“If you’ve a friend you fully trust, visit them often, for weeds and wild long grass will grow on a track that lies untrodden.”
—Hávamál 119
The trip came up at breakfast the next day. And again at the market the week after. And again after we’d shared a bottle of wine and a roll in the sheets. It came up for months. By the time the thaw came, we still had no answer.
You didn’t just say no to Odin.
So, when the invitation came, Loki packed his satchel, aired out his bedroll, and left.
◦ ● ◦
The front door opened and shut again.
“Hello?” I sat up in the bath, sloshing water over the edge. The boys were already asleep, and Váli was stealthier than that when he was raiding the pantry.
“It’s just me.”
Relief settled over me. Loki was home. I wrung out my hair and got out of the bath to dry off. He came to me though, opening the door and raising an entertained eyebrow at my nakedness.
“This is definitely my favourite way to be welcomed.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me, but I startled at the touch.
“Loki!” I pulled his hands away and turned them palms up. They were calloused and damaged, pink around the wounds like they’d been on the mend for a few days. “What happened?”
His shoulders sagged. “It was a lousy trip.”
I gathered all my supplies and made him come to the table. As he told me the story, I cleaned and sterilized the wounds. He clearly had still learned nothing from me. If he had, he’d have healed them himself.
“—but your father likes to keep up the facade that we’re wandering beggars, so we had no rations on us and not a village in sight. But there was a herd of oxen, and I said I wasn’t going another step without something to eat—Ah that burns! Easy darling—And it was a hel of a time sneaking up on it and slitting its throat, but we made a fire and started to cook it. But Sig, it doesn’t cook! The fire wasn’t even hot! And as we’re at each other’s throats over whose fault it was, this eagle starts laughing from the trees!”
“An eagle?” I turned my focus to runes to heal his hands, trying to listen at the same time.
“An eagle. It was huge! Three times as big as it should’ve been. And it says to us, ‘If you promise me a piece of that ox, I’ll let it cook.’ And we were starving so of course we said yes. And the godsforsaken eagle takes all but one back leg for itself! I was so fucking angry that I started beating it with a tree branch, trying to get our food back, and the fucking eagle grabs the stick and flies off with me attached! I couldn’t let go because I thought I’d break every bone in my body when I landed. It took me so high that there was hardly any air to breathe. Eventually, it got tired of me and put me back down, but my hands were a mess for days from hanging onto that stick.”
But they weren’t anymore. The runes had healed the damage, and other than a few faint silver lines, they looked as good as new.
“I don’t understand how you can end up in trouble no matter where you go, Loki. I’m surprised you don’t get attacked by wolves every time you go to the market.”
He tilted his head just slightly and bit his lip. “You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if I were boring.” He leaned in and stole a kiss. “It’s half the appeal.”
I pursed my lips, trying not to smile. “You smell like you haven’t had a bath in two weeks.”
“Well why don’t we do something about that?”
◦ ● ◦
“Aunt Idunn, can I have some? I’m hungry.”
Narvi huddled closer to Idunn, curling against her side. She gave him a warm smile. “Of course.”
A leg of rabbit was put on the grill for Narvi, and a few extras besides. Idunn had invited us to her home for an evening around the fire. The weather had been cool, the kind of damp cold that gets under your skin and into your bones, but tucked together around the roaring flame—in natural reds and oranges for once—and wrapped in our cloaks, we were cosy.
Loki, Váli, and I were working on the soup, and there was still half a pot left. Váli was sitting on the ground, as close to the fire as he could get without singeing his eyebrows off. I tipped my bowl to my lips, savouring the hot broth. Loki’s eye caught mine, and we both smiled. This was good. Things were so very good.
“Will Bragi come home soon?” Loki stood and took another ladle of soup from the pot. I pulled his cloak back, concerned the whole thing might catch fire. He only smirked.
