Readings
Ecclesiastes 3:1–8
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
[God] makes me lie down in green pastures;
[God] leads me beside still waters;
[God] restores my soul.
[God] leads me in right paths
for [God’s] name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
I fear no evil;
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
my whole life long.
Psalm 23, A First Nations Translation
The Great Father is a Shepherd Chief: I am [the Shepherd Chief’s] and with [the Shepherd Chief] I will not want.
[The Shepherd Chief] throws out to me a rope and the name of the rope is love, and [the Shepherd Chief] draws me and [the Shepherd Chief] draws me, and [the Shepherd Chief] draws me to where the grass is green, and the water is good, and I eat and lie down satisfied.
Sometimes my heart is weak and falls down, but the Shepherd Chief lifts it up again, and draws me into a good road. [The Shepherd Chief’s] name is wonderful.
Sometimes my heart is very weak and falls down, but [the Shepherd Chief] lifts it up again,
And draws me into a good road. [The Shepherd Chief’s] name is Wonderful.
Sometime, it may be soon, it may be longer, it may be a long, long time, the Shepherd Chief will draw me into a place between mountains. It is dark there, but I’ll not draw back. I’ll not be afraid, for it is there between the mountains that the Shepherd Chief will meet me and the hunger I have felt in my heart, all through this life, will be satisfied. [The Shepherd Chief] gives me a staff to lean on.
The Shepherd Chief spreads a table before me with all kinds of food. [The Shepherd Chief] puts [the Shepherd Chief’s] hand on my head and the “tired” is gone. My cup is filled until it runs over.
What I tell you is true. I do not lie. These roads that are a way ahead will stay with me through this life, and afterwards I will go to the “Big Teepee” and sit down with the Shepherd Chief forever.
Psalm 139:1–2, 7–12
O Lord, you have searched me and known me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from far away.
Where can I go from your spirit?
Or where can I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there;
if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there.
If I take the wings of the morning
and settle at the farthest limits of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light around me become night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is as bright as the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Luke 24:13–20, 28–35
Now on that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and talking with each other about all these things that had happened. While they were talking and discussing, Jesus himself came near and went with them, but their eyes were kept from recognizing him. And he said to them, “What are you discussing with each other while you walk along?” They stood still, looking sad. Then one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answered him, “Are you the only stranger in Jerusalem who does not know the things that have taken place there in these days?” He asked them, “What things?” They replied, “The things about Jesus of Nazareth, who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, and how our chief priests and leaders handed him over to be condemned to death and crucified him.”
As they came near the village to which they were going, he walked ahead as if he were going on. But they urged him strongly, saying, “Stay with us, because it is almost evening and the day is now nearly over.” So he went in to stay with them. When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road, while he was opening the scriptures to us?” That same hour they got up and returned to Jerusalem; and they found the eleven and their companions gathered together. They were saying, “The Lord has risen indeed, and he has appeared to Simon!” Then they told what had happened on the road, and how he had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread.
John 14:1–6, 8–14, 24, 27
“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In [God’s] house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the place where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to [God] except through me.”
Philip said to him, “Lord, show us [God], and we will be satisfied.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen [God]. How can you say, ‘Show us [God]’? Do you not believe that I am in [God] and [God] is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but [God] who dwells in me does [God’s] works. Believe me that I am in [God] and [God] is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to [God]. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that [God] may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.
“Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; and the word that you hear is not mine, but is from [God] who sent me…Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.”
John 20:1–10
Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the tomb. So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the cloth that had been on Jesus’ head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. Then the disciples returned to their homes.
John 20:11–18 Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene
But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni!” (which means Teacher). Jesus said to her, “Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’” Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”; and she told them that he had said these things to her.
John 20:19–21
When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord. Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you.”
Romans 8:18, 31–32, 35, 37–39
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us.
What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? [God] who did not withhold [God’s] own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will [God] not with him also give us everything else?
Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
1 Corinthians 13
If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.
2 Corinthians 4:16—5:9
So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal. For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
For in this tent we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling—if indeed, when we have taken it off we will not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan under our burden, because we wish not to be unclothed but to be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
So we are always confident; even though we know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord—for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we do have confidence, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please [God]. For all of us must appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each may receive recompense for what has been done in the body, whether good or evil.
