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Black never felt so fitting.
I clutch the letter I wrote to my dad listening to the pastor say his final words before they lower him into the ground.
Slade keeps his arm around me. My mom stands on the other side and my brothers beside her. Karsen and Kidd are behind us.
Not a lot of people have shown up to mourn the loss of my dad. My mom helped me pull together the funeral service. She dealt with all the details so I didn’t have to and I am grateful for it.
I look across the way at Claude. He’s here because Nona’s wish was to be buried back home in Georgia. And I realize I haven’t said anything to Claude since he came to town.
“Hope, where are you going?” Slade says under his breath when I jerk out of his grip and weave my way through the people I don’t know.
I take the spot next to Claude. “The caskets are beautiful.”
Claude forces a smile and hugs me. “Nona would have had a fit if I didn’t get the best one they had.”
I smile. “She so would have.”
Claude touches his collar. “I think they are together up there, arguing about something.”
I laugh and wipe my eyes. It takes a while but finally some kind of emotion comes out of me. I press my face into his shirt and let it out.
“I wonder if they gave Nona wings. She’s probably crashing into everything up there from all the martinis.” I can feel him laughing, his entire body shakes and it’s contagious I do the same.
“I have something for you,” he says once we break apart. He pulls an envelope out of his jacket pocket. “She made sure to tell me about this this envelope about once a week.”
I take it, staring at the girly handwriting and the pretty floral pattern. A surge of happiness fills me knowing I have something from her.
“Thank you, Claude.” I wipe at my eyes and look across the way at Slade. He looks nice in his black dress shirt and dress pants. He winks at me, and drops his head back down.
Two black birds squawk and drop down beside the caskets. The pastor stops talking for a moment and everyone watches as they dance around pecking at the ground and making all kinds of noises.
“It’s like they’re fighting,” Someone says, and I smile.
The pastor closes his bible and looks up. “I was told someone has some final words.”
I look around, I’m not sure who he could be talking about.
Slade steps forward. “Hope and her father always sang together. And I thought it would be fitting if she sings right now.”
My hearts leaps into my throat and it hurts. I shake my head. “There’s no way.” My hands start to tremble.
Slade steps forward. “Come here.”
My feet are moving but everything feels unreal. Kidd clears his throat guitar at his side all of a sudden. “Come on. Let’s bury him the right way.”
Karsen wipes at her eyes smiling at me.
I take Slade’s hand. If I can do anything to honor my dad this is it. I swallow down the little voice wanting me to fall on my face and lose it. And I start to sing. The song about a woman taking another woman’s man, I sing his favorite song, and I sing as loud and proud as I can while Kidd strums along.
When it becomes too much and I start sobbing Slade takes over and keeps going. He squeezes my hand, belting out the lyrics until I’m back and not drowning in sadness and I sing along. I keep my eyes closed afraid of reality because it hurts more than it has in a while. Its hurts more than anything has ever hurt before.
Saying goodbye is the hardest thing I ever did and I didn’t even get to say it right. I don’t know if the hole in my chest will ever fill back up or if I can feel normal again.
I open my eyes and everyone standing in front of me has smiles on their faces. Nobody is sad, I’ve made them all happy, even Elliot and Easton.
I step forward, envelope in hand and drop my goodbye letter. It sails away from my fingertips and lands on top of the casket like I prayed it would. I blow a kiss and back away so everyone else can give their final goodbye.
Slade squeezes my shoulder. “My mother once said there are a lot of things you can destroy but love isn’t one of them.” He puts an arm around me.