Chapter Six

 

 

 

Three months later…

 

Andy examined her new face in the mirror and had to admit the doctor had done all he’d promised. It was her, but slightly different. Her jaw was narrower, and her eyebrows slanted a tiny bit, almost giving her a mischievous air. She smiled at the thought.

Her smile was different too, her upper lip a tiny bit fuller. All in all, she was still Nicole, but…not. Like a cousin or sister. Not a twin, though. Me, but different.

She now wore green contacts. They added to the new her. Her hair had been stripped of the chestnut browns she’d preferred these past six years or longer. She’d let it return to her natural, lighter auburn. Tawny, her mother had always said, like a lioness. She thought it a tad shy of red. She’d always hidden the unruly, flirty color with more sober tones. Now she ran her hands through it and smiled, then laughed.

“I still look like me.”

Sara patted her shoulder. “You do, and you’ve done very well—new job, new friends, a life that you’ve taken hold of with both hands. I have to wonder if you weren’t always Andy, but never allowed to be.”

Nicole—Andy—nodded, unable to speak. She swallowed past a suddenly tight throat.

Sara smiled kindly at her in the mirror, as if she understood. She probably did. After months of listening to Nicole crying on her couch, Sara knew more about Nicole and her love for a man who’d hurt her than anyone else in her entire life, even the man himself. The pain was still there, though.

Sara had stressed that it might ease with time, but it might always be with her. She’d also said that when someone loved so fully, that love never died. It was also not healthy.

After the first few months alone and through her many talks with Sara, Andy could accept that she’d been so desperately in love with Steven because she’d feared that if he saw her—truly saw her—he’d not like her. She’d believed she was being herself with him, but now, looking back, she knew she never had been. Sara had helped her see that even though her parents had loved her—and they had—they’d taught her not to trust being herself. It was when she’d been herself that she’d disappointed them—or caused them problems or hurt others.

Unlearning things like that was difficult. Nicole thought—especially in the middle of the night when she woke from another dream of Steven—that if she had a chance to go back in time, all she would change was herself, how she’d acted with him and how she’d hidden from him.

But time travel wasn’t possible, and he was a world away, possibly with the woman he’d chosen over the one who was too scared to show him who she really was. And if she had—if she had shown him and he’d still cheated—then what? That worried her more than anything.

She met Sara’s gaze in the mirror and smiled. The sadness was there—she accepted that—but it didn’t rule her. She did.

“I love myself now.” The rush of embarrassment that went with such an admission made her want to cover her face. But she also smiled, knowing it was true. If only I could forget Steven, I would be perfect!

“And that, my dear, means we are at an end, you and I.”

Andy nodded and turned to take Sara’s hand. “I know, but can I still call you, if things go bad?”

“Of course you can! I would be upset if you didn’t. But you’re going to be fine…more than fine. Amazing. You’re a freelance writer for artsy magazines! You can wear and do and say anything you want. And any time you want to call me, do it.” Sara squeezed her hands. “Now, who are you?”

“I’m Andy.”

“Andy… And when you think about yourself, you are Andy, a free-spirited, beautiful and intelligent woman.”

Andy took a deep breath and grinned again, something Nicole had never done. Nicole had taken light, easy breaths and pasted on polite smiles. Andy glowed. She didn’t smile. She glowed.

“I feel so happy…” But sad, too. The loss of Steven had settled on her as the nights grew longer and longer. She missed him so badly that she woke herself crying. It was terrible. Even more so because no matter how much she wanted to hate him, she wanted him just as much.

“Well, good! Your whole life is ahead of you.”

True, the possibilities were endless—lonely but endless. Thinking of not sharing it with Steven there by her side made her throat tighten again. Steven had been the one man in her life that she’d thought saw her for herself and loved her all the same. Even if she’d not shown him who she truly was, it still hurt that he’d proven to be like all the other people out there who were only out for her money. The knowledge didn’t do a damn thing to help stop her feelings for him. But I hid from him, didn’t I? So how could he see me? Really see me?

“Are you okay, my dear?”

“Yes, yes, of course. I was thinking about the past when I should be focused on the future.” She brushed at the tears trying to destroy her glamorous makeup. She’d gone for rock-star today, something Nicole would also never have done. The thought made her smile again.

Sara matched her smile. “Broken hearts take longer to heal than what the good doctor accomplished. Give yourself space to become yourself. Trust me. In time, he will have faded to a memory—still painful, still pulling at your heart, but it won’t make you ache so terribly.”