Philippians 1:3–11
I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now. I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to think this way about all of you, because you hold me in your heart, for all of you share in God’s grace with me, both in my imprisonment and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I long for all of you with the compassion of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer, that your love may overflow more and more with knowledge and full insight to help you to determine what is best, so that in the day of Christ you may be pure and blameless, having produced the harvest of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ for the glory and praise of God.
Love Crosses the Gulf between the Generations
In a house that becomes a home
one hands down and another takes
up the heritage of heart and mind,
laughter and tears, musing and deeds.
Love, like a carefully loaded ship,
crosses the gulf between the generations.
Therefore we do not neglect the ceremonies
of our passage, when we wed, when we die,
and when we are blessed with a child...
We live, not by things but by the meaning of things.
It is needful to transmit the passwords from generation to generation.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry1
You have to simply carry on and win through.
There is a huge gap created when a loved one dies,
God does not fill the gap but keeps it open
even at the cost of pain.
The more precious the memories the harder the separation.
The determination to keep on going after
the death of the flesh of your flesh,
bone of your bone, involves the hardest battle there is on earth,
but victory can be won.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer2
Death is not too high a price to pay
For having lived. Mountains never die
Nor do the sea or rocks or endless sky.
Through endless centuries of time, they stay
Eternal, deathless. Yet they never live!
If choice there were, I would not hesitate
To choose mortality. Whatever fate
Demanded in return for life I’d give,
For never to have seen the fertile plains
Nor heard the winds, nor felt the warm sun on sands
Beside the salty sea, nor touched the hands
Of those I love—without these, all the gains
Of timelessness would not be worth one day
Of living and of loving; come what may.
Dorothy N. Monroe
We share with you the hard place of your grief,
The anguish of your heart finds echo in our own.
We cannot enter all you feel
Nor bear with you the burden of your pain;
We can only offer what our love does give;
The strength of caring,
The warmth of those who seek to understand,
The loss of (name)
This we do in quiet ways,
That on your lonely path
You may not walk alone.
Howard Thurman3
Everyone loves to be remembered.
But if we want to be remembered
We have a duty also to remember.
Memory is a powerful thing
Wrongly used it can bring death rather than life.
Rightly used it is a form of immortality.
It keeps the past alive.
Those who remember never die.
They continue to walk and talk with us.
Their influence is still felt among us.
There is nothing stronger,
There is nothing more helpful
Than a good remembrance.
Flor McCarthy4
It seems to me that to face death we need to make the most of life and to do our best to enable others to enjoy it more. To move through the enjoyment of life to the enjoyment of God, the source of all life.
To face death we need to begin to experience the renewal of life day by day, which promises the fuller life ahead.
Geoffrey Lampe (adapted)
We give them back to you, O Lord,
who first gave them to us.
And as you did not lose them in the giving,
so we do not lose them in return.
Not as the world gives do you give,
O lover of souls.
For what is yours is ours also
if we belong to you.
Life is unending as love is undying,
and as the boundaries of this life are but an horizon,
and an horizon is but the limit of our vision.
Lift us up Living God,
that we can see farther.
Strengthen our faith that we may see beyond the horizon.
And while you prepare a place for us
as you have promised,
prepare us also for that happy place;
that where you are we may be also
(with those we have loved, forever).
Bede Jarrett from a prayer by William Penn5
I am standing on the seashore.
Suddenly a ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts out for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and of strength;
and I stand and I watch her until at length she is only a ribbon of white cloud just above where sea and sky mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says,
“There, she’s gone.”
Gone where?
Gone from my sight, that’s all.
For she’s just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side; and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her; and just at that moment when someone at my side says,
“There, she’s gone,”
there are other voices on the far and distant shore ready to take up the glad shout, “Look, she has arrived!”
Colonel Marcus 6
For each of us life is like a journey.
Birth is the beginning of the journey,
and death is not the end but the destination.
