Only one God
At a very early age – round about age nine, if I remember rightly – I had to make a big decision: either I was God or there was another. I had to admit after some calculation, that the first scenario was improbable.
MARK PATRICK HEDERMAN
Holy Hell
Fr. Iggy was in a hurry one Saturday and consequently did not give as much attention to the layout of the church noticeboard as normal. The next morning the choir were a bit miffed to see his injunction to ‘Come hear our choir’ immediately under the title of his sermon ‘What Is Hell Like?’
Religious Convictions
Once Fr. Iggy visited prison as a chaplain. He asked one of the prisoners: ‘Why are you back here again, Thomas?’
Thomas: ‘Because of my belief, Father.’
Fr. Iggy: ‘What? How could your belief bring you back to prison?’
Thomas: ‘I happened to believe that the policeman had already patrolled his beat past the bank.’
Career Move
‘And why did you leave your last job?’ Fr. Iggy asked the young applicant for the position of parish secretary.
‘It was something the boss said,’ came the reply.
‘Was he abusive to you?’ asked Fr. Iggy in a voice full of concern.
‘No, not really.’
‘Well then, what did he say?’
‘He said: “You’re fired.”’
Substitute
Fr. Iggy was not always well served by the reports in the parish bulletin:
‘A large crowd attended the Palm Sunday service. The donkey failed to arrive for the procession at St Peter’s Church, so that the procession was led by Fr. Iggy instead.’
All Ends Up
Then was the excerpt from the magazine article on baptism:
‘Fr. Iggy announced last Sunday that he was going to install a second font near the chancel steps, so that he could baptise babies at both ends.’
You’ve Got a Friend
Fr. Iggy was giving his last sermon in the parish after twenty-five years of sterling service. He worked himself into an emotional frenzy as he said, ‘Jesus brought me to this parish, Jesus guided the bishop to pick me to serve here and Jesus helped me to work with you all these years.’
The stifled sounds of sobbing could be heard all over the church.
Fr. Iggy’s last words were: ‘And now Jesus has called me to serve in another parish.’
Cue the choir.
Fr. Iggy’s face turned to shock as they sang: ‘What a friend we have in Jesus.’
Good Colour
Fr. Iggy was a workaholic. He did not take a holiday for forty years. Finally the bishop persuaded him to take a break. He went to Lourdes for a week. The weather was absolutely beautiful and Fr. Iggy returned home with a lovely tan. Tragically, the day after he returned from Lourdes, Fr. Iggy died.
When the parishioners came to see him laid out in his coffin Winnie Cooper was very taken by his tanned face and remarked, ‘The holiday did him a power of good.’