“They learned through prophecies that evil and misfortune were expected from these children. All of the gods became aware that harm was on the way, first because of the mother’s nature, but even more so because of the father’s.”
—Gylfaginning
I tossed the sewing kit on the table, next to a pair of Narvi’s old clothes. Angrboda was at the far end, continuing to wolf down the food Narvi had brought up from the cellar. Váli and Narvi sat together, pouring over every page of the journal, looking for something, anything that might tell us more.
Loki had taken his other children to his bedroom, eager to get them out of earshot of the conversation we were about to have. Hel had protested, but she’d been yawning, and her fight was short-lived.
When he came back, I was halfway through hemming the bottoms of a pair of old grey trousers. The rune-blessed needle stitched itself through the material again and again, sewing a line that followed my finger.
“What’s this?” Loki put his hand on my shoulder, and I flinched away, causing the sewing to veer off in the wrong direction.
I huffed and took the needle in hand, manually stringing it back through to erase the mistakes. “Your daughter’s clothes are filthy, and she has no more. Now she’ll have something to wear while I wash them.”
“Sig, that’s—” His voice hitched on the words. He took a breath. “Thank you.”
“And why would you do that for scum like us?” Angrboda pushed back her plate, finally finished.
I glared at her. “Because no matter what I decide to do, no matter what you have planned for the realms, Hel is only a child. I still have some compassion.”
Loki sat down across from the boys, leaving several seats between him and either Angrboda or I. “Did you find anything?”
“What?” Váli snapped. “Aside from the part that says you’ll help destroy the realms?”
Narvi read the passage aloud.
A vessel journeys from the East, Muspell’s troops
will come
Over the waters, while Loki steers.
All the monstrous offspring accompany the ravenous one
The brother of Býleist is among them on the trip.
“Assuming that they also consider you ‘the ravenous one,’ you’re mentioned three times, twice by association. They’re certain you’ll be on that boat. So what we know is: Father and Mother will be trapped in a hot spring, where Father will be bound with Váli’s entrails.” Narvi shuddered. “Father will arrive at Ragnarok by ship to help fight against Asgard. It says the serpent will kill Thor and the wolf will eat Odin but doesn’t mention Jormungandr by name. Fenrir is only used to refer to a brood of wolves.” He tapped his fingers on the table. “It doesn’t mention me at all. I don’t know how to feel about that.”
Váli leaned his elbows on his knees and looked to me. “So what do we do?”
“Why don’t you ask your father?” I snapped. “He’s had lots of time to think on it.”
“All your wrath aside, I have thought on it.” Loki got up and gathered wine and cups enough for everyone. “I thought about it every day, how I could change things, how everything we did might change the outcome. What I could do to protect you. When you got pregnant, and I came home to find out that, of all the names in all the realms, you’d named him Váli… Sig, it tore my heart out. But I couldn’t tell you that.”
“This has always been the problem with you, Loki.” I didn’t want to cry; I wasn’t going to cry. I blinked away the mist and started hemming the second trouser leg, just to focus on something else. “You’ve never given me the chance to help. To make my own choices. It doesn’t matter to you that it was my life. I can’t imagine how little respect you must have for me.”
“It’s not like that. You were one of the only people that trusted me, Sig. I didn’t want to lose you. What were you going to think when a prophecy named me ‘the bringer of Ragnarok’? I never wanted to be that.” He laughed. “And here we are anyway. Like some cosmic joke.”
“You manipulated me. Took my memory. Years of our lives built on a lie.”
Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did what I thought I needed to. And it was wrong, but we got to have a family and so many good years. Am I supposed to regret that?”
I glared at him. “You’re supposed to regret the lie.”
“I do, alright?” He looked up, anger in his voice. And then he took a breath. Let it out. There was something buried in the emotion on his face. “I do.”
But that wasn’t enough. I stopped the needle, folded up the trousers and started adjusting the bottom of a small shirt. “It’s strange. It fucking burns, Loki, but it’s not all that surprising. The details, yes. But not the betrayal. I’m used to that by now. You should have told me about the prophecy, and you should have told me about her.”
“Her. Like I’m not right here.” Angrboda took a long drink.
“Bo, will you please shut up.” Loki glared at her, then put his head in his hands. “I’ve tried to be diplomatic here, to at least keep you two from killing each other, but honestly, Sigyn, what right did you have to know?”
“Excuse me? How dare—”
“You cut me out!” Loki slammed his fist onto the table, shaking the bottles. “We had a life, and you couldn’t forgive me. What was I supposed to do? Spend the rest of my eternity sulking behind you like a shadow? It was killing me to be here so close to you, knowing you’d never be mine again.”
“You tore this family apart. The least you could have done was make it right.”
He threw a hand in the air. “How? Nothing I did made a lick of difference. You weren’t going to make space to forgive me, no matter what I did.”
I pursed my lips, trying to find something smart and cruel to say. But he wasn’t wrong.
“There’s something I need to know.” Narvi closed the journal and slid it into the middle of the table. His face was hard. Determined. “How did you do it? Are the children…naturally born? Is this something most Jotnar can do?”
