“Where’s James?”
Shelby was alone inside the lemonade stand, counting change from the till. “He’s been assigned to a different sector of the club. Are you going to be okay working alone?”
I nodded.
Shelby narrowed her eyes. “I hope you’re not sick?”
I shook my head slowly. “I’m not sick.”
Or was I?
Shelby rolled her eyes. “Yeah, then why do you look like you’re about to throw up?”
I looked away and cleared my throat. “My lunch’s making me feel a little funny, but I’ll be okay, it’s going away.”
She sighed in relief. “Good. I don’t want to have to work your shift just because you’re sick all of a sudden.”
After Shelby galloped away, I sat on the counter in front of the register. Fifteen minutes ticked by, nobody came. My shift was getting boring, despite the brief excitement I’d experienced earlier. I closed my eyes and dropped my head into my hands, resting my elbows on my thighs.
Why did I always ruin everything?
Couldn’t I, for once, let things happen? It could have been the best damn thing that ever happened to me. Or not. I guess I’d never know now.
I needed to move past this.
I needed a pick-me-up.
I needed a candy bar.
‘How many calories did you burn today, Annabelle?’
I did not need a candy bar. Mom would find out somehow.
I moped for a while longer until I finally got my first customer. I pasted on a smile and made two cups of lemonade for an elderly couple about to play golf. I heard the clink of coins hitting the side of the tip jar. After they paid and left, I counted the tips I wouldn’t have to share with anyone.
*~*~*
An hour later, I closed up shop.
Now what am I going to do? I thought as I grabbed my things and shut my locker.
I was two hours early and that was two hours I did not plan on spending under the careful eye of Mom. Her and Dad’s office took up the entire basement, so it was rare to get the house to myself these days. If I went home, I’d get the third degree before the front door even closed.
“Show me your calorie watch. Doesn’t it feel great knowing you’ve only had about six hundred calories until now, including breakfast? How come you aren’t sweating, didn’t you ride your bike home? Show me your food diary again!”
“You know, Anna Banana, boys can be cruel. I hope you realize school will be starting in a few weeks… I only want you to be healthy. Don’t you want to be healthy? By the way, would you like a salad with the dressing on the side for dinner tonight?”
Was it ever going to get better?
I let out a deep sigh while staring at my reflection in the change room mirror. The sinking feeling deep in my stomach told me… no.
“Whatever!” I moaned on my way out of the change room, pulling my phone out to text Jenna. After sending a text about my early departure, I headed toward the bike docks. I run through things I could do instead of going home. I could catch a movie or eat a burger, or just go to the park and listen to my iPod for a few hours.
A long shadow stretched over me as I knelt to unlock my bike.
“Hey.” A familiar voice called from behind me.
I craned my neck to see who it was and blinked at the owner of the shadow. One shouldering his dark blue backpack, James stood over me, grinning. Somehow I managed to unlock my bike.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked, struggling to place the lock back in its holder. It wouldn’t snap in. Frustration overload. Could this situation get any worse?
Flustered, party of one.
“Let me.” James crouched down and easily snapped the lock in place. He smiled, straightening his posture. “There you go.”
He was making me feel things in a pulse quickening, unhealthy heart rate kind of way. I cleared my throat. “Thanks.”
“Are you going home?” James asked.
I nodded and his eyes narrowed.
“Is something wrong?” I asked.
“No…. well, yeah, there’s something wrong.” He folded his arms over his chest and didn’t continue.
A few seconds later, after a brief staring match, I broke first. “And that is…”
He smirked. “Well, Fireball, you didn’t tell me you missed me.”
I rolled my eyes and turned my bike towards the hill. “Forgive me, I missed you so much.”
“Finally, the truth comes out.” James grinned, matching my stride up the hill.
I snorted. “That’s right, Tiger, I missed you like crazy.”
“I like how that sounds.” he stated.
“What sounds?” I asked.
He suppressed his grin. “The nickname you gave, it sounds nice…. coming out of your mouth.”
I thought about it for a second before answering. “Well, you gave me a nickname.”
“That I did.” He smirked.
“Are you going home now?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nah, my car’s in the shop, so my dad’s going to pick me up in an hour.”
“Oh, that’s cool.” I said.
“You ride your bike to work, don’t your parents give you a ride?” he asked, staring up the hill. “These hills are kind of steep.”
