If the writing is mechanically correct and internally consistent, you've already done much to make sure that it's clear. Add a sharp eye on undefined terms, words used contrary to Webster's, and the general sense of the discussion, and you've done what it takes to ensure clear, accurate communication.
But writing that's truly compelling is made of more. A piece that makes its point like an arrow and then lingers in the mind results from words used well, not just accurately. That's the goal of good authors—and one good editors help them achieve when asked to.
At less involved levels of editorial review, such as proofreading, fine phrasing and powerful prose are the author's job, not yours. At this level, ensuring accuracy and clear communication are all that's expected.
At more involved levels of editing, expectations can change. You may be asked to improve the writing by choosing a word, retooling a phrase, reshaping an introduction, or rewriting a whole section. Such things require editorial judgment, and judgment is subjective.
When your mission is to mold the writing, deciding what to change and what to let stand requires sensitivity to the language and the ability to think logically and independently. Those qualities can't be taught, but they can be honed. Most editors have them to some degree, or they wouldn't be editors in the first place. We expect you have them, too.
So in this chapter we'll help you fine-tune your editorial radar with some guidelines, pointers, and examples. We'll start by clarifying the scope of writing rehab you should attempt at each level of editorial review.
If you're doing standard proofreading (see definitions of levels of editorial review in Chapter 1), you're working hard to ensure clarity through correctness and consistency and by watching to be sure the discussion generally makes sense. If it doesn't, you query. But you're out of bounds to suggest more than minor wording changes.
You might point to a which that should be a that or note that notorious has been used three times in two sentences and suggest the author find an alternative. In standard proofreading, that's about all the writing reconstruction your job description covers.
If you're doing an editorial proofread, you're free—and expected—to do a bit more, but still nothing major. For example, at this editorial level, rather than simply suggesting the author find an alternative for notorious, you might actually go ahead and substitute the term well-known, particularly if you see that the intended meaning is "famous," not "infamous."
At the level of copyediting, you shape the language a bit more. Here you start to evaluate each sentence using different criteria: Is it wordy? Ambiguous? Repetitious? Appropriate for its audience? Logical? Does the main point stand out?
You also consider the work as a whole: Are the topics presented in an effective order, or would another order make the information clearer? Is the introduction engaging, the conclusion strong? Are there enough examples and illustrations—or maybe too many?
When you're copyediting, you ask yourself such questions constantly, but how many you ask and what you do with the answers depends on whether you've been asked to work with a light touch or a heavier one.
If you're doing a light copyedit, you correct obvious language errors and make relatively minor wording changes to clarify and tighten the message. You query terms that could confuse the reader. And you tend to any special issues you've been asked to address (e.g., rewording headings for consistency, eliminating contractions, changing passive constructions to active ones).
But you also let things go. You don't quibble with a bit of wordiness; you don't rework a slightly awkward sentence if its meaning is clear; you don't substitute a slightly better word for one that does the job.
If you run into areas that really need a rewrite, or major clarification, you simply query them and move on. That kind of heavy lifting isn't for light copyediting. Here's an example:
Original text: In the ensuing period multimodal data transfer capabilities will be operationalized enterprisewide.
Lightly copyedited text: In the ensuing period, we will put multimodal data transfer capabilities into operation enterprisewide.
{{Q: Will readers understand "multimodal data
transfer capabilities"? If not, please define.}}
In a medium copyedit, you revise the language a bit more and query it a bit less. Here you have the green light to make more improvements, but you're still not rewriting whole sections wholesale or moving paragraphs around. Here's a medium copyedit:
Original text: In the ensuing period multimodal data transfer capabilities will be operationalized enterprisewide.
Moderately copyedited text: Next quarter, we will begin multimodal data transfer throughout the company.
{{Q: Is "next quarter" an accurate description of
"the ensuing period"? Will readers understand
"multimodal data transfer"? If not, please define.}}
When an assignment calls for heavy copyediting, you're being asked to do more than brush up and smooth out the text. It's your job to decide whether the author's ideas have been presented in the best way and whether significant rewordings are in order. If they are, you can insert them. Here's the same bit of business-speak, heavily edited (into English):
Original text: In the ensuing period multimodal data transfer capabilities will be operationalized enterprisewide.
