“S erenity , are you ready to start? The line is wrapped around the building, and people are still parking their cars so they can get in the line. You ready?” one of my head coaches, Adria , walked into my office and said.

I was sitting on the couch, staring ahead of me out the window. My first dialysis treatment was this morning, and honestly, it took a toll on my body. I felt weaker than before I’d gone inside, and I was tired as hell. There was nothing I could do about the way I felt because I had a line of boys and girls who had been dreaming of this day to audition for my team. I knew I would have broken so many hearts today had I canceled the audition.

Hearing Adria’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. Adria was one of my former dance students. She came back two years ago and wanted to be one of my coaches for the team. She reminded me a lot of myself, and she had actually been captain of the team during her final year with me, which meant she was one hell of a leader. So , it wasn’t a hard decision to give her one of the coaching positions. I was the main coach, but I was only one person, so I needed assistant coaches to help be my eyes and spot things in practices that I wasn’t always able to see.

A variety of dance instruction took place at my studio, and the kids were at all different skill levels. The coaches helped tremendously since I couldn’t run too many classes at once by myself. The main team that most kids tried out for was the Serenity Starlets . The starting age to be a member of that team was thirteen, and it went all the way up to eighteen. You had to be one hell of a dancer to even think about trying out for that particular team.

A Starlet dancer was great in all variations. So , if I gave one of them three eight counts to dance to Uncle Luke , they’d better impress me. On the flip side, if I put on some slow jazz and we switched to contemporary dance, I needed them to show me the cleanest arabesque, penche, and passe, just to name a few. There was so much that I looked for in a dancer. Someone could be one hell of a dancer, yet they couldn’t pick up on choreography fast enough, the alignment of their body wasn’t always right, and their body just didn’t flow with the music.

I knew I was tough and a hard ass, but for a lot of those boys and girls who came to me, dance was their life. They wanted to dance back up for big named artists, and my tough love was just to prepare them for that. Serenity Starlets was usually just a team of thirty girls, and it was always a tough decision because thousands of girls came to try out for me.

Right below the Starlets were the Stars , and that was usually a group of no more than twenty girls. It was tough to make that team as well, but those were usually the students that I felt were good but just weren’t ready to be a Starlet yet, so they had to work their way up. From there, I had the Bumble Bees , which was for the babies with ages ranging from four to six. Then , there was the contemporary team, lyrical, hip hop, jazz, and lindy hop. That line that wrapped around the building had people trying out for different teams, but they all had one goal in mind, which was to dance for Serenity Reed .

Not only did I look at talent, but I didn’t play about those grades either. For one, if they didn’t have a GPA of 2.5 or higher, they weren’t even eligible to try out for the team. I rode those kids the same way that I rode my son. Kari knew I would make his ass sit on the damn bench and not suit up if he brought home anything less than a B . Yes , I wanted my son to play ball in the NBA since that was his goal, but I also wanted him to have an education and excel in his studies.

“Yeah . We can start,” I responded after standing up from the chair. I had never felt so weak before in my life.

“You okay? You look a little tired,” Adria spoke up.

“I am tired, but I’ll be fine. You been outside yet?” I asked as I walked over to the floor-length mirror in my office.

She took a while to answer my question, but when she eventually did, I heard her chuckle.

“Coach , the talent out there is really good this year. I know we say that every year, but those kids out there look like professionals. Even the babies. I heard so many of the teenagers say that they’re trying out to be a Starlet . I know we vote, but it always comes down to your vote, and let’s just say this is going to be a hard decision for you,” she stated.

“You know I gotta see it to believe it,” I responded as I looked at myself in the mirror.

I was dressed in all black this afternoon. I wore black skintight jeans that hugged me and a black collared shirt with the words Serenity’s Starlets on the left patch in purple. My black red bottom heels were on my feet. I had my curly hair hanging loosely, and I just wished I felt as good as I looked. If I didn’t have these auditions today, I just knew I would be somewhere curled up in my bed, ready to take a nap. Not only was my body weak, but I was also in a great amount of pain, but I pushed it off to the side, just as I did everything else.

