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THE MOOD IS A STRANGE one this morning, mine and the others.
When I woke with Ginata beside me, my mind was empty and panic filled me. It has stayed the same since. I can talk and I can think and I can remember but the colours and sounds of my mind, the ideas and intuition are all gone. I have no feelings, no inkling, no sight left.
I know one thing for sure and that is all; I will die today.
I am not frightened. I am tired. If I could lay down in front of my fire and slowly fade away with it, turning to ash and dying with the embers I would be happy, but I know that is not the end chosen for me.
I must face this final day with the bravery I expect to see from Everleigh and Archer today. I also must face this day as though it is any other: Macsen cannot know that there is anything amiss. He is quite unstable and I fear the same madness that took his mother has settled in him. We all assumed it was the knowledge of Everleigh’s role as Kingmaker that addled her mind but I wonder now if it was addled anyway. Such afflictions can run in families, and I cannot look at Macsen without seeing the boy he was and the man he has become. Something has gone wrong and maybe it is something that was always inside him.
The quiet of my mind is disconcerting to me; I have a feeling that this is how a normal mind views the world, but it is not what I am used to and I feel incomplete.
I eat my breakfast unhappily and then try to put on a brave face as we give Everleigh her birthday gifts. I think it’s going to be a birthday she will never forget, this day that she turns seventeen. I think it will be a long and bloody day. I may not have my sight any more but I would wager that I will not be the only one who dies this day. I think of consulting Ginata; seeing what she sees, but truth be told, I am upset enough. I cannot bear knowing if worse things than my death are coming, but I will pass my authority over to her before I go to Macsen.
I call her into my wash room; there are so many of us in my little rooms that we are hard pressed for any privacy.
“Ginata, I need to give you my authority.”
She shakes her head as though denial would keep me alive. She will take my place should I die, regardless, but I feel better for doing it properly, making it official.
“Ginny. I am going to die today. I know it.”
I see a shadow pass her eyes and I know she knows it too. Swallowing a sudden rush of fear, I take her hands. “From my heart to yours, the power and the responsibility, the gift.”
I close my eyes and I can only hope that all I knew and all I had, will go to her, that she will live and serve with wisdom and truth. I cannot see what will be; I can only say that I have done my best.
She hugs me tightly and I wonder if she feels any different. I do; I am far wearier than I was when I woke up. Barely awake for an hour, I feel like it is time to take to my bed. My bed that I will never sleep in again. I am sure.
I leave the others while I go to see Macsen. I don’t want to see him but I should make sure he is well prepared for this morning. I have dressed with more care than usual; a coronation is a big deal in the Realm and this one is a bigger deal than a normal one would be.
Today is the day I see Everleigh crowned and the day I die.
The courtyard is jammed with people. Serving girls, little maids and pages scurry back and fore carrying food and ale and only the gods know what else.
I am slow as I walk to Macsen’s rooms. There is nothing to hurry me along, as I cannot bear to see his evil face.
My only wish is that Archer is quick enough to kill him if it gets to that point. My preference, and I don’t know why as I have advised the King many a time to kill a man who he needed to be rid of, is to lock him up. Spare his life and keep him imprisoned forever.
Maybe because I loved him all his life long as a second mother. I have seen many good things he has done; the love he showed for his siblings, his parents, me. Now I know him for a false boy, I still have love for him. That must be my age. I should be ruthless towards him, but I cannot be.
Let them lock him away, throw away the key if they must, I won’t be here to witness it.
I come to his doors and stand before them, taking deep breaths and readying myself for his lies, his conniving nature.
I am ready.
The guard lets me in and Macsen greets me with a sad smile. “What has happened to our Realm?” he asks, as though he had no bearing on any of it.
I shake my head. “Sad times, my prince, soon to be King. Sad times.”
He nods, almost thoughtfully. I wonder if he knows what I know of him, or if he thinks he is clever enough to dupe me. He has been clever enough; I only just saw it in time.
“And I will be King.” He leaves the sentence hanging there and it is a stark statement; it doesn’t sound right.
“And you will be King,” I agree with him.
A sacrificial ceremony and a coronation are both held outside, where more crowds can gather. People do love a spectacle. There have been some changes made; the death pallets are no longer needed, of course, which brings me some happiness today. The wreaths to decorate the dead bodies have been pulled apart by the little maids. We have the King’s crown ready for Macsen on a red velvet cushion, just sitting there, the King no longer around to see his son take over and claim the power of the Realm as his own.
There is seating for the more important visitors and space for the less important ones to stand. A stage has been erected so that everyone can see; this is the same stage that would have raised Everleigh above the crowds so everyone could get a good look at her having her throat slit.
Killing the Kingmakers has always been the least favourite part of my job and I am glad I will not have to do it anymore. They have all been unfailingly brave, but for me it is as cruel as slitting an innocent lamb’s throat when you do not even wish to eat it. It has had to be done and so I have done it, but I have never enjoyed it and as the dagger sliced along the delicate skin of pretty, young necks I would ask for forgiveness from the gods. Every time.
So now the stage is set for everyone to watch this murderer be crowned King of the Realm; he does not deserve it and I am heart happy that Everleigh is alive and ready to fight for her crown. Seeing the prophecy this morning gave her renewed hope I think, renewed desire.
“You need to be there at eleven,” I tell him. “I will lead you in what to say and do and if you follow my lead it should take no longer than fifteen minutes.”
“Fifteen minutes and then I will be King?”
I nod my head and feel the bile rising in my throat.