“My parents don’t believe in driving me places I can ride my bike to.” I explained.
“Oh, they’re one of those Green Peace types?” he assessed.
“No.” I replied. “They want me to lose weight.”
Why did I just tell you that?
“That’s stupid.” James replied. “You look fine to me.”
Happiness overload, someone other than Jenna thought I looked fine. If I did a little dance, would he think me weird?
“You’re just being nice,” I scoffed.
“No, I’m not. It’s the truth. You look good to me.” he declared, sounded completely sincere.
“Thanks.” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks heating up.
Oh yeah, happiness overload, totally dancing in my room later.
“Nothing to thank me for, it’s just the truth after all,” he told me. “Besides, it’s your parents that are making you feel like this. I sort of know what that’s like… my dad’s a dick.”
“Yeah, my parents are always ruining my mood for no reason.” I shared with him, since he’d opened up a bit too.
“I bet your parents have nothing on my dad. When I say he’s a dick, he’s really a dick.” James exclaimed.
I didn’t fight him on it, not because I couldn’t go toe-to-toe with whose parents were the bigger assholes, but because I was hurting – this hill was killing me!
“I’m sorry.” I replied, struggling to breathe.
“Here, let me.” he offered, taking the handlebars from me.
“Thanks.” Without the weight of the bike, the hill instantly became easier to climb. But that didn’t stop my thighs and calves from screaming when we reached the top.
I glanced over to James and he was breathing normally, unlike me who was a panting mess. I took my bike from him, thanking him again. I climbed on and looked at him for a moment. Despite our fight earlier, he was actually a nice guy who’d just had a bonehead moment.
“I saw you earlier,” he confessed all of a sudden.
My eyebrows scrunched. “Where?”
He pointed where we were. “Here, this morning. I guess before your shift started.”
“Oh.” I murmured, remembering. “The black SUV was you?
He nodded and met my eyes with a sweet smile. “I saw you fly.”
“You saw me fly….” I smiled, feeling a touch shy that he noticed such an intimate moment. “I like letting go when I’m soaring down the hill on my bike. It feels amazing.”
“You looked so free. It was nice, and a distraction. My dad was….” he exhaled, crossing his arms behind his head, looking lost in sunlight.
“What?” I asked and he jerked out of his daze.
“What?” he asked me back, dropping his arms.
“Because your dad was what?” I asked.
Seeming apprehensive about sharing anymore, James looked away for a few seconds, took a deep breath and met my eyes again. “He was…. yelling at me for making him late this morning. He had a golf match.”
“That’s a stupid reason to get yelled at for.” I stated, feeling a small hatred for James’ dad already.
“Whatever,” he breathed, sounding exhausted. “I’m used to it, of him acting like a dick when shit doesn’t go his way. It’s the story of my life.”
I cleared my throat, deciding to share as well. “My mom packed me diet food in a purple lunch box I last used when I was eleven. When I get home, she’s going to interrogate me about what time I ate, and how many calories I burned. I have to meet a quota everyday or else she gets mad.”
“Does she yell at you even if you’re only a little off?” he asked slowly, carefully.
I snorted. “Not hitting my target, whether it’s missing ten calories or a hundred, it’s all the same to her.”
“That’s brutal,” he murmured roughly, shaking his head like he thought it was ridiculous too. His reaction filled me with warmth. I wasn’t the only one who thought her antics were crazy.
I continued. “She’d say I wasn’t being ‘responsible’ or some shit like that, but I block her out most of the time.”
Memories of Mom and her ‘weightloss, calorie count, diet crap’ extinguished the warmth I was feeling, replacing it with dread. Feeling dread made me nervous. Feeling nervous made me pissed. Feeling pissed off made me want to cry. Crying in public was like the worst thing I could ever do to myself.
I needed to calm down before I completely lost it. Forcing a smile that felt more bitter than easy, I connected with emerald colored eyes still lost in the dark.
“Yeah… that wouldn’t work for me. My dad’s screams are too loud for me to block out.” he exhaled, mood still down.
“It’s official, parents suck.” I said, trying to be funny so he’d laugh.
It half worked.
I got a half smile from him.
“Yeah, they suck.” he said slowly, as if the words held more meaning. His half smile grew into a grin that had my heart jumping in a flash. “Your mom is crazy for making you do all that stuff. You look good just the way you are. I mean it.”
My grip over the handlebars tightened. “Thanks.” I choked out.
