Good Advice
A great piece of advice can be like a great book, growing in value and importance the more you use it. I received lots of wonderful advice (and books) during seminary that unfortunately stayed packed in boxes and shelves; I did not realize how valuable they were until I needed them. One such piece of advice was “Be careful, don’t drop the baby” (during baptisms). I shelved this gem for years between “absurd” and “redundant,” until along came a nine-month-old baby in a satin christening outfit! Another gem that I mistakenly filed, this time between “obvious” and “duh,” was “Whatever you do, do not mess up a funeral!”
As worship leaders we all know the importance of ritual. And as pastoral care providers we know the emotional significance of a well-crafted funeral or celebration of life service. We know that leading a memorial service is a privileged, sacred trust that is never to be taken lightly. Obviously, no one would purposely mess up a funeral. I think what the person was really trying to say was “Be your best always, but do your best to be your best at a funeral.”
During a funeral or celebration of life service, we worship leaders have the potential to be of either great help or great harm to the people who are saying their goodbyes. We are at our best during funerals, and we do our best (using all of our skills and training) to create spaces where good endings are possible. However, every so often we need a little help to do our best, because funerals are hard work.
Funerals are hard work because for many of us, the congregation does not change (much) between funerals, making it increasingly difficult to find fitting words to honour the deceased that have not been used before. It is hard work because often we are grieving with the people whom we are attempting to comfort. It is hard work because sometimes between council meetings, pastoral visits, weddings, and sermon preparation, there is simply no time. And sometimes we are thrown into situations (suicides, murders, tragic accidents) that are hard to imagine and seemingly impossible to prepare for. At all such times, pull out this book! David can help you work toward a very good ending.
A Good Ending is filled with useful advice from a variety of different people, sound instruction, and powerful liturgies that walk the worship leader through everything needed for them to do their best at a funeral or celebration of life service (from caring for the dying and meeting with the family before the death through to follow-up after the service). When you do not know where to start, but want to do your best, this book will help you get there.
I wish I had had this book on my desk 10 years ago. David’s pastoral skill is evident in his writing and liturgy; reading this book feels like consulting with a trusted friend or mentor. For people starting out in worship leadership, A Good Ending will help to alleviate any anxieties they might have about leading a service. For seasoned worship leaders, this book will act like a refresher course, offering new ideas, new perspectives, and new liturgies.
Dearest worship leaders, pull out your tabs and sticky notes, and trust me, do not file this book away! You will want it close by for quick reference. This book, like good advice, is an invaluable gift. Thank you, David.
Alydia Smith
Program Coordinator, Worship, Music, and Spirituality
The United Church of Canada