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Ben came out of the session and found Troy patiently waiting for him outside the door of the building. His face turned upward, eyes closed, and his head was resting on the brick. It was a brisk day, and Ben immediately felt the nip of the cold on his person. Drawing the coat around him, he took a moment to regroup.
Therapy was hard. Trying to unpack all the demons that had been chasing him and face the repercussions of these actions over the years was hard work. Each session was getting both more difficult and easier in turn. He found talking about the issues was settling yet tricky at the same time, but the overall impact on his conscience was nerve-wracking and debilitating.
“How did it go?” Ben asked Troy.
“I could ask you the same.”
“Not great, and yet necessary,” Ben responded.
“Good analysis. Same for me.”
“Hi guys,” Emily said, coming up to them with a light wave. “You okay?”
Ben shrugged. He hated to bring the gloom he was feeling upon Emily. She had her struggles and didn’t need to carry any of his.
“You both look like you could use some manual exercise to release whatever ails you,” she interjected at their silence.
“What did you have in mind?”
“I was going to walk to town and thought maybe you would want to accompany me.”
Ben looked at Troy, who pulled gloves out of his pocket. “I’m game.”
“Me too,” Ben said, mirroring the action of applying gloves and closing up his jacket against the elements.
“Perfect,” Emily, who was well equipped for the weather conditions, chimed in, turning to head out.
“Did you see Belle when you first came to the ranch?” Troy asked Emily.
“Yep, and I had more than one crying session after it,” she volunteered. “She is the sweetest soul and looks harmless, but God granted her the ability to be able to ask some tough questions.”
“Thank goodness, I thought it was just me,” Ben said with a wry laugh.
“Nope,” Troy said. “I thought I was a solid, upstanding citizen, just trying to help. After the incident, I’m finding that I might have had a lot more baggage than I truly realized. Unfortunately, Belle has the uncanny ability to unpack that which I would prefer to stay hidden.”
“You may want to try to write it down,” Emily said after a minute. “Nothing fancy, but she had me do this exercise of writing letters to my father. I never had to read them to her or anything, but she said it gave me the ability to tell him what I wanted safely and release it from my internal prison.”
“Hmmm, that might work. I am suffering from uncertainty on what I would do if I found myself face to face with my assailant. Also, trusting others continues to be a daily struggle for me.”
“I agree, but what happens when the person you distrust the most is yourself?” Ben asked.
“Wow! Good question,” Troy said lightly. “You might have just made me feel better, as my enemies are external, and I can escape and hide from them. I think it would be harder to fight a battle with myself.”
“Hey, we all have crosses to bear, right?”
“Agreed. Maybe we need to start a support group,” Emily said as both sets of eyes turned her direction.
“That’s not such a bad idea. While I love working with Belle, the camaraderie I feel with you two, and the ability to openly talk about my struggles is helping me as well.”
“I agree. For a long time, I felt like I was a project for everyone at Living River, but with you two, it feels like a kindred spirit kind of thing,” Emily said.
“I think talking is better than drinking or drugs,” Ben said. “And that is coming from an addict.”
“I love walking though; it also helps.”
“Maybe we make a pact to walk and talk, until the day we no longer need it.”
“Slim and mentally fit, would suit me fine. I have something else I would like some feedback on,” Troy requested.
“Shoot.”
“I need to get to work, and I’m not sure going back to the city makes sense right now. Any ideas on job leads in Little Bend or the Ranch?”
“If you go see Susan Reilly in the Administrative offices at the ranch, she can let you know of the latest job openings here. Also, Sheri at the diner can tell you who is hiring around town,” Emily advised.
“Perfect. That should help.”
“Do you have family that will miss you, should you move out here instead of going home?”
“Nope, my mom lives in Northern Illinois, and my dad lives in California with his new family,” Troy added.
“Well, the town does have a lot going for it, and we continue to grow little by little, so I’m certain you will find employment,” she added cheerfully.
Ben was amazed at how a couple of miles walking with friends made the pain of therapy fade from their memories. Before, he would have tried to bury the pain, but this was helping him so much more. He gazed over at Emily, whose cheeks were flushed as she chatted along happily. She was a joy, and every time he was able to spend even a small amount of time in her presence, he felt himself gravitating more toward her. She had overcome so much to get to this serene place, where without maybe knowing it, she could advise helping others in a tough spot. He glanced down at the snow with a playful grin.
Bending sideways, he scooped up a huge handful of the whiteness, formed it into a snowball, and held it for Troy and Emily to see.
“Don’t you dare!”
He flung it, connecting directly with Emily’s chest.
“That’s it. This is war!” She said, with a giggle bending to gather her an even bigger pile of snow for a projectile soon headed toward Ben.
Troy decided he would not sit out from the fun and joined in with his formed balls.
The laughter rose from the group erasing all thoughts about anything other than snowball wars.