“Hardly! If any Jotun could spawn an army blessed with seidr, do you think we’d be living under Odin’s thumb?” Angrboda scoffed. “No, what we did was spectacular. Unique.”
Loki looked at Narvi. “I was angry when I found Angrboda. Everything I had worked for was gone, and I was trapped in this…darkness. I thought, if all my effort avoiding my fate had been for nothing, why wouldn’t I just do it? Just become the thing they wanted. It felt like everything was gone and nothing mattered. So I chose it. Angrboda and I worked with seidr that I hope you’ll never touch, and it changed things. It changed the children.”
“Listen to him, sugar-coating this for you.” Angrboda leaned in. “We drank and cast runes and fucked and cursed the gods and poured all that rage into these children. We made them, and they will be glorious.”
I leaned back in my chair, tossing the sewing aside. “Yggdrasil shade me.”
“And is that what you still want?” Narvi’s face had paled. “To destroy everything?”
Loki shook his head. “I’m not proud of it, Narvi. I’d lost everything, and I was so tired of losing. I became everything you would hate.”
A deep pain was furrowed on Narvi’s brow. “And what changed that?”
A sad, delicate smile found its way to Loki’s face. “You did. You always loved me, no matter what I was or how long I was gone. I would come home, and you’d wake up this small part of me that knew how ashamed you’d be of what I was doing. And it took years, and it was already far too late to go back, but that light in you kept pulling me back. I still don’t believe in fate. We can make something of this, something different. Your new siblings, they’re here now. Angrboda wants them to live up to the prophecy, but that’s not what needs to happen.”
“Fucking try and stop me,” she barked.
“Bo, they’re children, not soldiers. Leave it alone.”
“And Hel?” Narvi tapped the cover of the book. “She’s not in there, just the place.”
“Self-fulfilling prophecy.” A proud smile spread across Angrboda’s lips. “The book refers to places that belong to Helheim. ‘The halls of Hel’, ‘the paths of Hel.’ But it doesn’t have to. Not if they’re her halls and her paths. She’s gifted. They could be hers if she wants them.”
“Gifted how? She’s disturbing, that’s what she is.” Váli poured himself a generous cup of wine.
“She’s been able to manipulate shadows since she was just a baby.” Loki’s eyes went to the door of his room, where she was safely tucked away. “She’s got seidr in her blood. And she’s smart. Pure, cold logic. But she’s not evil. She protects her brothers and always argues for fairness even if it’s just over sweets.” That brought a smile to his face.
“You always wanted a daughter,” I said.
He looked up at me, the smallest acknowledgement.
“So now what?” Váli stood up. “There’s been all kinds of talking but no one has said anything about what we’re going to do.”
Now, that was a good question. I had the power to end it all in a moment, to throw them back on the streets with Loki and every last piece of his clothing. Never, ever see any of them again. Surely, Loki would come up with some devious plan to keep them all hidden away. He’d done it this long after all. But should the crimes of their father doom these strange children to whatever death Odin had in mind for them? How would their deaths sit on my conscience?
“I think they should stay here,” Narvi said. “It’s close to Valhalla, and like Hel said, maybe they won’t look here. If Odin were coming, he’d have come by now. Maybe he won’t figure it out. I…I don’t know what to think, but I don’t want to see anyone hurt because we turned them away. They’re family, no matter what any of us feel about that.”
“And what if Odin does find them here?” Váli argued. “What about us? And Mother?”
“Your mother can take care of herself, thank you.” I pulled my hair back, fumbling with it as I thought. “If they get caught, they’ll drag us down with them no matter how far away they are. The realm will be convinced we were involved, true or not. They stay. Under conditions.”
“And what kind of conditions would those be, little goddess?” Angrboda stared me down.
“None of you leave the house. It’s a miracle you haven’t been spotted already, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll get that lucky again. We’ll provide whatever’s needed, and you’ll stay inside until we come up with another solution.” I sat straight, trying to appear more confident in my decision than I felt. “You will not pick fights with my family, physical or otherwise, and all of you will respect the way we run this household. No snide remarks about parenting, no pitting us against each other. Are we clear?”
“Clear as glass.” Angrboda smirked.
“Good.” I got up. “I think that’s enough trouble for me. Loki can help you find a bed. Gods know he’s shared enough of them with you.”
I made for my bedroom, not waiting for a response. Another chair scraped against the floor. I nearly had the door open before Loki caught up.
“Sigyn.”
“What do you want? I’m tired.”
He gestured inside the room. “Just give me a minute. Please.”
I let him in and closed the door. He was closer to me than I wanted. “What?”
Loki’s face was a confused mix of shame and fumbling gratitude. “This means a lot, what you’re doing. None of this is fair to you and no amount of apologies will fix it. But I’m sorry. You deserve better than this.” He took my hand.
I let him touch me. Let it crawl up my arm like beetles under my skin. I squeezed his hand back. “No, I don’t. If we’re all bound to fate, then you and everything you bring with you are exactly what I’ve always deserved. Now get out.”