“Come on,” I said to Adria as I grabbed up my notebook and my lucky pen.

We walked out of my office together, and already sitting out front were my coaches, who were the judges today. Also , my best friend, Brooklyn , was there this afternoon to help me judge as well. Brooklyn was my girl. I loved that woman to pieces. We met in college and had been stuck at the hip ever since. We were on the dance team together in college all four years, and we even danced for the Dolphins together for two years too. Brooklyn got married after me and went on to have two beautiful daughters who were my goddaughters, Janel and Josie . They were eight years old and identical twins. In their words, “Goddy was a mean coach,” and that’s why they didn’t want to dance for me.

My goddaughters were cheerleaders, and I didn’t miss a chance to watch them cheer or attend a cheer competition. Although Brooklyn was no longer in the dance world, she would forever have that love for dance, so whenever she got the time, she would swing by the studio just to sit in on a practice. And on a day like today, when I needed her to help judge, she would come with no problem. Brooklyn was married to retired NBA player Raymond Brown . Although he no longer played ball, he was an NBA sportscaster, so he was still somewhat in the basketball world. Brooklyn didn’t work. She was a rich ass, stay at home mom, and I loved that for her.

“Finally , Ms . Thang , because I thought I would have to go back there and drag you,” Brooklyn said what everyone had probably been thinking. I just laughed at her and extended my arms, so she could walk into my embrace.

We held onto each other for a few extra seconds because I hadn’t seen her until now. Brooklyn was so beautiful, with her caramel-colored skin and light brown eyes. She was one of those women who had a head full of hair but would much rather wear weave. Today she had a sew-in that went down to her ass, and it looked good as hell on her. Brooklyn was tall, and she had a firm body because she worked out a lot. She was dressed down in a pink Gucci shirt with denim jeans that looked as if they were painted on her and a pair of crème colored Gucci sneakers. My soul sister, for real. I had cried so many tears on her shoulder. She’d seen me at my lowest, and I can’t even begin to let you know how grateful I was for her when Mr . Man and I went through our divorce. I was hurt over that, for real.

After hugging Brooklyn , I walked out the double doors of the studio at exactly 12:00 P.M . since that was the start time for the auditions. I had the bullhorn in my hands, so everyone would be able to hear me speak. The second I made it outside, there was a bunch of yelling, and phones were out with people recording me. I smiled, always genuinely humbled by moments like this. The prettiest little girl, who looked to be about three years old with little glasses on her face, ran over to me and wrapped her little arms around my legs.

I promise you; this little level of affection warmed my heart. Today was a hard day on my body, and I really wasn’t in the best of moods. I was doing my best to hide how I felt, but seeing this little beauty really put a smile on my face. I could tell she’d taken off from her mom because a woman came behind her and tried to grab her, but I smiled and indicated with my hand that it was okay. I then looked down at the little girl, who was still smiling at me, but she had a look of sadness in her eyes that I was able to pick up on.

“I’m only three. I’m too young to dance for you,” she sadly said, looking up at me with those big, brown eyes and causing my heart to melt even more.

I lowered my body down, squatting so I was eye-level with her. I grabbed at both of her arms, holding her little hands in mine.

“So , you know what you gotta do, right?” I asked.

She looked at me like she didn’t know the answer.

“That means you have to continue practicing, so next year, when you turn four, and we have tryouts again, you’ll be ready. And you better perform. I want to see you and those big, brown eyes inside that studio, and you better give it everything you got, alright?” I asked.

With a smile on her face, she eagerly nodded her head up and down, hugged me, and then she ran off to get back in line with her mother. There was an older girl who stood there too, and she looked just like her with the same big, brown eyes, so it had to have been her sister. I was sure little mama saw that her big sister was getting ready to audition for me, and her feelings were hurt because she wanted to try out too.