“I can’t seem to keep what he did to me in my focus. I keep remembering the old him, not the man he turned into.”

“Then remember that part of him. Remember… You do what you want to do, not what anyone else wants from you.” Sara squeezed her shoulder. The gesture gave Andy a warm feeling she’d always associated with Steven. Of all the people in her life, only a very few were close, and of those, only Steven had shown her affection, sometimes so much that she’d been close to tears merely from a kiss. I was pathetic. That’s why he left me for another woman. I wanted him all the time, craved him every second of every day and men don’t like that. I was a clinger!

“Now that you’ve had some time to be Andy, do you sense anything that won’t fit?”

“Fit?”

Sara gestured to the flat they had set up for her. “Is there anything you wish to change? A facet of the new you that won’t work?”

Andy laughed. She loved herself now, which was…freeing. “No, no, I love this.” She gestured to the flat they’d provided that was much like the one she’d had in London. It, too, was a comfortable loft with bare wooden floors, but this one had a nice rug and a nicer sofa. Hers was broken-in and she loved it, the pink crushed velvet. It was something her mother would never have liked. ‘Bohemian’, she would have called it. “This was what I needed. My flat is wonderful. The job is going well. The boss is funny, the hours are my own and I have enough cash coming in from the articles I’ve written to buy what I need. I think…” I’m missing someone essential. She swallowed that down and focused. “It’s great.”

“Wonderful!” Sara’s smile grew, then she turned stern. “But you know where you went to school, where you were raised, how your parents died? Who you work for?”

“Yes. All of it. I’m Andy Nicolas, I was raised by Joan and Bret Nicolas, who traveled as scientists, researching the remains of ancient cultures. I was home-schooled until I attended the University of Arizona and earned a degree in English Literature and Journalism. I was commissioned four years ago by several top magazines to write freelance articles. I’ve met my employers here, but I communicate with them via email. I have had several boyfriends, mostly artsy types that I stayed with for short periods of time, but nothing serious. I like jazz music, art galleries and antique shopping. I paint as a hobby and can speak six languages.”

“Very good. Very, very good.”

“Was this person real?” She’d been wondering at that.

“In a way, yes, but essentially, she was one of several people that never made a huge impact on others—a loner, really. There are several we employ. None know what we do with their identities and none are exactly who you are. For instance, your name is all yours. The pattern of your new life was based on four girls, each of whom added a bit to your story, and now you will add your own.”

It sounded complicated. At the same time, she wasn’t sure it sounded safe enough. “And no one can connect me to any of them?”

“Correct. We are very dedicated to supplying an entirely new identity, as you’ve been told. What we do is unique to each of our clientele. No one has the same needs. In fact, you were a challenge. Still, I believe your identity could withstand even the best scrutiny. But you must be diligent as well. For instance, your parents were wealthy, but not to the extent you were accustomed to before. You must remember that for the average person, each paycheck is needed, but I think you will do fine.”

“I hope so. I will do my best and I know money is important. I do. It doesn’t buy you happiness, but if you need security, it does buy that.”

Sara paused in the process of putting on her coat. “Do you feel unsafe?”

“No, no, not at all. I meant, if you have enough money, more than enough by some standards”—she indicated the flat they’d provided for her again—“this makes you feel safe, too. I put behind me what always made me feel unsafe.”

“Very well. If there is anything else we can provide, please call. And, if there are any hits on your identity, we will be in contact.”

“Hits?” Andy paused with her backpack over one shoulder. She had an hour to catch her train but wanted a coffee before—and a good seat once onboard.

“Yes, of course. For the first few years, we’ll monitor your identity so that if anyone were to research your name, we would be notified.”

“Ah, I see.”

No one would be searching for her. Her funeral had already taken place. Her cousin was in position at the company. Cynthia was assisting him, much as she’d assisted her and her mother before.

Steven hadn’t been present at her funeral. His absence had been the talk of the tabloids. There had been no mention of his new woman, and no one seemed able to locate him.

The one person she might worry over had also been fooled by her death. He’d torn up the hotel room she’d booked on the island, but her sources had confirmed that he’d headed back to New York afterward. Devon Blackmore was now a nightmare from her past and one she would put behind her, as she would Steven.

The thought made her stomach flip-flop, but she chose to ignore it and hope that Sara was right. Steven as a memory was all she could hope for.

“All right, then. I will leave you. If you’re ever in need, simply call.”

Andy hugged Sara close with all her strength, something Nicole would never have done.

“Thank you so much. I can’t thank you enough.” It was the least she could say for the freedom they’d given her and the chance to live her own life.