CHAPTER 23
Sam
Sam had been in a sour mood all week without any real reason that he could name. Everyone noticed, not that there was any hiding how he felt. This wasn’t like him, and he felt he owed his entire staff an apology.
It took him until Thursday to figure out what was bugging him when it should have been obvious. It was Beth. He hadn’t been able to think straight since their stint babysitting Matthew. Their being together was all wrong. He knew it then but didn’t know what to do about it and so he’d pushed the thought out of his mind. Not that it’d done any good. He’d made excuses to avoid her ever since that night—well, other than the two nights they performed together at the rehab center.
Beth had tried to talk to him, but he was having none of it. After a while she gave up and he was grateful. Everyone was entitled to an off day, or, in his case, an off week.
Friday afternoon following work Sam asked Rocco to join him and his crew. As was their habit, Sam and the other mechanics met at a nearby tavern for a cold draft beer and downtime. They were just finishing off the last of their beers when Rocco strolled through the door.
Sam was slouched over his mug, his mind whirling with his dilemma. He was glad to see Rocco and hoped his friend would help him sort through his thoughts. He lifted his beer, silently inviting Rocco to join him.
“Sup?” Rocco asked, as he slid out the stool next to Sam.
“Not much,” Sam answered.
Rocco gestured toward the bartender and asked for a beer. He had his own mug within minutes.
“Been thinking,” Sam said, and kept his gaze focused straight ahead.
“About?”
“Been troubled all week,” Sam admitted. “Ever since you had Beth and me watch Matthew.”
“About what?”
“Beth.”
Rocco was silent for a short moment. “You two have a falling out?”
“A minor spat, easily settled. And that’s just it, we should have had a big one by this time and we haven’t.”
“You looking to fight with your woman?”
“No,” he said, getting flustered. He tensed. Even Rocco considered Beth to be Sam’s woman. He swallowed tightly, unsure how best to explain his feelings. “I expected things to change after she got out of the hospital and they haven’t. We talk every day, see each other four or five times a week. It’s like overnight my life revolves around hers and hers around mine. It’s too much.”
“Not following you, buddy. You’re not fighting and you think that’s a bad thing?”
“No. Okay, yeah, we get along and that’s cool. It’s everything else, Rocco.” Sam wiped a hand down his face and wished he could explain himself in a way that made sense. Problem was, he wasn’t sure he could put it into words. “Did you know she’s not talking to her parents?”
“What’s that got to do with anything?” Rocco asked.
“A lot. I met her mother; it didn’t go well. She wasn’t in my face or anything, but I got the message and so did Beth. I’m not good enough for her daughter. Later the mother sent this guy she wants Beth to marry to town to check up on her.”
“The night of the Rock and Bowl?”
“Yeah.”
“Heard she isn’t interested in him.”
“She isn’t.”
Rocco glanced his way. “So what’s the problem?”
Sam exhaled a long, slow sigh. “Beth and I had a great time with Matthew, and I have to tell her it scared the crap out of me.”
Rocco raised his hand, stopping him. “We were talking about the mother.”
“That’s part of it.”
“What’s Matthew got to do with Beth’s mother?”
“Not a damn thing. Hear me out, will you?”
Rocco shook his head as if to clear his thoughts. “Am I going to be able to follow your line of thinking?”
“Hope so,” Sam confessed. “That night with Matthew I saw Beth holding your son and all at once I’m thinking that could be the two of us, and Rocco, I got to tell you that shook me. Not until later when Beth fell asleep with her head on my shoulder. I was walking through a field of daisies holding Beth’s hand and suddenly I realized this is not me. I got caught up in this romantic dream and it shook me up good. Everything is happening too fast and I need to put the brakes on before this relationship gets out of hand.”
“Okay,” Rocco said slowly, reluctantly.
“You don’t get it, do you?” Sam said. He sipped his beer, but it tasted bitter on his tongue. He was confused and unsure and needed his friend to help ground him before he got lost in that field of daisies.
Rocco’s deep frown cut through him. “Are you saying you want to end it with Beth?”
“No.” That was one thing he was confident about. “Not at all. I’m crazy about her.”
“And it’s scaring you to death.”
Sam laughed because his friend had it in a nutshell. Beth had him scared out of his wits. “This isn’t me. I’m not interested in making a commitment and she’s the kind of woman that is going to want one.”
“Has she said anything along those lines?”
“Not yet.” It was coming, though. As sure as the autumn rains, the day was fast approaching when Beth would want more. A lot more, and no way was Sam ready.
“What are you going to tell her?”
If he knew that he wouldn’t have asked Rocco to stop by for a beer. “Don’t know yet, that’s the problem.” He rubbed his hand down his face. “She told me not long ago I was her first serious relationship.”
“She’s serious and you’re not.”
He was serious, but he was leery of what that would mean. “Beth has barely dated. Her parents have kept close tabs on her nearly her entire life. The men she dated before me were all Mommy-approved. She looks at me like some kind of hero and we both know that’s bogus.”
Rocco snickered as though amused.
“What’s so funny?” Sam demanded.
“You remember when Nichole broke up with me? Her ex threatened to take her to court for custody of Owen because he found me an unsuitable role model.”
“Not like I can forget.” Those days had been bleak ones for his friend, who acted like a wounded animal, and not just any animal but a grizzly bear. No one got close without fear of losing an appendage or being cut wide open by a sharp tongue.
“I was angry and bitter.”
“No kidding, Sherlock.” Sam had been on the receiving end of his friend’s anger more than once.
