe that Louisa has died. We expect her to show up at the hockey game, the bowling alley, library, and care centre. Even though we will be hearing some of her music after the service, it won’t be the same without Louisa’s head bobbing along to it. Yes, we are mourning. We are sad, and our tears just keep coming. But we are promised that God will provide comfort in God’s own time and we will be numbered with those who are the comforters and those who will be comforted.
“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.” Louisa had a wonderful blend of gentleness, compassion, and a boldness that stood her in good stead. I think this is what Jesus was referring to when he was describing “the meek.” What a wonderful promise—to inherit the earth! With all the many places that Louisa has visited, it is true that she had much of the earth in her soul.
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” Louisa had a strong sense of what was right and what was wrong. I think that is partly why she so loved coming to church; it helped her to get her values sorted out. Each week, Louisa would come with prayer requests, seeking God’s blessing and love, and she was deeply satisfied.
“Blessed are the merciful, for they will receive mercy.” With all of Louisa’s volunteering and her care for the young and the aged alike, we would definitely call her merciful. She shared her time and talents generously and graciously and brought love wherever she went. And in being merciful, it goes without saying, she did receive mercy.
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” One of Louisa’s greatest gifts was her purity of heart. She genuinely gave you who she was. She wasn’t about putting on a false face or pretending to be someone she was not. She was the real thing. What a wonderful assurance to know that she sees God!
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” Louisa just wanted to be loved and accepted. Isn’t that true for all of us? If we were to treat one another with the same tolerance and gentleness that Louisa showed to others, just imagine what a wonderful world we would have! And all of us would be called children of God!
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” You will know better than I that there were times and situations where because of her challenges, Louisa was not treated with the respect, courtesy, and compassion that each of us deserves. And Louisa felt hurt and even a sense of being persecuted at times. But I do know that God was with her in all the situations and circumstances where she needed care and love. And I also know that the realm of heaven is for her now.
As Jesus sat on the mountain talking to the crowd, he spoke about being blessed. We have been blessed to have shared life with Louisa. Our lives have been richer because of Louisa. We miss her. How we miss her! But we hold onto the Good News that Louisa is in God’s keeping. Amen.
Laura Turnbull (adapted)
Meditation 20 A Respected Family Person (not churchgoer)
This service was for Fred, a well-respected family and business person. He was not a churchgoer; his close family members were members of the faith community.
Bible Reading
The Beatitudes
(Matthew 5:1–10)
Building on Rock
(Matthew 7:24–27)
Meditation
This has been a year when everyone has been reading about or talking about basements. If yours wasn’t flooded you will have known someone who has been mopping up or have read of the floods in Calgary or New Jersey where families have had to leave their homes because the water has come pouring in (shares sample stories). A torrential downpour tests a building, tests the water tightness of the windows, tests the soundness of the roof, and ultimately tests the construction of the basement.
“Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them” we hear Jesus saying in the passage of scripture that has just been read, “will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.” Then the rain, the river flooding, the wind can’t shake it—can’t find a way inside. Now Jesus was not using the concept of a solid foundation in a building construction sense; he was using it as an example of values that hold steady when everything else is crumbling—eternal values, true values, the ones that can be relied on in this life. We will hear of some of the values, these solid values, as we hear about the life of Fred from his daughter, Jennie.
(Family member shares reflections about the one who has died.)
Thank you, Jennie, you have given us a wonderful picture of Fred and the solid values, the solid foundation blocks, on which his life was built.
His integrity and organization in business, the building construction business!
His enjoyment and support of the sport of curling
His essentially giving nature
His insatiable curiosity about the world around him
His sense of the essential worth of family
His sense of humour, subtle but invigorating to experience
These were enduring qualities modelled by Fred that enabled others to lay down foundations for themselves. But your family foundations have been shaken by the loss of this good man to cancer far too soon. You have told me how your foundations have been shaken, and so I speak especially to you who are family members. To you, Karen and Colin, his children; to you, Mary, his so well-loved wife of 45 years; to the grandchildren; to those of you who his were Fred’s friends; and to you, his wider family members.
“Blessed are those who mourn,” says Jesus, for you will be comforted. Because you have lost so much love, so much good-humoured love and caring, each one of you, because you have lost so much as a family together, because you have lost so much as a curling club together, because you have lost so much as a business group together, you will feel the loss of Fred, feel it acutely, feel its pain. And I would counsel you to be good to yourselves. Give yourselves the time you need to do your grief work for Fred. If there are deep feelings to share, feelings of regret, feelings of distress, share them with someone you can trust absolutely, and don’t delay! Share what is heartfelt. And it is good to remember that those of us who meet in this sanctuary are joined by many who could not be here today but are with us in spirit.
