“W e’ve received everything we need from each potential donor, and now we will start the evaluation. I’m not sure how much Serenity shared with you all, but this evaluation can take anywhere from one to six months to find out if any of you are possible donors. Along with the blood that we’ll take, we have to do additional testing to gain insight into your overall health. We just want to make sure the potential donor is fit for surgery and is not experiencing any medical issues that could complicate the kidney transplant,” my doctor shared with my parents, my grandmother, Dakari , Dionte , Brooklyn , and Scarlet , who were all in the room with me.

I was firm on not allowing my son to give me a kidney because, to me, he was a baby, and I didn’t want my son to sacrifice his kidney for me. Not only that, but Lupus is genetic. I thought about the possibility of my son being diagnosed with lupus later in life, and I wanted him to be able to fight with two kidneys if things ever went that way. It wasn’t something that I wanted to happen, but just something that I had to decide on now in case that was the circumstance in the future.

“Doc , I think the thing that’s scaring me and everyone else is, what if Siri doesn’t have one to six months to find out if any of us are a possible match? Is there any way we can speed the testing process up a bit? We ain’t trying to lose her, especially if we have five people right here who could very well be a match,” Dionte spoke up.

He was standing there with his hands inside his pockets, and he had that same fear in his eyes that he did a week ago when I finally shared the truth with him about my health and how it was declining. He was hurting, just like everyone else. He’d just flown in early this morning because he knew I had a doctor’s appointment, and he didn’t want to miss it. I could tell this news was taking a toll on him because I had watched his game earlier in the week, and he wasn’t Mr . Man out there on that court. He was playing like someone who had a lot on his mind.

During halftime, I took a chance and called him since I knew he would be in the locker room with the rest of his team. My exact words to him were, “You’re playing like how Kari played when we took him to his first basketball practice at four years old.”

That got a laugh out of him, and because Dionte lived to prove me wrong, he came back after halftime, playing like the Mr . Man that I knew. Now , there he was with a faraway, sad look in his eyes.

My doctor sighed, and I could tell she didn’t want to answer.

“The best thing Serenity can do at this stage with lupus and battling lupus Nephritis is to continue the dialysis and continue taking her medication. Mr . Reed , I’m going to be frank with you, just as much as Serenity likes for me to be frank with her. Yes , sadly, people do die while they’re waiting for a kidney transplant and—”

The second she said it, Kari burst into tears. He walked over to the door, aggressively opened it, and walked out. My body was in so much pain. I was probably the weakest I’d ever been, but I still managed to get up with the help of my dad, and I went in search of my son. After checking the lobby area of the doctor’s office and not finding him, I walked outside and found him in the hallway, hands over his head, like you do when you’re working out and trying to catch your breath. I could see his shoulders moving up and down, which let me know he was crying.

I walked up behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and buried my head into the crook of his neck as my son had a terrible meltdown. I didn’t try to stop him, and I didn’t say things that would get him to relax. He was entitled to his feelings, and he was hurting right now, so I wouldn’t rush that process.

“You can’t leave me, Ma ! Go … go to a different doctor! Maybe … maybe that one don’t know what she’s talking about!” he hysterically cried to me.

I turned him around in my arms and held onto him. His tall, athletic body clung to me, really holding on for dear life. That was one of the many reasons I didn’t want Dakari to come with us today to the doctor’s appointment. I knew my doctor was going to give the harsh reality and certain things I just didn’t want him to hear. But he insisted on coming with everyone else, and I agreed because something told me that with or without my permission, he would find a way to make it to this appointment.

“Kari , baby, I can go to one hundred other doctors, and they’re all going to tell me the same thing. I know you don’t like hearing things like that. Baby , I know. I don’t like hearing stuff like this either, but I’ve accepted it, and if I learned anything about the way life works, it’s that what is meant to happen will happen, and we just have to learn to adjust. In the meantime, I’m still right here. I may be weak, I may be in pain, but Kari , I’m here. I’m going to be there for you next weekend at your eighth grade graduation, and I’m going to be the loudest person in the room. The principal is going to tell us that we can’t cheer for the graduates because it prevents people from hearing the next graduate’s name, but Ima still cheer for you because you’re my son. My precious baby boy, and I’m so proud of you, Dakari . I know this has been one hell of a school year, but Mommy is proud of you, and you’re getting ready to go to high school next year. Don’t cry for me. It’s so much in store for you, son. You gotta rejoice in that,” I told him as I pulled away.

“I want you at the senior graduation too, college, NFL draft pick. All of that, Ma ,” he pleaded.

“Even if I’m not physically there, you know I wouldn’t miss it in spirit. Okay ?” I asked, and he just nodded his head up and down.

It wasn’t what I wanted to say, but I had to be realistic with him. I was able to calm him down a bit more, and then we went back into the doctor’s office.

We ended up leaving about ten minutes later, and I went to lunch with Brooklyn and Scarlet . Dakari went with his dad, and I didn’t even pressure Dionte about taking him to school because he’d just heard a lot of conversation about my health, and he needed to process and decompress. Plus , it was going on ten o’clock, which would make him almost three hours late. Dionte let me know that after he finished running around with our son, he would meet me back at my house, and I didn’t have a problem with that.

