“It was too hard without him. She needed him there, in the little moments, to remind her that she was still alive and well.”
—The Too Long War, Levaine Theavin
The days after were unlike any that had come before. The Loki that revealed himself to me in soft-hearted confessions and gentle kisses was different than the one who boasted and cajoled in Valhalla. With the walls pulled down, he was generous with his affection, wanting to be close, to help, to be part of everything. I’d seen glimpses of it already, but this was a Loki very few people saw.
On the fifth day, I woke to the sun creeping up the length of the sheets through the window. There were birds chirping outside. I was snug and warm, and beside me was the gentle rise and fall of Loki’s steady breath as he slept.
I took in every detail of him: the way his flame-coloured hair fanned out over the pillow; the tidy perfection of the newly twisted braids that ran over his scalp above his ear; the kohl around his eyes that he’d forgotten to wash off, which had smudged over the bridge of his nose; the occasional long breath as he dreamed.
We’d been reading together last night in my bed, the hearth fire warming our entangled feet. He’d fallen asleep with his head on his arm, his book still open on the sheets. I hadn’t had the heart to wake him, so I’d marked his page and gone to sleep. We’d been wrapped up in each other for hours, but he hadn’t pushed for more than I was willing to give. Maybe he knew what I did. That if he pushed too hard, too fast, I’d spook.
But now I knew something else. I wanted so many more mornings waking up next to him.
As gently as I could, I moved closer and ran my fingers along his cheek. A smile drew across his lips, and his eyes fluttered open. Then his arm found my waist and pulled me closer.
“How did I get here?” His sleepy voice was low and seductive, coaxing a shiver from me.
“You never left.”
“Mmm, I made a good choice.” He pulled me against him, his hand pushing against the small of my back, his lips finding the crook of my neck. I could feel his excitement—in more ways than one—but I had something else in mind.
“Loki.” It came out as an unintended sigh. I cleared my throat. “Don’t you think it’s time you left the house?”
He hesitated for a moment. “Why leave when I have you all to myself?”
I gently pushed him back. He resisted being torn away from me, playfully biting at the air like a wolf trying to reach its prey. “Because you’ve been here two weeks and never once gone out that door. Even Idunn is worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about.” He cupped my cheek, smiling in a way that almost made me believe it.
“I’m withholding my kisses until you go outside.”
He blinked. “You’re what?”
“You heard me. We’ve been in this house attached to each other like a pair of youngsters in heat. And if you want to keep kissing me, you’re going to need to leave this house.”
“This is utterly unfair.”
I untangled myself from his arms and swung my feet over the side of the bed. “Isn’t it though?”
Loki followed me out to the kitchen, dragging himself the whole way. “Does it have to be today?”
I set about making breakfast. “Why not today?”
He came around to the table, where I was cutting thick slices from a loaf of seed bread. He put his arms around my waist, tucking his chin into the curve of my neck. “Because I want to spend it with you.”
“You’ve done nothing but spend the day with me since you got here.”
“And I love that.”
I put the knife down and turned around, still locked in his embrace. “I’m not blind, Loki. You’re afraid.”
His lips pursed, jaw clenched. “Hardly.”
“You know there’s no one out there waiting to hurt you, right?”
“Would that really be so ridiculous to think? It hasn’t gone well for me, historically.”
Craning my head up, I kissed him, a kindness. But the way he kissed me back was too longing, too desperate, and I remembered why I’d been denying him.
“You of all people know that nothing lasts forever in Asgard. Nothing would ever get done around here if all we did was bicker and hold grudges.”
Loki nuzzled his nose into my cheek. “But this is good, Sigyn. We could just be happy here and never go back.”
“The Loki I know would never let anyone else win.” I ran my fingertips along the scars on his lips. “And he certainly wouldn’t let anyone keep him from Áshildr’s apple pastries.”
Clasping my hand in his to keep it against his cheek, he sighed. “I suppose.”
“And afterward, we can go see Hod.”
“Must we?” He pulled my chin up with his finger, pouting.
I covered my mouth with my hand, and he finally started to smile.
We arrived on the steps of the archives with four warm apple pastries wrapped in cloth. The building itself was tall and made entirely of stone. Its peaks stretched upward, a smooth warm grey against the blue sky, the front doors intricately carved with winding pictures telling the creation story of the realms.
Loki held the door open for me as I cradled the pastries in my arms. Inside, the smell of old parchment, ink, and leather lingered on the air. The cavernous room was lit only by floating seidr lanterns, like walking through a field of bright fireflies. Specks of dust floated along, finding their home upon the rows of shelves. A few apprentices wandered through the stacks, taking notes, refreshing lanterns, and shelving books.