Jesus made clear, “The one who hears these words of mine and does them will endure.” And Jesus lived out the solid and trusted values that he taught. Eventually it brought him in direct opposition to the power people of his time, to a cross, and to his own far-too-early death. But death was not the end for him; the gospel record makes that clear. The women at the tomb and the surprised disciples are aware that Jesus is alive again and that death has been overcome. We build our solid foundation of hope on this belief...that death was not the end for Jesus and it is not the end for Fred. Not only do Fred’s values live on in those who knew and loved him, but also we believe that Fred lives on: where…we cannot be certain, how…we cannot be sure, but for him death has been defeated.
We mourn the loss of a husband and father, a brother and a family member. We mourn the loss of of one who served local communities well. But take heart! As the Bible tells us, mourning will be turned into laughter and sorrow into joyful dance.
Thanks be to God! Amen.
Meditation 21 An Abusive Person
Bertha abused her children and was disliked by them. However, planning a service was still important to them.
Bible Reading
The Story of Zacchaeus
(Luke 19:1–10)
Meditation
You did not want to get on the wrong side of a tax collector in the time of Jesus. Think Mafia and you are on the right track! Typically, these tax collectors were not nice guys. They had been sold a franchise by the Roman occupying authorities and were determined to make the most of it. Zacchaeus was one of these tax franchisees, and we know from the scriptures that he was one of those who charged more than he was entitled. Likely, if payment of tax was not made on time, he would send a couple of his friends round to apply some gentle persuasion. Tax franchisees like Zacchaeus lived well, in fact they lived luxuriously, but because of their profession and because they used force to get the money they were owed, were generally hated by the men and women of Jerusalem and the surrounding area.
You, family members, have told me that your mother was one who acted in line with the “spare the rod and spoil the child,” way of parenting. She beat you often and later in life she abused you verbally and with venom. Visits to the family home after your father died were not to be welcomed but avoided at all costs. You told me that, and I know you didn’t want to keep it a secret. Usually, we want to assure the family members of our concern for them as they grieve the loss of one they loved dearly. Today, we are with you in that sense of relief that you will not have to endure your mother and her abusive ways anymore.
Some of you in the congregation this morning will have seen a different side of Bertha. Her love for her pet cat, Sammy, certainly showed that she was capable of kindness and caring, and those of you who went to bingo with Bertha will have appreciated her friendly and sociable side. We don’t want to forget that. We want to say, “Look at what she was capable of being,” but it would be less than honest if we did not add, “If only she had been as caring to her children and grandchildren.”
You, family members, had suggested to me that the origin of your mother’s abusive behaviour was in her own troubled childhood, and I believe that this is true. Over a long period of time Bertha had learned that this was the way to raise children—to beat and abuse them. She had experienced this with her own parents and applied these techniques as she raised you. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t right, but it was what she knew and what she did.
But the story isn’t over. We learned from our Christian scripture reading that Zacchaeus had a change of heart; he saw the light. He went out of his way to invite Jesus over for a meal and then showed that he was ready to pay back the money he had defrauded, and a whole lot more! And Jesus, for his part, made it clear that the new Zacchaeus was totally accepted by him—no judgment, no conditions, no lecture about how wicked Zacchaeus had been, just simple acceptance and an implied level of support as he began again.
Bertha died before there was any chance of her seeing the light of a new way. In this life it was not possible, but the God of ultimate compassion will not leave it at that; the God of ultimate compassion is infinitely bigger than refusing to receive Bertha anymore than the father of the lost, the prodigal son, was willing to shut him out of the family home.
“Nothing is able to separate us from the love of God as it is revealed in Jesus Christ,” to quote the apostle Paul…not cruelty, not an abusive attitude, not despicable behaviours learned as a child. There is nothing in all creation, nothing at all! Bertha knows the eternal truth of that now. Bertha is at peace.
Thanks be to God. Amen.
Meditation (and service) 22 A Well-Loved Pet
Rocky, a border collie, was euthanized at aged 17 after cancer and other ailments had made life miserable for him. The family decided to bury him at the family cottage under a beautiful red pine tree.
Before the Service
The burial site has been located and a grave dug by family members. A large stone with the name “Rocky” carved on it has been placed close to the grave. The worship leader is chosen and volunteers requested to be readers of prayers, Bible readings, and other readings.
The Service
We walk around Rocky’s favourite haunts in the cottage grounds, and some of the grandchildren throw sticks into the lake as they used to do when Rocky was healthy.
The worship leader welcomes everyone and then explains what will take place during the service.
Leader: It is good to be here to remember Rocky, who was our favourite pet and friend. He had a good life up to the last few months. He barked and sniffed and chased cats and loved to have his ears scratched. We are going to miss him because he was our family dog and our friend, but we are glad that for him, his suffering is over.