Heavily copyedited text: Next quarter, we will begin to transfer data throughout the company in a variety of ways.
Tip
Note that we said it's your job to clarify the author's ideas, because no matter how heavily you edit the writing, your objective is always to help the author communicate, to the best of your ability in a voice that's the author's. Under no circumstances should you simply replace the author's words with your words if the ones the author chose work just fine.
This is the most hands-on level of editing. It's also called content editing. It addresses not just how it's said but also what's said. Here you have license to simply rewrite chunks of text from scratch or reorganize the work to present the content more effectively, and if you think a different approach or different information would be helpful, you can ask the author to include it.
Most editors don't work at this level, but here's how our example might look if edited for substance:
Original text: In the ensuing period multimodal data transfer capabilities will be operationalized enterprisewide.
Substantively edited text: Until now, we've had just one way to share data. Next quarter, we'll have a variety of new options.
{{Q: Please detail the new options here.}}
It can be hard to draw lines between levels of editing; they're fluid, they blur, and it's a judgment call. But you'll need to make it, on a word-by-word basis, as you work. If you keep clearly in mind the level you've been asked to achieve, your decisions will be easier to make.
Let's assume you've been asked to pull out all the stops and make a piece of writing the best it can be. This piece of writing, for instance:
The first thing to point out is that there are many different types of reasons why writing needs editing. There's bad grammar, wrong words, confusing beginnings and that endings don't work. Some others are that it's hard to understand. Sometimes too things are repeated over and over, that's not necessary. Also, there are speling mistakes and punctuation. The list goes on and on, really. But editors ride in on their white horse and save the day. It gets all cleaned up and you and your business look good, even your prune-faced old English teacher wouldn't mind. Some people think editors are overpaid dinosaurs now that we have computers, but you'd be surprised.
OK, it's hard to imagine you'd ever have to edit anything that bad. But work with us here. Let's take it apart and turn it into something clear and compelling (remember, you have carte blanche to dismantle and rewrite it).
First things first: is the level of writing suited to the audience? This piece is aimed at a general audience, not a specialized one. So from the standpoint of vocabulary, the writing level is about right. There are no highly technical terms, nothing the general public wouldn't understand.
The style, on the other hand, is more suited to an audience of middle-school students than an audience of adults. But we'll work on that.
Does the piece have a beginning, a middle, and an end? (Not really.) Is the sequence of topics logical and effective? (Somewhat; could stand improvement.) Do the paragraphs break at logical spots? (No; there's only one paragraph.) Do the sentences vary in length and structure? (Not much.) Are the transitions clear and graceful? (No.) Would some information work better in list form than paragraph form? (Yes.)
Is the writing overly wordy, filled with clichés, ambiguous, or redundant? (In the extreme.) Are common words and expressions used appropriately? (Yes, for the most part.) Is the writing respectful and free of bias? (Not even close.) Does it contain strong images, active constructions, and parallel structure? (It's strong; we'll give it that.) Do pronouns have clear antecedents? (No.) Is humor used appropriately? (We're not sure we'd call it humor. Whatever it is isn't appropriate.)
With all those parameters in mind, let's rework the sample to make its points clear and its tone compelling to a general audience.
Here's the original, with commentary added to highlight the problem areas:
The first thing to point out is that there are many different types of reasons why writing needs editing. [First sentence is very wordy, but the concept is a good place to start.] There's bad grammar, wrong words, confusing beginnings and that endings don't work. [Lack of subject-verb agreement, series comma missing before "and," and there's lack of parallel structure in "that endings don't work."] Some others are that it's hard to understand. [Lack of agreement between "Some others" and "it's," lack of a clear antecedent for "it"; this concept and others here would be better as brief list items.] Sometimes too things are repeated over and over, that's not necessary. [Missing commas around "too," redundancy, wordiness, and a comma splice.] Also, there are speling mistakes and punctuation. [There's at least one spelling mistake, and placement of punctuation makes it unclear whether punctuation errors or simply the presence of punctuation is the problem.] The list goes on and on, really. [Wordiness.] But editors ride in on their white horse and save the day. [Clichés, compounded by lack of agreement (are all editors on one horse?). A paragraph break would go well here, too.] It gets all cleaned up and you and your business look good, even your prune-faced old English teacher wouldn't mind. [Oh, yes she would. Starting with the murky "It," moving on to the ambiguity of "look good," another comma splice, the disrespect/inappropriate humor of "prune-faced old," and ending with the puzzlement of "wouldn't mind." Wouldn't mind what?] Some people think editors are overpaid dinosaurs now that we have computers, but you'd be surprised. ["Dinosaurs" is a cliché, and the reason that computers render editors antiquated needs explanation. So does exactly what you'd be surprised at and why. (We'll ignore "overpaid.")]
