Concentration proved difficult for Joseph, as he sat at a desk in the library. The computer screen in front of him blurred as he gathered his emotions. His heart hadn’t been in this much turmoil since Mary’s death, and of course, his excommunication.
Why had he opened up his heart to Anna? It seemed like anytime he invested himself in someone, heartache eventually followed. First, it had been Mary. Then he’d lost his family and his community. Next, his co-workers turned their backs on him believing lies instead of the truth. And now Anna.
This is why he’d turned his back on God. No matter how kind Joe was, no matter how much he poured his time, talents, and love into people, he still ended up losing. But he couldn’t live any other way. He’d tried being mean and selfish, but it only made him feel miserable inside. He had to be true to himself.
And of course, that was why he was here at the library. He promised Linda he would try to help and he would keep that promise. No matter if what he was doing didn’t produce any fruit. No matter if it produced a lot of fruit and he didn’t receive any reward. People were counting on him.
Joe swiped his eyes, gathered his resolve, and began typing away at the keyboard.
<><><>
Anna felt miserable as she, Mammi, and Harv sat at the supper table. Joe had chosen to stay in the dawdi haus. She hadn’t seen him since he dropped her off at work this morning. Anna wondered where he’d gone after he left. Mammi said he hadn’t returned home until late afternoon, so he must’ve gone somewhere.
She was glad to see that Harvey was regaining his strength. No telling what kind of bitter herbal teas Mammi had made him drink throughout the day. She’d drank many throughout the years. They were difficult going down sometimes, but they always worked.
Tomorrow Jacob and Rachel were scheduled to arrive and Anna was looking forward to it. There was nothing like family and the little ones, especially, to lighten the heart. It seemed like lately hardship was all they knew, but Anna realized she still had plenty to be thankful for. God was always faithful. Always.
<><><>
Harv entered the dawdi haus and closed the door behind him. “When are you going to talk to her?”
“I’m not,” Joe said.
“You have to, Joe.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Well, then you’re a fool. That woman loves you,” Harvey stated.
Joe grimaced. “Stay out of this, Harv. It doesn’t concern you.”
“You’re saying that I shouldn’t be concerned about two of the best people I know. Two people that are miserable because neither one of them will speak to the other.” Tears formed in Harvey’s eyes. “Don’t let her slip out of your hands, Joe. It’s not worth it.” Harv swiped at his eyes. “I never told you this before, but I was once married.”
Joseph sat up and stared at Harvey. “You were?”
“Yep. Virginia. She was a perty little thing.”
“What happened?”
Harv explained, “It was 1967 when Virginia and I met. She was a waitress at a little coffee shop I frequented while in college. We spent a lot of time just getting to know each other and became good friends. After several months passed, we began dating and I took her home to meet my folks - that’s what we did back in those days, you know. Anyway, by the end of the year Virginia and I were married. By spring, we had a little one on the way. Boy, were we excited!
“Got a letter in the mail from the President of the United States. Apparently, they needed a few good men to go off to Viet Nam and so I was drafted. My little one was born and buried while I was over there. I never got to see him or hold him in my arms. But Virginia said he was beautiful, she said he looked like me. I reckon I was handsome back then.
“When I finished my tour of duty and service to my country, I’d heard the American people were not happy. I’d heard that all that awaited a soldier’s return was disgrace and humiliation. So instead of bringing shame upon my beautiful Virginia, I didn’t tell her that I’d returned home.
“A couple of years later, I learned that she had cancer. I couldn’t help it; she needed me, and so I went to her. Boy, was she shocked to learn that I was still alive. I only got a few weeks with her before she passed. I could have had years. You see, Joe. She was never ashamed of me. She was here waiting for me with open arms. But I was a fool. I didn’t believe our love was strong enough to withstand the trials of life, but I was wrong.
“So, don’t tell me that I have no right being concerned about you and Anna. You have a love that’s pure. Don’t make the same mistake I made. Don’t give up because of fear. And don’t ever give up on God.” Harvey wiped away his tears with shaky hands.
Joe shook his head. “It’s too late, Harvey. I gave up on God a long time ago. He has forsaken me.”
Harvey stood up, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared Joe in the face. “That is a lie straight from the devil! God promised to never leave or forsake His own. Others may have forsaken you, Joe, but God never has and He never will.”
“Well, then tell me where He’s been all my life. I want to know. Because He sure hasn’t offered His hand to help me out,” Joe spat out bitterly.
“Open your eyes and look around you, Joe. If this isn’t God’s providence, then I don’t know what is.”
Joseph opened his mouth to protest, but he couldn’t form the words. He realized Harvey was right. For the first time in years, Joe bowed his head and gave a brief prayer of thanks for God’s provision.