It is a journey that takes us
from youth to age,
from innocence to awareness,
from ignorance to knowledge,
from foolishness to wisdom,
from weakness to strength and back again,
from offence to forgiveness,
from loneliness to friendship,
from pain to compassion,
from fear to faith,
from defeat to victory and from victory to defeat,
until, looking backward or ahead,
we see that victory does not lie
at some high point along the way,
but in having made the journey stage by stage.
Traditional Hebrew Prayer
In the faint glow of dawn
I will remember the day’s beginning
When we rose in the parting dark,
and stood hand in hand beside the misty lake.
In the smell of sizzling bacon,
I will remember the gathered family,
Loudly breakfasting, fearlessly
fighting over the last pancake.
In the peace before an afternoon nap,
I will remember the two of us together
Swapping stories of the morning apart
Agonizing over a crossword clue.
As drowsy sleep embraces me
I will remember the bed we shared,
the dreams that came surprisingly,
and an awakening to a day of promise.
I will remember, how could I forget?
David Sparks
If I Should Go Before the Rest of You
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I’m gone speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves that I have known
Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So sing as well.
Joyce Grenfell7
When I remember lying in my tiny room,
I remember heat, darkness, pain, and fear
And the constant cheerfulness of the nurses.
Why are dying people so calm?
I was scared and unwilling.
I’m a Christian so I shouldn’t be afraid,
But I didn’t want to leave yet.
I didn’t want to be told
Or not to be there when my parents came
Or not to finish the things started.
So I prayed long and desperately
and I knew God heard,
And I felt God with me.
I can’t say that I wasn’t afraid any more
but at least there was hope,
And now I give thanks;
To the doctor who knew what to do,
To the nurses that cared and were calm
To the blood donors who came out at midnight,
But most of all to God.
Julie Nash8
Grief is the loneliest of all human experiences.
Losing a child is the hardest thing in life to bear.
There is no antidote,
no cure,
no end,
no one has any answers.
It is a long hard battle,
but there are no enemies.
It is a long and winding path,
but there are no signs to guide you.
It is an overbearing weight,
but no one can see the burden you carry in your heart.
It is unimaginable anguish,
but no one else perceives the half of it.
It is the most sad of all sad deaths,
but the world has enough sadness of her own.
It is the end of your world but you have to go on living.
Marilyn Shawe 9
Grief Is a Process, Recovering Is Your Choice
Grief is a process. Recovering is your choice. Grief is the price you pay for love, but you don’t have to go on paying forever. Time does not automatically heal your pain. It is your willingness to touch your pain—to accept it, to work with it, to understand your change of moods and behaviour, and then to begin to reorganize your life. Healing happens as you allow feelings to happen. Time does not completely heal a broken heart; it only teaches you how to live with it.
Earl A. Grollman 10
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightening they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas11
Whatever happens,
those who have learned
to love one another
have made their way
to the lasting world
and will not leave,
whatever happens.
Wendell Berry12
My sword I leave to him
who shall succeed me
in my pilgrimage,
and my courage
to him who can get it.
My marks and scars
I carry with me
to be my witness
that I have fought God’s fight
who now will be my rewarder.
John Bunyan13
A Dimension beyond Each Season
Harsh shadows,
cast in icy darkness by moonlight
Across a crisp blanket of new snow,
Sudden burst,
of compressed energy in an indigo sky
When Sirius rises brightly at sunset,
Sudden stillness,
as the fiery orb rests in reflection
Upon the glassy surface of a quiet lake.
Undulating waves,
Of more mature grass stirred by a whisper as time passes.
Certain constancy,
of a dimension beyond each season.
You are my friend.
Anon.
To the living, I am gone.
To the sorrowful, I will never return.
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore, gazing at a beautiful sea—remember me.
As you look in awe at a mighty forest and its grand majesty—remember me.
As you look upon a flower and admire its simplicity—remember me.
Remember me in your heart, your thoughts, your memories of the times we loved, the times we cried, the times we fought, the times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never be gone.
Margaret Mead14
1 Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900–1944). In public domain.
2 Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906–1945). In public domain.