We are going to give thanks and praise to God, the Creator of all living things—flowers and trees, bees and butterflies, deer and elephants. We will especially thank God for Rocky and for all our good times shared with him.
During the service we will ask you to share briefly your favourite memory of Rocky.
We are going to bury Rocky in one of his favourite spots—where he would bury precious bones. And we will commend Rocky to God’s love and care.
Call to Worship
Psalm 148 (adapted)
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord from the heavens;
Living things here on earth
Beings beyond time and space,
Praise God, praise God now and always.
The sun and the moon praise God!
Mountains and hills, praise God!
Fruit trees and forest trees, praise God!
Rivers, streams, and seas, praise God.
Wild animals and cattle, praise God.
Birds and reptiles, praise God!
Dogs and cats, (names), all our pets praise God!
Moms and dads, grandpas and nanas, brothers and sisters, all our family praise God!
Prayer
Loving God, be with us this morning/afternoon as we say goodbye to Rocky, our friend.
We know your love is for all living things and so we know that this dog will
be in your compassionate love and care for always and forever. Bless all who will miss him especially now when we cannot see him wag his tail or chase a ball, or walk alongside us,or roll over waiting for his tummy to be scratched. We pray in the name of Jesus, the compassionate one. Amen.
Bible Readings
The God Who Cares for Birds and Flowers
(Luke 12:22–28)
Jesus Blesses Little Children
(Luke 18:15–17)
Remembering Rocky
Rocky’s collar is passed around the family circle and as each family member receives the collar they share their favourite memory of Rocky. Only those who wish to share need share their memories. At the end of this time there will be a couple of minutes of silent remembering.
Meditation
As you have shown by your memories as we passed around Rocky’s collar, we have so much to thank God for in having known this special pet. Because we have loved this furry friend so much, we will miss him so much.
Rocky’s resourcefulness has been shown in (name’s story).
His friendship has come clear in (name’s story).
His patience has been revealed as we heard from (name).
His loyalty was disclosed in the incident about...that (name) told us about.
Our Bible reading from the Christian scriptures tells of Jesus blessing the children who the disciples would have had him ignore. And that is how we understand this wonderful man to be, one who showed compassion to the vulnerable and exploited. There are no doggy stories in the Christian scriptures, but the compassionate attitude of this wonderful teacher shows that there might have been some that went unrecorded. And there is a reminder here to be on the side of groups like the local animal shelter that rescue and support abused and abandoned pets.
It is also a reminder to show a caring attitude to those of us who are going to miss Rocky so much. Grief is not just something that happens when a well-loved human family member dies; it is there when a pet like Rocky is no longer with us. Take your grief for Rocky seriously. Share your stories, share your deepest feelings with a loved one or good friend, and don’t expect your sadness for Rocky’s death to go away just because it is six months since Rocky died or because there is another dog in the family circle. Grief for a dog, as with grief for a human, takes the time that it takes. Don’t rush it!
Will Rocky now be chasing birds in some doggy heaven? Or digging holes for bones in some secret spot? Or walking faithfully alongside a whistling angel? We are not given to know these things. One thing we do know is that the God who cares for the birds of the air and the wildflowers will lovingly care for Rocky forever.
Rocky’s suffering is over now, and we are glad of that. Thanks be to God for Rocky, our faithful friend. Amen.
The Burial
(pet’s body or ashes)
Committal
Into God’s keeping and into God’s unfailing love we commend Rocky.
We commit his body (ashes) to the ground, earth to earth, dust to dust,
believing that he is safe and happy forever and always.
(The pet’s body or the ashes container is lowered into the grave. Wildflowers or mementoes are put in the grave. Family members shovel earth onto the body or ashes container. The stone with the pet’s name engraved is placed on the grave.)
Prayer of Thanksgiving
Loving God, we thank you for Rocky and for all he meant to us over many years.
He has been our companion in good times and hard times.
He has been there for us when we celebrated,
He has been there for us when others let us down.
He has unfailingly greeted us with a wagging tail,
and his bark has warned us of the approach of friends and strangers.
Now he has gone and we will miss him.
Be with us as we remember his presence with a laugh.
Be with us as we mourn his absence with a tear.
And be with us as we enjoy and treasure each of our pets in the coming days. Amen.
Commissioning and Blessing
Care for all of God’s creation,
each flower, each tree,
each frog, and each dragonfly.
Care for your human friends.
Care for your furry friends
and support them.
And the blessing of God, the Creator,
the blessing of Jesus the compassionate one,
the blessing of the Holy Spirit who calls us to action,
be with you and those you love, in time and beyond time. Amen.
