It’s certainly fair to say that one man’s food fetish is another man’s food nightmare. Civilizations throughout the ages have spawned what seem to us bizarre culinary traditions that were to them the height of conventional behavior.
Take, for example, the nomadic Masai of Kenya. Those tall, elegant wanderers, most of whom look like they belong on the cover of Mirabella, never found farming an appealing alternative to lion stalking. And when they come home from a hard day of hunting, they kick back with a large glass of cow’s blood. Before you grow faint at the thought, is it really so different from consuming a steak, blood-rare, or a primitive plate of steak tartare? Much to their credit, the Masai have even found an efficient method to drain the cow without actually slaughtering it. Count Dracula would have given his eyeteeth for their secret.
Bottle label: Synthetic Blood. Bubble: “Yuk! This is full of colorants.”
ILLUSTRATION BY CLAUDE SERRE FROM LA BOUFFE, 1986, EDITIONS GLĖNAT, GRENOBLE
Long before the Roman Empire fell with a thud, its most discerning gourmets insisted that their favorite dishes be accompanied by the sauce, liquamen, which was made of a mixture of fish guts and blood left to grow rancid in the sun until its perfume could be inhaled for miles around.
Actually, the Greeks may have been first to enjoy liquamen. The 5th-century B.C. historian, Herodotus, took the time to note his recipe: Test strength of sea water with an egg. If the egg sinks, water is not salty enough. Put fish (sprats, anchovies or mackerel) in the brine. Boil in earthenware pot. Add oregano. Cool and strain three times.
His sauce seems tamer than the Romans’ pungent adaptation, which not only cost a fortune to produce but became the ultimate treat of those rich enough to drink a goblet full. Remains of liquamen were found in jars amid the ruins of Pompeii.
A similar fish sauce is popular in Southeast Asia today.
YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT?
People can be defined as much by what they don’t eat as by what they do. Anthropologists believe that food taboos are a way for one culture to distinguish itself from another. The worship of the cow by the Hindus means that India is not the place to buy a Burger King franchise. Traditional Jews and Moslems both consider pork a forbidden food and agree that the Three Little Pigs got exactly what they deserved.
HANNIBAL LECHTER WASN’T ALL BAD
On the other side of the frying pan, most people would put cannibalism at the top of their list of unthinkable food fetishes. Nonetheless, it has been practiced, at one time or another, by almost every ethnic group. You surely remember reading about that tasty little incident at the Donner Pass? The fine art of people-eating is still going on today somewhere in the world.
One form of cannibalism is the mortuary variety. Here, relatives cook the flesh of a beloved deceased, grind up his bones and mix them with a liquid (my preference would be straight gin) which they drink. Even though this appears to be a rather ghoulish example of recycling, it is done as a way of absorbing the dearly departed’s best qualities. The Guiaca, a small tribe in South America, are anthropologically famous for their corpse cocktails.
A more straightforward approach to cannibalism is the delight of eating one’s vanquished fellow as one of the spoils of war. In a past era, the Maori of New Zealand took almost no food when they went on war parties. Instead, keeping a positive attitude, they were convinced that there would be more than enough to feast on after they conquered their adversaries. In fact, they believed that the best way to prepare for the battle was by discussing how sweet their enemies would surely taste. Anthropologists point out that the diners believed they would gain the strength of their foes by eating them.
Papua New Guinea was, and in a few pockets may still be, a testing ground for the theories of cannibalism. One Papuan tribe had its own spin on food as a weapon. The group believed that gluttony brought with it ruination and madness. This is not far removed from the fears that are expressed daily in the fitting rooms at Saks or Barney’s. But for these Papuans, food had the power to destroy enemies, since overeating was thought both irresistible and shameful. And so an enemy’s doorstep was covered with pigs, yams and the most tempting of fruits and nuts. It was hoped that unable to resist, the opponent would eat all day and then surrender, too mortified to show his face in the village.
It’s a story heard at Weight Watchers meetings all over the world.