I was in the passenger seat of Brooklyn’s car, and even though we were in the middle of summer, I had a pink beanie on my head. I had lost so much hair to the point that I couldn’t even hide it anymore. My hair had been shedding for a while now, but in the days leading up to Mr . Man’s mom’s birthday party, it started coming out in clumps, so I didn’t have a choice but to get the sew-in that I’d decided to wear that night. I thought the day I saw my hair falling out would pretty much be the end of it, but nope, it continued to shed.

I won’t even lie; looking at myself in the mirror and seeing the weight I was losing, along with watching all the long, beautiful, curly hair that I’d had all my life just effortlessly fall out, had shifted my mood, but I wouldn’t say it depressed me. This wasn’t the way I wanted people to remember me, which is why I didn’t allow myself to look like how I felt. That was the most stylish beanie I could find. I wore a denim long sleeved top with a pair of denim jeans and the pink Christian Louboutin heels with the matching bag that Mr . Man had gotten for me a few weeks ago. I wanted to be remembered for my strut, my style, and my grace. I didn’t need people to remember me being sick.

“Can we please address the elephant in the room, sis? I think we held off on not talking about this long enough,” Scarlet said from the backseat, being the one to break the silence because the car was quiet as hell.

I laughed, already knowing where she was going. I knew someone would bring it up and was just waiting for the perfect time to do so.

“Yeah , literally the elephant,” Brooklyn commented, which had my sister and me cracking up laughing.

“You didn’t call him and curse him out? Your ex-husband’s dick is all over Twitter . Girlllll , I bet the group chats are going crazy,” Scarlet went on to say.

“I was asleep when that picture was uploaded. The only reason I woke up was that my phone kept going off with people tagging me in that crap like I don’t know what Mr . Man’s dick looks like. He did call me, however, and told me not to pay attention to that shit. Shrugging it off, just like a typical man. He probably loves that damn attention,” I stated, rolling my eyes at just having to think about it again.

“You think it was Lia ?” Brooklyn asked.

“It was. He told me. That’s what he gets when he chooses to mess around with hoes. I don’t even feel bad for him having his dick all over the internet. She looks like the kind of woman who would do some messy crap like that,” I told them.

“You didn’t see that picture and miss his ass a little? Siri , I know you read the damn comments where the women were calling you a damn fool for leaving him,” Brooklyn said.

I laughed and turned my head to look at her and my sister, trying to see if I wanted to share this piping hot tea with them. I still hadn’t told them about Dionte and me having sex. Not that I felt they would judge me because they knew all my deepest, darkest secrets, but I had just kept that intimate night between Mr . Man and me.

“We had sex the night of his mom’s party,” I told them.

Brooklyn shrieked like she was shocked, but my sister didn’t.

“I’m not even going to sit here and pretend that I’m shocked because I’m not. That was years of no sex between you two. Ooooh , I bet it was good,” Scarlet stated.

Brooklyn and I laughed before I spoke again.

“It was. I needed it. I had sex with Mr . Man because I wanted to, not because he pressured me or anything. The whole time he was sexing me, I just couldn’t believe my ass was getting that kind of sex almost every day of my life at one point. Back in college… Oh my God , we used to have so much sex. It’s a miracle that I didn’t pop up pregnant earlier because we used to have unprotected sex, and I wasn’t on any kind of birth control.” I smiled as I thought back to the days when I was young and goofy in love.

“Seriously , though, not to take the conversation left and get too emotional, but Siri , you know I’ve always adored you and Mr . Man . I remember when you and I met in college, and you gave his already cocky ass that nickname. I used to have to tell your ass to shut up sometimes because the only thing you wanted to do was talk about him. I could be eating a damn banana, and you’ll compare the damn banana to his dick, saying how much you missed him. Then you would leave and don’t come back until hours later, and your walk would tell it all.

“I’m thinking about the year you made captain, and he was in the stands that day to witness it. His ass stayed in the gym, trying to sneak and watch us practice. He just wanted to see you. It’s like the two of you couldn’t live without each other, and even though your ass would annoy me, I swear I loved it. Even though the marriage didn’t work out, there was never any doubt that the two of you loved each other. Dakari got to see healthy co-parenting from his parents, and he’ll never have to question whether you loved each other. He’ll forever know he was made from love. I watched you over the years, even with running your dance studio. You made sure that if you could do it, you were on a flight to watch Mr . Man play. Each time you had a big competition or studio performance, he made sure he was in town to celebrate you too.

“A woman will be blessed to even get a man to love her just half of how Mr . Man loved you, and I’m glad you got to experience that. I’m glad I was able to watch you experience it too. Hell , it made me not settle when I got my husband. Seeing the way you were loved made me feel like I was worthy of having that same love, and that’s why I didn’t settle for anyone. My husband got with the program, and we conceived two beautiful daughters. Just thank you for allowing me to see true love because you know my mom raised me alone, so it wasn’t something I saw growing up,” Brooklyn finished.

Her words were beautiful, so with a tear falling from my eye, I smiled and thanked her.

We’d somehow allowed it to get mushy in the car, so Scarlet flipped the subject and talked about something different, which I was glad about because I didn’t want to cry. I spent years crying, so I wanted to go out with my girls today, eat some good food, and just enjoy my time with them. We could save the tears for another day.