James took another step and gripped the middle of my handlebars. “You’re cute you know that.”
Oh.
My.
God!
“Can I have your cell number?” I heard him ask me, although the pounding of my heart made it difficult to hear.
Was there a hospital close by, because this pulse quickening, unhealthy heart rate thing didn’t seem to be agreeing with me anymore. I needed a paper bag to hyperventilate in, and a place to throw up at.
Breathe through your nose and answer, Annabelle!
“Okay.” I answered slowly.
He pulled his cell from his back pocket and programmed my number into it. Fifteen minutes later, it wasn’t until the backyard gate had closed with my bike behind it that I realized I’d gone home hours earlier than I should have.
My hand stalled on the doorknob to my house, I took a deep breath before turning it.
Here goes nothing.
“I’m home!” I yelled after opening the door and entering the air-conditioned interior, dropping my backpack on the floor.
“You’re home?” Mom yelled back, sounding confused. Her excited footsteps trampled up the stairs and the basement door burst open. “Why are you home early?”
“It was really quiet so Shelby cut my shift early.” I explained, taking my shoes off and making my way to the family room, expecting her to follow me.
Comfortable with my back against a pillow on our cream colored couch, Mom came into the family room holding my lunch box, which she’d taken from my backpack without my consent.
“You ate it all?” she asked, lifting the lid and examining it thoroughly, ensuring there was no food left.
“Yes.” I nodded slowly.
“But you missed your break.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “If she cut your shift, when did you eat the yogurt?”
Not home five minutes and she was already testing my patience. “I ate it in the change room before I came home.”
I lied.
I could see her take a moment to mentally envision my day in her head, coordinating everything, making sure what I was saying made sense.
“Oh, okay,” she finally concluded, sitting down on the couch beside me. About to sigh in relief that I’d made it through her interrogation, her hand was on my wrist in a flash.
“Let me see your calorie burn.” she demanded.
“Oh my God!” I pulled my wrist away, but the damage was already done, she got a look at my calorie burn.
“You only burned three hundred and fifty calories until now?” Mom asked, like she couldn’t believe it. “You should have burned at least four hundred calories by now.”
“Don’t make this into a big deal right now. I just came home from work.” I scowled at her. “I said, I would burn three hundred calories before dinner every day. I did that. I’ve gone above and beyond.”
“That was last month.” Mom shook her head at me, seeming disappointed. “This month it’s four hundred. Your goals change every month, didn’t you listen to the nutritionist? As you begin to lose weight, the lighter you become the more calories you have to burn to keep losing the weight.”
What the hell?
I did what I said I would do.
She rose from the couch and stood in front of me. “And you’ve already lost five pounds, do you think the next five are going to be as easy?”
“It’ll come off.” I shrugged.
“Oh really? Well I do hope so, Annabelle. School is starting again in a few weeks. It’s your senior year, for heaven’s sake!” Mom shouted.
I spent plenty of time thinking about gracing Royal Heights High as a size ten again. It didn’t make sense why she cared so much. I was the one who had to wander the halls being me and accepting it. I was a wallflower and that wasn’t going to be changing anytime soon.
“Maybe you should run up and down the stairs ’til you get that fifty.” Mom suggested. “I want those fifty calories burned before dinner.”
And on that note, I’d had enough of my mom for one afternoon. I headed out of the family room. “I’m tired. I’m going to my room to rest.”
In the safety of my room with the door shut, I changed into blue shorts and a red shirt. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. The shirt was semi tight and the length made me look smaller. The shorts made my legs look longer and less chunky.
Maybe I was imagining it all.
Was I still chunky anyway, or was I not chunky to begin with and it was just the people in the basement making me feel like I wasn’t good enough as is?
Who knew….
For the next hour, I listened to my iPod shout songs about escaping, life beginning, and love happening. I stared at my blank ceiling and imagined scenes play out as if it were my own personal movie theater.
Today’s movie was a new one.
On a balcony in a castle, a slimmer version of myself in a beautiful flowing dress, waited. All of a sudden, in a dapper tuxedo, James stood in front of me with his hand out. Our fingers intertwined and he pulled me into his side. With a stretch of cement keeping us safe, he faced me with the sun setting in front of us. “It’s just you and me, Fireball. Against the world.”
The next part had me giggling like an idiot.
Yeah…. that’s a nice one.