Another food-chain startler is dining on what others regard as house pets. In Korea, dog is as routinely served as cat is in some of Africa. In the mountains of Ecuador, the Zumbagua believe that serving a roasted guinea pig is a sign that a friendship or a love affair will be cemented.
“I believe that if I ever had to practice cannibalism I might manage it if there were enough tarragon around.”
–JAMES BEARD
Some Papua New Guinea tribes practiced ritual cannibalism. Others won battles by refusing all food. Is this mountain man what he ate, or what he didn’t?
A CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK
The oddest vegetarian tale is that of a man from Chicago who consumed a birch tree that measured over eleven feet in height. It took him eighty-nine hours to chew up the branches, leaves, and trunk–a case, perhaps, of a bark worse than a bite. The man survived his woody repast and pocketed the handsome $10,000 prize that had been offered by a Chicago radio station. Where is Joyce Kilmer when you need him?
Also in the strong-teeth department is the Eskimo habit of chewing on the bones of fish or bear until they become a paste that can be swallowed. After that, chewing on seal blubber seems Epicurean.
SIMPLY NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTES
Insect gourmands are dedicated to scratching their culinary itches. Some Mexicans prefer their locusts deep-fried in oil, lightly misted with Tabasco and then sprinkled with oregano.
If that doesn’t make your taste buds tingle, then perhaps Madagascar cockroaches, over two inches long, marinated in wine vinegar before being served as hors d’oeuvres, will. Yet another unsettling tidbit in Madagascar, just in case you’re contemplating a vacation there, is meal-worm larvae stuffed into a flaky samosa and sautéed to a golden brown.
Women who work in Chinese silk factories enjoy a perk livelier than the tea break. While weaving the silk on their looms, they wait for the silkworm chrysalis to drop from the cocoon. The weavers pop chrysalides into their mouths like jellybeans.
In China, ants and the liquid made from their formic acid are routinely eaten to relieve the pain of arthritis and ease the symptoms of asthma and hepatitis. In the province of Harbin, Queen Ant wine is as highly prized as fine cognac and has almost the same kick. A nectar of crushed ants, distilled to a potent 80 proof, is said to make hair lustrous and benefit both the pancreas and spleen. In China, ants seem to be the answer for almost everything.
“Favorite animal: steak!”
–FRAN LIEBOWITZ
“Statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive.”
–WALLACE IRWIN
OOGRUK FLIPPERS
1 oogruk
blubber
‘Cut the flippers off a small oogruk. Put flippers in fresh blubber [on ice] and let them stay there for 2 weeks. Take the loose fur off the flipper. Cut flipper into small pieces and eat the meat.”
–ESKIMO COOKBOOK, prepared by students of Shishmaref Day School, Shishmaref, Alaska, 1952
CHOCOLATE ANTS
1,742 large ants (if they are small, use 2,044)
3 cups melted chocolate
1 teaspoon sugar
‘Catch ants at a picnic site and keep them in a glass jar to which you have added the sugar to keep them happy. (Unhappy ants are liable to go sour before processing.) At home, pick up each ant with tweezers and remove entrails with a small, very sharp knife-edge. This will take about 400 hours. If you are in a hurry, eliminate this step; you will never know the difference. Dip each ant into melted chocolate and place on wax paper. If any of them are still able to crawl off the paper, let them go–be a good sport!” Serves six at your own risk.
–SEARCHABLE ONLINE ARCHIVE OF RECIPES (http://soar.Berkeley.EDU/recipes)
The Dinner Party, 1991, by Janet Seaward
THE GRAND DESIGN, LEEDS, ENGLAND/SUPERSTOCK
SIZZLING SIMPLE SAUSAGE
1 pound ground pork
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground sage, or to taste
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 egg
In a large bowl, using clean hands, work all ingredients together thoroughly.
Form into 4 large patties or 6 smaller ones. Place in a heavy skillet and brown on both sides over fairly high heat. Then turn heat down, add ¼ cup water and cook 10 to 15 minutes more, covered. Makes 4 to 6 servings.
“Men are like sausages. Whatever you stuff them with, that they will bear with them.”
–ALEXEI TOLSTOY