And here's one possible overhaul, with a global query at the end:
There are many different reasons why writing needs editing. Among them are:
• Errors in grammar
• Errors in spelling and punctuation
• Errors in word choice
• Ineffective introductions and conclusions
• Confusing language
• Repetition
Editors catch and correct these writing errors and many others. When they do, they protect the image and interests of authors and businesses alike. More than ever, in this age of constant communication, editors earn their keep. Computers provide tools like spell-checking, but there's still no substitute for human knowledge and judgment.
{{Q: Have edits here preserved your meaning?
If not, please alter as needed.}}
Remember, this sort of clarification is done at only the most involved level of editing. If you're working with a lighter touch, you'll need to scale your changes accordingly.
For a convenient reminder of the clarity guidelines we've touched on here, for more tips on effective writing, and for unique clarity considerations when editing for specialized audiences, see the "Tools" section that follows.
Effective writing depends on two things—what you say and how you say it. These quick tips are especially useful if you're working in a business setting, but they'll help you shape writing of all kinds.
1. Be brief. Keep content—and titles—as short as possible to catch and hold readers' attention. Use bulleted lists instead of paragraphs where possible.
2. Be specific. For powerful, precise communication, get right to the point and say just what you mean. Instead of Next we'll discuss sales. An improvement in sales was recently seen, write We sold 12 percent more software last quarter.
3. Limit pronouns as sentence subjects. Where possible, use nouns instead as the subjects of sentences. It and they can be ambiguous. The dog chased the cat. It ran very fast. Which is the speedy one?
4. Use simple sentences. Readers get lost in long sentences. To keep your message strong, try to limit each sentence to a single concept. Instead of connecting new thoughts with words like however and whereas, use a period and start a new sentence.
5. Put important content first. To catch your readers' attention, lead with your core conclusions; then show how you reached them.
6. Stick to a single topic. Try to discuss just one thing per article, memo, letter, or e-mail. Your point stands out when it stands alone.
7. Know and target your audience. Tailor your message to the knowledge and needs of your readers. Remember to define terms for those not familiar with them.
8. Include a "call to action." If you seek a specific result, spell it out. The next time your phone rings, start keeping a phone log.
9. Address the reader with you. Involve your readers by speaking to them directly. When you plant a tree, you must water it.
10. Make it active, not passive. Focus on who's doing it, not on what's done. Write He called her, not She was called by him. Unless the "doer" really doesn't matter, you'll save words and keep your readers awake.
11. Be respectful. Take care to avoid unintended insults and slights. Be alert to racial, ethnic, or gender bias in your words. He or she and him or her are here to stay. They and their (with a singular antecedent) are taking up residence, too.
12. Use positives, not negatives. Tell readers what they should do, not what they shouldn't do. Write Please be prompt instead of Don't be late. It's powerful psychology—one stresses the desired outcome, the other its opposite.
Wordiness and redundancy are the enemies of clear communication; editors work constantly to curtail them. Yet certain phrases are so common that we sometimes don't see them for the space fillers they are. The following list will alert you to some everyday excesses.
Jargon is useful if it saves time and aids comprehension. People in technical settings use it as shorthand to communicate complex concepts. But in general speech and writing, particularly in business, jargon often loses real meaning. Certain catchphrases are used so much that the words become anything but catchy and often mean different things to different people. When that happens, jargon actually hinders precise communication. As you edit, stay alert to tired phrases and substitute standard English equivalents.
