Three nights ago, around midnight, I was sleeping on the couch in my uncle’s apartment. Mom was asleep on a cot she made from pillows and towels, and my uncle was in his bed. A knock at the door woke me. Who would be here this late?
I didn’t want to wake up Mom, because this was the first night she actually fell asleep peacefully. She’d been so worried about my brother that she’d been awake all night, checking the parking lot and walking circles around the complex. I guess it all caught up to her and finally knocked her out. She was even snoring.
Even though I was a little scared, because Watts is not a very safe place, especially around midnight, I got up and answered the door.
And on the other side, staring right at me, wearing a black hoodie, black baseball cap, and jeans, was Emjay.
This was just like my dream. Right before I pounced on him. Did he bring the cavalry? Was he still a traitor? Were they waiting in the hall for his signal, the green light to attack?
My brain told me to be angry, because I thought I was still supposed to hate him, but before rage set a fire inside of me, Ani, by his feet, lunged at me, wagging her tail so fast that I was surprised she wasn’t picking up wind and flying.
Were my eyes deceiving me? Was this real? My heart sped up and stopped at the same time. My hands shook. Goose bumps on my neck reached for the moon. My jaw dropped.
“Ani!” I shouted, and dove down to her.
She jumped into my arms.
Mom burst awake and rushed over to us. If she’d had a tail, it would have been as wild as Ani’s.
As I picked Ani up, Mom grabbed Emjay and pulled him in for a grizzly bear hug.
“I’m okay,” he said as she pulled him into the apartment.
“I missed you so much! I was so worried!” she said, not letting go of him.
I pressed Ani against my chest. My heart was still beating like two hummingbirds fighting inside of me. I couldn’t stop kissing her. And she couldn’t stop licking me. I hope this is real. I hope this isn’t a dream. I pinched myself to find out, and it hurt. I had never loved pain before, but I did right now. This pain meant my best friend was back.
“How did you find her?” I asked.
“That night, I dropped her off in front of the Modesto dog shelter. It was raining so I put her in a box. Then when I left you guys, I stayed with someone I met at the park. And I had a dream. A really weird dream. And I don’t know why, but I woke up and went to check if the shelter took her in. They did. So I stayed in town for a few more days to make enough money to adopt her. I figured, she’s better off with us, rather than in a cage. At least our cage is invisible,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said, and held Ani up to my face so I could stare at her forever.
“Are you hungry?” Mom asked him.
Then it happened. Emjay didn’t answer her. Instead, he began to cry. It caught me off guard. And this time, he didn’t stop it right away to look tough. He didn’t hide it. He let it out. He let it all out.
He dropped to his knees and sobbed. Mom dropped to her knees and buried him into her chest. His cries were loud, like waves crashing against mother rocks. They were muffled and wet, but still loud enough to wake my uncle, although he didn’t come out of his room; he just peeked through his door and watched it all unfold.
“It’s okay,” she kept repeating while stroking the back of Emjay’s head.
“I’m so mad. Why am I so mad?” he asked her.
“Because you care. You care so much,” she said.
“I’m sorry for everything I said to you,” he cried.
“It’s okay. It’s okay,” she repeated.
“Are you this mad too?” he asked.
“Sometimes I get mad. But I’m not mad at you. I know why you left. Just don’t leave us again, okay?”
He continued to cry. I’ve known the guy all my life, and I had never seen him cry like this, not once.
“I don’t hate you,” he said.
“I know. You are my son. You love me. And you love your brother. And we love you,” she said.
Emjay looked up at her, his face drenched and red. “Why doesn’t he love me?”
Mom began crying too now. Even I felt a few tears stinging behind my eyes, pushing to come out, but I didn’t let them—because even though I felt Emjay’s pain, I was also too darn happy to have Ani back.
Ani jumped out of my arms and ran up to Emjay. She didn’t like seeing him cry. They must have bonded while traveling down California together. I couldn’t imagine him bonding with an animal, especially Ani, but I also could have never imagined him on his knees, crying to Mom and asking her why our dad never loved him.
He picked Ani up and cradled her. Dogs have a way of making people feel better. Even angry people like Emjay.
I stared at Ani’s face. My broken heart had begun piecing itself back together. This was the best night of my life, even though I had two family members bawling their eyes out in front of me.
And by the expression on Mom’s face, behind her tears, I could tell this was the best night of her life too.
“I’m not going to lie to you. But him not loving you or your brother has nothing to do with you guys. He never loved me either. He doesn’t love himself. There is nothing wrong with you, Emjay. I promise. There’s everything wrong with him.”
She helped Emjay up and took him over to the makeshift bed she’d made. He didn’t resist at all. He handed Ani to me and just collapsed onto it.
I have no idea how he got here all the way from Modesto, but I’m glad he’s here. I’m glad he decided to not be a traitor.
I’m glad he, unlike our dad, has a heart.