I stood up and placed the bullhorn to my lips, prepared to talk.

“Y’all ready?” I spoke loudly into the horn, and that question got everyone to scream.

“Okay . That’s what I like to hear! A little advice before you all come inside. Whatever nerves, fears, or jitters you have, get all of that out of your system while you’re out here because once you step inside that studio, I don’t want to see anything but confidence. I want cockiness too. Get all up in my face if you have to. To dance for me is to be a dancer who has strength, power, and talent. Good luck to each and every one of you. I know this is a long line, but we’re going to get it moving as fast as we can. I’m going to walk inside, and we’ll start first with the bumble bee auditions,” I finished and then walked inside, still hearing the screaming and cheers. For whatever category of dance that each student was trying out for, they’d already been sent a video, and they were going to come in and perform it, hopefully to the best of their abilities.

I walked back inside, and two of my coaches went outside as I took my seat right next to Brooklyn . Five minutes later, the first group of Bumble Bees walked in, each with a number on their shirt, so I could properly judge them. Now , although the Starlets was probably my favorite team because I worked so closely with them, and that was the main team I competed with, there was something about the little Bumble Bees that I couldn’t resist. A lot of them had older sisters who danced, and they looked up to them. They also felt like they had a point to prove, so they came in with so much sass, and I loved it.

Whenever I saw those little girls, it saddened me that I didn’t get to have a daughter of my own. Granted , I wanted a son first, but a daughter later down the line. That little girl would have been so sassy and a diva like her mama, which is one of the reasons Mr . Man used to say he only wanted sons with me. He would say all the time that he couldn’t handle a little version of me, but I promise I wasn’t even that bad; Mr . Man was just dramatic as hell.

“Look at number fourteen. Oh , baby, she’s ready to dance next to Janet , God dammit!” Brooklyn whispered to me, taking the words right out of my mouth.

That little girl, who probably weighed no more than thirty-five pounds, came in and got her little butt right in Devant position, hands to her side, with a smile on her face. Baby , she was ready, and I loved every second of it. I signaled the DJ to start the music. The amount of talent that came from those little babies had me starstruck in a way. My body was doing something where I saw nothing around me other than what was taking place in front of me with those little girls. If someone had tapped me on my shoulder or looked me in my eyes, I promise I wouldn’t even notice. When it came to dancing, I didn’t see or hear anything else.

My eyes moved with lightning speed over the thirty little dancers in front of me. I had my pen in my hand, writing things down, but I wouldn’t even pay attention to what I was writing because I didn’t want to miss anything.

After about two minutes, the music stopped, and they all stopped dancing. We gave them a round of applause, and I gave them all a few minutes to catch their breath before I stood up.

I walked right over to number fourteen since she was on the first row and standing at the end. She was a chocolate diva and just as beautiful as she wanted to be. She was the same age that I was when I tried out for my first dance team, even though I had been dancing my entire life. I towered over her, but little mama didn’t have a lick of fear. She kept her smile on her face, standing there in her half tee that showed her little belly and her yoga tights with her thick hair in a bun. She held a confidence that let me know she had people in her life who were pouring positivity into her.

“Arabesque . Hold it,” I told her.

Like it was nothing, she got into the position and shot me a smirk like she was challenging me.

“Come down from it. Gracefully ,” I let her know, and she went back into Devant position.

I shot out three other positions for her, and she did them effortlessly. Once I was done with her, I nodded my head and went around the room, doing that to the rest of the girls. Some had the experience of a dancer who had been doing this for a few years, and some, I could tell that all of this was new to them, and some were right in the middle. All in all, I was very impressed with what I saw, though.

After testing their flexibility some more, I congratulated them all on a good job and walked back over to my notebook, mentally storing the numbers in my head of the dancers that I was going to keep. I wrote them down and closed my journal back.