“But deep down I figured Nichole was right to break it off. I wasn’t near good enough for her and I knew it. Actually, it didn’t come as any big surprise when she wanted to call it quits. It was what I’d been expecting all along.”
“You not good enough for Nichole? That’s bull and you know it.”
“You’re wrong. No way did I deserve that woman loving me. Got history and most of it isn’t good. You know that better than anyone. I did my best to make up for it, being a tax-paying citizen, raising my daughter as best I could. But Nichole and me? She deserved better.”
“She wanted you, though.”
“She did, and I thank God every day for whatever it was that I did to deserve her.” Rocco paused and took a swallow of his beer.
“You saying that’s what is going on with me?”
“Can’t say, Sam. You’re the only one who can answer that.”
He mulled it over for several moments. “It’s more,” he admitted. “Beth has a way of getting to me like no one else, not even Trish.”
“She knows about Trish and the baby.”
“That’s a perfect example.” He gestured with his hands, nearly spilling his beer. “Never told any other woman I was seeing about Trish, but Beth knows. She even knows Lucinda’s birthday, and it didn’t take much for me to spill out all that pain, either. I get around Beth and my emotional filter disappears.”
“And watching Matthew is what drove you over the edge.”
“Basically, yes.” He hated to admit it, but the bottom line was this: “I’m not the marrying kind, Rocco. You know that.”
“Can’t say that I do.”
Sam let out a bark of laughter. “You’re like one of those guys who gives up cigarettes after twenty years of smoking. All at once you become the poster child for not smoking and you’re talking to everyone about giving up their smokes.”
“We talking about cigarettes now?”
“No, we’re talking about falling in love. You love Nichole and all at once you see unicorns and rainbows for everyone else.”
Laughing, Rocco snorted beer out of his nose. “Unicorns and rainbows?”
“Yeah. That sh— ain’t for me.”
“You owe Owen a dollar.”
“Don’t, either. I stopped myself in time. More to the point, you’re so caught up in what you have with Nichole you think it’s for everyone and it’s not.”
“I didn’t set you up with Beth. Nichole did.”
“Okay, fine, but it’s the same thing. You’re both looking at life through rose-colored glasses. You expect everyone else to feel the same way about love as you do.”
“That’s not such a bad thing, is it?”
“It is for me,” Sam said and straightened. Talking to Rocco hadn’t given him any answers; he felt more confused than ever.
“So how are you going to explain all this to Beth?” Rocco asked.
If he knew that he wouldn’t have asked Rocco to meet him. This weighed heavy on his mind. “I’m not sure yet.”
“If I’m hearing you correctly, you want her to date other men.”
“Yes. Makes sense she should. Even if we were to get more serious, which I’m not willing to do at this point, I’d feel better if she had some experience under her belt. She sees me as this shining knight. No way can I continue to live up to her hero worship. She needs to date other men, get a taste of the world, before she ties herself to me.”
Rocco nodded as if he understood. “You going to suggest that to her?”
“I should, don’t you think?”
“Well, yeah, but I’m wondering…”
“What?” Sam demanded when his friend didn’t continue his thought.
“You still want to continue to date her yourself, though, right?”
Sam needed to think that through. Going cold turkey would be hard. Beth had become an important part of his day, of his life. Too important, which is what prompted this entire debate. She was the reason for his crappy mood all week. Well, not Beth personally, but the way he felt about her.
“Yeah, I would like to continue seeing her.” He hesitated to use the word date. Sam didn’t date. He’d made certain she understood that weeks earlier. If she wanted to call their occasional dinners out dates, then that was on her.
No way would anyone refer to their music sessions as dates. That was nothing more than entertaining a few people a couple times a week. Most definitely that wasn’t dating. Okay, fine, he was willing to admit he stopped by her place once or twice a week and they’d watched television together. He’d seen more movies in the last three weeks than he had in the last three years. Chick flicks, even. Stuff like that should have knocked some sense into him. This relationship continued much longer and he’d be watching the Hallmark Channel.
“Are you thinking to suggest the two of you be friends?” Rocco asked.
“Yeah, friends.” Sam brightened, relieved. Telling Beth they should be friends was the perfect solution. It wouldn’t be that much different. He already considered Beth a friend.
Rocco snickered into his beer.
“What?” Sam demanded.
“Good luck with that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You tell Beth that you want to be just friends and see what happens.”
Frowning, Sam studied Rocco. “Why do I feel like this is a joke and no one is letting me in on it?”
“Don’t go the friends route,” Rocco suggested.
“Why not?”
“She won’t take it well.”
“But I mean it.”
Rocco shook his head as if pitying Sam. “All I’m saying is that trying to friend-zone this isn’t the best idea. Trust me.”
“Okay.” Rocco would know better, although Sam didn’t understand why.
Rocco slid off the stool. “Time I headed home. Nichole’s waiting.”
“Appreciate the talk.”
“Let me know what happens,” Rocco said and slapped him across the back.
Sam nodded. He sat for several minutes, then decided the sooner he had this conversation with Beth the better. He reached for his phone.
She answered before the end of the first ring, as if she’d been expecting his call.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she returned enthusiastically. “You in a better mood?”
“Yeah.”
“Great, because I’ve got all kinds of things to tell you.”
She sounded like she was taking a stroll on cloud nine. Sam hated the thought of bursting this bubble.
“I’m hungry.”
“Want me to fix us something?”
He bristled. She was already acting like a wife. “No. Want to meet me at Red Robin for a burger?” he asked. This wasn’t a date. If he was asking her out on a date he’d go and pick her up.
“Sure.”
His shoulders sagged with relief. “Give me thirty.”
“Sounds great. I’ve missed you this week.”