Blame

My father’s sister came to fetch my brother,

even as Ma’s body cooled.

She came to bring my brother back to Lubbock

to raise as her own,

but my brother died before Aunt Ellis got here.

She wouldn’t even hold his little body.

She barely noticed me.

As soon as she found my brother dead,

she

had a talk with my father.

Then she turned around

and headed back to Lubbock.

The neighbor women came.

They wrapped my baby brother in a blanket

and placed him in Ma’s bandaged arms.

We buried them together

on the rise Ma loved,

the one she gazed at from the kitchen window,

the one that looks out over the

dried-up Beaver River.

Reverend Bingham led the service.

He talked about Ma,

but what he said made no sense

and I could tell

he didn’t truly know her,

he’d never even heard her play piano.

He asked my father

to name my baby brother.

My father, hunched over, said nothing.

I spoke up in my father’s silence.

I told the reverend

my brother’s name was Franklin.

Like our President.

The women talked as they

scrubbed death from our house.

I

stayed in my room

silent on the iron bed,

listening to their voices.

“Billie Jo threw the pail,”

they said. “An accident,”

they said.

Under their words a finger pointed.

They didn’t talk

about my father leaving kerosene by the stove.

They didn’t say a word about my father

drinking himself

into a stupor

while Ma writhed, begging for water.

They only said,

Billie Jo threw the pail of kerosene.

August 1934