“I lowkey wanted to see you battle number fourteen. Siri , she wanted all the smoke with you,” Brooklyn instigated, making me laugh.

“I’m not even mad at her cockiness. I was that way at four too. That girl is going to be a damn star. Remember me telling you this,” I said.

From there, we sat through hours and hours of auditions. To some, it may have been draining, but I was right where I belonged and doing what I loved to do. By the time we finished, the sun was down. All that feeling down and tired had gone out of the window because I was blown away by the talent that I’d seen. When I would hold auditions and find myself having to stand up and pace the floor, I would be just so far in a zone, and my love for dance would consume my entire body, which was what had taken place today. The talent that I saw today from boys and girls who were trying out to be Starlets was crazy. It was a talent like none other.

“Siri , I know you don’t like to go over thirty kids for the Starlets , but even you know we never had this much talent up here before that trying out for the Starlet team. They looked like a damn team already from how in sync and damn near perfect they were. You may have to do fifty,” one of my coaches, Reason , said to me.

Reason was over the hip-hop department and could dance her ass off. It was just the judges in the room because everyone else had gone home for the night. They were all sitting, but I was standing with the end of the pen in my mouth because I was in deep thought.

“Not fifty. That’s too much. If anything, thirty-five,” I responded.

“Then , if you try to put the ones who didn’t make the Starlets on Stars , you know they’re going to be too talented for that group. Brook , you got a bottle in your purse. We need to take a shot,” my male coach, Jonathan , said, getting everyone to laugh.

I loved Jonathan to death. I would have him in the studio late at night with me until about four in the morning, coming up with dance numbers. We were really close, and I looked at him like the brother I never had.

“I know. I know. Let me think on it. Thank y’all for coming down today and helping me judge. I know y’all have kids, families and could have been somewhere else on this Saturday , but y’all devoted eight hours out of your day. I love and appreciate each and every one of y’all for that,” I let them know.

“Awww , Coach . You know we love you too,” Adria commented.

They all went around, telling me how much they loved me back. Everyone ended up leaving, but Brooklyn stayed back. I already knew she wanted to ask me something because otherwise, she would have left with everyone else. She waited until she heard the doors to the studio close, then she made her way over to me. I was standing in front of the table with my butt resting on it. She stood next to me and grabbed my hand. I felt her eyes on me, but I was so stubborn that I wouldn’t even meet her stare. She didn’t say anything, but I eventually turned my head and looked at her. When I blinked, a tear fell from my eye that I didn’t even bother to wipe away. It was pointless because more were just going to keep flowing.

“Brook , I’m tired,” I whispered the words I had wanted to say for a while but didn’t want to seem selfish, mainly toward my son. I knew how much he needed me. When I revealed that to Brooklyn , she shook her head no, and a tear fell from her eye as well.

“Siri , no. Baby , you got so much life to live. You got so much more shit to do!” she screamed at me.

I heard her. Trust me, I heard her. I used to feel that way myself, but with every new day, I felt my body shutting down. My kidneys were failing me. My body was failing me.

“I don’t know if that’s so true this time. My doctor—”

“Serenity , I don’t care what your doctor said! You’re not leaving me. You’re not leaving Kari . None of us. Your ass is going to fight. You’re going to have the final say so on this dance team and have one hell of a season, so you can bring home more trophies. That doctor doesn’t have the final say so over your life. God does!” she declared.

I could see Brooklyn trembling as she spoke. She wouldn’t even let me get out of my mouth what my doctor told me at my last appointment. She was afraid. Afraid of what it was this time. This was my first time getting vulnerable with anyone in a long time, but I guess after everyone in my life had been on my ass about how my doctor appointment had gone, I almost had a breaking point and exposed it all.

I was going to say something soon. I had to. Mr . Man suspected something was going on. I could feel it in the way he grabbed my ass up the other night after his game. I couldn’t leave him, my parents, and my son in the blind about this. I would have to let them in on what was going on with my body and how it wasn’t good this time.