If there were a more complete collection in the nine realms, I would’ve liked to see it.
Hod was standing at the edge of an expansive table with his scribe, Eyvindr. The scribe was taller than Hod, his straight black hair tied in a tail that hung over his shoulder, loose strands framing his face. His skin was desert gold, and he was wearing a finely embroidered grey tunic, every bit of him well put together—all except the ink stains that were always on his fingers.
They were speaking low enough that we couldn’t hear as we approached. Hod’s fingers danced across a loose page. He shook his head, and the scribe slid another paper on top of the first.
Eyvindr looked up. He caught my eye and whispered something to Hod.
“I hear we have visitors.” Hod straightened out, running his hand along the edge of the chairs, making his way around the table.
“You do indeed.” I met him halfway, pulling him in for a hug. “I’ve brought you something.”
“Áshildr’s pastries?”
Loki chuckled. “Can you really know that by smell alone?”
“No.” Hod gestured to take a seat. “It’s the only thing she ever brings.”
Loki pulled out a chair for Hod, and the four of us sat down, trying not to interrupt the piles of stories strewn across the table. Each paper was covered in special runes, etched into thick pages in order to leave a mark that could be felt underneath Hod’s fingers.
“I hear you have quite an interesting new tale to tell, Loki.”
“Oh?” Loki’s eyes dropped to what was left of his pastry. “And what are they saying?”
Eyvindr, who always remembered everything, spoke up. “Thor said you’re ‘an idiot with stupid hair.’ Freya was elated to ‘watch you get what was coming to you.’ Idunn cried for ten minutes when I asked her about it.”
Loki shrugged. “Nothing unexpected.”
Hod felt along the neck of his tunic, wiping away pastry crumbs where he found them. “I went to your chambers, but you didn’t answer the door. I assumed you didn’t much want to see any of us after what happened, but Idunn told me you were with Sigyn.”
“His wounds needed tending, and he refused to go to the infirmary,” I said. And it was true. It just wasn’t the whole truth.
“That I can understand. The infirmary might be my least favourite place in the nine.” Hod tilted his head a moment, thinking. “Maybe you should know something else. There’s been a certain amount of suspicion about the relationship between the two of you. Once it got out that you were in Sigyn’s hall and hadn’t come out in two weeks…well, you know how tongues wag.”
My chest tightened. Maybe Loki was right. We should’ve stayed home, where things were easy, and no one knew. Where there weren’t any consequences to our choices.
“You don’t have to say.” Eyvindr had put on a polite smile. He knew as well as any of us that a hesitation like the one in the air might as well be a yes.
Loki’s eyes were on me, and it made me want to hide. Saying anything else would be an insult to everything he’d given me, but it took more effort than I wanted to admit just to say, “We’re together.”
A smile spread across Hod’s face. “I’m glad to hear it. I try to stay neutral when it comes to most things, but I have to say, I was hoping so.”
Loki leaned over and kissed my temple, and I laughed in relief. All the fear, for nothing. “And why is that?”
“Because everyone needs someone.” Hod got up, taking his walking staff from the place he always propped it against the wall. “I’ve got a new book, something I think you’ll both be interested in. Care to join me?”
That was enough to get Loki out of his seat. “What kind of book?”
“The daring, adventurous kind. Eyvindr, finish up with those last pages, and I’ll be back soon.”
Hod led the way through the chamber, counting the rows by tapping them with his walking stick. Loki and I followed behind, giving him more than enough room to navigate. He walked us alongside stack after stack, past the iron-barred cage of the rare texts, and towards the far end of the archives.
Loki’s hand slipped into mine. I startled and nearly pushed it away, but I reminded myself that there was no reason to. We were safe here, with our old allies.
Stopping at the next bookcase, Hod turned a corner, and we followed. Each shelf was lined with etched runes. History, linguistics, culture, fiction. He slid his fingers along them until he’d narrowed it down to the correct shelf. “I’ve taken you this far; you can find the book yourselves. You’re looking for the newest work of one Levaine Theavin.”
I squealed and scanned the shelf, but Loki had already dropped into a crouch, fingers hurriedly running across the spines. He stopped when he realized I was staring at him.
“The both of you have always been smitten by her work,” Hod said. “Now you’ll just need to fight over it. I’ve got another for you, if I can find it…” He started trailing off toward the end of the stack, fingers searching the shelves.
I narrowed my gaze, suspicious. “You read her books?”
Loki held up a finger. “Don’t say it. She’s one of the best Elven storytellers, and you should have expected it.”
