CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
The History of Creation
Zero Point Six Eight Seconds
The Grand Nagus
The Good Table
Hot Beverage Pod Extraction Device
The Most Harrowing Sound in the Universe
Just Hyperbole
Black Shirt Aesthetic
The Taxonomy of Breakfast Foods
Lolly
Catastrophic Hull Breach
Teutonic Punctuality
Iron Goddess of Mercy
Broken Furniture
Molten Nuggets
Big Red Robe
Breakfast for Dinner
Mirror Universe
Kotak Mekhai
Spongebob Squarepants
Family Business
Terribly Pedestrian
Structural Integrity
Evil Bean Conglomerate
The Sportsball-Industrial Complex
Tired Old Queers
A Plasma Conduit
Vertically Gifted People
Across Time and Space
An Overabundance of Food
Quintessential Persian Profession
Mike Progressions
The Visitor
Electromagnetic Radiation
The Second Steepings
In the Golden Light
Full Persian Mother
The Foreskinned Fiddle
Suitably Melancholy
Mental Health Day
The Minutiae of Midfielding Strategy
Holding Him Up
Penile Humiliations
The Prime Meridian
A New Future
Graviton Density
All of You
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author