3 From Meditations of the Heart by Thurman, Howard (adapted). Republished in an e-book via Copyright Clearance Center.
4 “Remembering” by Flor McCarthy. Permission granted by Dominican Publications, Dublin, Ireland, www.dominicanpublications.com.
5 “Death Is Only an Horizon” by Bede Jarrett (1881–1934) from a prayer by William Penn (1644–1718) Permission granted by Dominican Publications, Dublin, Ireland, www.dominicanpublications.com.
6 Words found in the wallet of Colonel Marcus of the Israeli Army, when he was killed in action on June 11, 1948. In the public domain.
7 “If I Should Go Before the Rest of You” by Joyce Grenfell, © The Joyce Grenfell Memorial Trust 1980. Reproduced by permission of Sheil Land Associates Ltd.
8 “Hospital” by Julie Nash who died from Leukaemia, July 22, 1976, aged 17.
9 “To Lose a Child” from Enduring, Sharing, Loving by Marilyn Shawe ©1992; Darton, Longman, and Todd Publishers. Used with permission.
10 From Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, DHL, DD Living With Loss; Healing With Hope audio visual tape, with permission from Global Distributions Networks, Inc.
11 By Dylan Thomas, from THE POEMS OF DYLAN THOMAS, copyright © 1952 by Dylan Thomas. Reprinted by permission of New Directions Publishing Corp.
12 Copyright © 2005 by Wendell Berry from Given. Reprinted by permission of Counterpoint.
13 From The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan (1628–1688). In the public domain.
14 “Remember Me” by Margaret Mead. Used with permission of the American Anthropological Association.
A Matter of Life and Death by Charles Hoffacker (Cowley Publications). Good “how to preach” information and sample funeral sermons.
Accompany Them with Singing by Thomas Long (Westminster/John Knox Press). The contemporary classic on how to plan and conduct meaningful and theologically sound Christian funerals.
Being With Dying by Joan Halifax (Shambalha Boston). A Buddhist approach to death by one who has extensive experience of being with those who are dying, their families, and their friends.
Celebrate God’s Presence, A Book of Services for The United Church of Canada (United Church Publishing House). A treasure house of prayers, scripture readings, and services for celebrations and funeral services.
I Don’t Know What to Say by Robert Buckman (Key Porter Books). A commonsense and practical guide for those who help and support people who are dying.
In Memoriam by Edward Searle (Skinner House Books). A planning guide for those who want practical advice on how to put together a meaningful service or celebration. Edward Searle draws on many years of experience as a Unitarian minister.
Inspiring Funeral and Memorial Resources by Wendy Haynes (First Edition). Haynes is a secular celebrant in Australia.
Life/Earth Prayers: 365 Prayers, Poems, and Invocations from Around the World by Elizabeth Roberts and Elias Amidon (HarperOne). An eclectic resource of prayers and secular readings for the worship leader.
Living When a Loved One Has Died by Earl A. Grollman (Beacon Press). Wise words on feelings when a loved one has died and on the process of grief.
Talking About Death by Virginia Morris (Algonquin Books). How to face death and take the fear and anxiety out of life’s ending moments.
Transitions in Dying and Bereavement, A Psychosocial Guide to Hospice and Palliative Care, Victoria Hospice Society (Health Professions Press). How to meet the needs of those who are dying, their families, and their caregivers.
Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt Ph.D. (Companion Press). Explains the important difference between grief and mourning.
What Helped Me When My Loved One Died, Earl A. Grollman (ed.) (Beacon Press). The stories of wives, husbands, children, and friends who have mourned the death of a loved one.
Online
After a Suicide: Recommendations for Religious Services and Other Public Memorial Observances by David Litts, Suicide Prevention Resource Center (www.edc.org). A site that gives much good information about this major cause of death, including how you create services and the language you use.
British Columbia Bereavement Helpline (www.bcbereavementhelpline.com). A resource for those who are grieving (primarily for residents of British Columbia, Canada).
Canadian Virtual Hospice (www.virtualhospice.ca). A website with a wealth of information for individuals or families.
Funeral Helper (www.funeralhelper.org). An online source of readings and poems.