“She writes love stories!” I teased.
He scoffed. “And why should I not want to be wooed?”
I laughed, the happiness bubbling over every inch of me. It was such a small, innocent coincidence, but it buoyed something in me, a lightness I hadn’t felt in years.
He must have felt it too, because his hand found my waist, and he leaned in expectantly.
I lurched away. “What are you doing?”
“I’ve left the house. By your rules, I can have a kiss.”
“Hod is here.”
He nodded toward the now empty corridor. “Around a corner somewhere. It’s just a little kiss, Sig.”
I drew a breath, trying to calm myself. It was just a kiss. A kiss I wanted, and no one would see. I licked my lips, and that was enough permission for Loki to pull me close and claim them.
A little kiss. God of Lies indeed. I got lost in it. His hands were on me, backing me up against the bookcase. My focus was torn between the trail of his fingers and my wavering will to keep quiet. My mind was so set on keeping the moan off my breath that I didn’t hear the boots.
“What in the nine?”
Fuck.
Freya stood at the end of the stacks, only a stride away from us. Her cheeks had gone scarlet, rage seeping to the surface. “You can’t be serious!”
I pulled myself out of Loki’s grip, pushing past him. “Freya, you need to listen—”
“Fuck you!” She was pointing at me, finger nearly jammed into my collarbone. “I’d heard the rumour, but I thought surely you weren’t that dumb. I warned you about him. Do you think you’re the first person he’s wormed his way into bed with?”
Loki shifted his weight to one leg, arms crossed over his chest. “If I knew you were jealous, I’d have invited you to join us.”
“Loki!” I reached out a hand to Freya, but she batted it away. “Please, Freya. You don’t understand. He’s…he’s good to me.”
“Of course he’s good to you!” Her voice was echoing through the archives. “Why would you let someone cruel share your bed? He’s a parasite. He needs someone to protect him, keep him fed and dry. It’s a self-serving lie, just like all the rest!”
The click of wood on stone came from the other end of the stacks. Hod. “Someone had better be dead, because you’re disturbing everyone in this building.”
“Did you know about this?” Freya asked. “That Sigyn and Loki have been running around together?”
Hod sighed, his head tilting back in annoyance. “Does it matter if I did? It has nothing to do with you or I.”
Freya’s face bunched up in frustration. “You could’ve done something!”
“What, Freya? What should I have done?” Hod drew closer, holding his walking stick like a weapon. “Should I have forbidden them to see each other, as if it would have stopped them? And precisely why would I want to see my own sister alone and miserable instead of with a good man?”
Freya’s venomous laugh rippled through the room. “Good man? Ymir’s breath, you’re supposed to be smarter than the rest of us put together. Nevermind. I’m taking this to Odin.”
I grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t. Please. I can’t do this again.”
She shook her hand from my grip, her stare boring into me. “Then you should’ve made better choices.” She stormed off toward the archive doors.
Something inside me collapsed. We’d had a few minutes of serenity, and it had all come crashing down, just when I’d allowed myself to hope.
Loki put his arms around me, his face pressed into the top of my head. “It’s alright. They have no power over you.”
I sniffed, blinking back tears. “You were right. We shouldn’t have left the house today.”
“You and I, we don’t run, hmm?” He gave me a squeeze. “They can’t touch us.”
Hod stepped tentatively forward. “I think it’s best you follow her and face this head on. She’ll throw you both under the wagon if you let her.”
Loki looked up at him, a hint of himself back in his voice. “Let her try.”
Though we’d lost Freya between the archives and Odin’s halls, it wasn’t hard to find her once we arrived. We only had to follow the yelling.
She was with a few of the other gods in a small council chamber off the side of Gladsheim. Odin, Thor, Idunn, Sif, Frey, and Tyr were standing around an enormous table with the map of the nine realms on it, collections of wooden clan markers sitting in strategic places across it. But when we entered the room, all eyes were on us.
“You see?” Freya hissed at Odin. “Everyone was talking about it, and you wouldn’t listen. And now it’s too late.”
Thor was the first to make a move. He rounded the table toward us, looking straight at me. “How can you touch him after what he did to Sif?”
I stared at him, open-mouthed. The nerve. “How can she touch you with all the blood on your hands?” I took a step forward, closing the distance, tiny in his shadow but trying to seem large. “Don’t pretend that all your deeds were justified, brother. We both know better.”
Thor scoffed. “You don’t even deny it. You should at least have the decency to be embarrassed.”