Tip
Is it a technical term or just jargon? Here's how to decide: If there's a standard English word or brief phrase that means the same thing, you're probably dealing with jargon. If there's no ready synonym, you may need to use the special term.
These days you don't need an office in Hong Kong or Bangalore to conduct business internationally. All you need is a Web site and a telephone, and the telephone is optional.
With a Web site, it's hard not to have a global presence. So it's increasingly important, as you edit, to keep in mind how American English will be understood by those who speak English as a second language and how it will translate to other languages and other cultures. These guidelines will alert you to things that might communicate clearly in Cleveland but cause confusion (or offend) in Amman or Seoul or Kiev.
• Keep sentences short. Long sentences are often grammatically complicated, so they're prone to mistranslation. To be sure the message remains clear, keep sentences simple.
• Avoid words with multiple meanings. For instance, instead of it is hard, write it is difficult. If you must use a term that's potentially confusing, put it in quotation marks when it's first used to indicate that it carries a special meaning: Set it to control "widows" and "orphans."
• Include all articles and verbs. To save time and space, people occasionally write in an abbreviated style—called telegraphic—that omits articles and verbs: Managers to meet following presentation. For a global audience, to avoid misunderstanding, flesh out the sentence completely: The managers are to meet following the presentation.
• Keep that. In English, especially in speech, we routinely drop the word that from our sentences. We often say "It is a process developed to improve quality," rather than "It is a process that was developed to improve quality." For nonnative speakers of English, the omission of that can cause confusion, so take care to use it, even though it makes for a longer sentence in English.
• Limit acronyms. Acronyms don't change in translation, so even if you spell out the words that form an acronym, those words, when translated, might start with different letters or appear in a different order, making the acronym itself confusing for someone who doesn't speak English.
• Avoid humor. What's funny in Chicago might be offensive in Kabul and fall flat in Nairobi. It's risky to presume you know what entertains those who live in another culture. When writing or editing for an international audience, it's safest to use simple and respectful language and avoid humorous phrasing.
• Watch for United States–centered wording. When editing for a global audience, stay alert to the perspective—words like foreign and non-U.S. can appear ethnocentric and give offense. Similarly, be specific when referring to U.S. or state government agencies. Rather than the federal government, write the U.S. federal government. Other countries have federal governments, too.
• Include state and country (if necessary) with city names. An international audience will need to know whether you mean Cairo, Illinois, or Cairo, Egypt.
• Specify time by date, not season. Keep in mind that when it's springtime in Paris, it's fall in Sydney. Indicate time by date, month, or quarter, not by a season.
• Avoid apostrophes. Apostrophes aren't used in all languages, so some readers might not be familiar with them or what, in a contraction, they're intended to replace. To ensure clarity, spell out both words of a contraction. Use it is and we will instead of it's and we'll. For the same reason, avoid making words possessive by adding an apostrophe and an s. Instead of the company's goals, write company goals or the goals of the company.
• Avoid exclamation points and ampersands. Like apostrophes, these marks are not used in all written languages. To avoid puzzling some audiences, omit them in favor of other punctuation.
• Avoid slashes. A slash between two words can also be confusing. Instead of and/or, use simply and or or, or else write either this or that or both.
• Be careful with graphics. Symbols and icons that are widely understood in the United States may not be understood, or understood in the same way, in other countries. For instance, an octagonal red sign is not universally used to signal "stop"; use the word itself instead. Not everyone receives mail in a mailbox, and check marks don't communicate "verify" to people who don't use the word check in that sense.
Be especially sensitive to graphics that could be offensive or even obscene in certain cultures—particularly those showing interactions between the sexes, women in short skirts, hands (especially the left hand), and alcoholic beverages.
• Avoid jargon and idioms. By definition, jargon and idioms are words and phrases understood by a limited group. So naturally, when writing for a worldwide audience, it's vital to avoid such terms. Some idioms may seem like standard English, but if taken literally by a nonnative English speaker, they could be confusing. The following list offers examples of American-English idioms and suggests words and phrases to use instead.
Use the following checklist as you edit to help you ensure that any writing is as clear and compelling as it can be.
Note: For a complete, three-part checklist that covers all aspects of editing, and for a professional-level eight-part proofreading checklist, see Appendix B.