“Not yet. He was talking about making a trip as far north as he could go. He doesn’t make a trip like that very often, so he takes his time coming back.” Idunn flipped the meat on the grill with a pair of iron tongs, and the grease sizzled and popped in the fire.
“Are you afraid when Uncle Bragi isn’t home?” Váli eyed her curiously.
“Oh no,” she chuckled. “I’m not afraid. I have all my very best friends here when my husband isn’t home. They take care of me.”
“Aunt Sif yells at Uncle Thor sometimes when he talks about going away. Do you get angry too?”
I gave Váli a tap on the shoulder. He didn’t always know when to stop asking questions.
But it didn’t bother Idunn in the slightest. “It doesn’t matter how long or how often Bragi is away. He brings his poetry to the world, and that’s part of what he is. I knew that when I married him. Even though I miss him, I know he’ll always come back to me. I trust him, and I’m not jealous that he loves his work. But everyone is different. We all need a different kind of love.”
“When either your Father or I go away, we feel the same as Idunn. We miss each other, but we trust each other too,” I said. Váli turned to me. “If your father were gone as often as Bragi, I’d be very sad, but that’s why Idunn and Bragi are perfect for each other. They love each other the way they are.”
Váli let out a satisfied harrumph and turned back to the fire, mulling it over.
When the food was ready, Idunn deposited a piece in each of our bowls, and we gingerly picked at the fire-hot meat. Afterward came hot mulled apple cider, which we drank until our bellies were bursting and our bodies were warm. The boys played dice games near the fire while the adults talked, and eventually, the two of them were slumped up against the wooden benches, half asleep.
Loki leaned over and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll bring the boys home. You should stay.”
I tilted my head. “Are you sure?”
“Of course. I insist.”
I glanced down at Váli and Narvi again, then to Idunn. They clawed at my heart in both directions. “But what if you need me to get them to sleep?”
“I won’t. I’ll carry Narvi, and when was the last time Váli let us put him to bed? It’s a perfect night. Be here.” He slid a thumb over my chin.
“Alright.” I kissed him and stood to help him gather Narvi up. Váli was still awake enough to walk. I ruffled his hair. “Be good for your father.”
“Yes, Mother. Goodnight.”
I watched them for a moment as they walked down the path and disappeared into the trees. My beautiful little family. When I turned back, Idunn had pulled a bottle of spiced mead from between the wooden benches. She waggled an eyebrow, all mischief in her eyes.
We pulled a blanket over our shoulders and sat snuggled against each other, the fire crackling in front of us, and passed the bottle back and forth, not bothering to dirty a cup.
She turned to look at me, all seriousness. “It’s been a while since we could talk alone. So just between us…are you still happy?”
The question took me aback. “Of course I am. Why would you ask that?”
The easy look returned. “Because I’ve been married for a long time. We’ll never have children, so that’s different from you, but I do know about love. It comes in waves. Some days you like them a little less, some days a little more. Sometimes you have to choose to love them, and sometimes they make it so hard to. Sometimes you just don’t feel in love. Are you still in love with Loki?”
I blushed. “I am today. I know what you mean, though. When he came back with Sleipnir, I wasn’t. I loved him, but it was buried beneath all that pain. It feels horrible to admit it, but there are days that he aggravates me so much, I want to rip my hair out and send him away. But it always goes away, and things get better, and I feel in love again. It’s not what the love stories talk about. Not at all.”
“No, it never is.” Idunn took another drink. “Sometimes, when Bragi stays away too long, I do get angry. Not each time, not predictably. But he and I aren’t perfect. No one is. You just choose love, every time. That’s all you can do.”
I took the bottle from her and drank. “You give good advice.”
She wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “That’s because I love you. You and Loki and Narvi and Váli. You’re my family, and I want to know you’re okay.”
“We are. I promise. And I love you too. You’re the only person in the entire world silly enough to still be friends with us after all this.”
She laughed, her voice a light song on the air. “I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else. Now, let’s finish up the rest of this food before the wine goes straight to our heads.”