“You want to talk about embarrassed—”
“Stop this nonsense. You’re being unreasonable.” Idunn came to our side, pushing us away from each other. She couldn’t budge Thor but managed to force me away. She looked straight at me, her back to the rest of the room. “Is it true? You’re together?”
I nodded. Idunn’s face lit up. She mouthed a silent, overly enthusiastic exclamation that only Loki and I could see, then turned soberly back to the others.
Loki was forcing back a grin. It was good to have an ally in the room.
Odin had his arms crossed over his chest. He was distinctly quiet, which never amounted to anything good. “This ends at once.”
Loki strode across the room and hung his elbow off Odin’s shoulder, leaning against him. “Oh, Grimnir. What makes you think you have any say in the matter?”
“Because she’s my daughter, and I’m telling you it’s done.”
“Ha! Do you really think you get to tell me what to do anymore?” He walked away from Odin, taking slow strides around the table. “You haven’t had that privilege for a very long time. Besides, aren’t I just finally putting all your lessons to good use?” The grin he flashed him was like knives.
“What I choose to do and who I choose to see is no one else’s business,” I said.
“The destiny of Asgard is always my business.” Odin’s one eye was on Loki, predatory.
“My destiny has never been important to you. I’m not in any of your prophecies, and you won’t give me a title. The least you can do is leave me alone and let me love someone.”
“Do you love him?” Frey tilted his head like an inquisitive child.
My cheeks turned red. “It’s been a week, Frey. At least give me time to decide.”
“There’s so much that you don’t know, Sigyn,” Odin started. “You don’t understand—”
“I understand enough.” I was finished listening to it. “I know that Sif said things to Loki that we’d have strung anyone else from the rafters for saying. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t have your hammer, or your spear, or your godsforsaken shiny boar. You talk about his morality, but the only person in this room with a clean conscience is Idunn. I know the lies of more than half of you, and each of you either smells like your secret lover or has blood under your nails.”
I came round to Odin and jabbed my finger into his chest. “And you’re worst of all. Sticking your prick in things until you have a host of motherless children, giving your favour to leagues of battle-hungry humans only to take it away when you’re ready to claim the bodies for your own collection. The single greatest murderer that’s ever walked the Nine. And you want to pass judgement on us.”
The room was silent. Even Loki had stopped breathing. I couldn’t quite believe what I’d said, but there was no taking it back. Odin’s face was as red as a sunset, teeth ground into a snarl. He was about to open his mouth, presumably to order my execution, when Frigg walked in.
“Leave them be.” She stood in the doorway, regal and ethereal, her eyes unfocused on the scene in front of her.
Odin didn’t look away from me. “This mutiny can’t stand.” His knuckles were white, and I could vividly imagine them around my neck.
Loki stepped in beside me, his shoulder between my father and I, as if he could ever be enough to keep Odin from getting something he wanted.
Frigg drifted into the room, her long, wispy skirts trailing along behind her. “If the Nornir have bound their fate together, then who are we to keep them apart?” Her eyes had yet to focus on anything, as if she were barely there at all.
“To hel with the Nornir.” Odin reached out for Loki, and in the blink of an eye, Frigg was between them.
She stared her husband down. Her full presence in the room was like a thundercloud, changing the atmosphere. When she was quiet, it was easy to forget her strength, but it only took a moment to be reminded. When she spoke, her voice seemed thick with other voices, travelling through her all at once, cold and unwavering.
“There are still things that must come to pass.”
A shiver ran down my spine.
Odin lowered his hand, taking one deep breath after the other. The pressure in the room seemed to fade as he calmed, and Frigg led him by the hand to the distant corner of the room. She smoothed out his clothes, whispering to him.
The room was still. No one dared make a move, as if anything could stir up Odin’s violence again. That is, until Idunn tiptoed to my side and touched my shoulder.
“We should go.” Idunn took my hand and one of Loki’s, pulling us gently away from the others, who all seemed to be fixated on Odin. Thor glared at us as we left the room, but didn’t dare approach, not against Frigg’s will.
When we were safely out of the room and out of earshot, I looked to Idunn and then Loki. “Things must come to pass. What the hel does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” Loki replied with an uncharacteristic stillness that worried me.
“I’m sure it’s nothing.” Idunn hooked her arms in ours so that she was tucked between us as we walked.
“It didn’t sound like nothing.”
Idunn tightened her grip on my arm. “Even dessert is still something that must come to pass. It’s an eerie comment, but it’s hardly a prophecy. It’s not important.” She gave a tug on our arms, an enthusiastic squeal on her voice. “But this! This is incredible! Two of my favourite people in the nine, together? I’m going to make you something to eat, and you’re going to tell me absolutely everything.”