Bruce had been addicted to drugs and alcohol, but had turned his life around and got a fulfilling job. He was loved by his family and grandchildren. Sadly, he died accidentally and tragically.
The scripture is woven in with the eulogy and worship leader’s meditation. There are two voices: the Bible reader and the worship leader.
Bible Reading
Then Jesus said, “There was a man who had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of the property that will belong to me.’ So he divided his property between them. A few days later the younger son gathered all he had and traveled to a distant country, and there he squandered his property in dissolute living.”
(Luke 15:11–13)
Meditation
We come together to mourn Bruce’s far too early death, most of us aware of his life’s story, which was full of hard places and travels along some particularly dark roads. But we come certain that he had turned his life around, certain that when he died, Bruce was on a steady and healthy path. We are all going to miss him very much! Son, Chris, and daughter, Megan, you are especially in our thoughts as are the grandchildren. And you are, too, Diane, Bruce’s well-loved partner. And we think also of you, Doug and Elma, his so-supportive parents. It is the toughest loss, the untimely loss of a child!
The passage of scripture chosen for the service is known as the “prodigal” or “lost” son, and you family members are conscious of the parallel with your experience with Bruce. The lost son in the story chose to abandon a steady but fulfilling area of work for a life of partying and easy living, and it is no secret that Bruce, too, went off the rails. Drugs were a problem and so was an abuse of alcohol. You, family members, have told me how Bruce was lost to you in much the same way as the prodigal son was lost to the father in the story. You have told me of the frustration and heartache caused by him cutting himself off from you, how you begged him to come home but got no response. But you have also told me that after some years he had a radical change in heart and action. Listen again to scripture.
“When he had spent everything, a severe famine took place throughout that country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed the pigs. He would gladly have filled himself with the pods that the pigs were eating; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.”’ So he set off and went to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion; he ran and put his arms around him and kissed him. Then the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’”
(Luke 15:14–21)
Bruce, like the prodigal son, came back home, and this was not the easy option. You have told me, Diane, how he struggled with his addictions, long after he was back in this city, and more than one of you congregational members have recounted his experience as a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was his membership in AA that was the foundation for his recovery and the strength from which he rebuilt his life. He was no churchgoer, certainly not a religious man, but his belief in a Higher Power and his willingness to put his hands in God’s hands without reserve or conditions was the turning point in his recovery from addictions. Some of you may say, “He had no belief in heaven, no confidence in a life that begins when this one ends. How could he be counted a Christian?” This way of thinking is understandable, but can anyone who has enthusiastically borne witness to God walking with him, as Bruce has done, someone who embraced the spirit of God and felt himself to be embraced, held secure by that Loving Spirit, can anyone so alive in the Spirit be denied eternal joy and eternal bliss? I for one don’t think so.
The scriptures continue:
“But the father said to his slaves, ‘Quickly, bring out a robe—the best one—and put it on him; put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. And get the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate; for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found!’ And they began to celebrate.”
(Luke 15:22–24)
We, too, have reason to celebrate, for Bruce’s life when he got it under control was a rich and full one. He found vocational fulfillment in his job as a pipefitter. His love of hockey got him into the training stream as a coach of beginning players; and how those youngsters loved him! I know we have a team’s worth of players with us this afternoon!
He loved his grandchildren and was loved by them. You have said how there was a peace about Bruce in these last few months that he had been lacking for many years. His life, as you have told me, was on a steady course and everything was looking good, but then that tragic road accident stopped Bruce in his tracks and has been devastating to you who are friends and close family members. You are in the thoughts and prayers of each person here and many who are far from here but who are with us in spirit.
And you have some emotions, some anxious feelings that are hard to deal with, hard to shift. When you are moved to tears, let them flow. When you are reluctant to share your deepest emotions, know that there are close friends who are willing to hear you out and keep what they hear to themselves. When you are tempted to mask your acute sense of loss, take a deep breath and look for another way, a healthy way.
Your loved one, Bruce, found peace at the end of his life. That peace has not left him in death. The Higher Power to whom he looked and on whom he relied has welcomed him to the eternal home, and peace, the peace that passes all human understanding, is his. Thanks be to the Loving God. Amen.
(adapted from a meditation for a ministry colleague)
1 From Meditations of the Heart by Thurman, Howard (adapted). Republished in an e-book via Copyright Clearance Center.
2 From Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, DHL, DD Living With Loss; Healing With Hope audio visual tape. With permission from Global Distributions Networks, Inc.
3 © 2006 Jill Eisnaugle’s Poetry Collection. Used with permission.
4 “Are You an Artist?” by Achlan Mehta. Used with permission of Son of the Sea, Inc., representing Drew Brophy Properties.