Linda poured two mugs of steaming coffee, then slid one across the table to Joe and took a seat. Harvey enjoyed sleeping in, so Joe never begrudged his old friend of the pleasure. Joseph suspected Linda knew what was coming before he ever uttered a word.
“I’ve decided to leave,” Joe told his boss.
“Where will you go?” She took a small sip of her coffee.
Joseph looked into his mug, its contents already half gone. He’d always enjoyed coffee hot, the hotter the better. “I’m thinking of going to Paradise to visit my friend, Samuel Beachy.”
“How long will you be gone?”
Joe shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe till February.”
“But that’s after Anna’s…” she let her voice trail off, now sorry that she mentioned it. Of course, that’s why he wouldn’t return until February. It was after the wedding. “I’m sorry, Joe.”
“Not as sorry as I am,” Joe breathed deeply, attempting to keep his emotions in check.
“We’ll miss you,” Linda said. “I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.”
He shrugged. “It wasn’t much.”
“Yes, it was. It was a lot, Joe. Anna and her grandmother probably would have lost their home if it weren’t for you.”
“Linda, please. I’m trusting you not to saying anything to Anna.”
“Yes, I know. But I have no idea why.”
“I don’t want her to feel obligated to me. If she knows…” His voice trailed off a moment while he gathered his thoughts. “I don’t want her love based on something I did.” Joe sighed. “Do you know how difficult it is to be accused – and convicted – of something you didn’t do? Linda, this has been my entire life. I was shunned unjustly from my family and the only community I’ve ever known. I lost my friends and a very good, well-paying job because of something I did not do – and I went to prison for it. I wasn’t there long, but the fact remains. And now, because of being accused of something once again, I’ve lost the love of my life. But I don’t want her to love me for what I do or don’t do. I want her to love me for who I am. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense.”
“Life is so frustrating at times.” He covered his face with his hands. “I’m sorry for dumping all this on you.”
“That’s okay, Joe. Everybody needs someone to talk to once in a while.” Linda took another sip of coffee. “Have you given your cares to God?”
“No, thank you. I’ve tried all that. It doesn’t work.”
“Work? What do you mean?”
“Every time I start trusting God, something bad happens. All these things, they happened when I was trusting God.”
“So, you don’t trust God because bad things happen?” She raised a brow. “You don’t want people to accuse you, but it seems you are accusing God. Did God shun you? Did God accuse you of wrong doing and put you into prison? Did God cause you to lose Anna? God has not done these things. Man has.
“I’ll tell you what God did do. He sent Jesus to die on the cross so you could be saved. To forgive your sins. That doesn’t sound like condemnation; that sounds like hope.”
Joe sat silent, pondering her words.
“You don’t want Anna to love for what you do but because of who you are, right? But you won’t love God for who He is. And it seems like you may be falsely accusing Him of things He hasn’t done,” Linda said. “God doesn’t promise us an easy life, Joe. But He does promise to love us and never leave us, no matter what happens.”
“You sound like Harvey,” he said wryly.
Linda smiled. “I knew there was a reason I liked him.”
<><><>
Joseph steadied himself as the buggy hit a large pothole and resumed his musings. He glanced at Jacob, eyeing his friend with admiration. What would it be like to be settled down and married to a woman you were crazy about? How different would life be if he had three sweet little girls like Jacob had? He’d watched how the girls would practically leap into his arms the moment he walked into the house. He’d seen how his wife’s whole countenance brightened the moment their eyes met. His friend lived a life he could only dream about.
For Joseph, though, that dream seemed unattainable. Impossible, even.
“You look like you’re a million miles away,” Jacob commented.
Joe shook his head. “You know, Jacob, you’re a lucky man.”
“Well, I don’t know how much luck has to do with it, but I am blessed.” Jacob smiled. “What makes you say that?”
“It seems like you have it all. A wife, kinner, and probably your own home soon.”
“God has been good for certain sure, but it hasn’t all been easy.” Jacob flicked the reins and veered the buggy a little to the right so a car could pass. “Rachel and I don’t always see eye to eye.” He chuckled, remembering their courting days. “She practically had to knock me out to get me to see that she loved me in the first place. I was pretty thick-headed.
“And my sister jumping the fence hadn’t been easy either. We’ve dealt with some hardships. But jah, having Rachel by my side has made my burden a little lighter.”
Joseph rubbed the back of his neck where his hair had grown out some. “I often wonder about my folks too. When I was put under the Bann, I imagine it was not easy for them.”
“It seems your district was quite strict, jah?”
“One of the toughest, I hear.” He shrugged.
“You’ll be happy to know that Bishop Hostettler is pretty lenient – or maybe I should say merciful – for the most part. Not too many have been excommunicated in Paradise, or here, for that matter.”
“Jah, I admit I was a little surprised how readily you accepted a shunned man. It would not be so in my old district. Seems like they were tolerant with certain things they should have been strict on, and strict on things they should have been tolerant on. Didn’t make much sense in my mind.” He shook his head.
“Rules can be good or bad. I don’t think blatant sin should ever be tolerated. Especially if it’s something Der Herr despises.”
“Do you think he despises orange safety triangles?” Joseph chuckled, thinking how absurd it all sounded.
Jacob laughed. “Is that what you were shunned for?”
“No, but almost.” He smiled. “I’m glad you invited me along today, I’ve been needing a breath of fresh air.”
“I can use an extra set of eyes to help me pick out a gut mare. Rachel’s been wanting to go riding.” Jake smiled. “That’s something we used to do all the time, but since the kinner have come we haven’t had much opportunity.”
Joseph imagined riding through an open field or into a copse of trees with Anna. “That sounds nice.”
“Anything in particular you want to talk about?”
It seemed Jacob could read him well. Why did it seem certain friends could pick up on your moods? “Jah, I’m thinking of going to visit Samuel in Paradise.”
“For how long?”
“Don’t know. Might just stay there.”
“Really? That’s too bad. I was hoping you’d be staying around here. I don’t really know too many folk in these parts. I was looking forward to having a friend close by.” Jacob frowned. “Why are you leaving?”
“Simply put: Anna. I can’t stay here and watch her marry someone else.” Joe shook his head.
“I thought maybe there was something between the two of you when we first arrived. What happened?”
“Aaron brought up something from my past. Now she’s convinced I’m some sort of crook.”
Jacob lifted a brow. “Are you?”
Joseph shook his head in denial. “But it doesn’t matter. She’s supposed to marry him in February.”
Jacob chuckled.
“Why are you laughing?” Here Joe was pouring his heart out and Jacob was laughing? He frowned in disapproval.
“I don’t even think she likes Aaron. I don’t see how she thinks she’s going to marry him.”
“What do you mean?”
“She’s never in a good mood when he’s around. And when he finally leaves the house, she sighs as though she’s glad he’s gone.” Jacob cupped Joe’s shoulder. “But when we first arrived, she seemed happy. You should have seen the way her face lit up when you walked in the room. You have something Aaron doesn’t have.”
“What’s that?”
“Her heart. She obviously loves you.”